


maelstrom

by cinnamonkebab



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Buttplugs, Cute Jeon Jungkook, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grumpy Min Yoongi | Suga, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Minor Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Multiple Orgasms, Namjoon is soft for Jeongguk, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Park Jimin (BTS) Is Bad At Feelings, Park Jimin (BTS) is So Done, all around emotional constipation, jeongguk is also a memelord, jin is the korean version of aunt jemima, kim taehyung is a memelord
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2020-03-26 10:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 124,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamonkebab/pseuds/cinnamonkebab
Summary: Jeongguk just wants to survive the semester and pass his Computer Science III course, he wants his loud and obnoxious neighbors to turn their music down when him and Tae are studying , and he wants to not get caught in the crossfire of passive aggression that is Yoongi and Jimins complicated relationship.But everytime his friends give him a reason not to trust Jimin, Jimin gives him a reason why he shouldn't listen to them.





	1. Apple Scones

So here’s the thing: 20 year old Jeon Jeongguk isn’t a lazy student by all means he does his homework on time so he can have gaps in his schedule where he can just play video games endlessly and focus on some of his photography. He just thought that being so proficient in an area meant that he could slack off just a bit and not have to worry about much considering he knew most of the subjects from the back of his hand, he just wasn’t factoring in the fact that his most important class which meets on Mondays nonetheless, was threatening to eat his social life alive. His Computer Science III was being taught by a professor who was the literal human manifestation of fucking Cthulhu and Jeongguk is fed the fuck up with this mans antics. 

He is convinced this man lives off of the desperation and despair in his student’s eyes when he calls them up to come get their tests, they finished their midterms several weeks ago and Jeongguk knows he did well, not well enough for it be considered a victory but well enough to keep his GPA in the 3.30 line. So, he sits there in the lecture hall patiently waiting for his name to be called so he can pack up his stuff and head to the library to meet the rest of his best friends to formulate Mission Impossible: Pass Professor Lee’s nightmare of class. 

He also really regrets waiting this long into the semester to realize that he probably should’ve listened to the numerous complaints left on Professor Lee’s ratemyprofessor profile and changed classes - this man was a menace to the entirety of the Computer Science department and a menace to Jeongguk’s sleeping and eating schedule.

“Jeon Jeongguk” Professor Lee yells out.

Sighing Jeongguk stands and makes his way down the isle of desks in the lecture center to the front of the podium, Professor Lee has his test folded in half when he gives it to him and he visibly gulps. Having a test folded like this could either mean that the Professor respects the student’s privacy and doesn’t want other people to see their scores OR it’s a telltale sign that you’ve colossally have bombed your test. Optimistic Jeongguk on his left shoulder says it’s the first, pessimistic Jungkook on his right shoulder says it’s the latter and he’s lowkey starting to agree with him. He slowly unfolds the test and can feel the eyes of Professor Lee on him when he looks at the top right corner: a B! 

Jeongguk lets out a full body sigh and shiver, feeling his muscles slowly relax and can hear Professor Lee chuckling in front of him, he promptly turns around before the urge of punching his lanky Professor in the face arises just like it has when his these last few weeks. His classmates had asked him for the umpteenth time yesterday when he was going to hand back out their midterm from over a month ago so they could use it to review. With their final three weeks away people who weren't doing so good where getting desperate just for him to just respond with “I’m getting there I'll hand them out when I'm done grading them”. The absolute _audacity_ of this asshole.

He pulls out his cellphone and starts texting the group chat he has with two of his classmates and very close friends Jackson and Yugyeom.  


**BananaMilk Overlord:**

_hey guys, just letting you know Thanos snapped and I lived bitch, B in the HOUSE._  
_On another note: pls don’t be discouraged by ur grades if u didnt do well this guy is an asshole._  
_I can’t wait to fucking review bomb him at the end of the semester._  


**YugYugs:**

_I want to know what the fuck your mother was drinking and eating when u were conceived_  
_bc there’s no fucking way you’re real._  
_How can you walk into the hardest class in this Uni and take what the Professor Lee gives us ___  
_with a grain of salt_  


__

__

**JarJarWang:**

_I second the above statement, me and Yugyeom got C-‘s._  
_it’s passing but I was sweating golf sized bullets when he handed me my test back._  
_Did you see the way he looked at u Gguk?_  
_I swear I think he makes our tests harder to see u fail. Pls fail thx. 😊  
_

His friends are truly blessings but Jeongguk knows that the only reason they’ve scored that low is because they were busy fucking around with a bunch of the sorority girl’s weeks before the midterm so he brushes off their snide comments and pulls his beanie down, pulls the hood of his hoodie up and steps outside on the Computer Science department lecture hall and takes a deep breath. He stares at the library on his left, then at the Uni Café on the right. His body quickly makes his decision for him as he starts to make his way over to the café, giddy for some sugar.

In retrospect he should really be meeting with his friends so they can go over their weak points and make a solidified study guide because every minute wasted is a minute that he could be reviewing for this final, but he’s just so tired and with the anxiety of getting his test back gone the weeks of sleepless nights are quickly catching up to him. If he wants enough brain power to even comprehend what the fuck he wrote in his midterm he needs caffeine in him stat. 

With every step he takes his boots start to feel heavier, movements a bit sluggish, the euphoria of having passed his midterm is quickly fading and he feels his mental, physical, and social battery rapidly decreasing. When the familiar smell of the overpriced coffee hugs Jeongguk’s nose, he preens, when he rounds the corner and he takes a look at the inside of the café he sneers. From what he can see there is a line from the cashier to the front of the door which means Jeongguk is going to have to either make his way to the end of the line and stand on the side or wait outside in the Autumn cold to get some coffee. 

He could always walk down to the café on the other side of campus but that would take him ten minutes and he’s already on a tight schedule with his classmates expecting him.  
He sighs mind made up and stands outside of the café waiting for there to be enough room to slide in, it however seems like the god’s have decided to be merciful on him because as soon as he tries to find a way to make his waiting comfortable by leaning on some sort of object a second cashier appears next to the first which divides the line immediately. Jeongguk shuffles his way onto the second line and pulls out his cellphone again and texts his classmates.  


**BananaMilk Overlord:**

_Hey im buying some coffee, v sorry im late, do you guys want anything from the café here?  
_

__

**JarJarWang:**

_holy hell yes, pls bring me some of those apple scones._  
_those things are freaking crack, and a large americano? 3 sugars?_  
_Thx sugar daddy [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]_

Jeongguk scoffs at his phone

**YugYugs:**

_Can you bring me some mint tea and a blueberry muffin?_  
_Not feeling so well and I really wanna be better before Namjoon throws his rager this Friday_  


__

**BananaMilk Overlord:**

  
_Why and how are you both so well acquainted with his group? They’re literally the rudest_  
_bunch of people I’ve ever never met, and I’ve been on the receiving end of Jackson's snark  
_and rage when he’s hungover__

__  


____

  


**JarJarWang:**

_Ok first of all BITCH, I don’t have a retort to that bc u right im rude but im offended,_  
_second of all, they’re all not that bad and Namjoon is one of the kindest people in that group._  
_Jimin is a close second you’re just pissed that their parties keep you up at night._

He glares at Jackson's name and is two seconds away from telling him he's not going to buy him anything from the fucking cafe

“Hey, as amusing as it is to see you go through the entire emotional spectrum right now, are you going to order something?” a soft voice in front of him says

His eyes immediately shoot up and it takes Jeongguk a few seconds to realize that not only did the line clear out faster than anticipated but his feet had carried him all the way to the cash register on their own recognition. He quickly goes over his mental checklist of the things he wants and the things his friends want while looking at the menu before making up his mind, after a few seconds his eyes finally land on the cashier.

In front of him there’s a boy with black hair, a little wavy and messy, kind of looks like he was running his hands through it or something? His eyes are shaped into little crescent moons and his lips are pulled into a friendly smile while he waits for Jeongguk to speak. Jeongguk is dumbstruck because this guy is literally one of the most beautiful people, he’s ever laid his eyes on and he can feel the order he just memorized slowly dissipate from his mind as the gears in his head screech to a halt. He looks down at his phone before speaking again.

“Uhm, hi – yeah okay uhm – so can I get two large Americanos, one with three sugars, one with three sugars and cream, a large mint tea, some apple scones and a blueberry muffin?” with every word Jeongguk speaks the boy listens watching him and nods intently, like he’s trying to memorize him before he leaves the café, like Jeongguk is one of the most endearing things that has walked in here today. 

He misses the way said boy is looking at him because once he finally looks up he’s watching the boy type in his order into the cash register and it gives him some time to look for a nametag because literally what the fuck, he can’t get over the fact that this guy is one of the most attractive people he’s ever laid eyes on and this is coming from someone who would rather ogle at new Overwatch skins than to consciously acknowledge when someone is flirting with him. He searches and finally zeroes in on the nametag hanging loosely on his green apron where in big bold italic letters he sees his name. **JIMIN**

First, he’s a bit taken aback because there’s literally no way that life would play him like this, there’s no way that the minute he’s talking about the group of people who Jeongguk is floor neighbors with and absolutely detests because of their noise for one of them to suddenly appear in front of him. Is life mocking him? Secondly, he wasn’t expecting one of them to be so friendly, but this again could be because of he’s forced to cause it’s his job to be friendly to the customers.

He sighs loudly, his tired brain can’t comprehend any of these clashing concepts all at once while thinking about the looming threat that is his finals in the horizon so he promptly shuts down the idea of trying to understand why the person in front of him seems like sunshine personified. 

“Okay, sorry for the wait the machine took a minute to register the order, your total will come out to 21,986 won! Can I get a name?” Jimin says with a dazzling smile, and Jeongguk can’t help but smile back while he fishes out his wallet and hands him 30,000 won “Jeongguk, and keep the change” Jeongguk replies and tucks his wallet back into his pocket stepping aside to the waiting area. 

He watches Jimin work from afar and see’s that Jimin tosses his change into a donation jar for a local animal shelter and Jeongguk has to physically stop himself from cooing because of course he’s that type of person, he’s rapidly starting to realize that what Jackson was stating in his group chat wasn’t a lie. He also is starting to realize he really needs to stop staring at Jimin before he gets caught so he focuses his attention on his finger nails and everything else in the café. It’s a cozy little spot and Jeongguk loves it for it’s vibrant colors, especially with the way it fits in right with the Autumn leaves, all orange and brown. 

The front door bell dinging shakes him from his day dreaming and see’s a guy with mint hair approach the counter and wait next to him in the waiting area, he shoots a glance at Jimin working on his order in the back then stares at Jeongguk. It takes him a second to realize that it’s another frequent visitor of the apartment he detests. Jeongguk frowns.

“Can I help you?” a gruff voice says

Jeongguk jumps because he wasn’t expecting a tiny man to have such a deep voice, he also wasn’t expecting it to sound so condescending.

“Yes actually, I would just appreciate if you guys kept it down? I have some studying to do for a really important final and would like to spend my Friday face deep in ramen and some Netflix shows”

Tiny man smirks and turns his head, attention back on Jimin and Jeongguk doesn’t like the way he dismissed him, he also doesn’t like the way he’s looking at Jimin.

“Not my apartment, not my problem” he huffs out

He sighs again, it was worth a try.

Jimin comes back with his order, balancing a cardboard tray of his drinks in one hand and his pastries in another bag with the same dazzling smile and Jeongguk melts a little.  
“Here you go, I snuck some of the freshly baked scones in there along with the muffin. Tossed some honey in there for the tea as well” 

“Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do all of that but I really appreciate it” 

“It’s not a problem at all, you looked like you needed something fresh anyways. Finals, huh?” 

He sighs remembering where his next destination is as he takes the tray and bag from Jimin “Yeah unfortunately, Computer Science is really kicking my ass right now – thank you for your kindness.” 

Jimin just smiles at him and tiny man clears his throat both of their heads snapping to him, Jimin’s smile falters a little but his eyes immediately find Jeongguk again. 

“Let me get the door for you.” 

“You don’t have to, I don’t want to pull you away from work” Jeongguk argues softly

Jimin shakes his head and rounds the corner of the counter ignoring tiny man, Jeongguk feels like Jimin is making excuses as to why he doesn’t want to acknowledge the other man but Jeongguk is also very tired and isn’t going to say no to someone making his trek to the library a little easier, even if It means holding the door for him.

He and Jimin walk side to side before he stops in front of the door and Jimin holds it open for him. “Good luck with your finals, and see you around Jeongguk” 

“Thanks, Jimin have a nice day and good luck to you as well” he says enthusiastically and gives him a small bow before making his way out of the front door.

He exits the café and a strong gush of wind almost topples his ass over, he looks back hoping that Jimin didn’t see that but finds that Jimin’s back is towards him and is leaning his hip against the counter of the waiting area speaking to tiny man. His face is controlled but his shoulders are tense, like someone’s telling him some exceptionally bad news, he looks over to tiny man and finds that he’s staring right at Jeongguk with one of his eyebrows cocked. 

Whatever they were talking about Jeongguk didn’t want to be part of because if a couple of sentences managed to make someone who was radiating happiness not to two minutes ago switch to this tense human being definitely wasn’t good. He turns and makes his way to the library, with the ghost of Jimin’s dazzling smile in his head.

\--------------------------

“Jesus Christ, I thought you died on your way here” is Jackson’s only form of acknowledgment to Jeongguk’s arrival to their study session barely looking up from his textbook. He places the fruits of his labor on the table and stares at the mess Yugyeom and Jackson have made in the 30 minutes they've been here. The room they currently have rented for the next four hours has a white board with numerous equations on it and sections of the textbook that are crucial to know for the hellspawn Professor Lee is conjuring for them.

“Sorry, there was a line, uhm the cashier gave you some honey for your tea Yug’s, the pastries are pretty fresh too. Told me I needed them or some shit” Jeongguk says as he assesses the material on their whiteboard, and places his hands on his hips completely disregarding his coffee. The tunnel vision he has for this material suddenly activating as he searches for inconsistencies in the work Yugyeom and Jackson have done so far.

“What cashier?” Yugyeom asks voice a little raspy

“No offense man but you sound like a serial killer, you should really chug that tea if you want to go out this Friday” he pauses “And believe it or not it was a boy named Jimin but the chances of that being the same Jimin we’re talking about in the groupchat is slim, I was still kind of shook though”

Yugyeom and Jackson’s head shoot up at that and they look at each other.

“Was his hair black? Kind of looked like someone kept running their fingers through them?” 

Jeongguk turns around and nods scratching his nose “Yeah, he had an amazing smile too. Absolute megawatt, the only thing that could probably rival that is the sun in the morning to be honest” 

Jackson just smirks and leans his cheek on his fist and stares at Jeongguk go on about Jimin, he remembers having the same reaction the first time he saw him.

Yugyeom clears his throat

“Gukkie”

“Hm?”

“That’s totally the same Jimin”

Jeongguk pauses and looks at the both of them, from the smirk on Jacksons face to the unbothered expression Yugyeom holds as he pulls the lid off of his tea and blows on it. 

There isn’t a hint of a lie in their demeanor. 

He waits for the punchline but when the sike doesn’t come Jeongguk practically yells.

“The fuck, no way? This dude is literally a golden retriever, I’ve never seen someone so happy to just talk to people”

“Yeah that’s Jimin, I told you he’s an incredibly kind person. He radiates smol and soft energy everywhere he goes” Jackson says to Jeongguk

“It also sounds like you have a tiny crush” Yugyeom adds while he reaches to grab his designated drink

“I mean, I’m not going to deny that he’s cute and whatever but I can’t be associated with those people, they don’t care about other peoples sleeping schedules! I even asked one of them to keep it down this Friday and this midget fuck told me that it wasn’t his problem because it wasn’t his apartment? He even gave me some side eye when Jimin held the door open for me!” 

Both Yugyeom and Jackson burst out into laughter, Yugyeom almost spilling his drink over himself and his notes.

“You fuckin’ called Min Yoongi a midget? I’m going to fucking prematurely fuckin’ die” Jackson struggles to say 

“Gguk, broski, overlord of banana, DDR3 dance machine, that’s Jimin’s on and off boyfriend – he probs didn’t like it that you where making the fucking hearteyesemoji face at his man” Yugyeom says while he rearranges his notes away from the hazard of hot liquid in his hands. 

“Jimin likes men?” 

Jackson pulls his coffee out of the cardboard tray taking a long sip before leveling Jeongguk with a serious look “Yup” he says, popping the P loudly. "He likes girls sometimes too"

“That’s..nice? How on and off are we talking about”

“Jeongguk” Yugyeom says, and despite the fact that he’s practically losing his voice it’s serious enough to make him realize that the atmosphere of the room has changed with just the saying of his name. 

He hums, letting both of them know he’s listening waiting for whatever’s on their mind to drop.

“Don’t mess with Jimin, it’s super cliché to say this but Jimin and Yoongi are a matching pair and their breaks are like severe violent storms, they always leave broken hearts of others behind even though Jimin does it unintentionally – Yoongi’s all he’s known. One way or another they always find themselves coming back together” Jackson says to him while scratching the side of his coffee cup, lost in thought it seems.

“You say this like you’re talking from experience” 

Jackson looks up sadly and smiles, “that’s because I am Gguk.”

The room gets quiet after that, none of them speak but Jeongguk makes a mental note to ask him about the history between Jimin and him later, he wasn’t aware that Jackson was into men. He pulls his bookbag up onto the table and pulls out his textbook and laptop, completely immersing himself in writing their study guide.

\--------------------------

  


Four hours later Jeongguk is ready to call it quits.

“Alright, fuck this, we’re done my brain is about to ooze out of my ear if this study guide doesn’t help us for the next upcoming weeks then I don’t know what will” Jeongguk yells

Yugyeom and Jackson agree with him in mumble and slurred words stand up and start cleaning up the study room they’ve rented, tossing coffee cups, candy wrappers, and dry highlighters in the trash while Jeongguk makes his way to the printer where the several copies of the study guide Jeongguk was going to distribute their next Computer Science III class lay. He pulls three out for him, Jackson, and Yugyeom before stapling all of them and tossing them in his bookbag and walks over to his group of friends.

“I’m literally going to overdose on Nyquil once I get home” Yugyeom says as he zips up his hoodie pulling his hood over his head and pulls on the strings tightly. Jeongguk wants to hug him but he definitely doesn’t want to risk whatever the hell Yugyeom has right now so he opts to patting his back.

“Come on big guy, give me the key to the study room and you and Jackson go on home, I want to stop by the grocery store and get something to eat before heading home”  
Yugyeom and Jackson nod before tossing him the keys, turning and walk out of the library waving their goodbyes. 

“Later Ggukie!” Jackson says

He smiles and waves back and makes his way to the front counter of the library, dropping the key to their study room off, turns and makes his way out of the library pushing on the door a little too forcefully making people sitting on the surrounding benches jump a bit. He doesn’t have it in him to apologize so he just looks down at the time in his phone: 6:30 pm, he has enough time to go to the grocery store, get some ramen, and probably some Advil before he heads to the bus stop to catch the 7:00 pm bus. 

He quickly treks out of the campus and digs into his pocket’s pops open the case of AirPods that his roommate Taehyung had gifted him for his birthday and puts both pods in his ears to drown out the sounds of the city to some EDM playlist recommended by his Spotify account. Seoul was a nice city and very aesthetically pleasing but sometimes Jeongguk missed home, missed walking on the beach, and missed taking pictures of the seagulls that plagued the piers there. 

He didn’t have much to look forward to in Busan besides visiting his grandmother and his brother on his free time – his parents barely checking in on him besides the usually check up on his grades and the phone call letting him know there’s money in his account, he just doesn’t try anymore. It’s not that he’s ungrateful he just wishes his parents would stop trying to buy his affections, he only taps into that money to pay the rent of his joint apartment with Tae and the occasional splurge for a new video game.

He checks at his phone again and see’s that he has approximately fifteen minutes to buy his stuff at the grocery store and go to the bus stop, so he rushes into the grocery store in record time, grabs a cup of his favorite ramen, some Advil, pays for it and makes a run for the bus stop. It should only take him a few minutes if he runs fast enough but as he’s running out, he bumps into something and falls back nearly cracking his head on the door, he lies flat on the ground and groans.

The pain is blinding and it momentarily has Jeongguk seeing white, his hearing gone faint

“Jesus fucking Christ watch whe- Jeongguk?” 

“Holycrapimsosorry” he mumbles, his words coming out a slurred, someone is touching his face and it feels like he’s crying and he wouldn’t be surprised. It feels like someone took a sledgehammer and hit the back of his head with it and his skull is rattling with the force. The pain hits him a vengeance traveling all across his head in sync with his heartbeat and it feels like he’s about to both puke and pass out.

“Ah shit you’re bleedin’ – hey don’t close your eyes”

He’s heard this voice before but he can’t put his finger on who it is, all Jeongguk knows is that he’s comfortable and sleepy and just wants the pain to go away. Once he regains his vision the first thing he sees are pouty lips and then he see’s concerned brown eyes looking down at him, it takes him a moment to realize that Jimin, coffee shop Jimin, is holding his face. He’s so close he can feel his breath on his face and smell the hints of his cologne, something woodsy and citrusy at the same time.. Jeongguk licks his lips slowly and blinks, he misses the way Jimin follows the movement before finally speaking.

“Hey clumsy, you took quite the fall. The side of your head is busted open, you think you can sit up for me while I get some wipes and a bandage for this?” Jimin asks him with a soft tone, all Jeongguk can do is nod, afraid of saying something stupid and slowly pulls himself up into a sitting position and brushes the dust off of his pants. 

Jimin quickly stands and vanishes from Jeongguk’s sight, Jeongguk counts his fingers until his double vision dissipates and even though Jimin has literally been gone for a minute or so it feels like hours when he finally appears crouching back down in front of him and firmly holds his chin with one hand while he assesses the cut on Jeongguks face. 

“I’m sorry for bumping into you” Jeongguk says “Was just trying to catch the 7:00 o’clock bus, should’ve been more careful”

Jimin shakes his head before ripping an alcoholic wipe package with his teeth and slowly starts dabbing up the trail of blood leading up Jeongguks face. “Wasn’t your fault, I was on my phone..should’ve watched where I was going.” He sighs pausing “This might sting a little bit” before he presses the wipe directly onto the cut and cleans it thoroughly

Jeongguk isn’t a baby but the jolt of pain he feels when Jimin touches his cut almost has him reeling.

“Well, it’s not bad but that’s definitely going to bruise. Sorry Gukkie” he says after the wound is cleaned; he hums at the nickname while Jimin tosses the wipes in a nearby trash can. 

“Good thing I bought that Advil, geeze..how are you so tiny but feel like a fucking brick wall?”

Jimin laughs at that and replies “I’m sorry, I’ve steeled myself a lot when I did ballet to catch people. It’s something I do subconsciously” 

He slowly stands and holds his hand out for Jeongguk to hold “Alright, up you go”

Jeongguk takes Jimin’s hand and slowly rises to his feet, careful not to stand too fast and smiles at Jimin who smiles back at him immediately. “Thank you for taking care of that, I probably wouldn’t have noticed my head was split until I got home”

“No need to thank me, but let me drive you home? I don’t think I’m comfortable with you waiting on buses in your current state.” 

“I really don’t mean to impose, you’ve done so much for me today”

“Jeongguk, I literally just busted your head open unintentionally, I want to do this, let me do this please?” he pleads and pouts and Jeongguk finds the action so cute he almost reaches out to trace his lips with his thumbs but he stops himself, he stares at Jimin and nods shallowly

“Okay"

As soon as those words left Jeongguk’s mouth Jimin’s megawatt smile was back on and he nods “Just give me a second I have to buy some milk and cereal for Joonie then we can head out okay?” 

He nods and waits patiently by the newspaper rack, pushing and spinning it while Jimin makes his purchases. When Jimin’s done they both walk out and Jimin leads them to his car, it looks expensive from the distance, some sort of black sedan. His curiosity is peaked enough to make him look at the emblem in front of it and with a jolt realizes that Jimin is driving a fucking Maserati. 

“Are you rich or something?” immediately comes out his mouth and he mentally curses his filter because Jimin looks at him and his face hardens at the sudden outburst. Goddammit Jeongguk you can't just ask people things like this. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask it like that, it’s just that you’re working at a coffee shop and you don’t look like the type of person to ride this sort of thing” he continues to word vomit.

“It’s actually a gift from Yoongi, he kind of got it for me because I’m known to stay out late practicing in the studio and notorious for making late night purchases.” He pauses and looks off into the distance “He would rather I drive this than wait for public transportation, makes lots of heads turn”

Jimin looks like he rather be anywhere than here answering questions about Yoongi so Jeongguk promptly shuts his mouth and pops open the passenger side door, takes off his bookbag placing it on his lap before clicking in his seatbelt. Jimin climbs in after him and starts the car, some sort of pop song starts blasting through speakers before Jimin lowers the volume and looks at him.

“What’s your address?”

“Uhm, I actually live on the same floor as Namjoon” 

Now this catches Jimin by surprised because his eyes go wide. 

“Are you the neighbor that keeps complaining about the noise the landlord?” 

Jeongguk lets out a full body sigh and he sags against the seat of Jimin’s car, he tucks his chin into his hoodie hiding his face a little bit.

“It’s not like that, me and Tae have very tight schedules and we try to get as much sleep as we can because our majors barely allow that. It doesn’t help that he’s always throwing a party, I rather not have two reasons to stay up at night you know?”

Jimin nods and he starts driving to his apartment complex.

“I’ll talk to Joonie” Jimin minutes after his confession

“I already tried talking to one of you and got shut down so I don’t know how much help you’ll be to be honest”

“You talked to Yoongi, who doesn’t live here but encourages that type of behavior. I live there and can have a say in that.”

“You live there? How come I barely see you in the building”

Jimin hesitates before answering “Cause I’m always staying over at Yoongis”

“Ah.. I see”

The ride is silent after that, when Jimin pulls up to their apartment complex Jeongguk’s tired muscles fight him on his first attempt to get out of Jimin’s car. He was only sitting for a few minutes but it felt like the car seat took his soul with him as he tries again, exiting the car and slinging his bookbag over his shoulder. 

The 31-page study guide he and his classmates made is burning a hole into his back and feels like it’s harboring the entire weight of his GPA in it - Jeongguk’s about ready to capsize on his bed. He’s so _tired_ , today has been a ride and this final can’t come fast enough, he literally can’t wait to get out of Professor Lee’s class. It doesn’t help he’s still feeling the after-effects of his fall so he leans on the hood off Jimin’s car and thinks about his exam topics while Jimin rummages around inside the car for his apartment key.

“Get your ass off of my car, that’s a 92 million won model” Jimin says from the inside of the car

Jeongguk quickly stands up like the hood of the car scorched his ass and watches Jimin gather his things before they both step into their apartment complex and the elevator. Jeongguk has a question burning on the tip of his tongue but he’s not quite sure if it’ll be rude of him to ask.

“Yoongi and Namjoon are producers. Although Joonie isn’t as reckless with his money they’re both kind of loaded, Joonie has a place elsewhere but I’m a very needy person so he stay’s here a lot. His presence is very comforting, he’s kind of like the big brother I never had”

“He has more than one apartment?”

Jimin nods “He has three, this one, one by their studio and one he bought for his parents. All the money doesn’t come from producing though, he’s very intelligent and really good at reading the stock market and invests in things he knows are going to flourish.” 

Well that explains it, Jeongguk makes money from his photography gigs and doing some coding every now and then and him and Tae live comfortably in their modern apartment, but he’s not confident enough to start waving money around the way these people are. When the elevator stops on their floor Jeongguk steps out and turns to his side of the hallway.

“Thanks for the ride Jimin, goodnight sleep well!” 

“Jeongguk”

He turns, facing Jimin and cocks his eyebrow in a silent question

“I’ll make sure you get enough sleep okay? I’m really sorry about all the noise. We aren’t assholes I promise, stop by sometime and maybe get to know us?” he asks Jeongguk, question a little hopeful

“Uhm yeah sure.”

Jimin gives him a soft smile and fishes his cellphone out of his pocket

“One last thing, can I have your cellphone number? I can probably stop by your extensive study sessions with sugary gifts from the cafe to keep you motivated.”

Jeongguk blinks and the more he talks the more it sounds like its an excuse to see him again

“It also might be an excuse to see you again after finals” Jimin shoots him a sly smile while he balances his groceries on one arm and the cellphone in the other, he didn't think it was possible for someone to look this attractive doing the bare minimum but here Jeongguk was having a mental breakdown over someones lips. 

He walks towards him takes his cellphone quickly types in his number trying very hard to subdue his thoughts, before handing the phone back to Jimin

“I’ll text you, yeah?” 

“Yeah of course, goodnight Jimin” 

“Goodnight Gukkie”

They part heading to their respective apartments, Jeongguk unlocks his door and makes a beeline to his bedroom puts his cellphone to charge and quickly pops the Advil in his mouth, swallowing it dry before heading to the bathroom to take a quick shower. He comes out of the bathroom a ten minutes later dressed in his PJ’s noticing a container of stir fry on the kitchen counter with his name on it, he takes it to his room and eats it cold, silently blessing Tae and his kindness.

It’s when he finishes his food that he notices his cellphones diode light is blinking indicating a new notification, he opens it and finds an unread text message that came in half an hour ago.

**Unknown number:**

  
_Just want u to know you stuttering over ur words was one of the cutest things ive ever witnessed in my life._  
_Pls stop by the café more often_  
_It’s jimin btw lol 😊_  


__

____

Jeongguk is sometimes as dense as a rock, so he's not quiet sure if this is Jimin flirting with him or him making friendly banter. He nibbles on his bottom lip as he ponders on what nickname to put under Jimin’s number before settling with Mochi. Who the fuck sends a text message like that when they're with someone? Jeongguk needs advice.  
****

**You:**

_AH, hi sorry for responding so late. I was showering._  
_i'll come by the cafe often just to cheer you up and keep you company 🌼  
_

__

Jeongguk quickly closes out the chat thread with Jimin after taking a screenshot and opens up the one with him, Yugyeom, and Jackson.  


**BananaMilk Overlord:**  


_[image attached]_  
_so..jimin and I exchanged numbers after he split my skull open and I_  
_think he’s flirting with me? Is this flirting? Didn’t you say he had a_  
_boyfriend? But he's not acting he’s not acting like he does? what the fuck are feelings?_  


_**YugYugs:** _

__

_literally what the fuck, hold on a second i'm in the process of understanding that not_  
_only did you completely ignore what we said but you somehow managed to give jimin_  
_a trampoline and had him jump in your fuckin' dms._  
_what the fuck did we tell you this afternoon? also the hell do you mean he split your skull open?_  
_did u get your ass beat by a twink Jeongguk? you go to the gym daily this is unnacceptable._  


**BananaMilk Overlord:**

  


_right after you guys left I went to the grocery store and bought some snacks and_  
_literally crashed into him running out to catch the bus and I have a cut and nasty_  
_bruise forming on my forehead as we speak._  
_he also gave me a ride home bc he felt that i was a danger to myself walking around_  
_with a possible concussion, doesn't seem like a bad guy to me tbh 👀👀🤔_  


__

**YugYugs:**

 ___🙉 dont read into those type of signals gguk._  
_also u got wrekt by jimins chest? wow weakling, beta fuck._  
_anyways all jokes aside he could just be saying that in a friendly matter, stop overthinking a simple text thread_  
_also don’t make moves on people who aren't out of that zone, it sucks to be someones second option_  
_dont want my bb gguk getting involved with someone who's nice but emotionally volatile. mk? get some rest G._  


__Jeongguk reads the message Yugyeom wrote to him and think’s he’s overreacting but ends the conversation there, he doesn't have the energy to argue back with Yugyeom tonight so he tries not think about the way Jimin looked at him when they had to part ways in the coffee shop, or the way he held Jeongguk’s face when he was on the floor. He scrolls through his YouTube feed putting anything he might want to watch later in his queue locks his phone after setting a 10:00 am alarm and promptly collapses on his bed instantly falling into dreamless sleep._ _


	2. enter seokjin, the baking god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emotional constipation at it's finest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) dropped this 10k monster, enjoy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Jeongguk startles awake the next morning, it's more of a shock to his system because he's wondering why the _fuck_ the right side of his head feels like it's about to break open. He raises his hand gingerly touching the area where his face hurts and that's when it all starts coming back to him.

_Jimin_

He blinks - once - twice before he rolls over rubbing the palm of his hand into his eyes to rub the graininess out of them and reaches out to pick up his cellphone from the side of his desk, unplugging it in the process. Looking at the time he sees it's 9 am and grumbles, not even on the day he can sleep in is his body him allowing to.

He has a couple of notifications from his favorite YouTube gaming channel on a Let's Play that dropped last night so he makes a mental note to watch them when it feels like he can focus on something for more than two seconds. He scrolls down his notification feed swiping left to clear it of unwanted mobile game pop-ups when he comes across his, Jackson, and Yugyeom's group chat.

**48 New Messages**

Literally what the fuck?

He opens it cautiously because for this chat to be this active in the morning means that they either broke night studying for other classes, which also meant that he'd be dealing with two sugar high man children and Jeongguk doesn't think his social battery can take a hit like this today, or Jackson and Yugyeom could be discussing Jeongguk's encounter with Jimin - someone they very clearly told him to stay away from.

He start's scrolling down slowly after the end of Yugyeom's message last night, it's mainly Jackson flooding the chat with random letters and emojis, he finally reaches the bottom where he's starting to type coherent sentences.

**JarJarWang:**

_the fk u mean Jimin gave you his number nd a ride home?_

_jimin doesnt let anyone gt in tht car in fear of pissing yoongi off_

_jeongguk i told u not to mess around with jimin and u quite literally skipped_

_all the red flags we threw at u and went and became friends in less than 24 hrs_ _🤬_

**YugYugs:**

_to be fair he kind of unintentionally hurt gguk_

_ngl i wouldnt want my friend to wander in the streets of freaking seoul with a stir fried brain trying to get to on a bus._

_anyone up for a trip to the cafe to properly thank prince eric?_

**JarJarWang:**

_hell no u and lover boy here can go since he's so keen on ignoring me when i warn him about ppl_

**_YugYugs_ ** _:_

_whats your deal dude? its not like he asked to get hurt_

_jackson?_

_whatever, big baby. Gguk text me when ur awake_

By the time Jeongguk reaches the end of the text thread he has half a mind to text Jackson that he's perfectly capable of making his own decisions. He doesn't know what history he and Jimin have for him to belittle him in front of Yugyeom, he's about to reply to the group chat when he gets a text from Jimin. He opens the message and starts grinning immediately.

**Mochi:**

_gm gguk_ _😊 how are you feeling?_

**You:**

_Hi gm! uhm, i'm feeling good i think? i woke up rly disoriented and haven't seen what my face looks like so.¯\\_(_

_ツ)_/¯_

**Mochi:**

_aw that sucks, im really sorry about your head, can i start making it up to you?_

_the cafe is open now and my coworker jin is in the back manic baking so we have an excessive amount of muffins and other shit._

_you should totes come and study here! free pastries on the house_

**You:**

_yeah ofc, i'll head over as soon as i check up on my roommate._

He sits up and looks at the calendar on above his desk, he doesn't have much of a finals schedule aside submitting the last bits of his portfolio to his photography professor and finishing an online test. He's not worried about his classes but the looming threat of Professor Lee's final is the first thing he's prioritizing despite the fact that it's the one that's scheduled furthest away.

Standing finally, he stretches and twist's joint cracking in all sorts of places before he makes his way out of his bedroom.

Tae is honestly one of the weirdest but genuine people he knows, he's sitting upside down on the couch, kind of Spider-Man style, all of his music sheets scattered around him like a whirlwind came by and promptly told him and his Saxophone to fuck off. He's mumbling to himself and he looks like he hasn't showered in ages, his red hair looks greasy. Jeongguk walks over to him and puts his Saxophone back into his case just so Tae doesn't accidentally drop it when he bursts up with some idea on how to end a sheet.

"The position you're in doesn't look very comfortable Tae" he says while he starts organizing some of his notes by the numbers Tae distinctively writes on the top left corner of every sheet to keep track of them.

"I was on Google and I researched ways for information to process faster in the brain" he pauses, flipping the page on the music sheet he was studying "olgabear93 on Quora said that laying in a position like this makes the brain work twice as hard"

Jeongguk stares at him

"I'm starting to think olgabear93 was fucking lying, all I've gotten from this position for the last few hours is a headache" Tae sighs and Jeongguk starts laughing "I told you not to listen to any of the stuff you find on that website"

Tae sits up properly this time his eyebrows furrowed, a sign that he has a snarky remark ready to spit back at Jeongguk before he freezes.

"What happened to your head?" Tae ask's slowly

Jeongguk subconsciously reaches to touch the wound on his head, the skin feels tight and raw and hurts to touch.

"I kind of ran into someone last night at the grocery store and I fell, almost hit myself on the door but I ended up hitting my head pretty hard on the floor before this happened" he points his head, Tae looks about three seconds away from scolding him. He always tells Jeongguk to be careful when he's grocery shopping because he has a tendency of being severely unaware of his surroundings.

Tae stands and walks over to inspect his face, brushing aside the bangs from his hair to get a proper look.  "How'd you get home?" he replies

"Ah, the guy I bumped into kind of drove me home, it's actually a really funny story!"

Tae cocks his eyebrow, there's not a singular reason his brain can conjure up right now as to why Jeongguk coming home with a busted forehead is remotely funny - so he's going to enlighten him, cause if he has to stare at another piece of Beethoven today he's going to find a way to reanimate his corpse and beat his boney ass with his saxophone.

"Alright, tell me about last night’s shenanigans"

So, he does, Jeongguk tells him about how he got his midterm back finally which led him to the cafe where he first laid eye on Jimin and Yoongi. Then how after his four-hour long study session with Yugyeom and Jackson, they had warned him about Jimin's cycle of breaking up with Yoongi and getting others involved in their mess. He tells him how he sprinted to the grocery store so he could buy some things then catch the 7:00 pm bus before he bumped into Jimin who gave him a ride home.

"Well he sounds like a nice guy, gave you fresh scones, drove your disoriented ass home and you even convinced him to tell Namjoon to keep the noise down? Sounds like he’s interested"

"Nah I think he was just being friendly; I spoke to Yugyeom about it and he told me not to read into intentions like that - especially after meeting them the day of"

"Yugyeom shouldn't be giving you relationship advice, his significant other is literally his left hand" Tae snaps

Jeongguk chuckles and bites his lip

"Besides - his boyfriend or whatever seems to keep him plenty occupied, driving around in a 92 million won car like it's nothing"

"Jeongguk don't judge a book by its cover. Just because someone is being gifted things doesn't mean they are happy you know? Materialism doesn't keep the relationship healthy. You out of all people should know this" Tae says softly

That last statement shuts him up. The relationship he has with his parents can only be labeled as complicated, it's not necessarily unhealthy but it isn't healthy either. They've missed out on so many of Jeongguk's accomplishments that he doesn't bother sending him invitations to any of the gallery's his work is showcased anymore. He just sends them a picture of his awards and gets the usual "Good job, keep up the good work" from his father who apparently now speaks for his mother as well. The only other interaction they have outside of this is their usual "there's money in your account" text message.

He just wishes his parents would treat him like an actual person, wishes that they weren't so disconnected from him all the time and gave him the undivided attention they give their jobs.

He thinks back to the way Jimin reacted and wants to smack himself. He owes Jimin an apologize asap.

Jeongguk sighs "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry about being close minded, he had a similar reaction last night when I almost passed out after checking out what car he was driving"

Jeongguk has a heart of gold but sometimes his mouth runs faster than his mind can catch up, he’s caught himself in very awkward and serious positions for saying things he didn’t think through properly. If Jimin was heartless and didn’t feel partially responsible for being the reason Jeongguk fell he has a feeling Jimin would’ve left him laying on the tile floor of the grocery store until the greasy late-night clerk deemed his situation an emergency. It’s also kind of freaking him out how he’s already drawing conclusions about Jimin’s personality despite speaking to him literally for a total of an hour tops yesterday.

“Hey Tae?”

“Hm”

“Would you like to go to the café with me, ya know, to meet Jimin, I mean you don’t have to but, I’d like it if you could come? I’ve heard nothing but warnings about him but he’s showed me nothing but ki -- you know what I’m just gonna stop talking” Jeongguk stammers, tripping over his words, Tae leans back and kind of analyzes him and if he’s being a little honest with himself it’s kind of freaking him out.

“Are you trying to use me for liquid courage?” Tae asks cocking his head slightly

“Yes and no – yes because I can relax around you and not say something I’ll regret and no because I genuinely want you to meet him, I have a feeling you guys would get along really well. Besides, you’re always complaining you’re tired of seeing Yugyeom and Jackson here, you ooze passive aggression when they come over and breathe in your general presence”

Tae hums before standing and walking into his bedroom, coming out a few minutes later with his bookbag over his shoulder and his favorite pair of converses in one hand smiling at Jeongguk. “You think he’d care if I showed up in my pajamas?”

Jeongguk smiles back at him, all front teeth showing. He really doesn’t deserve a friend like Tae.

\--------------------------

Jimin is in the middle of refilling some of the napkin dispensers humming to some pop song playing from the overhead speakers when he hears the familiar _dingdingding_ coming from the front of the café pulling him out of his zone. He turns, ready to greet new the customer but stops in his tracks. At the front is Jeongguk, dressed in black sweatpants, black timberlands, and an oversized yellow hoodie that’s swallowing his upper body – Jimin thinks he looks all types of boyfriend material right now and he has to physically stop himself from closing the distance between them and burying his face in his chest. He’s craving a hug so hard right now

From where he stands, Jeongguk waves at Jimin a shy smile on his face and when Jimin waves back the smile widens a bit more, showing off his front teeth. It dawns upon him that Jeongguk looks like a freaking rabbit and he feels his insides turn to goo at the realization. How can someone be so freaking cute?

He quickly finishes his task and by the time he turns around to properly greet Jeongguk he realizes Jeongguk didn’t come to the shop alone, he stares at the boy behind him with fluffy red hair and jesus _what the fuck_ this guy looks like he belongs in a magazine. Who the hell is he and why is he leaning on Jeongguk like they know each other? Is this his boyfriend? Of course, Jeongguk would have a boyfriend, pretty boys like him would only date prettier boys.

“Ggukieee, I request nourishment” fluffy haired boy yells over Jeongguks shoulder and Jimin frowns, and god, this is so domestic it’s making him jealous.

“Tae just snag that booth over there and we’ll order some food in a second okay?” Jeongguk instructs ‘Tae’ and Jimin wants to instruct ‘Tae’ to walk out of here because he wasn’t planning on spending the next 5 hours of his shift glaring daggers at the back of his skull, he was planning on getting to know Jeongguk more and eat some of Seokjin’s food with him.

He’s starts to unconsciously watching Tae walk to the booth, he watches the way he plops down on the seat that’s facing away from the counter and he glares because even the back of his head is pretty. He huffs almost stomping his foot.

“Why so glum, chum?”

Jimin jolts because he hadn’t noticed when Jeongguk walked up to him. He fakes a cough and clears his throat.

“Not glum, just not looking forward to not doing much for the next few hours” he replies, looking everywhere but at Jeongguk. He doesn’t want him to see the frustration in his face, even if he has to third wheel to get to know Jeongguk better he needs to prep his poker face because if Jeongguk would’ve asked him to go meet his boyfriend right now he’d instantly give himself away.

“Well if you’re not doing much you can come sit with me and Tae? We’re gonna study here for the rest of the day” Jeongguk says while motioning to the booth behind him with his thumb, Jimin feels himself saying yes faster than he can process that the words have left his mouth. Before he can take those words back because he honestly would rather be anywhere else except in that booth third wheeling. Jeongguk reaches out and grabs his hands and starts walking backwards to said booth, with each step Jimin can feel a blush rising to his cheeks and he is one-hundred percent sure he looks like a tomato right now. Jimin’s poker face is in fact – not prepped and he is not ready to meet the person who kisses Jeongguk.

They’re looking at each other, a little smile on his lips and Jimin really wishes he had the courage to kiss him because he looks so good right now. It’s insane that with minimal effort and a bruise on his head Jeongguk still looks so good.

When they reach the table Jeongguk lets go of both his hands so he could properly take off his bookbag. “I’m sorry give me a second I’m getting a little warm” he says then starts tugging on the hood of his pullover and with that one action Jimin’s existence starts to unravel. The pullover is tugging Jeongguk’s shirt with it, he can see skin being exposed before the sharp ridges of his abs come into view and Jimin is about to fucking pass out. It feels like his life span is tied to this one action because the more skin that’s being revealed the more Jimin feels closer to death. He doesn’t think it can get any worse but life likes to tempt him and the minute he thinks it’s over, he sees it, an inky black design on Jeongguk’s rib reveals itself.

Jimin bites his lip to suppress a moan.  

Once the sweater is off, he watches Jeongguk fix his baggy shirt making sure he’s not flashing half of the campus through the café window, that’s when he suddenly remembers that Jeongguk has a guest and turns to look at Tae to find him unbothered by the accidental strip tease.

He however feels the telltale sign of arousal burning in the pit of his stomach and Jimin needs to get out of whatever orbit Jeongguk pulled him into right now to _breathe_.

“I’m going to be right back, gonna get something for you two to munch on”

He rushes to the back where he finds Seokjin – still manic baking and mumbling to himself about veterinary science.

“Jin”

“..bats travel with echo location, how awesome”

“Jin, please I’m about to pass out”

“..sugar gliders are just possums with wings”

“SEOKJIN!”

Jin pauses his ministrations turns to Jimin and pulls an earbud out looking a bit confused. “Are you calling my name?”

Jimin is pacing back and forth, he pulls the café baseball cap off and runs his fingers through his hair multiple times. He’s both aroused and terrified. Jeongguk is a mixture of cute and hot and he doesn’t know how long he’s going to able to keep his friendly filter on around him before he lets it slip that he wants to suck Jeongguk off.

“Jesus Christ yes, Jeongguk is out there with his boyfriend or whatever and he held my hands? Which by the way I did not initiate and I am very flustered but that’s not what has me red, he like started taking off his pullover and his shirt got caught wi-  you know what I’m just going to skip to the part where I almost busted a nut because Jeongguk is not only ripped, but he’s tatted as well”  

Jin rolls his eyes “He can’t be that attractive, there’s no one as beautiful as me, let’s go back out there. I also want them to try this new muffin recipe I made since you’re still watching your weight”

Seokjin is already halfway out of the kitchen with a whole platter of muffins by the time Jimin realizes that he’s intending on making conversation with a boy that’s frustrating him both emotionally and sexually. Jimin speed walks after Seokjin to find that he’s already at the booth talking to Jeongguk and Tae.

“Hi nice to meet you both, I’m Seokjin, head baker of this place – no need to clap, I know I’m pretty” Jin announces while he places the platter of muffins in the middle of the table.

Jimin wants a sinkhole to open up right below him and swallow him up because this is not happening right now.

Tae enthusiastically grabs and shakes Seokjin’s hand and if Jimin looks close enough he can tell Tae’s face is symmetrically beautiful. Life can go suck a fuck right this instance.

“Hi nice to meet you, my name is Tae I’m Ggukie’s roommate and caretaker when necessary. It switches around a lot we’re kind of intensely oblivious to our needs” his mouth breaking into a boxy smile.

Roommate? Not boyfriend?

Jin side eyes him smirking and continues to talk to Tae – Jimin’s brain is short-circuiting.

Jimin is doing mental summersaults at those words, they’re not dating, his competition isn’t some redhead powerhouse of a young man, he tries to hold off the way he knows his joy is being broadcasted on his face. By the way Jin looks at him he knows he’s failing.

He hears Jeongguk hum in agreement to Tae’s statement while he digs through his bookbag and pulls his laptop out, he looks at Jimin then at the seat next to him and scoots further into the booth and pats the now empty spot, a silent invitation to sit – so he does.  

Tae’s staring him dead in the eye when he looks across the booth at him, he reaches and holds his hand out to Jimin.

“Hi I’m Tae, I’m assuming you’re the one who both injured and helped this klutz over here?”

Jimin nods stares at his hand before reaching out and shaking it. “It was my fault” he states before looking over to Jeongguk “I kind of was texting and walking before I reached the door”

“I would also like to add that I’m not a klutz, I literally was on the verge of a mental collapse with all the studying I did with Jackson and Yugyeom”

“You wouldn’t be on the verge of said mental collapse if you took Professor Lee as serious as you take your video games, Jin , Jimin the other day he was up till six in the morning playing Overwatch with those idiots”

He hears Jeongguk grumble under his breath, he’s poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue and bores an unamused expression on his face. Unamused is a look that looks well on Jeongguk’s face Jimin thinks to himself.

Jin seems a lot more interested in the conversation now at that statement.

“You play video games? Are you on PC?”

Jeongguk nods and holds his hand out for Jin to shake, Jin looks at it and opts to give Jeongguk a fist bump.  

“I play too! I’m actually still an avid Maple Story player, well I was before this Organic Chemistry course took my life with it. I’m telling you I’m too pretty to be stressed out like this” Jin argues, a pout on his face.

“I play it on and off as well, I think I have so many characters I’ve lost count. We should do a raid together sometime, well that is if you want to, we just met I don’t want to come off as creepy”

“Oh now you’ve started it, all the studying he said he was gonna do is flying out the window with every minute this conversation continues” Tae says with a frown on his face.

“No worries, I’ll be leaving soon I just wanted to introduce myself -- I still have to bake a dozen or so cookies in the back” Jin stands and brushes his hands on the front of his apron.

Tae looks at him a little puzzled, “Is Jimin going with you too?” Jin is in the middle of pushing his hair back when he laughs “Absolutely not, Jimin can cook and everything else but baking isn’t something he’s so gifted at”

Jimin glares at him and crosses his arms “That’s really funny for you to say, let’s see how you’re going to manage moving all of those trays by yourself for the rest of the day because I’m not helping you”

Jin shrugs impassively and walks back to the kitchen “I have broad shoulders for a reason Jimin!”

He hears Jeongguk chuckle next to him and his glare is rapidly softening already. “Is he always like this? He’s pretty funny”

“Yeah he is, he’s kind of the reason why this job is so tolerable sometimes, he has so many corny dad jokes they keep me happy” Jimin says with a smile on his face, he considers Jin and Namjoon a packaged deal, they’re always inspiring him to do better and make sure he doesn’t get too far into his toxic head space when things aren’t going well for him.

Jeongguk smiles at him while he opens his laptop, he already has the page containing some sort of test on the screen, Jimin watches him arrange his notes, mainly looking at his hands though because _wow_ , Jeongguk’s hands are pretty and big.

They’d look nicer around his throat though.

“That’s pretty wholesome” he says when he’s done arranging his notes and takes out a case containing some glasses before putting them on. He starts typing away on his keyboard a second later.

Tae nods along to Jeongguks words and watches Jimin intensely “That’s always good, having a coworker you can depend on is something that people need in a workspace”

There’s something off about the way Tae said that so he turns, he feels a wave of nervousness hit him like a brick wall. Once they’re making eye contact Jimin’s eye’s narrow – why is he looking at him like that?

“Is there something on my face?”

“No, I’m just analyzing you”

“..Why exactly are you doing that”

Tae cocks his head slightly, Jimin feels like he just walked into an arena with an agitated bull in the middle while he’s wearing red.

“Because Jeongguk has a tendency to not listen to others and wants to be friends with people despite what he’s heard about them – he always tries to find the good in them or some shit, literal golden boy behavior, and for whatever reason his two dumbass friends warned him to stay away from you because they think you’re toxic. One of them had a lot to say about you though, seems you hurt his feelings real bad?”

Jimin is stunned, he wasn’t expecting the death threat conversation with Jeongguk’s best friend to happen right in front of Jeongguk himself, he also wasn’t expecting someone to call him out on shitty behavior he doesn’t even remember doing? What the fuck, more importantly, who the fuck is Tae referring to?

“I’m not quite sure what you mean, I’ve been with the same person on and off for the last two years of my life?” he questions

“Jackson Wang said you strung him along after you and Min Yoongi broke up”

Jimin sighs and rolls his eyes so hard they threaten to pop out of his skull. This annoying fuck won’t quit.

“Jackson Wang is still running his mouth about me? What’d he tell you?” this time he turns to Jeongguk who has stopped typing, looking at both Tae and him confused, he looks like a fucking owl with those glasses on.

“What?” he questions, obviously very confused.

“What’d Jackson tell you about me?”

“Wait, what? Why are we having this conversation. I’m sorry I zoned out, I need some context before I answer that”

Tae leans back and crosses his arms; he looks menacing even when wearing his pajamas with hearts on them.

“I was just asking Jimin here why Jackson went “beware of the ides of march” on your ass when you mentioned Jimin yesterday”

Anger flashes Jeongguk’s face “Tae what the fuck, I asked you to come so you could meet him not interrogate him on something he’s probably not even comfortable with sharing to someone he just met”

“Hush Jeongguk Potter, adults are speaking” he dismisses Jeongguk with a wave of his hand, the look in his eyes softening a bit “Jimin I promise you I’m not asking to anger you I’m asking because I’m curious as to why the name of a boy that isn’t Jeongguk’s or Yugyeom is coming out of Jackson Wang’s mouth. More specifically why’d he said you hurt him”

Jimin is truly exasperated but he gets it, because if Jin ever heard anything sketchy about Yoongi he’d confront Yoongi immediately in order to protect Jimin. He tucks his hands under his thighs, he can feel them shaking and he doesn’t want Tae nor Jeongguk to see how nervous this conversation is making him.

“I have a boyfriend, sort of – its complicated but when we first started dating Jackson used to come to the studio I dance at with my friend Hoseok. Everyone knew we were together so I didn’t think I had to clarify that I had a significant other. We got to know each other through the course of a few months and he’s a good dancer and a nice person so I praised him a lot. For whatever reason though he jotted that as me flirting with him.” he sighs and bites his lip, this part always sucks to tell because being someone’s gay awakening isn’t always a good thing.

“Anyways, one night I’m closing up the studio because Hoseok had to run some errands and Jackson cornered me and kissed me. When I shoved him off he was confused because I was apparently giving him signs that I was interested in him? Which made no sense at all because I spoke a total of a few words to him out of the studio, and as far I knew he was straight. Next thing I knew he was telling everyone I led him on.”

Tae holds his hand up, instructing Jimin to stop talking.

His voice is soft and comforting when he speaks again “I don’t want to make you continue talking about this, I can see the way you’re shaking I’m sorry this happened to you” he holds his hand out again and shoots Jimin a smile, and Jimin can’t help but smile back.

 “Let’s start introductions again, my name is Kim Taehyung, Jeongguk’s bestest friend, and I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

Jimin takes his hand and shakes it “Park Jimin, I think you’re a pretty good person Kim Taehyung, you keep golden boy here safe from harm”

When they finally let go of each other’s hands Tae looks over at Jeongguk and frowns.

“Jeongguk, I think you need to have a talk with Jackson. Sexually assaulting and gaslighting people is not fucking okay.”

Jeongguk nods and pulls his phone out, his face is blank, kind of looks like he’s having trouble registering what he heard.

Jimin feels like his presence isn’t really wanted here anymore so he stands and puts his café baseball cap back on. “I’ll be at the register, holler if you need anything” he says softly, before the two boys can say anything Jimin turns and syncs up his breathing with his steps something he’s practiced to calm down. He doesn’t like talking about Jackson, he doesn’t like talking about how his friendliness comes off as flirting to most people, he doesn’t like mentioning that it’s difficult to develop friendships because he’s such a touchy person. He remembers when he told Yoongi and how he reacted, cold and detached and simply told him to “stop being so friendly to others” like it’s his fault people can’t control themselves.

That was the first mental strike Jimin put under his imaginary table of times Yoongi had offended him and made things seem like they where his fault.

\--------------------------

Jeongguk pulls up the group chat with two boys he’s suddenly wishes he could punch, he’s trying to conjure up the right words to type into the group chat but he’s so angry that he can’t think of any so he makes it nice and simple.

 

**BananaMilk Overlord:**

_We need to talk_

_Not now because I’m at the café studying with Tae, and hanging with Jimin_

_Sometime tomorrow?._

**YugYugs:**

_Cant you just text?_

**BananaMilk Overlord:**

_What I want to talk to you both about is a conversation that needs to happen in person._

_Jackson if you could stop being a brat for two seconds that’d be great_

_I need to emphasize how important this is._

__

__

**YugYugs:**

_Aye aye captain._

He pockets his cellphone and exhales slowly, his body is shaking. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that what Jimin is saying is the truth because he’s known Yugyeom and Jackson since he was a Freshman, he doesn’t think they’re capable of forging lies like this, more specifically Jackson, who acts like some wayward father figure to Jeongguk, someone who was always been there for him when he had panic attacks in the middle of the night.

“You good?”

He looks at Tae and shakes his head.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shakes his head again, he doesn’t trust himself or the words that are running rampant in his mind right now. He’s friends with a gaslighter, he’s friends with someone who is literally ruining someone’s reputation because he couldn’t get his dick wet.

Tae nods and pulls out his notes and completely immerses himself in studying. Tae knows when to leave Jeongguk alone, angry Jeongguk is like a walking time bomb, it’s something that you’re aware of but don’t know how to approach because anything can set him off, so he gives him his space.

Jeongguk stares at his laptop screen, he looks at the online final he left open. Question 15 out of 50, with 10 minutes left. He curses to himself and rapidly starts going through the test, he answers the questions he knows for sure, and guesses on the ones he doesn’t know about. When he presses submit and see’s his grade, a 42/50 and he slumps in his seat. He’s not a fan of these timed tests but this last one concludes the last time he’ll have to see anything related to engineering subjects ever again.

He reaches out to the platter of muffins Jin left for both of them and pops one of the mini ones in his mouth, he moans so loud Jimin’s head shoot up from an inventory list he was reading at the front counter.

Tae stops reading his notes cocking his eyebrow at him in annoyance.

“What the fuck?”

He stops mid bite, trying to calm his racing heart down, this muffin is so good he’s literally about to have a heart attack “Please try one of these fucking muffins”

Tae grabs the same mini muffin Jeongguk ate and pops it into his mouth.

He chews for a few seconds before his face lights up like a kid at a candy store.

“Holy fuck? This taste’s like sex? Like I know I say that a lot but what the fuck? Is Jin a god?”

“I don’t know but I’m gonna ask him – hey – Jimin, is Jin a god? This muffin tastes like the ambrosia of the gods”

Jimin throws his head back and laughs so hard it and yells out Jins name effectively summoning him from the back who has flour in blotches all over him.

“Did someone call me?” he looks at the three

“Yeah hey – quick question are you single and a god? I’m seriously considering marrying you for your baking right now. Like this is insanely good” Tae yells out, some crumbs coming out of his mouth

“Dude, ew gross, table etiquette?” he says while dabbing Tae’s mouth with a tissue

Jin has a shy smile on his face, he scratches the back of his head before speaking “Well I’m seeing someone, but vocally hearing how good my food is always a mood booster. Thank you both, I’ll bring more out periodically!”

“Please fucking do, oh great one” Jeongguk says before getting on his knees and starts bowing.

“Jimin, I like this one, keep him.” He hears Jin say to Jimin who only responds with a laugh and before he disappears back into the kitchen.

Jeongguk and Tae go through the entire platter in a matter of minutes and Jin continues to give, he’s like a baking wizard and Jeongguk can’t help but admire how much time this man is spending baking in a café that’s partially dead. He would be asleep if he worked here, Jimin on the other hand is sitting on the counter, legs crossed and is texting on his phone. It’s a Tuesday and usually everyone is packed in here but with finals week looming people only come here to refuel their brains. He can personally understand his nonchalance to the environment around him.

It’s been a couple of hours and Jeongguk’s head feels like it’s packed to the brim with information, he can confidently say he feels ready for Professor Lee’s final and it’s making him feel all types of joy.

He’s on his fifth read through his Computer Science III study guide when Tae groans loudly.

“Hey Gguk, I think I’m gonna head out. This headache I’ve been sporting is really killing me and I just want to lay down and forget the world for a couple of hours” Tae says, he stands slowly, packing up all of his things. He scratches his chin in thought, he can see Tae’s five o’clock shadow making an appearance again “Do you think you can cook tonight? I’d kill for some chicken noodle soup”

Jeongguk smiles and nods at Tae “Go get some rest, I’ll cook and try to be quiet”

“You’re a godsend baby boy, see you at home!”

Tae slings his bookbag over and walks to the front counter and says his goodbye to Jin and Jimin who send him off with a large cup of tea and a ziploc baggy full of different types of breads, cookies, and muffins.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, he looks at the screen and grins. From the preview notification he can see that Jimin sent him a picture of a couple of bunny rabbits and followed by a “found your family members cutie.” He really doesn’t understand why someone who just told him he had a confirmed boyfriend a few hours ago is flirting so shamelessly with him.

“Hey Jimin, you know if you wanted to have a conversation with me you could do it with your mouth right?”

He see’s Jimin roll his eyes and walk over to the booth with two mugs of some hot liquid in his hands.

Jeongguk watches him, he thinks Jimin is a regal human being even with his work clothes on he’s all legs and smiles and Jeongguk is overwhelmed by him being in his proximity. He would really like to take pictures of him one day.

Jimin plops down on the seat right next to him and places the cups in front of them and runs his fingers through his hair, effectively tucking the loose strands back. Jimin is so effortlessly hot that Jeongguk thinks that he could probably walk in on Jimin murdering someone and pop a semi before he could register what’s going on. But he’s not charting into those waters, because Jeongguk isn’t going to help someone cheat on their significant other if he’s as taken as he makes it sound.

“Can I ask you a question Jimin?”

“Hm, isn’t that a question already?”

Cheeky little shit.

Jeongguk blinks at his poor attempt of humor and Jimin hits him with a sly smile before smacking his arm “I’m kidding, go on”

Jeongguk licks his lips, he’s suddenly at a loss of words, he’s not good at feeling confrontations, he picks up a stray pen on the table and starts to spin it between his fingers to keep him distracted from his nervousness before he takes the leap “Would your boyfriend be okay with you flirting with me? Is this something you do?”

Jimin leans back and looks at him, hurt written all over his features but he quickly composes himself before Jeongguk can apologize.

“I’m not with Yoongi anymore.”

“Oh – fuck okay I’m sorry, I just – I didn’t know – I thought you where together this entire time and I’m sorry.” Jeongguk stammers

Jimin hums.

“I’m going to assume the reason you’re flirting with me is cause you think I’m hot?”

“Partially”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you have other features that make you attractive to me”

“I’m not good at realizing good things about me so I need a venn diagram on what you see cause I’m just a nerd who was blessed with a pretty face” he says bitterly

Jimin rolls his eyes, if he tells Jeongguk what he likes about him there will be nothing innocent about the route this conversation will be going in, nevertheless he indulges him and opts to leave some things out.

“Your smile lights up a whole room, I’ve seen it a couple of times now but it really does get better and better when I see it, you have such an kind personality, yesterday when I bumped into you despite the fact that you where literally spread eagle on the floor you asked me if I was okay before you checked yourself out, showing me your kindness, you listened to me vent about a person who’s been giving you this bad image of me and didn’t assume it was my fault for being nice. You do so much already Gguk, it feels good to vent my issues without being judged. You listen, so thank you.”

Jeongguk takes everything Jimin says and ingrains it in his head. He sounds so lost and sad saying all of it that he wonders who it was that put Jimin in this headspace that his issues shouldn’t matter because of his personality.

He reaches out and wraps his arms around Jimin and pulls him into a hug, his head tucked under Jeongguk’s chin. Jimin’s hands are resting on Jeongguks thighs and he feels Jimin dig further into him, like he’s trying to hide from the world.

“You don’t deserve any bad happening to you, you’re such a nice person I would literally fight someone for you” Jeongguk grumbles and Jimin laughs into his neck “No need to fight, thank you though”

“Can I ask what happened?”

Jimin pulls away slowly and lean back into the seat and picks up his mug of what Jeongguk can identify as hot chocolate and takes a sip.

“You totally don’t have to, they just made it seem like he was your soulmate or something..”

“I’m the type of person who loves people intensely I love giving love to others because I don’t know what they’re going through and if someone doesn’t give a fuck about them” he pauses and looks down at his mug “Yoongi doesn’t like that I do that because it’ll warrant another Jackson scenario, I don’t have many friends because he thinks I’m too friendly and I bring these things upon myself. After a while I just started to realize that this same mentality started to apply to him as well. “

Jeongguk start rubbing soothing circles into his back, it makes him stop momentarily and he’s hyper focused on Jimin’s body language, he doesn’t look like he’s gonna cry but his voice is giving a lot of raw emotion away.

When he speaks again he sounds pissed “He would tell I’m too jealous when he’s working around people who are trying to throw themselves at him and some other bullshit I’m too exhausted to speak about. He has a lot to say about me but I can’t say anything about him which is what causes the breaks. But I think I’m done for good this time, there are other details I’m excluding because I’m not too comfortable sharing them”

Jeongguk concludes that tiny man is a douche, the rest of his growth spurt must’ve gone somewhere else to compensate for this mentality. He narrows his eyes, maybe tiny man had a big dick?

Jimin’s laugh suddenly interrupts his thoughts and he looks at him confused. This was a serious conversation why is he laughing?

“What?”

Jimin is still laughing when he speaks again “He’s average”

“Pardon?”

“Whatever you were thinking about filtered out through your mouth and you literally said “Maybe tiny man had a big dick” which I’m answering with he’s average.”

Jeongguk groans and hides his face in his hands, this is actually unbelievable, out of the all the times he chose to get Jungshook it obviously had to be with the thought of Min Yoongi’s dick size in his thought queue.

“I want to fucking die right now”

Jimin laughs again and downs the rest of his hot chocolate, he stands and walks to the kitchen with his mug before reappearing in a cardigan and two Ziploc baggies with the same contents Jin sent Tae off with

“My shift ends in ten minutes but I’m clocking out early since my other coworker is already in the back, you wanna walk back home with me?”

Jeongguk nods and chugs his hot chocolate and starts to pack up his things, he feels over the moon with all the studying he’s done today and the fact that he’s spent time with Jimin as well. His phone vibrates in his pocket which reminds him of the conversation he’s supposed to have with Yugyeom and Jackson, whatever the outcome he wants both of them to apologize to Jimin.

Speaking of apologies, Jeongguk needs to apologize to Jimin about his outburst the yesterday night.

He walks to the front counter and watches Jimin clock out on one of the computers.

“Hey Jimin?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry about yesterday, not the falling but me yelling about the Maserati and assuming things about you that weren’t true”

He smiles softly at him and shakes his head “It’s okay, you acknowledged it and apologized that’s what matters” Jimin walks from behind the counter, handing him a baggie.

“Jin said this is for you”

“Ah, thank you baking god I appreciate your generosity to us mere mortals” he yells out

“YOU’RE WELCOME!”

\--------------------------

Jimin and Jeongguk walk side to side to their shared apartment complex, they’ve made small talk on the way there about classes and their favorite foods, when they reach the front door Jeongguk smacks the key fob onto the door, unlocks it and holds the door open for Jimin and they step inside.

Jeongguk pushes his hair back, when him and Jimin wait in front of the elevator he’s going through the mental checklist of ingredients he remembers having in the fridge to make dinner tonight.  

Once the elevator door opens Jimin presses their floor number and he leans on the opposite wall and stares at Jeongguk, there’s an intensity in his gaze and it feels like Jimin is stripping him with his eyes, he feels himself blushing with each passing second.

“What?”

Jimin doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking at him, his eyes are burning a trail down Jeongguks body..

“Jimin?”

Jimin looks up, his brown eyes look glazed and dark, his voice is hoarse and rough when he speaks “Can I see your tattoo?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows shoot so far up his forehead they might as well have been launched into the stratosphere, how does he know about the tattoo?

“You know about my tattoo?”

“You kind of flashed me and Tae when you took of your hoodie”

“Oh.”

“Well, can I?”

Jeongguk nods a little hesitant, he’s about to start pulling his pullover up when the elevator dings and they both step out. They stand in the hallway and Jimin is watching his every move, does he want me to do this here? Where everyone can see?

“Uhm, can we do this at your place? I don’t think I’m comfortable being half naked in a cold hallway. I would say we could go back to mine but I’m pretty sure Tae is still knocked out and I don’t want to disturb his sleep”

Jimin turns wordlessly and heads to his apartment, Jeongguk follows close behind – his heart is in his ass and he feels goosebumps dotting his skin, the only other person he’s been partially naked around is Tae and that’s when they work out, he’s not self-conscious by any means but he feels highschool Jeongguk making an appearance again, he’s nervous as hell.

Once Jimin presses his key fob against the scanner and lets Jeongguk in he feels the atmosphere around both of them shift. Gone was the carefree nature of their conversation prior to the elevator ride and there’s something thick in the air that registers to him as anticipation.

Jimin pulls him by his hand into the furthest room in the back of the apartment, he doesn’t even get a chance to look around properly but his eyes catch a bunch of bonsai trees in the center of a big room with musical equipment before he’s led into what he assumes is Jimin’s room. The walls are yellow and everything is soft looking, there’s a pair of ballet shoes hanging on a hook next to a walk-in closet, Jimin’s bed has the fluffiest blue comforter on it that he instantly feels his eyes getting droopy. There’s something citrusy in the air and Jeongguk feels all of his senses simultaneously get pulled into a hug, everything about Jimin’s room is so aesthetically pleasing it makes him feel like he’s in his own room.

Jimin sits on the bed and pulls one of the pillows onto his lap, with his elbows on his knees and face in his hands he waits, he looks at Jeongguk expectantly – is Jimin expecting him to strip?

“Alrighty, show me your tattoo”   

Jeongguk starts pouting “If you wanted me to strip for you at least give me money for my services” Jimin rolls his eyes and reaches below his bed and takes out a wad of Monopoly money.

“Start stripping and I’ll get you out of jail Jeongguk”

“Why do you have a wad of Monopoly money under your bed?”

“Less talking, more stripping”

Jeongguk hits him with a hard gaze in which Jimin responds by putting his hands up, an apparent surrender. Pleased with himself, he slowly pulls the pullover over his head, he’s partially aware that it does lift his shirt but not enough to give Jimin a good glance at his upper body.

“Hot, 7/10 here’s a 50” he flings a blue bill in Jeongguks direction

“That was at least two 50’s” he argues

Jimin looks at him like he’s thinking hard about his statement and starts smacking the small bills on his hand “Nah, do something spicy and you get something better”

Jeongguk thinks to himself, what he can possibly do because now his competitive nature is building within him at an alarming rate and he doesn’t want more blue bills, he wants the orange 500 bills.

He walks over to Jimin who raises his eyebrow at him, he slowly sinks to his knees and hears Jimin’s breath hitch in his throat.

Jeongguk is smirking now, he slowly starts peeling off his shirt and tosses it at Jimin, he leans forward effectively popping Jimin’s personal bubble, places his hands on either side of him and does a full body roll against him. He can hear Jimin’s breathing speed up, once he feels like his personal assault to Jimin’s space is done he leans back and sits on the floor watching Jimin.

“Well?”

Jimin throws the whole wad of bills at Jeongguk and he laughs, he’s internally doing a victory dance, competitive Jeongguk wins again.

Jimin is looking at his tattoo, some inky circle blotch he doesn’t really recognize. But it’s not like he’ really paying attention to the tattoo anymore, Jeongguk’s upper body is fully exposed to him and the Sahara Desert has taken residence in his mouth. He’s so thirsty for Jeongguk it’s not even funny.

Jeongguk is now tracing the circle with his pointer finger, he remembers getting this, it was after he went to see Arrival with Taehyung, he found the logograms the aliens used to communicate fascinating.

“It means Before and After”

Jimin looks confused “In what language? I don’t think I’ve ever seen any like this before”

“It’s made up, it’s from one of my favorite sci-fi movies Arrival, this is the language the aliens used to communicate with the main character”

“I see, why’d you choose this design?”

“I think it helped me solidify the person I am today, I wasn’t the best person to be around when I was a teenager. Super angsty, typical my parents don’t care for me enough to check on me type of angst, I let go of that because that was my trump card every time something wouldn’t go my way I’d blame my parents.”

“That’s a pretty big leap of maturity there” said Jimin, he has a fond smile on his face.

Jeongguk nods and stretches before standing, he looks at Jimin and holds his hand out “Shirt please”  

Jimin stands and plays with the fabric of Jeongguks shirt, they’re face to face and Jimin can feel the body heat coming of Jeongguk’s body this close. His fingers are itching to touch skin.

“Jimin?”

“Can I touch you?”

“..There’s a lot of grey area in that statement, touch me how?”

“Like, your abs and stuff..”

“..Stuff?”

Jimin sighs, he looks exasperated “Jeongguk, if I’m being completely honest here this is all new to me I’ve never been attracted to someone else than Yoongi and it’s hitting me pretty intensely”

Jeongguk just stares for a minute, he ends up grabbing Jimin’s hands making him drop his shirt and places both of them on his chest, Jimin lets out a full body shiver. The skin on skin contact is making goosebumps break out all across Jeongguk’s chest and he’s not sure if he’s shivering because it’s cold in Jimin’s room or if it’s because he’s touching him.

“How are you this attractive?” Jimin whispers, his hands start dipping below his chest, to his abs, be brushes his thumb against his tattoo and Jeongguk is so overwhelmed from simple touching that it takes him a second to realize he’s getting hard in his pants. All he knows is he doesn’t want Jimin to stop.

“Where am I not allowed to touch?” Jimin’s voice comes out like gravel and Jeongguk is momentarily stunned because this went from showing him his tattoo to him getting felt up in the middle of his room. “Uhm, just keep touching me – I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable or anything”

Jimin nods, he has this look in his eyes that Jeongguk is trying to decipher before he leans in and attaches his lips to Jeongguk’s nipple and he jolts, his hand immediately coming to hold Jimin’s head.

“Holy fuck, okay, that’s oka- _shit_ ”

Jimin just hums against his nipple and brings his hand up to the other one and rubs slow circles against the nub until it’s pebbled and hard. Jeongguk is stunted, none of his hookups have made him feel this good so fast, his legs are rapidly turning to jelly below him and he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to stand. Jimin seems to notice this because he quickly switches their positions and pins Jeongguk to the bed, straddling him immediately. Jeongguk is momentarily disoriented from the change of pace, when he looks up at Jimin his eyes are dark and he’s biting his lip.  

Jeongguk realizes the reason Jimin hasn’t touched him is because he’s waiting for the verbal confirmation to continue his ministrations.

“Keep going. I’m okay”

Jimin nods at him and he leans down placing his hands on either side of Jeongguk’s head before brushing his lips against his “I’m gonna kiss you now”

He doesn’t even wait for Jimin to actually lean in, he surges up and kisses Jimin so hard their teeth clack, there’s nothing graceful about the kiss they’re both grabbing at each other, a mixture of tongue and lip biting. Everything is frantic, Jimin pulls away to tug his cardigan and shirt off, and Jeongguk leans in to leave a few open mouth kisses on his neck, Jimin responds by leaning his head back exposing more of his neck to him and grinding into his crotch. Jeongguk groans against his skin and Jimin does it again before starting a slow and steady rhythm that’s threatening to make his heart burst out of his chest.

He grabs Jeongguk’s face and pulls him into a toe curling kiss, Jeongguk’s hands are digging into his hips, they’re both moaning into each other’s mouth now.

They’re so into each other that they don’t hear the front door open, it’s when Jimin’s bedroom door slams open that they break apart, a tall dimpled man standing there with a smoothie in his hand.

“Jimin! I’m home, I got you a smoo- oh shit, sorry I should’ve knocked” dimpled man stares at the scene in front of him his eyes fall on Jeongguk like he recognizes him and after a minute his face lights up with a smile.

“Hi I’m Namjoon, you must be the neighbor. My sincerest apologies about the noise, I get lost in my own world sometimes, would you like a smoothie?”

“Maybe give us some time to make ourselves presentable before you start introductions?” Jimin says with a bite in his tone, Namjoon looks at Jimin and shrugs before leaving his room.

Jeongguk doesn’t know how to react to that introduction but him and Jimin start looking around his room for their clothes, once he finds his shirt he tugs it on and uses his hoodie to cover his erection. His face is so red from the shame of getting caught that he doesn’t process Jimin giving him a backhug.

“It’s okay, Joon’s as pure as they come, he just has a terrible habit of not knocking”

He nods, he wants to meet him he just doesn’t know how to with Jeongguk Jr. under the impression that he’s ready to fuck Jimin into the mattress.

He bites his lip, he’s thinking about anything except the way Jimin felt in his hands to calm his boner “I don’t know how to go out there and have a conversation with him, I’m kind of hard right now.”

Jimin laughs, he’s clutching onto Jeongguk’s shirt and it’s the sweetest sound he’s ever heard in his life. Jimin’s hands are wandering again and he finds himself leaning into his touch, he feels Jimin gets on his tippy toes and nibbles on Jeongguk’s ear and he has to suppress a moan.

Jimin’s hands are wandering to the front of his sweatpants, he pushes Jeongguk’s hands aside and gives his cock a firm squeeze, Jeongguk’s knees buckle and Jimin giggles near his ear “I’m a little upset we got interrupted though, really wanted to suck you off”

Jeongguk breaks from Jimin’s hold walks a few steps away from him and glares at him “You’re a menace to society, I’m trying to meet your roommate and you’re on the verge of giving me a handjob with the door open!” he hisses. Jimin laughs again and walks out of the bedroom.

“Come hither, sir Gguk”

Jeongguk is in the middle of wrapping his hoodie around his waist when he walks out of Jimin’s room and realizes the entire apartment is ominously quiet, he looks up and finds Namjoon clipping one of the bonsai trees but see’s no sign of Jimin.

“Hi.” he says

Namjoon looks up and gives him an eye smile drops his clippers and walks to him and pulls him into a hug. “I’m a hugger, hello nice to meet you!” and Jeongguk panics, he’s trying his best to angle his hips away from Namjoon, he really doesn’t want this first impression to get any worse than it already is so he pulls away after a second.

“Nice to meet you too, my name is Jeongguk, Jimin tells me you compose music?”

Namjoon nods and motions to the kitchen.

“I do, it’s kind of my life, I’ve been doing it since I was a teenager. I actually just got back from the studio with food for Jimin cause he’s a total slave to these smoothies this cart by the studio sells.

Jeongguk nods along and walks behind Namjoon looking around at all the things in the apartment now that he doesn’t have Jimin attached to his hip. There’s scattered colors adjourning the walls like someone literally took a paint can and tossed it against them, some art pieces and a lot of pictures from events littered everywhere. Namjoon and Jimin are mostly in all of these pictures but he catches glimpses of Yoongi every now and then.

His looking comes to an abrupt end when he collides with the broad back of Namjoon and he’s starting to think that the inhabitants of this apartment are made out of fucking concrete, he’s about to ask why he stopped when he looks over his shoulder and finds Yoongi pinning Jimin against the fridge, there’s some marks on his neck that he doesn’t remember leaving and his heart is rapidly sinking to his stomach.

They both look like deer caught in headlights and Jeongguk suddenly doesn’t want to be here anymore. His voice comes out shaky when he speaks “I think I should go.”

Yoongi smirks at him “Yeah, maybe you should”

Namjoon turns and places both of his hands on Jeongguks shoulders, he has a sympathetic smile on his face he gently starts walking him out of the apartment, he hasn’t even looked at Jimin, everything about what’s happening is so cruel the shock hasn’t even registered properly in his system. He just feels stupid.

He doesn’t even realize Namjoon walked him all the way to his apartment door until the familiar welcome mat Tae bought at a yard sale is in front of him, Namjoon is still there and he realizes he’s waiting for him to open it.

“Hey, uhm I know what it looked like back there and I’m sorry you had to see that but I promise you, that was very one sided. It’s really complicated and I would like to explain because it’s clear you’re attracted to Jimin.”  Namjoon says softly, and him saying that really put the nail on the coffin because as soon as those words register on his ears he nervously runs his fingers through his hair, its there and then that he realizes he left his bookbag in Namjoon and Jimin’s apartment so he can’t even dive into his coping mechanisms because his laptop is in his fucking bag.

He slaps his key fob on his scanner and opens the door, he turns to say his goodbye to Namjoon who just pulls him into another hug.

“It’s gonna be okay friend, if you wanna cry go ahead”

He sniffles and shakes his head hugging him back “No, not gonna I’m just gonna watch some things on my phone and pass out, thanks for walking me. I appreciate that”

Namjoon nods and lets go of him walking backwards out of the apartment.

“Goodnight Jeongguk”

He gives Namjoon a tight smile “Goodnight Namjoon” he says before closing the door.

Namjoon stands outside of Jeongguk’s door and sighs loudly before he turns grumbling “Jimin you fucking idiot”  to the hallway.


	3. belly of the beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tae snaps, jimin snaps, namjoon's had enough.

Tae wakes up in the middle of the night, his one-hour power nap must’ve bled into full on sleeping because when he rolls over and looks at his alarm clock its ten at night. He huffs, he mentally curses his family genetics for both blessing and cursing him with being a heavy sleeper.

He rolls out of bed, he remembers Jeongguk promised to make him some chicken noodle soup when he got back from the cafe, Tae looks under his door and he can tell that none of living room lights are on. That’s strange, last time he checked Jeongguk doesn’t cook in the darkness.

He sticks his feet into his slippers before stepping into the living room, he inhales sharply trying to smell any signs of Jeongguk or his cooking but all he smells are the vanilla candles he put on their coffee table and a hint of Jeongguk’s cologne.

“Gguk?” he calls out, his voice echoes a little in the apartment and the silence is really freaking him out, even at this time Jeongguk is usually playing videogames or showering but he literally hears nothing aside from the hum of the fridge in the kitchen. He passes by the light switch and flips it on, momentarily going blind by the brightness and grumbles. He walks to Jeongguk’s bedroom door and knocks a couple of times “Gguk?” he waits a minute but when Jeongguk doesn’t answer he opens the door. Jeongguk is passed out face down, ass up, with his boots on.

Tae just stares, that doesn’t look comfortable he also notes that him being asleep this early is never a good sign, something must’ve happened after he left the café. He frowns, Jeongguk said he would have the conversation with Jackson and Yugyeom tomorrow so that eliminates that as the possible source of this weirdness, the only other person who could’ve really done something to substantially ruin his mood is Professor Lee or Jimin. Tae scoffs, if Jimin is stupid enough to do something after he warned him and trusted him Tae is going to be pissed.

He walks over to his sleeping form and pulls his phone from his hand which is still playing some sort of video on YouTube, looks like he fell asleep watching something video game related because he hears random explosions coming out of the cellphone’s speaker. He rummages around for his charger before plugging Jeongguk’s phone in, Tae walks to the end of the bed and to tugs at his boots meeting a hefty amount of resistance. Jeongguk has always had a bad habit of tying his shoelaces military style, so when Tae inspects the boots and sees how tight the knots are on his boots, he just opts to pull them off forcefully the movement jolts Jeongguk in his sleep and he falls on his stomach, Tae looks up when he hears him groan. “Hey sleepyhead, go back to bed, just taking your boots off” he says softly.

Jeongguk flips onto his back and rubs the palm of his hands into his eyes before sitting up and looking at Tae, his eyes are puffy and red and it looks like he’s been crying.

Tae starts rubbing his hand up and down Jeongguk’s leg, a comforting gesture “You okay?”

Jeongguk takes a deep breath before exhaling loudly, his shoulders are slumped like he’s harboring an enormous amount of regret.

“Me and Jimin did things”

Tae narrows his eyes, that’s still not a big reason for Jeongguk to look like he’s in emotional distress so he questions him a little more. “..Things like hand holding or things that are Rated R” he says while he takes off Jeongguk’s socks before balling both of them and tossing them in his hamper.

“Uhm – well we went back to his place because he apparently saw a glimpse of the tattoo on my side and wanted to see it properly. I wasn’t exactly fond of stripping in the middle of the elevator but I also wanted to show him regardless, so I suggested we go back to his, because you where hibernating – anyways he kind of took me to his room and was sitting there looking like he was expecting a lap dance” he pauses, a blush is slowly making it’s way up his neck “I kind of took my clothes off and grinded on him?”

Tae blinks – once – twice like the statement he’s hearing is one of the most difficult sentences someone has said out loud in his presence “You grinded on someone? You don’t even like it when people touch you when you’re trying to get laid”

Jeongguk nods “Yeah, I surprised myself too. Anyways he asked me if he could touch me so I let him and it was good – I uhm – I was really into it and we kind of started to kiss and dry hump each other before Namjoon walked in on us”

Tae has to hold back his laughter because he can imagine how big Jeongguk’s eyes might’ve been when Namjoon walked in on them, he stands and plops down next to Jeongguk on the bed and props his head up on his hands. He feels like a school girl listening to all the juicy details about his best friend and his crush.

“Sounds like you had a fun night, that doesn’t warrant the hurt expression you have on your face though”

Jeongguk smiles and it’s all wrong. It’s a tight lip smile and it looks like someone put something sour in his mouth and he’s trying to keep a straight face.

“Namjoon is nice, he’s a hugger and hugged me after we had properly introduced ourselves, a task that was pretty difficult to do with a hard dick but nevertheless a very wholesome human being – I kind of feel bad for filing all of those noise complaints now” he pauses and swallows the lump in his throat “He was clipping at some bonsai tree he had in the living room before he started telling me about some smoothies he had in the kitchen cause Jimin’s obsessed with them and led me there”

Jeongguk lays down again and faces Tae, his voice comes out softer now “I didn’t really get to see much but there was enough evidence to assume, Jimin was pinned against the fridge by Yoongi and he had love marks on his neck in areas I know I didn’t leave. Namjoon escorted me out and walked me to our door and made sure I knew it’s okay to be upset, but he also told me that it wasn’t what it seemed like, it was also then that I realized my bookbag was still in his room.”

Tae’s frowning now, he’s livid on the inside because he literally just had this conversation with this boy a couple of hours ago. Now his mind is running at a hundred miles per hour, thinking about all types of violations he’s going to inflict on him for hurting Jeongguk. He literally took that conversation they had with a grain of salt.

“Oh Gguk, it’s okay, we’re going to figure out what Namjoon meant. Just get some rest okay?”

Tae smiles, something deadly and gets up.

Jeongguk looks at him confused “I don’t like that smile.”

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna start a late dinner ok? Just hop into the shower and get comfortable.”

Jeongguk nods his eyes narrowing as Tae walks out of the room, he goes to the kitchen and puts a serving for two of rice in the rice cooker, he turns and pulls the garbage bag out of the trashcan and walks out of the apartment. He makes his way to the trash shoot and dumps the garbage bag before making a beeline to Namjoon and Jimin’s apartment.

The minute he’s facing their door he starts banging on it with force. Fortunately for him the inhabitants of this apartment don’t keep him waiting for long and because ten seconds into his rampant knocking a boy a lot shorter than him with mint hair opens the door, based off of the description Jeongguk gave him this must be Yoongi.

“What the fuck is the problem?”

He pushes door open with his hand and steps inside bumping Yoongi’s shoulder hard on the way in.

“Move aside candyass, I have beef with you and you’ll get yours soon enough but I’m here to retrieve Jeongguk’s bookbag.”

“You have ten seconds to get out of my apartment before I call the cops” Yoongi calls out from behind him

Tae turns in the middle of the hallway starts walking backwards and stretches his arms out in a mocking fashion “Tiny man is gonna call the police to an apartment he doesn’t even own, ooh spooky”  

Tae stops when he comes across what looks like the living room to find who he can only assume is Namjoon passed out on the couch with a How to Take Care of Your Bonsai Tree for Dummies book on his chest.  He places his hands on his hips, takes a deep breath and yells “PARK JIMIN!”

Tae yelling makes Namjoon shoot off of the couch and land on his ass, book flying into a corner in the room. He feels a tiny bit sorry considering he kind of helped Jeongguk but then again he’s Jimin’s roommate and he will not be spared from his wrath.

A door to his left opens, Jimin’s head peaks out his hair is sticking out in all sorts of directions and his eyes are still closed when he mumbles “What?”

“Nice of you to be enjoying your sleep, I just woke up to no chicken noodle soup and my roommate explaining to me how you not only felt him up but let whatever the fuck that is” he says as he points to Yoongi “ ruin whatever image Jeongguk had of you!”

Namjoon stands, his voice is rough with sleep when he starts speaking “Hey, there’s no need to yell. I’m Namjoon, is he okay?”

“I know who you are, you escorted Jeongguk back to our place while these two hobbits went to town in Isengard, to answer your question no he’s not and I would prefer it if these two could make up their mind about their relationship and stop dragging others into it”

He hears Yoongi close the door of the apartment before he walks past Tae, bumping his shoulder purposely and practically collapses on the couch Namjoon was just sleeping on “Make a short joke about me again and I’m busting your kneecaps in your sleep”

“That’s a lot of bite for someone who probably has to hop to reach the top counter, I’ve learned a lot about you today you wasabi stain.” he sneers at Yoongi before focusing on Jimin, “and you, I’m here to pick up Jeongguk’s book bag, I had a lot I wanted to say to you but I don’t think I want to bother anymore.”

Jimin’s face is unreadable but he nods and then disappears from the door and coming back a second later with Jeongguk’s book bag. Tae reaches out and practically yanks it from him.

Jimin’s playing with the sleeves of his long-sleeved pajama shirt looking anywhere but at Tae “Can I go with you? I want to talk to him, explain things if possible...”

Yoongi scoffs “Negative, you’re staying here”

Namjoon claps, his hand are interlocked and he looks like he’s about to blow up. “How about we stop treating people like objects?” it sounds like a rhetorical question but Tae can tell that jab was meant for Yoongi.

Yoongi just shrugs and leans back against the couch and crosses his legs “I don’t like people touching my boyfriend”

Jimin brushes past Tae, takes three purposeful strides to the couch until he’s standing in front of Yoongi, he’s glaring down at him and his hands are twitching. Tae remembers the first time Jeongguk got pissed at him after drinking his banana milk coming home drunk one night. Jeongguk didn’t speak to him for a week, he was all sharp gazes and intimidating postures when Tae tried to make conversation with him, it wasn’t until he bought him the same brand in bulk did he actually forgive him.

Staring at Jimin now he believes Jimin just overthrew Jeongguk as singlehandedly being the most terrifying human being when angry, there’s a certain way he’s carrying himself right now that screams “I am capable of flaying you alive.”

He’s not even fucking doing anything besides standing there in a long sleeve and blue shorts, there’s no logical explanation on this planet that explains the way this sleepy boy just shifted the emotional atmosphere of this room. The air around them is so unsettling, aggressive, and thick with tension he feels like if he lit a match up in this room everything would blow up.

He’s watching Jimin’s facial expression and there’s a muscle working in his jaw – he looks like he’s about to start swinging at Yoongi. Namjoon doesn’t even look like he’s going to stop Jimin so Tae steps forward cautiously, reaching out to hold him back “Uh, Jimin, let’s not do something you’ll regret, we can go to my place and you can talk to Gguk yeah?”

When Jimin speaks again his voice is calm and laced with venom “You are one of the most miserable human beings I have ever met, I really want to know what I did wrong to come across you”

Tae winces.

Yoongi’s face is stoic “Watch your fucking tone with me Jimin.”

“You are a leech and you drain people of their happiness, you only support me when it’s beneficial for you and you have me around like I’m some sort of fucking trophy boyfriend that you only pay attention to when you want to fuck and show off to your pretentious friends.”

Namjoon mumbles in the back.

Jimin lets out a shaky breath before continuing.

“You deserve to be alone, Yoongi, you’re not a good person and you’re not going to drag me down and suffocate me with your toxicity. This thing between you and me has gone long enough and I’m fucking tired of waiting and expecting you to change.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at that “Ah, let me guess because the neighbor is all puppy eyed around you suddenly have all the fucking confidence in the world to talk to me like I’m a piece of shit? You wouldn’t have what you have if it weren’t for me, things that you willingly took may I add”

Namjoon finally steps in and places his hands on both of their shoulders. “I don’t think you guys should talk to each other right now, Jimin do you mind leaving the apartment for a few? I need to talk to Yoongi.”

Jimin glares at Namjoon who is unfazed “First of all, last time I checked my name is under this apartment, so he should be leaving. Second of all it’s almost 11 at fucking night where am I supposed to go?”

“I’m not sure if you remembered me telling you to come over before you spat daggers at this emotional dumpster here” Tae butts in.

“Why would you let me into your place after what I did?”

“Because after witnessing whatever the fuck” he motions between Jimin and Yoongi “that was, there needs to be a round table with bullet points, I got so much whiplash from that conversation alone that I don’t know who’s the asshole between the two of you anymore.”

Jimin cocks his eyebrow at him, he can still feel Jimin’s aggression rolling off of his posture in waves “You think I’m an asshole?” he asks

He hums and thinks about it, he doesn’t think Jimin is an asshole per say, he just thinks he’s a person who by proxy is associated as an asshole for his shitty decision making because of the people he hangs out with. But most of his opinion is heavily leaning on the fact that Jeongguk is hurt because of him.

“The best way I can describe what I think about you can be summed up by a Sims relationship bar, you insisting you weren’t a bad guy after telling your story gained one hundred points towards to building friendship, you hurting my platonic soulmate? Back to square one, I have no reason to believe what you said is true but it’s also not in my place to assume it’s not true. In simple man terms, you’re going to have to make it up to me and Gguk.”

Jimin grumbles and walks back into the room he exited from, Namjoon and Yoongi are staring at him and normally he likes the attention but Tae decides to step away from the literal human manifestation of wet socks and waits by the door. A few minutes later Jimin comes back out with an overnight bag with toiletries and a change of clothes and makes his way over to him.

“Are you expecting to sleep in my home after what you did?”

Jimin is taken aback by this, his eyes widening. “I’m sorry, I just assum- nevermind, I deserve that” he sounds defeated and drops the bag. “Let’s go”

Tae’s heart is physically kicking in his chest at his rudeness because he’s not a mean person, this isn’t the right thing to do, so he picks up Jimin’s bag and pulls it over his shoulder.  

“Get the door, I was only kidding” he says, giving Jimin a soft smile.

Jimin smiles back at him and holds the door open for him, he’s less guarded and intimidating now, he just looks like a normal college student who needs to sleep for a couple of days straight.

They walk across the hallway in relative silence, when they reach the door instead of doing what a normal human being would do and take out his key fob, Tae just presses his ass against the scanner, rubbing against it until he hears the click of the unlocking mechanism. Jimin looks at him like he’s grown three heads.

He shrugs and pushes the door open with his knee cap “It saves me time okay?”

When they both walk into the apartment, Tae can smell the fruity scent of Jeongguk’s shampoo in the air, and he drops both Jimin and Jeongguk’s things by the shoe rack.

“Make yourself at home, I need to check on dinner” he instructs before going back into the kitchen.

When Tae comes across the rice cooker he finds that it’s been turned off and there’s a good portion of meat cooked next to it. He now understands why Jeongguk is washing his hair this late at night, he was trying to cover up the smell of cooking with his shampoo even though Tae instructed him to relax. Tae shrugs he can be mad at him later. He pulls two cups out of the top counter fills them with tap water and walks back to the living room where he finds Jimin sitting on one of the couches looking lost.

He hands Jimin a cup and sits on the floor across from him.

“Explain.”

Jimin opens his mouth, ready to talk when the bathroom door bursts open scaring Tae and Jimin, he glares at Jeongguk who steps out a moment later with his towel on his head, typing away on his phone. He’s wearing the same sweatpants from earlier except he’s missing his shirt and Tae doesn’t even have to look at Jimin to know he’s oogling at him. Jeongguk seems to be in his own little world because he’s completely oblivious to their presence.

Tae grunts and takes a sip of his water before speaking again “Hey, Magic Mike, put your goddamn shirt on we have guests”

Jeongguk’s head shoots up from his cellphone before he pockets it and covers his chest. There’s a blush spreading up his chest to his cheeks “Uh, what’s he doing here, and why does this look like an intervention?”

“That’s cause it is” he answers

Jimin just leans back and crosses his legs he’s still staring holes into Jeongguk who still hasn’t moved from the entrance of the bathroom. They’re locked in intense eye contact and Tae literally has to snap his fingers to get both of them to focus.

“You two are disgusting, please for the love of god put a shirt on and come sit”

He hears Jeongguk grumble and he disappears into his room coming back out with a shirt on and plops down next to Jimin. There’s an uncomfortable silence in between the three of them. Tae tilts his cup in Jimin’s direction, indicating him to start.

“Bullet points Jimin” he emphasizes

So, he starts telling them everything from the very beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soz for late and short update, next chapter is a huge flashback. it's done but im just revising lots. 
> 
> i had to split this monster into three chapters cause it's literally almost 18k words. be back soon :)


	4. poseidon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lengthy flashback, lots of angst and fluff. character development after this
> 
> tw for jackson's assault

When Jimin had met Yoongi he was a freshman in the University, he was told by his teacher the day before his ballet formal that person they hired called out sick and they’re bringing in a student from the Music Department to take his place. His expectations were low but regardless, he wasn’t really there for the music, he was there for the numerous sponsors attending the event. This formal was emphasized by his teacher as a huge opportunity to connect and butter up some well-known associates from Korean National Ballet.

It had been a few hours into the event when the crowd cleared enough for him to actually look at who was playing the piano. He was awestruck, the pianist’s fingers were rapidly moving over the keys playing one of Jimin’s favorite classical pieces. He could tell that he was exceptionally talented from the little bits of music he was zoning in on through the conversations he was having that day, but now, with Jimin’s undivided attention on him there’s just an aura around him that demands you pay attention to his music.

By the end of the night he was more interested in knowing who the pianist was rather than sticking his name into a conversation with people who could change the direction of his dancing career. This all seemed so tasteless and competitive, he had been interrupted one too many times this night by comments that hid sexual innuendos within them.

Jimin had excused himself from what could’ve been the hundredth conversation that night to step outside and get some fresh air, he was seriously considering leaving pretty soon. His dress shoes had been burning a hole into his heels all day and he feels the discomfort traveling up his spine with every step he takes.

Once he’s outside he takes a deep breath, he can still smell expensive cologne and perfume on him from all the touchy feely sponsors – he has a sneaking suspicion these people weren’t here for talent but to see what pretty face they could add to their company. He’s worked his entire life to have the skills he has he’s not about to have that watered down to a choice based off of looks.

He sighs, he’s about ready to go back in when a shadow darts from between two of the tall potted plants to his left. Jimin narrows his eyes and his fight or flight response quickly makes an appearance and he ground’s himself, he doesn’t know what the hell is behind that plant but he’s not about to turn his back on it.

“Hello?”

He doesn’t see the source of the movement and is rapidly chalking what he thinks he saw as a figment of his imagination when the pianist steps out of the shadows with the end of a pretzel stick coming out of his mouth. Jimin instantly relaxes, he doesn’t know how he was going to explain to the venue that he knocked out their only source of music for the night.

“You scared the shit out of me dude”

The pianist just rolls his eyes and chews slowly. “I saw you looking at me in there, do you want something?” his voice is rough but deep and Jimin is a little shook. He wasn’t expecting a voice like that to match with his face, he also wasn’t expecting to get called out on his blatant staring.

“It’s a venue, there’s music, I’m sure there where a lot of people staring at you” he responds defensively, the pianist just smirks at him and tucks one of his hands in his pockets and holds his other one out.

“My name is Yoongi, nice to meet you Park Jimin”

Jimin hesitates to take his hand, but does so nevertheless. His hands are just as rough as his voice and he has some callouses on his fingertips. When they let go Yoongi loosens the bowtie around his neck and unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt.

“How do you know my name?”

Yoongi just wordlessly opens the flap of his suit jacket to reveal tonight’s itinerary. Okay, so Yoongi isn’t some sort of crazy stalker.

“Shouldn’t you be inside? There’s some pretty important people in there.”

Jimin hums, acknowledging that he should indeed be in there mingling with people but his social battery has quickly depleted at the thought of selling his face to ballet companies. He wants to respond that he would rather be anywhere else but here but all that comes out is a small “I should be”

He cocks his eyebrow at that and just turns and starts walking away. Jimin supposes that’s the end of the conversation, Jimin curses at himself for being so awkward, he’s a good walking distance away from Jimin when he turns around.

“Are you coming?” he calls out.

And so, began his complicated journey to loving Min Yoongi.

\--------------------------

The first few months of knowing Yoongi had informed him that he was a student by day and an underground rapper by night. He emphasized his distaste for the educational system and his passion for music, he told Jimin he was only attending college because his parents threatened to kick him out if he didn’t take his life seriously.

By the time Jimin realized he had a massive crush on Yoongi he blindsides him and invites him to one of his shows. Jimin had been begging him for the last three months to take him to one just for Yoongi to quickly shoot down the idea before it manifested into a thought bubble.  It’s this very same show where he meets Namjoon and the Agust D and RM personas. When arriving at the address Yoongi texted him the only sign that told him he was at the right place was a bulky bodyguard standing in front of a rusty metallic door that looks like it leads to nowhere. The same bodyguard who almost tossed his ass to the curb if it wasn’t for the tall dimpled man who manifested out of thin air behind him dressed in a loose-fitting suit who lets him in.

“Hi my name is Namjoon, me and Yoongi are kind of like partners. For future reference if you ever want to come in here refer to him as Agust D”

Jimin narrows his eyes, confused “Who the fuck is Agust D”

Namjoon laughs loud and hard, it’s one of those laughs that jerks your body and it’s so contagious Jimin laughs with him. “Oh he’s spoken so much about you that I assumed you knew about that”

Jimin finds himself rapidly blushing at this statement, Yoongi talks about him?

Namjoon walks him through several twists and turns of hallways until they come out onto a dance floor, there’s strobe lights blinking rapidly and a loud beat blasting through the speakers surrounding a stage in the middle. This place is packed to the brim and he immediately starts to feel himself sweat. Jimin didn’t think this place was a club, he was envisioning an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere not some secluded club smacked in the middle of one of the most expensive districts in Seoul.

Namjoon takes some sort of lanyard off of his neck and places puts it on Jimin “Here, this should help you get a nice spot without any questions asked” before leading him to an area that’s closed off from the general public. Jimin assumes this is the VIP area because there’s a guy in front of the stairs that looks like he could easily snap his neck. He jerks his head in Namjoon’s direction, takes a look at Jimin then at his lanyard before letting them through. They pass a bunch of people who Namjoon greets – some with elaborate handshakes others with fist bumps.

 They’re all staring holes into Jimin when they pass by the booths and he’s starting to feel uncomfortable, the air in this area radiates arrogance and it’s making him gnaw at his lip nervously. Namjoon stops in front of some couches that are facing the stage and removes a reserved sign from the coffee table.

Namjoon turns to him the same smile from earlier on his face “You can sit here, I won’t be able to stay to give you an idea of what this place is, but before I go is there anything I can get you?”

“No worries, can I get some beer? I don’t really care what type I’m not picky!” he says as he sits down

Namjoon nods and snaps his finger at a nearby waiter who comes at an inhuman speed “Can you make sure he has enough beer to last him through the show? Also please put the privacy filter up, seems our guests don’t understand that staring is rude”

The waiter listens intently before running off and coming back with a tray full of different types of beers and places it on the glass coffee table in front of Jimin.

“Alright, I’m going to get going. Keep your eye on the stage!” Namjoon says before he runs off, the waiter pulls a screen that blocks him out from the general view of the participants in the VIP area and Jimin finally relaxes.

He picks up one of the beers and takes a sip before pulling the bottle away from him immediately – the fucking beer even tastes expensive. He’s no alcohol connoisseur but he’s pretty sure that if something alcoholic tastes good it must cost money, he’s in the process of pulling out his phone to search the brand of the beer when the music abruptly stops and the crowd collectively loses their shit.

Jimin is confused as he overlooks the scene in front of him before Namjoon and another person dressed in all white come out running on the stage and a new beat start’s blasting through the speakers.

Everything about this is chaotic and he has now idea what’s going on.

But then he hears him, he hears Yoongi rapping.

Jimin’s interest spikes rapidly and he stands searching the stage until it dawns upon him that the person in all white is Yoongi. Everything about what he’s rapping about is sharp and precise like a sniper bullet cutting through air to meet its target. He’s not even into rap like that but he’s seriously considering changing that because seeing Yoongi in his natural habitat should be considered a deadly weapon.

He chugs his beer before reaching for another one, his throat is rapidly getting drier, he really wasn’t expecting this at all. Namjoon is rapping along with him and they clash so beautifully together that no one needs to tell Jimin they’re a duo.

There’s a moment where Yoongi takes off his baseball hat and throws it into the crowd and he sees a bunch of partygoers fight for it and now he’s just confused. Jimin is seriously starting to think Yoongi’s a lot more popular than he lets on.

When the show ends he’s more than tipsy, he’s drunk on the atmosphere that Namjoon and Yoongi created and the beers he chugged in rapid succession. Someone pulls apart the privacy filter and Yoongi slides through and sits next to Jimin. He’s flushed and sweaty from all the yelling he was doing and he looks so good right now.

He pulls his phone out and looks at himself through the front facing camera and starts combing his hair back, once he’s satisfied with the way he looks he turns to Jimin. “How’d you like it?”

Jimin responds by yelling as loud as he can before grabbing him by the shoulders “That was amazing! You’re so talented, can I please use your music in my videos?”

Yoongi just smiles at him and says yes, if Jimin knew him asking Yoongi that question would change the dynamics of their relationship he would’ve just kept his mouth shut.

The first time he used Yoongi’s music in one of his freestyles was with Hoseok, the video racked a couple million views quickly and the comment section was filled with people asking him the name of the song and artist which he quickly linked to Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s SoundCloud. This was the first dance video posted by the studio that reached that many views so fast so they were through the moon at the results.

Their fame skyrocketed after that and Yoongi kept telling him to use his music because it was good publicity for all four of them which he agreed on. He remembers being in the middle of dance practice with Hoseok when the first and biggest wall of his problematic relationship with Yoongi built itself, his phone was ringing which cut through the music playing through the speakers. He jogs over to his phone to end the call but when he sees that Yoongi is calling him he answers quickly.

Before he even gets to say hello he hears Yoongi say “We got signed”

They had decided to celebrate by going to the venue that started it all which Jimin finally learned was called Bang. Everything that night was blending into a mixture of drinks and lights, Jimin was so happy for both Namjoon and Yoongi that it felt like he got signed with them. He was in the middle of the dancefloor dancing along to an upbeat song with Hoseok when Yoongi appears next to him. Hoseok smirks at both of them before he dismisses himself and heads off to the bar.

“I really couldn’t have done this without you” Yoongi yells over the music

Jimin shrugs, he’s not good at taking compliments “I’m glad it’s all working out for you. You can finally prove your parents wrong” he yells back ending with a smile.

Yoongi just looks at him with an unreadable expression before grabbing the back of his neck and pulls him in to one of the softest kisses he’s ever received. Jimin quickly responds back and takes his time mapping the outline of Yoongi’s mouth with his tongue before sucking on his bottom lip. Then angle changes and Yoongi is kissing him deeper now, the kiss is progressively getting filthier by the second.

Just when Jimin is really getting into it Yoongi pulls away with a shy smile and disappears into the crowd leaving Jimin in the middle of the dancefloor, his eyes are a little glazed and he’s having a difficult time processing that he just kissed his crush.

He ends up pinned to Yoongi’s mattress an hour later, their fingers interlocked when Yoongi pushes into him for the first time, he remembers moaning so loud at the intrusion that Yoongi’s next door neighbor banged on the wall in response. He remembers Yoongi giving him a few minutes to adjust, kissing his face, his lips, and neck before his hips began to slowly roll into him, reaching deeper – so deep that Jimin was sure he was going to feel him for the next few days.

He knew he wasn’t going to last long, there was a frustrating amount of sexual tension around him and Yoongi that finally having him inside had him so worked up he almost came on the first thrust. His breathing is erratic and he’s letting out staccato moans every time Yoongi slides impossibly deeper in him, he’s _so so so_ close to coming he can taste it on the tip of his tongue.

Yoongi’s leaning forward, slowing his pace a little and Jimin lets out a frustrated groan. Yoongi just laughs and kisses Jimin’s ear, his voice is rough and raspy when he speaks into it “I love you Jimin, thank you so much, please be mine” and that’s all it takes. Jimin comes with such an aggression that his body bends and arches off the bed there’s a guttural scream leaving his lips before he’s shooting white up onto his chest. Yoongi has to let go of his hands to hold his hips down and chase his own release fucking Jimin way into oversensitivity.

His hands are shaking when he holds Yoongi’s face in between his hands and he nods “I’m yours, fuck, you have me”

\--------------------------

Everything after that day was different. One would assume having a really successful boyfriend fueling your ambitions by fueling his ambitions with you in the center was something good but Jimin started to realize rapidly that wasn’t the case here. He remembers venting to Hoseok about Yoongi’s increasing demands to make more videos with his music in it. It wasn’t that he wasn’t supportive of his boyfriend, it’s just that he had other songs he liked to dance to.

They’re 6 months into their relationship when Hoseok drops a nuke on him.

“Do you think he might be using us for fame?”

The question catches Jimin off-guard because he wasn’t thinking about it like that and although Hoseok quickly clarified that it was a joke it was like a new world was rapidly being revealed to him. Namjoon never asked them to play his songs aside from the casual text message telling them the song was out, but Yoongi? Every time something new was released he practically demanded that Jimin make a dance to it and post it on the studios channel.

That’s when the second wall manifested itself in the middle of their relationship. He loved dancing and he loved doing it because it was something he was born to do; he just didn’t like being forced to do something he loved because it completely removes the passion from it.

One day he musters up enough courage to tell Yoongi no and for the first time since their relationship was established Yoongi ghosts him, he doesn’t hear from him for weeks despite the numerous text messages he’s leaving his phone. He tried to apologize numerous times, even showing up to the studio where him and Namjoon work to have the security there turn him away despite the knowing he was with Yoongi.

It isn’t until Hoseok shows him a video of a rival from Hoseok’s dance class doing a dance cover to one of Agust D’s new song uploaded onto the studio channel that the dread fully sinks in.

Everyone knows that Yoongi only comes to Jimin for these videos, in fact when checking the comment section it’s filled with questions asking for Jimin rather than the usual support for Yoongi’s music and Jimin’s dancing. The video doesn’t reach the same successful viewing metrics that Jimin’s videos do, it’s clear to everyone and his rival apologizes to him profusely, he was just excited about working with Agust D, he didn’t realize that was something Jimin did.

Jimin knows he’s apologizing because it wasn’t successful, this guy has been riding his dick dry trying to steal any sort of opportunity from him to see him fall. He thinks he’s upset because the current record of Agust D videos finally has one that hasn’t done well with the studio’s fanbase when in reality, he’s severely wounded that his boyfriend – who has been ghosting him for weeks still has time to contact other people from the dance studio but not him. He pulls out his phone and just when he’s about to text Yoongi to demand they talk and fix the tension his phone vibrates in his hand, his heart sinking because of the preview messages displayed on the screen.

**Meowoongi:**

_I think we should break up._

_This isn’t working out_

Jimin starts having a full-blown panic attack in front of his studio classmates in a matter of seconds. What did he do wrong? Is this all because he said no to dancing? He’ll dance to the ends of the world for Yoongi if it meant he’d stay. His hands are shaking and he’s trying to unlock his phone but fails every time. Hoseok quickly comes rushing to his aid and gives him a water bottle to sip on.

“Give him some room you idiots, hey Minnie, I’m gonna count to ten, I need you to inhale until I reach ten then exhale for me okay sweetheart?”

The tears start coming immediately because what the fuck, it’s the first form of comfort he’s received from anyone the last few weeks and he just feels so alone. His boyfriend just broke up with him through text over something so incredibly petty that he can’t even wrap his mind around the thought.

He follows Hoseok’s instructions, his breathing eventually calms down enough for him to show Hoseok his phone who frowns before tucking the phone into his sweatpants pocket.

“Let’s not worry about that right now, you come first okay? How are you feeling?”

“I need to call him, I NEED to know what I can do to fix this”

Hoseok narrows his eyes at him before pulling him up by his shirt and drags him into the locker room. This conversation is something that everyone in his class shouldn’t be hearing. He forces Jimin to sit down on one of the benches in the men’s locker room before squatting down in front of him, hands clasped.

“I want you to repeat what you just said to me”

“I need to fix things Hoseok, he’s probably been sending me signs about my behavior and I didn’t even see!”

“Are you listening to yourself right now? Everything was going fine, you guys where over the moon and all of a sudden because you don’t want to dance on command for him anymore like some puppet he wants to break up with you? Do you understand how dehumanizing that is?”

Jimin is silent as he takes everything Hoseok is saying in, Yoongi would never think of him like this. He’s lying.

“Jimin you’re one of the most talented people I know, the sky is the limit for you, there are endless possibilities laid out for you to take, you can’t let someone reduce you to a dancer that only uploads videos when he wants you to.”

Jimin nods along, he’s not actually hearing what Hoseok is saying to him anymore, he’s thinking of ways to make it better he just wants Hoseok to get off his back so he can think properly. Hoseok just looks at him, really looks at him and he could tell that Jimin wasn’t listening so he just sighs and leaves.

Jimin books it out of there and makes his way to Yoongi’s studio, there’s no security this time so he puts in the pin to Yoongi’s door that he remembers by heart. When he walks in finding Yoongi lounging on the couch and tapping away at his phone, looking unbothered like he just hadn’t sent Jimin a text half an hour ago that gutted him. He doesn’t even acknowledge his presence.

“How can I fix it”

No response, so Jimin sinks to his knees and crawls over to him. He has his own ways to make Yoongi talk. He unbuttons Yoongi’s pants sloppily, his hands are still shaking from the panic attack when he pulls his cock out of his pants and sucks on the still soft head. The only indication that Yoongi was remotely interested in what was going on below his waist was the white-knuckle grip he had on his phone.

Jimin slowly swirls his tongue around the head before he feels Yoongi’s cock start to get hard in his mouth, he’s about to start bobbing his head to suck him properly before Yoongi’s hips stutter and he’s cumming into Jimin’s mouth. His eyes have yet to leave his phone and he continues to type away at the offending object, Jimin leans back and swallows slowly, there hasn’t been a time in their relationship where Yoongi didn’t watch him do that, but here he is, on his knees, with his boyfriend staring holes into his phone instead of looking at him.

“You’re forgiven” he finally speaks and Jimin breathes a sigh of relief but it’s short lived when Yoongi shows him what exactly he was looking at on his phone.

Yoongi was watching the video his rival had uploaded to the studio’s channel on loop, more specifically a section of the freestyle where he does a very enticing body roll and Jimin wants to puke.

“Don’t you ever embarrass me like that again, I have a suit ready for you for an awards ceremony that’s coming up, pick it up tomorrow and I’ll text you the details.”

\--------------------------

When the awards ceremony comes two months later Jimin feels like a showcased monkey, everywhere Yoongi went he followed. He never made small talk with anyone at the event, Yoongi kept introducing Jimin as the dancer that started it all, not his boyfriend and his mood was rapidly deteriorating. None of these introductions left room for Jimin to actually talk to anyone, he didn’t even want to be here, he wanted to be at home cuddled up with Yoongi watching a movie.  

Jimin ends up excusing himself after Yoongi drags him to another group of patrons that night and it falls on deaf ears, just like his presence is barely acknowledged his departure doesn’t catch anyone’s attention. He’s making his way over to the snack table when he feels a pair of large arms around his waist pulling him into a spine breaking backwards bear hug.

He’s .2 seconds away from knocking whoever the hell is touching him out when he smells the familiar woodsy smell of Namjoon’s cologne attacking his senses and he visibly relaxes.

“I haven’t seen you all night!”

Jimin turns and hugs Namjoon properly, finally someone who he can talk to.

“Hi Joonie, yeah, Yoongi’s kind of keeping me around him all night, I just excused myself to get something to eat”

Namjoon nods along while they walk to the snack table, there’s an equally tall man stand there with broad shoulders whose face lights up when he spots Namjoon. Jimin’s eyebrows are threatening to shoot off of his forehead when Namjoon practically runs to him and places a bunch of kisses on the man’s face, not caring about PDA at all.

Once Jimin is actually in standing distance of the two men his heart is beating violently in his chest, Namjoon is so open with his affection for this man that it’s catching the attention of a few others around them but they’re in their own little bubble. His veins feel icy with liquid jealousy running through them.

“Sorry Jimin where are my manners, this is Seokjin my boyfriend. He’s the one that’s keeps me pushing all this time, kind of like you and Yoongi!”

Jimin blinks because no – this is not like him and Yoongi, maybe in the beginnings of their relationship when Yoongi would kiss him with every chance he had whether it was in front of all of his classmates or the other underground rappers in Bang. When Yoongi would stop by the café with his favorite flowers. When Yoongi would send him snippets of songs he’s writing about Jimin, but now? He has to fight for his attention by flooding Yoongi’s cellphone with memes or pictures of cats that remind him of Yoongi for him to just respond with “lol”.

There would be times when Jimin would wake up in the middle of the night with Yoongi inside of him, Jimin is all for spontaneous sex, it’s an indication that Yoongi still finds him attractive. But being rudely awakened by your boyfriend who reeks of alcohol, who whispers acidic “I love yous” and “thank you” into his skin while he’s getting fucked awake is definitely something he wishes he wasn’t used to because he knows that once he falls asleep, Yoongi is going to be gone in the morning.

So Jimin just smiles when Seokjin shakes his hand because he would rather have scraps of what Namjoon and he have than being used the way he is right now.

The three of them are locked into an intense argument about what the best form of breakfast was, pancake or waffles but just when Jimin is about to insist that French Toast is far more superior than the two the lights dim – an indication that the awards are about to get handed out. He leans over Seokjin’s arm to look at itinerary he’s holding to check the nominees for the Best Upcoming Artist award that Yoongi told him about and finds that both Namjoon and Yoongi are on there, but they’re separated.

“Why are both of you on here as individuals instead of as a duo?” he curiously asks Namjoon, who just responds by giving him a tight lip smile. Never has he seen Namjoon give him an uncomfortable vibe like that and he’s very confused as this new development.

When they announce the Best Upcoming Artist and Agust D wins he stands on his tippy toes to look for Yoongi in the crowd to find that he’s already going up the stairs, holding the hand of some woman before he reaches the podium. The announcer hands him the award and he’s staring wistfully at it, like it’s the prettiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on in his life.

Jimin however feels his mind running at a hundred miles per hour, who the fuck is this woman and why is she so close to Yoongi?

Yoongi clears his throat “I’m sorry I suck at speeches so bear with me everyone” he ends with a laugh, the crowd laughs with him and someone whistles in the back.

“I’d like to thank all of my fans out there for giving a boy from Daegu a chance at sharing his music with you, to my best friend Namjoon also known as RM for making me work harder, I really couldn’t have done this without you pal” he pauses, he kind of looks like he’s going to cry. Is he going to mention Jimin?

“There are a lot of people out there who could make your hard work matter but there’s no support on this planet that matters more than your significant others” he pauses again and Jimin’s heart is thumping violently in his chest, he’s about to step forward when Yoongi speaks again “Seulgi, baby, my number one supporter, I love you so much thank you for sticking by my side through it all.” he says to the woman next to him before landing a kiss on her lips.

Jimin stops breathing, he feels lightheaded the thumping in his chest ceases to a halt as the world slows down around him. The overwhelming smell of the salami and cheese from behind him is keeping him grounded to this moment and he wants to get out right now. Seokjin’s hands are on his shoulders, his thumbs are rubbing small comforting circles into them, he tilts his head towards Namjoon and although Seokjin’s speaking fairly loudly the only thing Jimin can hear is the blood rushing in his ears with the sudden betrayal he feels.

“What do you need? You wanna get out of here?”

He nods, he can’t speak, his heart feels like it’s lodged in his throat. Namjoon quickly pulls out his phone calls someone before jerking his head in the direction of the exit, all three of them are stepping out and despite the fact that he can still hear Yoongi’s voice ringing in his ear announcing to everyone in this ceremony that he’s dating a woman, the whispers around him are louder. It doesn’t take a wise man to know they’re talking about him, he wants to curl in on himself and eat seven tubs of ice cream by himself in a dark room.

They’re outside and Namjoon is in the middle of the street looking around for what he can only assume is his driver when the waterworks finally start, a sob wretches out so hard from his chest he falls onto his knees. The shock is finally settling in and the pain is traveling through his entire body, he wouldn’t wish anything he witnessed tonight on anyone.

He’s crying so hard his vision is blurred within seconds, he feels Seokjin’s arms around him rocking him side to side and he knows it’s supposed to be a comforting gesture but it makes him cry harder. He wishes it was Yoongi holding him, not someone he just met an hour ago. It’s literally baffling him that someone he barely knows give more fucks about him than the person he considered his boyfriend.

Seokjin pulls Jimin up by his armpits and walks towards Namjoon’s car, all three of them squeeze into the back before Namjoon gives his driver an address he doesn’t recognize and starts driving.

His hands are in his hair and he’s tugging roughly at the roots, this has to be some sort of sick nightmare he can’t wake up from. He’s waiting for his alarm clock to wake up him up any minute now so he can wake up in his bed surrounded by his stuffed animals but nothing happens.

The car is quiet but Namjoon’s phone keeps ringing and it pulls him away from his thoughts, when Namjoon looks at the Caller ID, he makes a face and quickly presses the red icon, sending whoever was calling him to voicemail.

When the car finally stops they’re in front of some fried chicken place, Jimin is ushered out and tucked into a booth near the front of the cashier, he’s not crying anymore but there are still sobs hiccupping in his chest. Seokjin sits in front of him and holds his hands out “Hold my hands Jimin” so he does, the sobs start dying down when Seokjin starts rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles. By the time Namjoon comes back with their orders he’s holding the tray with both hands and he has his phone tucked under his ear.

He drops the tray gently onto the table before properly grabbing the phone “Yeah, I saw the speech and heard it, yeah thanks for the shout out”

He quickly realizes Namjoon is talking to Yoongi, he mouths to Namjoon “has he mentioned me?” Namjoon squints at his mouth and shakes his head.

Namjoon looks off into the distance and rolls his eyes “Party? Dude no, it’s two in the morning I’m getting food with Jin and Jimin right now and we’re probably gonna go back home, what? No that doesn’t even make sense I just want to spend time with my boyfriend and my friend? You know what whatever Yoongi goodnight” Namjoon says before he hangs up

All three of them are quiet before Seokjin speaks up “Okay, I’m going to be upfront with you, you don’t know me and I don’t know you but your ‘boyfriend’ is a fucking dick”

Jimin laughs and slaps Seokjin’s hands who shoots him a small smile, they make some small talk over their food and the friendly banter about pancake and waffles comes up again. By the time they’re done the sky is turning a shade pink indicating the sun is coming up. Jimin hadn’t realized he spent all night out with Namjoon and Seokjin, what makes it even worse is that his phone hadn’t rang at all.

Namjoon sends him home in a taxi and demands he gets some rest. When he arrives to his dorm room the weight of his phone feels like it’s burning a hole through Jimin’s slacks, Seokjin had put his number in his contact list so they could keep talking, he however couldn’t help himself, he opens the text thread with Yoongi faster than he could process what he was doing. The last seven text messages he sent Yoongi where a row of hearts, he smiles bitterly before he clicks on his contact info and blocks his number. No more of this.

Two months pass by Yoongiless and he’s doing a lot better than expected, he’s expanding his dancing and is confident enough to do the intermediate breakdancing course with Hoseok. He regularly hangs out with Seokjin who manages to get him a job at the University café so he could save up enough money to move out from the dorms. It’s on the third month of him doing great without Yoongi that Namjoon comes by his shift at the café and surprises him with a key fob to an apartment complex not too far from campus and hands it to him. That’s the second time in his life he cried his eyes out in front of Namjoon, there isn’t a person on this planet who is as caring and as loving as he is and he appreciates him so much.

He moves in relatively quickly, excited to be on his own when he realizes that some of Namjoon and Jin’s things are in the apartment as well. When Jimin asked him about this Namjoon shrugged bashfully and told him that he likes Jimin’s company and it gives Jin an excuse to visit much often. They quickly settle into their own routine and before he knows it six months have gone by without him speaking to Yoongi.

He remembers coming home one night after one particularly long practice session in the dance studio, his limbs aching when he encounters an anomaly, the usually empty parking lot of his apartment complex now has a black sedan parked with a bow on it. Jimin narrows his eyes at this oddity, who the hell is stupid enough to leave something like this out in the open? He’s walking to the front door of the complex, ready to take his keys out when he hears footsteps behind him and a familiar pair of hands on his waist.

Jimin tenses, his hands automatically clenched into fists.

“Get your fucking hands off of me”

The same gruff voice he fell in love with two years ago sounds foreign in his ears “You blocked my number”

“Yoongi, let go of me, I’m not going to tell you twice”

He hears him hum before he pulls Jimin flush against his chest and fully wraps his arms around him. “Missed you Minnie”

Jimin doesn’t know what demon possesses him to snap but his elbow comes back so hard on Yoongi’s face that he hears and feels something break under it. Yoongi pulls back with a howl and when Jimin turns around he’s cupping his nose, there’s blood dripping through his hands and on the white shirt he’s wearing.

He’s ready to apologize but the suppressed anger and hurt he’s felt for the last six months is rapidly bubbling to the surface. There was a time in his life when Jimin realized that the only way people took him seriously was through aggression, just because he had a pretty face didn’t mean his general distaste for bullshit could be dismissed. Staring at Yoongi now he’s just another prime example of a person who took it a step too far.

“Okay, holy shit, ow!”

“You have some fucking nerve showing up here”

“You’re the one that vanished during the most important night of my life” Yoongi grumbles, he takes off his shirt and bunches it up around his nose.

Jimin blinks and scoffs “I think you’re forgetting the part when you announced to about a hundred fucking people that you were fucking a woman and completely invalidated my existence after parading me around like some trophy whore.”

Yoongi just stares at him, his eyes are a little glazed and wet with unshed tears from the blow to his nose. So Jimin continues to attack him both verbally and physically, he pushes Yoongi back and he almost trips over his feet

“To add insult to injury, you didn’t even check up on me, you didn’t even realize I was missing until Namjoon fucking told you we were eating chicken. It’s honestly embarrassing that Namjoon’s boyfriend who I knew for no less than two hours had treated me with more kindness and respect than you had in the six months we were together”

Yoongi grumbles some nonsense before digging one of his hands into his pockets and pulls out a key and holds it up.

Jimin stares at his hand confused.

“What’s with the key?”

“Jimin if you don’t want anything to do with me that’s fine, but accept this birthday gift from me, it’s not the model you wanted but it’s still a Maserati”

What the fuck? Yoongi bought him a car? Yoongi bought him a fucking car?

“You bought me a car?”

He nods, wincing a little in the process. Jimin reaches out and takes the key slowly and inspects it.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch, just a happy late birthday present from me, jusrememberedyoulikedPoseidon” he slurs

Jimin bites his lip, he’s always wanted a Maserati for that particular reason and he can’t believe Yoongi remembered when he was drunk rambling about it. He remembers discovering the car brand when he went through his Percy Jackson phase and was obsessed with anything Greek, the infamous trident on the car made him feel a little closer to his favorite god Poseidon and he made it his life goal to own one.

He finds himself smiling before he can stop himself. “Thank you”

Yoongi nods before turning around “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go to a hospital, I’m pretty sure you broke my nose”

“You deserve that”

Yoongi hums in agreement “Yeah, I kind of do”

After Yoongi dropped off his gift he slowly started to slither back into Jimin’s life, at first it was by sending him innocent good morning text messages from his new number, which eventually escalated to him visiting Jimin at the café and writing songs in there until it was time for Jimin to leave. It was clear to everyone that Yoongi was courting him again, Jimin just didn’t want to acknowledge it he was still healing from the fuckery he pulled six months ago.

\--------------------------

They’re three months into their new established friendship when Yoongi kisses him after a late-night laser tag double date with Seokjin and Namjoon. Their relationship quickly rekindles after that and they’re boyfriends again and everything is seemingly going great, he’s coming to each of his practices and shows off Jimin’s videos on his twitter page with captions supporting him.

Then the Jackson incident happens and the final and hardest wall of their relationship builds itself higher than the last two. He remembers smoky eyed Jackson Wang making his way into studio with Yugyeom, he remembers watching the boy sign up for classes there and when looking at his application saw that the reason he was here was to get better. The first time he actually danced with Jackson he was incredibly impressed, for someone who wrote how much he didn’t like his dancing in his application he was doing great keeping up with the intermediate class of dancers Hoseok taught.

The night Jimin gets assaulted by Jackson he’s wearing his baggy sweatpants and one of Yoongi’s Agust D graphic t-shirts. Hoseok had to run out early to meet with some old friends he had in town and he asked Jimin to close up, Jackson had been hounding him for weeks to teach him a specific move set only he and Hoseok knew. Jimin was naïve enough to actually believe that Jackson had pure intentions from the start, he didn’t give Jimin any creepy vibes for him to suspect he was up to something.

“Jackson you need to straighten your leg a little more when the kick comes up” he instructs, he’s been circling him for the last few hours and his words aren’t reaching their mark, he could be imagining things but he actually thinks Jackson has progressively been executing the move worse every time. He sighs and look at his watch, he’s supposed to meet Yoongi in an hour for dinner and he still has to go home and get his clothes.

Jackson tries the move again, this time his legs ceases midair and he drops it forcefully before he clutches his thigh in apparent pain. Jimin rushes to him and inspects his thigh, he can see the muscle spasm and he knows without asking that Jackson just caught a cramp.

“Alright, let’s call it a day we can work on this tomorrow okay?”

Jackson limps away and he’s panting hard. His brown hair is sticking to his forehead and he’s sweating up a storm while he heads to the locker rooms. Jimin does his nightly rounds and make’s sure everything is locked and secured the way Hoseok showed him and he waits by the exit.

Jackson has him waiting for ten minutes before he reappears through the male locker room door, there’s a misty cloud following him from the hot shower he took. “Sorry today wasn’t my best dancing” he murmurs.

Jimin cocks his eyebrow at the statement, Jackson doesn’t seem to understand we all have bad days, Jimin notices that every time he makes a mistake he’s a lot harder on himself than he should be. He reminds him a lot of his older self when he felt like he had something to prove to the world, so Jimin being the nice person he is just hugs him and pats his back before pulling back.

“You remind me a lot of the old me, I was exactly like you. I felt like I had to prove a point to everyone that I could be super masculine and still do ballet, if I could I would punch old me in the face. He’s very difficult to look at”

Jackson stares at him for what seems like an eternity before he leans in and crashes his lips against his. Jimin is so shocked by the kiss that he just stands there and lets Jackson mangle his mouth. Jackson takes his reaction as submission and ends up tugging Jimin’s hair effectively pulling his head back before he starts leaving open mouth kisses and bites all across Jimin’s neck, it’s when Jackson bites on the tender spot where shoulder meets neck that Jimin moves.

He shoves Jackson back so hard he hits the door with enough force to make the sign on the outside rattle. He rubs his hand furiously on his lips, he feels fucking disgusting.

“What. The. Fuck”

“Jimin?”

“Why the fuck did you do that”

“I’m confused, you’ve been giving me signs for the last couple of weeks?”

Jimin fixes with him a ludicrous expression, what the hell is Jackson talking about? He hasn’t spoken more than five words with this boy outside of the studio.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I have a fucking boyfriend Jackson”

Jackson scoffs “You’ve been praising me since I’ve been here, don’t be a tease Jimin”

“It’s a goddamn dance studio, we support each other because we’re a family!”

Jackson is silent for a second before he speaks again “But you were so friendly to me? I thought you were interested in me.”

Jimin is panting now, he’s so fucking angry he feels his blood boiling under his skin.

“I don’t want to see your face in this studio ever again, you’re withdrawing from the classes, and you are banned from the fucking premises. If I see your face in here I’m calling the police”

“Come on that’s a litt-“

He holds his hand up “Jackson I am a person, you just sexually assaulted me because I was being friendly to you. Leave before I kick your ass”

Jackson huffs – he opens the door and steps out of the studio, slamming the door behind him. Jimin doesn’t wait for him to start walking away he leaps at the door and locks it right away. The tough guy forte he put on is quickly crumbling and he makes a beeline for the locker room, taking off different articles of clothing until he’s stark naked under the hot water and starts scrubbing at his skin until it’s raw and red.

When he gets out of the shower he feels numb but his skin feels tingly like static, somewhere in the distance he hears his cellphone is ringing. He follows the messy trail of clothes he left behind and picks up his pants, answering without checking the Caller ID

“Jimin? Where are you, I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes”

“Oh… right I’m sorry I got caught up with something”

He hears Yoongi sigh “It’s whatever, I’ll cancel the reservation, where are you now? You can just come to my place and we’ll eat takeout”

Jimin finds himself nodding along to Yoongi’s words even though he’s not there “Still at the studio, I’ll meet you soon” he hangs up on Yoongi, he digs through his locker to find the extra pair of jeans he keeps in there in case of a spontaneous club night. When Jimin finishes dressing himself he’s standing in front of the door, he looks side to side inspecting the sidewalk searching for Jackson. Once he feels like the coast is clear he unlocks the door, steps out and locks it quickly, he goes to the side and starts pulling down the chain to lock the guard rail in place.

He’s still looking around hectically there’s a hefty amount of adrenaline running through his veins in fear of Jackson not taking his threat seriously, he’s expecting him to pop out of any dark crevice between the vehicles and finish what he started inside of the dance studio. Once he’s done locking the guard rail he practically sprints to his car and locks himself inside, he’s sweating from the fear induced adrenaline running in his veins.

He’s ten minutes into his mental freak out when someone knocking on the window of his car scares ten years off of his life span. There’s a hooded figure looming over the car, looking at Jimin with concerned eyes – he motions for Jimin to put the window down which Jimin shakes his head profusely at. The stranger rolls his eyes before he breathes on Jimin’s window until it’s condensed with the heat from his breath – the fuck is this guy doing?

He watches the stranger write “R U OK?” on the condensed area with his finger on the window and Jimin blinks, he couldn’t have just asked him with his mouth instead of almost killing him prematurely from fright?

Jimin rolls the window down an inch, his eyes narrowing at the stranger. “Why aren’t you talking?”

The stranger shifts his weight on his feet while he looks down at Jimin “Usually when someone is freaking out they need silence to gather their thoughts I didn’t want to intrude”

He doesn’t even know why he’s talking to this guy but it makes him feel a lot safer than sitting in his car in the dark, so Jimin gets out of the car and stands next to the stranger. He’s wearing a black hoodie, a face mask, some blue skinny jeans and a pair of Nikes. There’s a bag of groceries hanging from his wrist.

“Want some banana milk? It always makes me feel better” the stranger wiggles the bag that is hanging off of his wrist

Jimin stares at his feet and shakes his head, he can’t have any dairy. He needs to keep his body tight and strong so he can execute his moves properly for the showcase, it might be nine months away but Jimin doesn’t want to risk anything.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me why I was freaking out?”

The stranger shakes his head “Not going to force you to do something you don’t wanna do, sometimes all it takes is the presence of someone else for someone to calm down, so whenever you’re ready you can talk, if you don’t want to that’s fine too – but I’m not gonna move until you’re well enough to drive”

Jimin is stunned at the sudden paradox he’s in, first someone does something to him without his consent and now there’s someone telling him he won’t ask him about his situation unless he’s comfortable speaking. Who is this guy and why is he treating him with so much patience and kindness?

They stand there for a couple of minutes in silence before Jimin speaks “I was sexually assaulted”

The stranger hasn’t been doing much besides standing there humming some song he vaguely recognizes, but when Jimin speaks those words into existence he visibly tenses.

“I mean – I uhm – I wasn’t raped but someone did something to me without my consent? I don’t know if it’s assault or not”  Jimin stammers, he doesn’t know why needs to clarify this he knows what happened and it’s still burning fresh into his skin but the memory of what Jackson did to him half an hour ago seems so far away he’s not even sure he knows what he’s talking about anymore.

“Hey, hey it’s okay, take it slow” the stranger says to him in a soft voice, he almost looks like he wants to reach out and hold Jimin but he refrains from doing so, touching someone in an emotionally volatile state isn’t the best idea.

“Are you hurt, should I call the police?” he speaks again

Jimin shakes his head and bites his lip “That’s the thing..he just kissed me and did some inappropriate touching in places, which is why I’m unsure this is an assault”

The stranger frowns at him “If he did something that was remotely sexual to you without your consent its assault okay?”

 Jimin nods breathing a sigh of relief, the reassurance from another person both unsettles him and assures him on the turn of events tonight.

“Good, what does this guy look like? Do you need help reporting this?” his shoulder are squared up now and if Jimin squints hard enough he’s pretty sure he’s puffing his chest out he just can’t see much of it under his oversized hoodie.

Jimin wants to laugh at the sudden display of dominance and intimidation, it’s that burst of happiness that makes him remember with a jolt that Yoongi is still expecting him and curses out loud.

“Fuck, I’m sorry but I have to go. Thank you so much for taking the time to check up on me”

The stranger nods and steps back when Jimin hops into the car and start’s driving away, Jimin looks at him from the rear view mirror and see’s he doesn’t start walking away until the car is a fair distance from the curb he was just parked at.

The fifteen-minute drive to Yoongi’s house is uneventful – he’s so giddy to see his boyfriend he’s shaking with excitement. They literally saw each other last week but Yoongi had to go away for a few days to recruit some people with his production agency. Jimin parks the car and practically sprints to the house and finds that the door is already unlocked, Yoongi is on the couch watching something on Netflix and Jimin practically tackles him when he sees him. Yoongi’s chest vibrates with a small laugh, he tangles his fingers into his hair and kisses his forehead softly.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of Yoongi’s neck and inhales sharply. He always loved the way Yoongi smelled – always the same brand of Calvin Klein cologne that smells sharp but mysterious.

“You hungry? I got your favorite.”

Jimin just shakes his head he’s so caught up in his boyfriends kisses that it’s at that moment that tonight’s events hit him like a semi-truck and his heart ceases so violently in his chest he chokes on his spit. He’s coughing hard and Yoongi starts smacking his back while he leans over his body reaching for one of the water bottles on the coffee table before handing it to him.

“Babe? You good”

Jimin shakes his head again before he opens the water bottle and takes three big gulps while Yoongi rubs circles into his back. When he feels like he can talk again he clears his throat, his palms are wet from the condensation of the bottle, something akin to raw panic shoots up his spine when he sits up and rubs the palms of his hands on his jeans. He can feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat and he’s pretty sure the remaining residue on his hand is no longer water but the liquid manifestation of his nervousness.

Yoongi inspects him, his eyes sharpen into a scrutinizing gaze “Jimin? Do you have something you’d like to say to me?”

He licks his lips and exhales slowly, his shoulders are shaking and he tucks his hands under his legs to stop his bones from rattling inside of him. Why is it so difficult for him to talk to his boyfriend but not a random stranger who almost scared the piss out of him? Jimin has nothing to fear, Yoongi would probably kick Jackson’s ass once he found out – but there’s this nagging feeling in his gut that tells him not to say anything, he has this sinking suspicion that he’s not gonna like what Yoongi says but he takes the leap anyways.

“Jackson Wang sexually assaulted me”

Yoongi is silent for a second before he shifts and leans back.

“I told you to stop being so friendly to him, now look at the situation you put yourself in”

Either Jimin still has water in his ears from the shower he took earlier or he just clearly heard his boyfriend blame his assault on his personality. It feels like a bucket of icy cold water was just dumped on him, he actually cannot believe what he’s hearing right now.

Yoongi sighs, he sounds exasperated “I mean seriously Jimin you know you’re attractive you probably where giving him the wrong idea when you decided to mentor him or whatever the hell it was you’ve been doing”

Jimin scrambles off of the couch and makes a beeline for the kitchen, he feels his face settle into a blank stare a complete contradiction of the storm he feels bubbling underneath the surface of his skin. There’s such a volatile mixture of anger, sadness, and fear within him right now he’s not quite which one is making him feel like he’s about to burst but he’s not about to let Yoongi see him cry about this.

“Where are you going now? I got your favorite food!” Yoongi calls out from behind him

Jimin doesn’t answer him, once he’s in the kitchen he starts to furiously dab away at the tears that are threatening to fall out of his eyes. He gives himself a mental peptalk and remembers what the stranger told him, it doesn’t matter what others say – if he wasn’t consenting it’s assault, it isn’t his fault Jackson is a piece of shit. When he feels like he’s composed enough to leave the kitchen he walks out, Yoongi is still watching TV. Jimin doesn’t want to be bitter about his lack of care but he supposes his K-Dramas are a lot more important than discussing the events of tonight so he whisks away through the backdoor of Yoongi’s house.

He hermits himself for a week, he calls out of work claiming he’s sick and although Jin knows it’s a lie he doesn’t question his decision any further when he relays the message to their manager. He’s been ignoring Hoseok’s worried text messages and Namjoon’s attempts to talk to him in the apartment, he’s also not surprised to find that Yoongi hasn’t texted him either, he’s used to this lack of care.

Jimin has an entire tub of ice cream on his lap and Spirited Away playing on his television when Seokjin barges into his room catching Jimin with a spoon of ice cream in his mouth. He looks at Seokjin like he’s been caught red-handed and Jin just fixes him an unamused stare before he flicks the light switch on, basking Jimin’s room in an unnaturally shiny light. Jimin winces and rubs at his eyes.

“You have ten minutes to explain to me why you’ve been holed up in your room for the last week and look like an ice cream stealing gremlin”

He glares at Seokjin and pulls the spoon out of his mouth with a pop points it in his direction “You are banished from my safe haven, leave now or face my wrath”

Jin rolls his eyes before he swans dives onto Jimin’s bed and takes the tub of ice cream and spoon from him. Jimin grumbles “not your ice cream” before he wraps himself in a blanket, effectively turning himself into a human blanket burrito.

“Why have you been holed up in here all week? We’re worried sick Jimin”

Jimin stares ahead at the television, he hasn’t really spoken to anyone besides the parking lot stranger and Yoongi about what happened with Jackson and after the reaction he got he’s pretty sure he’s not going to bother opening up about it ever again. But this is Jin – Jin who has seen him at his worse, Jin who has treated him with nothing but kindness since the day they’ve met, there’s not a bad bone in this boy’s body and there’s guilt pooling in his stomach. The fact that his interaction with Yoongi has riddled him with insecurities enough to sway him away from speaking to one of the most supportive figures in his life is a giant red flag.  

“I don’t think I can say it out loud” he says softly

Jin hums and lays on his back, he starts playing with a piece of stray string from Jimin’s comforter “If you need to, you can text it to me. Not leaving this room into I can make a smile pop up on that adorable face”

Jimin wants to thank the Kim bloodline for blessing him with two understanding best friends because if he was in Seokjin’s position and had to deal with Jimin’s attitude he would’ve snapped already. Jimin pulls one arm from under his warm cocoon picks up and unlocks his phone before he’s starts typing away in the Note app on his phone what happened in the studio. Once he’s done, he hesitantly hands the phone to Jin who takes it from him.

He’s watching Jin’s expression as he reads along, his eyes are darkening with each sentence he reads and he can tell when he reaches the part where Yoongi blamed the assault on him because of the tight grip he suddenly has around his phone. Once Jin he’s finished reading he looks at Jimin and his eyes are glossy with unshed tears before he envelopes him in a bone crushing hug.

“I’m so sorry, I wish I knew”

He shakes his head “There’s nothing you could’ve done, at the end of the day I told him never to come back and if he did I was going to call the cops on him”

“That wasn’t what I was referring to, Yoongi hasn’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary with you. That’s not how your boyfriend is supposed to reply to you being attacked in a place you considered your safe haven”

Jimin doesn’t really know what to say besides whispering a small “thank you” to Jin, this support would’ve probably came a lot sooner if he wasn’t such a chicken shit and spoke about it to his friends.

“Does Hoseok know?”

Jimin shakes his head again – he wouldn’t want to tell Hoseok. He’ll probably blame himself into an early grave, he’s such a caring person Jimin is not quite sure how he’s going to handle the guilt of knowing his partner was assaulted in his studio. It also doesn’t help that Hoseok has been eyeing to buy that studio for the last year and a half now and he really doesn’t want to screw the reputation of it up.

Jin sits up and rubs his chin deep in thought “Jimin do you really think it’s wise to not tell him? I mean from what I understand Jackson is a pretty popular individual who knows a lot of people in the studio, won’t they ask question at his sudden absence?”

He really didn’t think about that, Jimin was honestly just going to let life take it’s course and see what it’ll bring him next time he steps foot into the studio.

“Is it bad that I was just gonna wing it?”

Seokjin fixes him with a hard gaze “Your safety isn’t a joke Jimin, get up we’re going to talk to Hoseok”

Jimin sighs before he rolls off of his bed, he already had a hard time psyching himself up to type the conversation in his cellphone but having a full-blown conversation about this isn’t something that he’s going to enjoy having with Hoseok. Jimin remembers how relatively quiet the walk to the studio was, he still doesn’t know how to properly start this conversation and he’s definitely not just going to rip the Band-Aid off of the wound and start the way he did with Yoongi. It’s when they step foot into the studio that his nerves unravel and the calm and serenity that had been running through his veins just a minute ago is quickly replaced with anxiety and nervousness. Everything that happened a week ago is coming back to him in hot flashes.

He doesn’t realize he’s been standing at the front door until he feels Seokjin tug at his wrists to let a family pass through the door. He stares at the kids looking around at the walls in wonder and the universe just gave him another reason why he can’t tell Hoseok what happened, kids come here and he can’t ruin that for him because he didn’t know how to turn off his friendliness. His throat feels like gravel and the gears in his brain are slowly screeching to a halt – he can’t do this.

“Jimin!”

His head snaps up when he hears Hoseok’s familiar bubbly voice call out to him, he has a smile on his face that’s shining brighter than the morning sun. Hoseok runs up to him and hugs him so tight – Jimin can physically feel Hoseok’s hug pulling the bad thoughts plaguing his mind out and before he knows it, he’s crying into Hoseok’s shoulder.

Hoseok’s looking at Jin over his shoulder with concerned eyes he mouths “what happened?” to Jin who just shakes his head and points to the back where his office is at. Hoseok doesn’t stop hugging Jimin and they shimmy their way to the back, once they’re locked away from the outside world Hoseok runs over to his mini fridge and pulls out a water bottle for him and sits on his desk.

“So… what happened?”

After ten minutes of silence it becomes apparent to both Hoseok and Jin that he isn’t going to speak so Jin just pulls out Jimin’s phone and hands it to him.

“Look at the note application on the phone, he’s not going to talk.”

Jimin both loves and hates Seokjin at this minute, he doesn’t even remember when Jin took his phone but the minute Hoseok’s eyes start scanning the contents of his phone the bubbly expression he had on his face dissipates and he feels the air in the room shift.

Hoseok pinches the bridge of his nose, before he runs his hands through his hair “This... is definitely not what I expected especially after what I’ve been hearing”

Seokjin narrows his eyes at that “What have you’ve been hearing?”

“Well everyone who knows Jackson said that they where secretly seeing each other – hence the late-night dance practice sessions, anyways people said he left because Jimin was stringing him along cause Jackson found out he was still with Yoongi?”

Jimin regrets not kicking Jackson’s ass now – he’s both a pathological liar and a shithead. Here he is struggling not to ruin two peoples lives and the catalyst of all of this just told the world he has feelings for him. He laughs so hard at the situation he’s in that it catches both Jin and Hoseok off guard.

“He had personally asked me to teach him a move set we where working on Hobi, I said yes because I want to see everyone in here strive to their fullest. I thought he was straight, I thought that me complimenting him was friendly dance etiquette to PUSH him to be better, nothing of what I did should warrant what he did to me.”

Hoseok crosses his arms and starts pacing back and forth, he looks deep in thought but his gaze is calculated, after a minute or two he finally stops.

“Let’s report him” he says with finality, Seokjin hums in agreement.

Jimin is immediately against the idea “Absolutely not, I’m not letting the reputation of this studio get tarnished by him”.

Hoseok looks at him like he just told him he was a piece of shit and Jimin instantly regrets his words “Jimin I don’t know if I should be offended that you think I care more about this piece of property than someone I consider my best friend, this place is materialistic to me you’re someone I deeply care about and for this to happen right under my nose – the one time I leave you to close nevertheless makes me feel partially responsible.”

Jimin feels like he’s getting scolded he honestly had good intentions and didn’t want to upset Hoseok. In the end both of them drag Jimin to the campus police station and make him file a report against Jackson, Jimin’s hands are shaking the entire time when he hands it to the campus officer.

He remembers leaving the police station and Hoseok and Jin telling him never to hide things like that, they don’t think they’re capable of handling a scare like that again.  Jimin jumps back into his normal routine and before he knows it two months pass by uneventfully. Jimin recalls deleting and typing the “we need a break” text message to Yoongi before he finally sent it, Yoongi doesn’t reply to him as expected but starts doing something a lot stranger and downright disrespectful. Instead of giving him the space he needs he opts to throw production parties at his and Namjoon’s apartment where Jimin is forced to acknowledge his presence and pretend he’s a piece of furniture when he catches him with a fan in his own home.

It becomes relatively easier to ignore Yoongi after witnessing all of that in his home, he doesn’t blame Namjoon or anyone around them for not knowing what’s going on with their complicated relationship. On the surface to others they look like the power couple everyone admires, a dancer and a musician – but below it all there’s a vortex – a maelstrom growing in size filled with all of the toxicity, trust issues, and insecurities he’s been experiencing since Yoongi started calling him his boyfriend. It isn’t till a boy with a bunny smile enters his life soon after that Jimin realizes that Yoongi is finally starting to acknowledge that he’s lost Jimin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of made yoongi seem a lot meaner than i wanted to but i promise only ups after this!


	5. friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimin is thirsty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big yeet. get this chapter away from me

 

When Jimin finishes telling his history with Yoongi Jeongguk is officially off the rails uncomfortable. There were a lot of things in that story he has to process because  _wow_ he wasn’t anticipating this much negativity and toxicity from a single human being. On top of it all he had to hear in great detail what someone he considers a best friend did to him in a moment of praise. When he looks over at Tae he looks as equally disturbed as he feels – he doesn’t know how to start talking after all of Jimin’s dirty laundry got thrown in the air like that.

“Well, that’s me”

They’re a few minutes into the awkward silence when Tae’s head perks up “Wait, a stranger approached you and asked you if you wanted to drink some banana milk?” Jimin nods at him “He was kind of weird to be honest and I’m pretty sure he was drunk, but I’m ultimately grateful for him because I’m pretty sure if he hadn’t approached me I would’ve been in a ditch” he pauses and stares at his hands “my hands where shaking the entire time I had them on the wheel of the car before he arrived”.

Tae shoot’s Jeongguk a glance and he’s suddenly very confused – why is Tae asking Jimin all these questions?

Tae stands and puts his cup down on a Mario themed coaster his brother got him for Christmas and runs to Jeongguk’s room yelling “I’ll be right back!” leaving Jimin and him alone in the living room to stare at each other and Jeongguk shrugs, he has no idea where he’s going with this.

Tae comes out a minute later with several pair of Jeongguk’s Nikes and it clicks, Tae is under the impression that Jeongguk probably stumbled out of some party and helped Jimin.

“What are you doing?” Jimin questions

“Well, call me crazy but I’m pretty sure you’ve two met before you just don’t know it because Jeongguk was probably A.Trashed or B.Trashed, Jimin – Jeongguk has a really bad but predictable habit of stumbling into grocery stores when he’s drunk to buy an excessive amount of banana milk” he says as he arranges the shoes in front of Jimin “Now Jimin, do you recognize any of these shoes? Do they belong to your mysterious savior?”

Jeongguk watches Jimin scan them for a minute before he points at a red and black pair “Those, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to forget the color”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes and interjects “Tae those are some of the most popular pair of Nikes on the market right now, literally everyone has them”

Tae shushes him before he runs back into his room and brings out his entire wardrobe of oversized hoodies and Jeongguk has laughter threatening to bubble out of his mouth at the lengths Tae is going to prove to him and Jimin they’ve met. It’s a little silly at this point but he indulges in the activity nevertheless.

He makes him wear several different oversized hoodies, none ringing a bell to Jimin. He’s in the process of snagging the last hoodie ready to give up when Jimin gasps loudly, making both of them stare at him.

“That’s the hoodie”

Tae’s holding up a hoodie Jeongguk got from his first gaming convention, he remembers they only had it in two sizes too big for him but he still bought it nevertheless. “Are you sure?” Tae asks him unsure and Jimin nods slowly so Jeongguk takes it and puts it on pulls the hood over his head.

Jimin is looking at him like he’s the most precious thing on this planet, he stands up and starts analyzing him from head to toe – his gaze feels heavy on Jeongguk and he knows this is supposed to be a moment of realization but there’s nothing innocent about the way he’s staring at him. It feels like his gaze is scorching a trail down his body as he analyzes every little detail of the way his hoodie hugs his shoulders but drapes over the rest of his body.  

Tae and Jeongguk are quiet during Jimin’s staring – they’re giving him a minute to grasp that Jeongguk might’ve been the person who pulled him aside that night.

“Well?” Tae asks him

Jimin licks his lips, snapping him out of his daze before he looks Jeongguk dead in the eye and gives him one of the most beautiful smiles he’s ever been graced with in his life. He feels his cheeks burning and he wants to hide.

“Jeongguk, it was you.”

Tae screams next to him and it makes him jump. He has his fingers knotted into his hair as he starts running laps around the apartment “Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy  _FUCK,_ Jeongguk how do you manage to do this shit subconsciously?” he pauses behind the couch and to catch his breath before he starts running laps around the apartment again, screeching in the process.

Jimin is still looking at him and Jeongguk gives him a small smirk “Well – do you want some banana milk now?” Jimin responds by slapping his arm and laughs – it’s such a lovely laugh that it floods his stomach with butterflies, his fingers are itching to pull Jimin in and hug him but he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know where they stand and after hearing all of that he’s quite sure Jimin needs a break from people.

Tae’s freak out eventually stops and he comes back to his original spot next to Jeongguk, he’s panting and points at both of them “So wait where does this leave both of you? You two seem to like each other and from what I understand Jimin is pretty much single”

Jimin nods “I do like Jeongguk – but uh I want to take things a little slow if that’s okay? I want to get to know you and Tae better, I’ve been in the same relationship with someone for the last two years of my life and I’m pretty sure I’m socially inept at this point” he ends with a laugh.

Jeongguk thinks they’re way past slow considering his hand was literally touching his dick earlier but chooses not to comment on it and dismisses the thought. Tae and he agree with Jimin before they both bring their fists together and look at Jimin who’s staring at their hands confused.

“What are you guys doing?”

“In this house when we come to an agreement we fist bump, since you’re technically part of our nerd cave you must fist bump”

Jimin cocks his eyebrow at the statement before he shrugs and fist bumps both of them at the same time.

Tae stretches and yawns “Now that all of that mess has been established, I’m taking my pretty ass to sleep. I have to rehearse tomorrow morning with the rest of the band and need to be in tip top shape – goodnight to you both and good luck Gguk” he says as he makes his way to his room.

They both tell him goodnight and as soon as Tae’s door closes Jimin surges forward and wraps his arms around Jeongguk, he burying his face deep into his chest.

His hands are frozen at his sides, he’s not sure what to do in this situation so he opts to bringing them up and playing with the little hairs on the back of Jimin’s neck. The action makes him nuzzle deeper into his chest and he laughs “You’re like a cat, you sleepy?” to which Jimin responds by nodding.

Jeongguk hums “You’re gonna have to let me go if you wanna go sleep” Jimin grumbles before he jumps and wraps his legs around him like a human koala. “Take me to bed now” Jeongguk snorts and makes his way to his room, he kicks the door shut behind him and dims the lights in his room.

It’s once they’re inside that Jimin releases his hold on Jeongguk and looks around. Jeongguk doesn’t let anyone besides Tae come in here, he has a lot of expensive equipment and personal artifacts that mean a lot to him and doesn’t trust others in here. He turns and takes off the hoodie and shirt he has on and throws it into his closet, once he turns back around he finds that Jimin is staring at him with the same gaze from earlier.

He hears him inhale sharply and shakes his head “Of course you sleep shirtless, with a body like that I would too”

Jeongguk cocks his eyebrow at him “What?”

“Gguk you’re fucking hot, I don’t know if I’m going to keep my hands to myself if we sleep in the same bed”

Jeongguk’s ego is astronomically high right now, he hadn’t realized how much him being shirtless is affecting Jimin now that he knows he feels awfully bold so he starts to clean up his room, flexing his muscles unnecessarily every now and then. He feels Jimin’s eyes burning into him, once he feels like his room is “clean” he turns to Jimin again.

He looks like he’s in a trance but the heavy blush covering his face is enough to let Jeongguk know how affected he is by all of this.

“Which side of the bed do you usually sleep on?”

Jimin blinks at hearing his voice and clears his throat “Right side, it uh, helps my joints.”

Jeongguk nods and starts pulling the comforter off of his bed and let’s Jimin climb in who immediately starts nuzzling his face into Jeongguk’s pillow and groans into it, he hears him mumble something about his bed smelling good and it being soft before he climbs in after him.

When he pulls the comforter over them it’s relatively quiet and Jeongguk thinks Jimin has fallen asleep, so he shifts and starts making himself comfortable. It’s once he finds a comfortable position, his eyes drifting shut when he feels Jimin’s hand wandering dangerously low to the elastic of his underwear that he realizes his visitor isn’t as asleep as he’s making himself out to be.

Jimin’s finger is doing some tantalizing circles around his belly button and he feels the skin prickle with goosebumps – this is definitely not slow, his heart is beating so fast he’s pretty sure Jimin can hear it. His finger eventually stops and Jimin rests his full hand on his stomach before he dips his pinky under his underwear and his hand slides under, touching the smooth skin of his pubic area before he fully wraps his hand around his cock and they both hiss at the contact

Jeongguk is fighting the primal urge to start thrusting into his hand but Jimin doesn’t move, instead he props himself up on his elbow and rests his head on his free hand and looks down at Jeongguk. He’s watching Jeongguk with a dark expression before he  _finally_  starts to stroke his cock, not enough to build pleasure but enough to tease him.

Jimin’s voice is deep with arousal when he speaks “You like being a tease hm Gguk? Like seeing what you do to me?”

Jeongguk nods, he’s not going to beat around the bush especially with Jimin’s hand down his pants. He just wants for Jimin to touch him and make him cum. He can feel his cock hardening at an alarming rate and he’s not sure how long he’s going to last.

Jimin’s smirks leans down and places a soft peck on his lips “Such a good boy, look at you laying there all pliant for me – gonna reward you mkay?” he doesn’t even get to respond because soon after Jimin is sucking and biting a trail down Jeongguk’s body, he pauses momentarily on his circular tattoo and sucks on the middle of it harshly until its purple and Jeongguk jumps. It feels like Jimin is trying to eat him alive, with the way he’s leaving behind a mouth shaped road of red and purple across his skin. When he reaches the hem of his boxers and sweatpants he lifts his hips enough for Jimin to pull them both down to his thighs and his cock springs free.

He tangles his fingers into the sheets in anticipation but Jimin’s eyes are darting from his eyes to his cock and the small bead of precum that’s slowly leaking out of his slit. Jeongguk realizes that Jimin is waiting for his permission – he nods at him and Jimin practically pounces on him.

“Such a pretty cock, so  _big_ , can’t wait to ruin you”

And it’s like a switch has been flipped. When Jimin’s lips wrap around the head of his cock a moan is punched out of him so forcefully he almost chokes on his spit. He gives the head a harsh suck and starts to lick down his length, following the trail of precum he missed like it’s the last thing he’ll taste in his life. Jeongguk thinks he’s close to death; he feels like he’s having an out of body experience and Jimin is only beginning.

Jimin stretches out below him and his chest is pressed against his thighs – an action that’s supposed to secure him in place, he feels Jimin confidence radiating in waves in this headspace and he’s absolutely terrified now. These are all calculated steps of a cock sucking veteran and his chest is rapidly rising and falling at the realization that Jimin is about to make a fool out of him and his dick. Jimin comes back up to the head and then lower himself, taking more and more of him into his mouth until his nose is pressed against his pubic area and his thighs are shaking from the pleasure.

Jeongguk practically shouts at the image in front of him, Jimin is looking up at him with glazed eyes like he doesn’t have his cock buried to the hilt down his throat “Jimin, Jim-  _holy shit_  I’m buying you so many fuckin’ smoothies” he groans loudly. Jimin smirks at him and his cock twitches – he quickly does a silent prayer to whatever Old God is out there watching him and pray he doesn’t blow his load in five minutes.

It’s when Jimin starts to bob his head on his length that Jeongguk’s moans become uncontrollable, he has to use the pillow to muffle his groans because he really doesn’t want Tae to walk in on him turning into putty because of Jimin’s mouth. The room is filled with the slurping noises Jimin is making and he’s sure they’re going to be ingrained into his brain for the rest of his life. Jimin is in the middle of bobbing his head down again, when he reaches down grabbing onto a fistful of Jimin’s hair and holds him in place – he can feel his throat constricting around his dick and Jeongguk’s pretty sure he’s about to pass out.

Jeongguk feels the familiar tingly sensation at the bottom of his spine indicating he’s about to cum and his hips are stuttering – he’s struggling to stay still. After a minute of holding him down Jimin gags and slaps his thigh and Jeongguk releases his head immediately. Jimin comes up taking a big gulp of air, there’s a string of saliva connected from his lips to the tip of his dick and it is the obscenest thing Jeongguk has seen in his life.

Jimin just shoots him another devilish smirk before he holds him down by the hips and takes him back into his mouth, immediately bobbing his head faster. “Holy shit, holy shit, wh-  _what the fuck_ ” Jeongguk groans out, his head lolls back onto the mattress with a thump and it’s fruitless to be quiet at this point so he clutches onto the pillow like a lifeline.

Jimin sucks and swirls his tongue on the head of his cock before taking him deep again and Jeongguk hisses through his teeth – he’s so so so close to cumming his muscles are spasming uncontrollably.

“Jimi-  _fuck_ JiminI’m gonna cum – please let me cum” Jeongguk begs, he can’t hold it off any longer, he feels like he’s been tiptoeing around his orgasm for ages.

Jimin hums acknowledging him “Don’t take your eyes off of me, watch me, look at me take you in – taste so good baby, wanna suck you dry”

He tries, he really does but the sight is too overwhelming for him and when they finally do manage to make eye contact his eyes widen. Jimin is looking up at him with the devil in his eyes and pulls his cock out of his mouth with a loud pop and licks the underside of his shaft before sticking his tongue out to its full length and he sees white.

The sight, his words, and the pet name push him over the edge and his orgasm hits him like a truck, he cums with a shout Jimin’s name leaving his lips and fuck Tae’s sleeping schedule – he just got his soul sucked out of his dick. He’s cumming so hard there are explosions behind his eyelids, Jimin wrap his lips around the head and laps at the slit to get the last few spurts and Jeongguk is sure his soul detaching itself from reality, he feels like he’s two seconds away from blacking out.

He’s reaching down trying to frantically pull himself away from Jimin’s mouth before he sucks him into oversensitivity. Jimin gets the hint and rests his cheek on his pelvic bone and watches him with hooded eyes. His skin is on fire and feels like there’s static going through his veins, he feels both weightless and heavy at the same time. He’s trying to wrap his head around the thought that this boy almost made him black out from a blowjob.

“Oh my god, oh my  _god_ , what the hell are you? How are you re– wait, am I being pranked, where are the hidden cameras? I want the producer of this show to know I have crazy stamina and can pop a hard-on in a second”

Jimin lets out an airy laugh at his comment and starts kissing his pelvic bone and rubbing soothing circles into his thigh, kissing his way up the trail of hickeys he left on his skin.

“No cameras baby, just you and me and the dick sucking void that is my mouth”

His throat feels dry and his voice is hoarse when he speaks again “Is that what people call taking it slow? Jesus Christ, I feel like my soul was ripped away from my body”

Jimin chuckles and straddles him – Jeongguk’s looking around for any signs of stray cum that he can wipe away with the tissue box next to his desk. When he finds none, he realizes that Jimin swallowed all of his cum and his brain promptly shuts down, the Windows XP shut down sound effect is the only sound ringing through his ears now. He makes a mental note to write Jimin’s mother and father a lengthy thank you letter for blessing this world with Jimin.

“You’re amazing, that was amazing – thank you so much” he says breathlessly

Jimin cocks his head, he has a coy smile plastered on his face “Did you just thank me for giving you head?”

Jeongguk scowls “That wasn’t head, you extracted my soul from my body with your lips and made me cum in the process. I demand you reveal your true nature to me succubi”

Jimin laughs and presses his lips against Jeongguk’s, he can taste himself on his lips and he’s not sure how he feels about it but he’s not going to stop kissing Jimin. They make out lazily for a few minutes before Jimin rolls over onto his back and yawns.

He pulls his sweats and boxers up with difficulty, his legs have definitely clocked out for the night. He rolls onto his side and kisses Jimin’s shoulder and the side of his neck. His eyes are drooping and there’s a small smile on his lips, he looks content with all the attention he’s receiving.

“Goodnight Gguk”

Jeongguk sits up so fast he’s lightheaded, despite his disorientation he scowls at Jimin – he’s not gonna brush his teeth after swallowing his cum? What kind of unhygienic dick sucking demon did he get involved with?

“Hey, wake up, unless you want to wake up in the morning with the ghost of my children haunting your morning breath, I suggest you go brush your teeth” Jimin doesn’t respond to him so he opts to poking his sides. He does this a few more times before it apparent that Jimin is in fact tapped out for the night he grumbles, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“Night Jimin”

Just when his breathing is evening out he feels Jimin put his arm around his waist and interlock their fingers. This little shit wasn’t sleeping at all – he just didn’t want to move! Jeongguk blames his racing heart on being pulled away from his half sleep instead of the boy who’s little spooning when he finally closes his eyes.

\--------------------------

Jimin wakes up to the sound of pans and pots rattling outside and an unrecognizable warmth, he opens one of his eyes and sees a very muscular arm wrapped around his waist tightly and someone’s warm breath on the back of his neck. He subtly starts shifting so he’s lying on his back and he stares at the other inhabitant of the bed. Jeongguk is fast asleep – his mouth is open slightly and Jimin sighs. Jeongguk is so cute he’s going to combust, Jimin leans in and places a soft kiss on his lips before he sits up and takes a good look at his room.

Jeongguk’s walls are coated red, there’s numerous movie and video game posters splattered all over the walls and there’s a framed signed Iron Man poster next to his desk. Typical nerd cave he thinks, the only thing that’s really missing is a game console. Jimin looks at the bottom of the desk and there’s a bag of what looks like camera equipment leaning against the leg of the desk and a tripod is on the floor, Jimin smiles and makes a mental note to ask Jeongguk to see his pictures sometime. He focuses his eyes on his desk and there’s a laptop on the desk that has a keyboard connected to it Jimin recognizes as the same brand Seokjin uses to play Maple Story, the only difference being that Jeongguk’s keyboard has a backlight that’s alternating between blue and white.

He looks above him and there’s numerous bookshelves littered with action figures, comic books, and old textbooks. He spots a framed picture of a younger Jeongguk and an older boy who looks similar to him, they’re smiling and eating corndogs together at what looks like an amusement park. Is that Jeongguk’s brother?

Jimin is about to get on his knees to pick the framed photo up when the door knob to Jeongguk’s room starts rattling and Jimin quickly scrambles to hide back under the covers. Jimin takes a peek at the door and Tae finally gets it open – he’s grumbling and carrying a tray of food over to Jeongguk’s desk and puts it down. Jimin sees him pull a sticky note from Jeongguk’s school supplies and writes a small note before scurrying out the room and closing the door.

Jimin sits up to look at whatever deliciousness Tae brought to Jeongguk’s room to see two plates in the tray and Jimin’s heart soars. These two boys are literal treasures – there’s two identical omelets on the plates each partnered with two stripes of bacon and a cup of orange juice for them both.

He looks out Jeongguk’s window and see’s the blue hue of dawn melting into morning and he scowls. How fucking early is it? He looks over at Jeongguk’s phone on the desk and see’s that he’s awake at the asscrack of dawn – the numbers 6:30 am are mockingly staring back at him and he suddenly feels very awful for the parties he’s allowed Namjoon to throw at their apartment if this is something Tae routinely does.

It’s too early for this and he’s gonna think of ways to make it up to them both after he squeezes a few more hours of sleep in him, so he crawls back under the covers and hugs Jeongguk’s naked chest until his face is pressed flushed against it and falls asleep instantaneously.

When Jimin wakes up again he’s alone, the spot where Jeongguk was laying is still warm. He sits up and finds that one of the breakfasts is missing and he’s a little sad, he wanted to wake up and eat his breakfast with Jeongguk. He’s about to reach over to the tray to start eating when he hears Jeongguk’s familiar voice on the other side of the door.

“ – brought you here to talk to you both about something”

“ – don’t wanna be here after you ignored what I said”

Jimin squints his eyes at nothing, that voice sounds a lot like Jackson’s following by the slam of the front door closing.

There’s silence for a second when he hears Jeongguk’s annoyed voice “Can you not slam my door?”

“Seriously, Jackson can you stop being a pissbaby for two seconds? This is critical, the round table was summoned and we must speak”

Jimin snorts, at that statement – that was definitely Yugyeom he remembers running past him when he was late for his dance class and caught snippets of a conversation of him explaining to someone an elaborate idea he had for Dungeons and Dragons.

“Thank you Yugyeom.”

Everything is silent after that, Jimin swings his legs over Jeongguk’s bed and stands on his tippy toes walking to the door and presses his ear against it. He truly doesn’t mean to intrude but he’s really curious to know how this conversation is going to turn out.

“Well?” he hears Jackson’s exasperated voice come through the door and honestly, Jimin doesn’t know how he dealt with that when he was in the studio. Jeongguk doesn’t deserve to be talked to like that

“Jackson” he hears Yugyeom warn and Jimin can tell he’s the peacemaker of the group just by the way everything falls silent again.  

“It’s about Jimin” Jeongguk says into the silence and Jimin heart skips a beat, he knows he can’t be seen but for whatever reason it feels like he’s physically in front of all three of them like some witness at a trial.

“What about Jimin? You here to tell us how head over heels you are for him after meeting him? You’ve known him literally for three days dude” he hears Jackson snap at him and Jimin is very close to walking out of Jeongguk’s room and punching Jackson in the face.

He hears Yugyeom snort, “To be honest, I don’t really care if J likes him or not, if they’re talking and my boy is happy then I’m happy for him. Just be careful y’know? Twenty years old and his last relationship was in high school, absolutely disgraceful”

“Hey! My major and hobbies take a lot of time out of my schedule I don’t have time to party like crazy like you two” Jeongguk replies defensively, Jimin smiles to himself at least he’s interested in someone with conventional hobbies that won’t change him.

“I’m sorry but can we get to the point as to why we’re here? I have a date with my computer and would rather get whatever this is out of my schedule as soon as possible, thanks”

As soon as Jackson says that Jimin doesn’t have to be in the living room to know that the air in there is tense. He can feel it coming through the cracks of the door and it feels very similar to how wind picks up just before a heavy thunderstorm.

“Why did you lie about Jimin?”

A heavy silence falls over the living room again, he hears nothing besides his steady breathing and the distant chirping of the birds outside of Jeongguk’s window. So much for the calm and collected approach, he doesn’t have to see Jeongguk’s face to know he’s pissed. There’s a jagged edge to the tone of his voice right now that demands seriousness.

“Uh, what? What are you talking about J?” Yugyeom questions, clearly lost.

“Let me reiterate my question – Jackson, when where you going to tell us that you sexually assaulted Jimin? Why have you been gaslighting the victim of something you misinterpreted and made him seem like the bad guy?”

Jackson still hasn’t answered and at this point if it wasn’t for the fact there was no indication that he had left Jimin would have assumed he was talking to Yugyeom only.

He hears Jeongguk scoffs followed by some shuffling and squeaking that sounds like someone taking their sneakers off. Jeongguk sounds out of breath when he speaks again “Jimin filed a police report you know? If you’re so innocent we can go down to the station and if there’s not a report there then I’ll apologize for attacking you – and if there is – Jackson I promise you you’re gonna regret this”

Jackson laughs and it sounds all wrong, its void of humor and full of malice “You threatening me tough guy? You gonna put your hands on me because you got some schoolboy crush on someone you met three fucking days ago?”

“Regardless if I like him or not the fucking point I’m trying to make here Jackson it’s the fact that you not only assaulted him – but you’ve been running your mouth to everyone you meet that you’re some love sick puppy who got his feelings hurt.” he pauses, Jimin hears the raw anger in his ears “You scared a human being so much he was afraid to report his assault Jackson, he locked himself away for a week before his friends literally forced him to file a report. Frankly, I’m disgusted”

There’s a loud thump, it sounds like someone dropped a heavy book when noise resonates through the door. His heart is racing violently in his chest, Jeongguk is not only defending him but he’s also confronting his attacker for him and exposing his lies. He’s so grateful for this boy he can’t put it into words. It’s also racing because he has a sneaking suspicion things are getting a lot more physical than verbal outside of the door and although Jimin can fight – he’s not sure he’s going to be able to fend off someone like Jackson or Yugyeom.

“Woa- jesus fuck calm the fuck down both of you. What the fuck are you talking about Jeongguk? What do you mean he filed a police report against Jackson?”

“I went to the Campus Police center and told the officers there I was Jimin’s sibling they showed me his report – his name is under it Yugyeom. I wanted to give him a chance to explain but he’s not answering the questions and sounds super defensive”

“Well I’d be fucking defensive too if you accused me of assaulting someone, jesus J are you listening to yourself?”

Jimin can’t hear any more of this – it seems like it’s a fight of two against one and Jeongguk is the one fending them off. He opens the door and steps out into the living room and three pair of heads snap to him in surprise. “Ah shit – Jimin I’m sorry we woke you up” Jeongguk apologizes immediately and it’s like a grenade blows up in his face, one second Jeongguk is walking over to hug him the next Jackson has him pinned against the wall with fury in his eyes.

Jackson has the fabric of Jeongguk’s hoodie bunched in his fists and when Jeongguk tries to fight him off he slams him against the wall again “What the fuck did you do to make him like you huh? I was pursuing him for fucking WEEKS and that little whore didn’t bat an eyelash at me, always with the “you’re doing so good Jackson, you’re getting better at this” bullcrap, I don’t even fucking like dancing!”

Jeongguk sighs and he looks so sad and hurt “Jimin is a person stop acting like he’s a thing you can groom into liking you. Apologize Jackson”

Jimin is both shocked and angry at the words Jackson is spewing at Jeongguk – he genuinely thought he was going to Hobi’s classes to learn how to dance better, Jimin really didn’t have the slightest idea that Jackson was so infatuated with him to the point that it was this unhealthy. He wants to curl in on himself because that’s another person who just decided to join in on something he loves to get to him and use him.

When Jimin looks at Yugyeom he’s looking at the scene in disbelief, he looks like someone just told him his pet died. He practically collapses on the couch at the shock of watching his friends and Jimin sighs, he really doesn’t want to be the one who has to get in between Jackson and Jeongguk but at the current state Yugyeom is in he knows he has to.

Jackson is still aggressively shaking Jeongguk. He can literally hear Jackson tearing the fabric of his hoodie, there’s a cat clock hanging on the wall right next to Jeongguk’s head that falls off the wall and breaks from the force he’s slamming Jeongguk with. Despite the predicament Jeongguk is in he’s still calm, he’s telling Jackson to relax and the words are flying over his head.

Just when he’s about to put Jackson in one of the holds he learned in some of the self-defense classes Seokjin made him take Jeongguk catches him by surprise. Jackson might be a lot more muscular than him but Jeongguk had upper body strength in the spades. He watches Jeongguk wring Jackson’s hands off of his hoodie before he pulls his fist back and punches him square in the jaw. The loud crack of fist hitting skin resonates loud in the quiet walls of Jeongguk’s apartment and Jackson falls to the floor in a hump.

Jimin stares at Jackson’s form in disbelief because Jeongguk just fucking knocked Jackson out cold. Jimin tries to calm his racing heart because this is definitely an inappropriate time to get aroused by something like that. Jeongguk steps over his slumped body and passes by Jimin without sparing him a glance. He heads into the kitchen and comes back out with a pack of frozen peas, and drops it on Jackson’s head without a care in the world.

He’s still staring down at Jackson when he speaks again. “Yugyeom, take him home. I don’t think I can really be friends with him anymore after this – I don’t know where this leaves us but just know I still care for you”

Yugyeom stands wordlessly and picks up Jackson’s unconscious body and tosses him over his shoulder, he holds the bag of peas in one hand. He nods at Jeongguk and hesitantly nods at Jimin before he walks out of the apartment with Jackson and the apartment is once again coated in silence.

There’s a mess all over the place from the scuffle and Jimin promptly starts organizing everything back to the way he saw it last night. His mind is racing at a hundred miles per hour at the shit he just witnessed and he needs a distraction, he places the broken clock on top of their coffee table and when he finishes Jeongguk still hasn’t moved from his spot. He shuffles over to stand in front of him. He has a faraway look in his eyes he frowns at the expression and cups his face in his hands.

“Gguk?”

Jeongguk blinks once then focuses on his face and he sighs, he looks down at his hoodie and pulls at it. It’s unevenly stretched out in different areas and it looks unsavable, he’s staring at the extensive damage Jackson has done like he can’t believe it happened.

“Well that’s not how I was expecting that conversation to go” he’s biting his bottom lip and his hands are shaking. Jimin stares at the hand Jeongguk used to punch Jackson and can tell that although he landed the hit properly, he managed to hurt himself in the process. Several of the knuckles in his hands are red and swelling from the impact.

“Thank you for sticking up for me” he whispers, he’s not sure why Jeongguk just did all he did but he remembers what Tae told him, Jeongguk has an undeniable pull to all things golden and he wants to make sure things are right with everyone he knows. Jeongguk shakes his head at him before he rests his forehead on his shoulder “Are you doing anything for the rest of the day? I think I need a day off from people, wanna spend it with you” he mumbles and Jimin shakes his head. He has all the time in the world for this boy, especially after what he’s done for him he’s not sure it’ll be possible for Jeongguk to ever get rid of him.

“I’ll stay, what do you want to do?”

Jeongguk hums and stands upright and unzips the hoodie and drops it on the couch “I’m gonna shower, feel free to do whatever you want while I do so or join me I don’t mind” and stalks off into the bathroom. Jimin watches his back muscles ripple with every step and Jimin gets a flash of a thought of what Jeongguk’s back would look like fucking into him and his face flushes. He slaps both of his cheeks to dismiss the thoughts, he usually is so composed around people he likes but Jeongguk is making him feel like he’s an inexperienced virgin.

He rushes over to Jeongguk’s bedroom and eats the breakfast Tae made for him at record speed and gulfs down the orange juice. Once he’s finished, he takes his dishes to the kitchen and practically sprints to the bathroom and locks the door.

Jimin believes he’s seen a lot of naked people in his life to the point that someone being stark naked in front of him wouldn’t phase him anymore, Yoongi was the only person whose naked body managed to make him nervous enough that he wanted to jump his bones. But him standing right here in Jeongguk and Tae’s shared bathroom is making him twitch, there’s a heavy mist of steam already accumulating in the air and the curtains aren’t doing much for his imagination. Jeongguk just looks like a blob of tan skin from the outside but his heart is racing already, he strips quickly and pulls when he pushes the curtains aside and his breath catches in his throat.

Honestly who the fuck does Jeon Jeongguk think he is?

Jeongguk is standing there under the stream of water with his eyes closed, he hasn’t even acknowledged his presence but Jimin is quite sure he knows he’s there watching him. Jimin doesn’t understand how someone can be this physically and emotionally attractive but he’s pretty sure Jeongguk just ruined his standards for any other human being he ever decides to date if they don’t work out. Half-naked Jeongguk, Jimin could tolerate, stark naked Jeongguk who’s wet and he’s about to share a shower with, Jimin cannot.

Everything about him is so beautifully sculpted he’s seriously starting to feel self-conscious and he’s someone who can confidently say he’s attractive. The sharp ridges of his abdominal muscles, that fucking circular tattoo on his ribs, and his thick muscular thighs should be considered a deadly combo. He’s starting to rapidly come to the conclusion that Jeongguk is his walking wet dream.

He’s still in the middle of ogling at him when Jeongguk turns around and faces him, his eyes slowly opening and its like lightning strikes Jimin. His gaze is so piercing it freezes him and Jimin has never met such a paradoxical person in his life, this is a boy who went from gushing about videogames with Seokjin, to someone who Jimin would let spit in his mouth in the span of seventy-two hours. Jeongguk lifts his arm and holds his hand out – a silent invitation and Jimin takes it without hesitating and steps inside the shower.

There are still several hickeys blooming over his skin and Jimin leans forward to kiss the ones on his chest. He really can’t help himself around Jeongguk.

Jeongguk hums “I didn’t invite you in here so you can do that”

He shrugs “Just kissing my work”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes at him and pushes his hair back and Jimin inhales sharply. Although bruised, Jeongguk’s exposed forehead is something that should be considered sinister, he looks so much more mature and Jimin doesn’t know if his heart can handle these surprises.

“Can I wash you?” he asks shyly and Jeongguk gives him a soft smile and hands him the loofah “Go ahead”. Jimin starts to scrub Jeongguk’s skin with the loofah, the scent of his shower gel overwhelms his senses – it smells like caramel and so much like Jeongguk’s sweet personality Jimin just wants to stay in the shower and bathe in his scent.

“Turn around for me?” when Jeongguk turns he just stares at his naked back. Jimin thinks he might have a muscle kink because watching the water dip into the broad ripples of Jeongguk’s back is making him hot and needy. He slowly starts to scrub his back and tries to control his breathing, once he’s done Jeongguk steps into the stream of water. He’s quiet but has a small smirk on his face when turns around “You’re not very subtle at hiding your arousal you know? I can hear you”

Jimin glares at him and he’s seriously considering leaving the shower. “So what? Not my fault you look like this” he motions to his naked body and Jeongguk laughs hard. It’s one of those laughs that’s so full of happiness that Jimin can’t help but smile at him.

“I’m not good at taking compliments so that’s gonna take some time getting used to, come here – my turn to wash you up” he says as he makes grabby at hands at him. Jimin steps forward happily and hands him the loofah. Jeongguk takes his time washing his body, once he’s done, he squirts a glob of shampoo on his hand. “Turn around” his voice sounds deep and authoritative and Jimin feels a spark of arousal hit him. He takes a deep breath and turns, his back to Jeongguk’s chest and he’s trying to will his arousal from making a physical appearance. He refuses to let Jeongguk see what that tone just did to him so he subtly crosses his legs to keep his cock tucked under one leg.

He starts massaging his scalp and Jimin’s head falls back onto his shoulder, this is without a doubt the best hair wash he’s ever been on the receiving end of, his long fingers are doing things to his head that makes him feel weightless. Jeongguk tilts his head back enough that his head is directly under the stream of water and he washes the shampoo away, once he’s done he places a kiss on his temple.

Jeongguk turns the water off and steps out of the shower and pulls a towel off the towel rack and Jimin can’t help but stare at his cock. Jimin’s seen and sucked lots of dicks in his life but Jeongguk’s has to be the prettiest, just like the rest of him. He can feel a pool of saliva gather on his tongue and he shakes his head to snap him out of the thoughts plaguing his mind. Jimin steps out of the shower and Jeongguk wraps a towel around his waist and pulls him close, he has his bottom lip caught in his teeth.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeongguk asks shyly

Jimin nods fast and Jeongguk leans down, he brushes his lips slightly against his before he kisses him properly. He drops the towel and cups Jimin’s face in his hands to angle his head and deepens the kiss quickly. Jimin can feel his toes curling at how thorough Jeongguk is kissing him, there’s no urgency, no franticness, just Jeongguk. Jeongguk nibbles on his bottom lip softly and Jimin moans into the kiss. He has never been kissed like this before, it’s so passionate and intimate.

Jeongguk breaks the kiss eventually and Jimin pouts – why must we be cursed with breathing? He wants to make out with Jeongguk for hours, he’s such a good kisser. The make out session leaves him in a sort of daze that he doesn’t even realize that Jeongguk has led him back to his bedroom and is holding a pair of briefs and some clothes for him to take. A pair of sweatpants and an oversized white t-shirt, he wordlessly changes and plops down on Jeongguk’s bed again. Jeongguk has yet to change and once he has his own pair of boxers in his hand Jimin squints at the design – are those a pair of fucking Naruto boxers?

“You have got to be kidding me”

Jeongguk freezes and looks at him, clearly confused.

“Are those Naruto boxers Jeongguk?”

“Uh – yeah?” he says hesitantly, still confused

Jimin sighs contently “Please never change, can’t wait for me to see more of this everyday”

Jeongguk rewards him with a big beautiful bunny tooth smile and Jimin’s heart palpitates. There’s such a boyish charm to Jeongguk that him standing in his silly anime boxers and ruffled wet hair is making him feel like he’s in high school again. Jeongguk feels like new beginnings and it all tastes so exciting to him.

“Gguk”

“Yes?” he says as he’s putting a pair of shorts on and a black long sleeve.

“Thank you so much for having a big heart, I’m so sorry about last night”

Jeongguk smiles at him again, softer this time. He walks over to the bed and leans down pressing a soft kiss on Jimin’s forehead and combs his damp hair back. “You are one of the most misunderstood people I’ve ever met”, he pauses and bites his lip. He looks like he’s thinking his words carefully, “You deserve all the patience and forgiveness in the world, don’t apologize for that, you don’t owe anyone anything, not even me.”  

Jimin’s heart is soaring and he’s seriously considering saying fuck it to taking it slow, there’s no way Jeongguk is a real human being. He has never met someone so selfless, so caring, and protective in his life – Jimin thinks Seokjin and Namjoon are close contenders but there’s definitely some favoritism in that considering the shit show he managed to find himself in with Yoongi. Seokjin with him and Namjoon with Yoongi, although he’s pretty sure Yoongi is on his last strikes with Namjoon he already knows Jin approves of Jeongguk based off of the way he was talking to him yesterday.

Jeongguk leans back and faces the mirror on his closet door and Jimin is pretty sure he’s checking himself out. He’s in the middle of parting his hair when they hear the front door open and Tae’s voice booms through the apartment.

“Jeongguk, call a fucking ambulance – I just blew my Saxophone into oblivion and can’t feel my lungs. I think I’m having an asthma attack!” he complains, Jeongguk scoffs and he has a cheeky grin on his face. Jimin narrows his eyes at Jeongguk’s face because he’s smiling the same way Jin does when he’s about to say something nasty.

“I got blown into oblivion last night” he replies, twice as loud and Jimin wants to fucking die.

He hears Tae’s footsteps getting progressively closer until he’s standing in the middle of Jeongguk’s doorway. He leans on it and crosses his arms a knowing smirk on his face and Jimin wants to die x2.

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me for me to know that. I heard Jimmy boy here give you the succ” his words slither at the end and literally what the hell has Jimin gotten himself into?

“He’s amazing, truly a godsend – I swear Tae I’m going to send his parents a lengthy paragraph for conceiving this cutie”

“I don’t know how you’re going to explain to his parents that the reason you’re writing to them is because their son sucked the soul out of your dick. Let me know how it goes though” he chuckles and runs his fingers through his hair, exposing his forehead. Jimin squints and sits up because what’s with Jeongguk and Taehyung? Why do they effectively get ten times more attractive with their foreheads exposed? He’s involved with demons, two halves of the same coin, there’s no other explanation.

“Are you guy’s demons?”

They’re both staring at him confused.

“Well I see a little bit a forehead from both of you and you’re suddenly two different people. Two very different attractive people.”

Tae squints at himself in Jeongguk’s mirror and then looks at Jeongguk who looks just as perplexed.

“Did you just call our foreheads attractive?” Jeongguk questions. Jimin just shakes his head, hot people not understanding hot they are his biggest pet peeve because he’s someone who’s struggled with his image for the majority of his high school days, it wasn’t until he came to college that his insecurities finally came to a halt. But here are Jeongguk and Tae who are effortlessly strolling through life looking like something out of a magazine.

“Yes, you’re both really hot”

Taehyung and Jeongguk simultaneously roll their eyes, it’s like the share one braincell.  

Tae speaks first and his voice is all serious “Jimin, dude, I’m not sure if you’ve seen yourself in the mirror but you have no room to speak”, from the corner of his eye he sees Jeongguk glare at Tae and he puts his hands up defensively. “Your sort of boyfriend is fucking hot, I have two eyes and I’m gonna use ‘em” he shrugs.

“Sorry to change the subject but I want to assess the elephant in the room”, Tae walks in and drops the case for his Saxophone near the door and pulls Jeongguk’s desk chair out to sit on it. He’s looking at both of them like he’s expecting them to start but they’re not quite sure what elephant he’s referring to. Is he talking about the conversation with Jackson and Yugyeom or the fact that although he said he’d take it slow with Jeongguk he ended up with cock down his throat last night?

Tae interlocks his fingers leans his arms on his thighs and waits. After a few minutes it becomes clear that they have no idea what he’s talking about he groans “Honestly, you two where probably too busy fucking each other to talk to Jackson and Yugyeom”, at the mentions of their names Jeongguk tenses, he was slouching a little but now he’s standing ramrod and Jimin is concerned. He holds his arms out to Jeongguk who walks to him and sits between his legs, Jimin tilts his head back and kisses his forehead rubbing his shoulders soothingly.

Tae stares at the scene in front of him, his eyebrows are threatening to shoot off of his head and his expression changes instantly, “Take your time” Tae says softly and Jeongguk nods cracks his neck. “It was terrible, like I was expecting some tension but the conversation was cataclysmic, I don’t think me and Jackson are on friendly terms anymore. I went to the Campus Police when Jimin was asleep under the guise as being Jimin’s relative and they showed me the report”, Tae nods along with a frown on his face, he’s looking at Jeongguk and Jimin expectantly waiting for the drop in the story.

“Well,” Jeongguk continues, “I was gone for like a total of 15 minutes? Came back and they were waiting for me outside of our door. I totally forgot Jimin was in here because I was livid at the stuff I was read and invited them in to talk and he wouldn’t even let me speak”, he pauses sounding a little exasperated and Tae rolls his eyes like it isn’t the first time he’s heard this. Jimin has a feeling Taehyung saw this coming a mile away but chooses not comment on it, “I just kind of dropped the bomb and told him about the report and Tae, his face, you could see right away that he knew what he did but he just. It wasn’t until Jimin came out that he snapped and he put his hands on me… I had to knock him out he was calling him so many names, he was so angry he was ripping my favorite hoodie”

Tae gasps, “That asshole ripped the hoodie I got you for your birthday? That was a limited-edition Overwatch hoodie! I literally was outbidding some greasy fuck on eBay for that thing for two days. See, now I’m pissed.”

Jimin stops himself from laughing but a small snort comes out, both boys look at him and he expects them to be angry for the sudden burst of jocularity but they smile at him.

Jeongguk shakes his head “s’not the end of it, Yugyeom did nothing to stop it. I’m not sure if he didn’t do anything because he was scared but the favoritism really showed at that moment. I really didn’t want to hit him, but I had to, I ended giving him a bag of peas and he carried Jackson out. There was a fucking mess in the living room – I was too out of it to clean up.”

Tae cocks his head and his gaze travels from Jeongguk’s to Jimin and honestly there will never be a moment in his life where this boy stare won’t scare him, he feels uneasy under his intense gaze. “You cleaned up a mess that wasn’t yours to clean?” Jimin nods, biting his lip “To be fair this wouldn’t have happened if I never showed up in your lives. It’s the least I can do” he replies and Tae shoots him an unamused look.

Tae slowly leans back into the chair and looks off into the distance “Jimin I’m pretty sure if you hadn’t said anything we wouldn’t have known anything about what happened or the type of person he was. He mentioned you were nice but he never mentioned what he did to you”, he rubs his face tiredly, like the conversation just made him age a thousand years “So, that aside what about you guys? Are you official?”

Jimin bites his lip “Well, I had a moment of weakness because Jeongguk just really exists and I’m dead but I still stand by my statement, I want things slow”, Jeongguk shrugs “Ditto, I don’t mind waiting” he says rubbing Jimin’s kneecaps. Tae shoots a big boxy smile their way and slaps his thighs making a little drumroll “I’m so excited for this, we have a new friend!” he shoots off the chair and spears both of them into a giant hug.

Jimin screams with laughter, Taehyung is literally a giant golden retriever. He hears Jeongguk laughing amongst the mess of limbs and he feels super happy, this is the biggest emotional high he’s had in a while and it feels good to be laughing this hard. “So, since Ggukie is my platonic soulmate, you by default become my platonic soulmate as well. This is not up for discussion once you are in you cannot come out” Tae establishes and Jimin’s heart blooms with warmth.

“Sounds fine with me, just as long as you don’t get creepy – I can’t handle anymore creeps”

“The only creepy thing you’ll ever find in this apartment is Jeongguk’s inability to sleep for more than four hours. You need to get checked into gaming rehab Gguk”

“You need to mind your business” Jeongguk calls out from below them and Tae kicks him in the shoulder. “Watch your tone with me, I am the overlord of this house”, Jeongguk scoffs and tugs at his foot and starts tickling it. Tae worms around on Jeongguk's bed and Jimin just watches the two boys, he is rapidly coming to the conclusion that he's in the presence of two overgrown children.

This is definitely a lot different than his social dynamics with Namjoon, Yoongi, Jin and Hobi. Jeongguk and Taehyung give him peace and easiness and he welcomes the environment with open arms.


	6. i'm jk, ddaeng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Despite the fiasco he went through, their friend group had expanded by two. Namjoon and Jin became regulars in his daily life after the incident he’s classifying it as a Category V Kaiju attack. Jin is always stopping by with food for him and Tae which is a nice change in their lives considering how incredibly oblivious they can be to each other’s needs. Namjoon on the other hand has been giving Tae pointers on how to compose music a lot better after he told him he struggles with writing it for his classes, he’s also opted to record Tae playing his Sax so he knows how where his weaknesses are as well. Things aren’t great but they are getting better.

He has spent the last few weeks of the semester avoiding Yugyeom and Jackson like the plague. He doesn’t know how Jackson is doing nor does he care, but Yugyeom on another hand is a different case. Yugyeom and he share something akin to brother ship and he hates that this new revelation is threatening to pull them apart. But if Yugyeom is going to defend a serial pathological liar then he can’t have that negativity in his life, not after what Jimin’s been through, and certainly not after what he’s> seen.

He’s walking to his Computer Science III final, and he feels on top of the world despite the circumstances. Jimin texted him a few words of encouragement to boost his mood this morning, he had a big cup of banana milk before coming in, and received one of Tae’s lucky hugs. This test is going to be a cake walk. 

Jeongguk is not nervous per say, but he does feel incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of sitting in between Jackson and Yugyeom – you see Jeongguk had politely emailed Professor Lee if he could switch seats with someone a few days ago but he still hadn’t emailed him back or even replied to his follow ups. It’s something he can deal with if it’s too late to do so he just wishes Professor Lee actually read his damn emails. It’s when he’s about to push the double doors open to the lecture hall that Professor Lee’s reply comes through, his phone dings and when he pulls it out there’s not even subtext, the fucker just changed the subject line to the email with “NO.”

Jeongguk quickly remembers why this man is considered the antichrist and swallows the bitter pill of disappointment.

And so it goes, he’s going through his final with a haste, he’s ready to just enjoy the Friday he has laid ahead of him. The perks of this class being so early in the morning is that he has the whole day to either sleep or catch up on some shows after he’s done with the test. He’s planning on stopping by the café after taking a couple of pictures around campus to visit Jin and Jimin   

His camera bag is laying between his feet, he’s made sure the entire time he’s been sitting to not kick it when he bounces his leg restlessly in thought, his neighbor however has not. Jackson has been shifting in his seat for the last ten minutes and one too many times has his foot made contact with the bag, at first Jeongguk thought it was just a fit of restlessness because Jackson is a twitchy fuck but it became quite apparent that Jackson is indeed trying to fuck with him.

He huffs, angling the bag with his foot a bit so it’s further away from Jackson, he just needs to get these last two questions done then he’s out of here. He’s in the process of finishing the last equation when Jackson “stretches” again and the tip of his boot hits something in his bag and a lot harder and he hears it shatter, it sounds like a gunshot in the too quiet room and it catches the attention of a few people around them.

Jeongguk’s blood runs cold, the pen he has in his hand stills.

“Did I just hear something break?” Professor Lee calls from the podium, “Is anyone injured?” and yeah, someone’s about to be in the goddamn ground. There’s so much expensive equipment in that camera bag that one too many times he had to skip out on buying things for months, sticking to a tight budget consisting of nothing but ramen.

To his right Yugyeom finally looks up from his test, completely oblivious to the altercation going on between him and Jackson. He squints his eyes at the bag below Jeongguk’s seat and then at Jeongguk. “Hey, I think that came from your bag” he whispers and fuck Yugyeom, fuck Jackson, and fuck Professor Lee.

He picks up his bag and test, and hops over the attached desk – he’s too angry and too anxious to pass by Yugyeom and practically slams the test on Professor Lee’s podium who flinches at the loud noise.

“Jeon Jeongguk, are you finished?”

He nods, ready to book it and check on his equipment.

Professor Lee stares at him for a few seconds before his face breaks out into a smile. “Congratulations on completing my course, it’s been an honor to have such a stellar student. I hope you become an excellent Video Game Developer, send your old Professor a coupon to your game when you make it big.”

Jeongguk blinks, fucking what?

“I’m sorry what?”

“I don’t do favoritism but you’re quite a powerhouse young man, you have a lot of potential if you put your brain to use, if you need a recommendation for anything don’t hesitate to contact me” he ends and hands Jeongguk a card with his personal contact information.

Literally what the fuck is going on? This professor has been testing his patience for the last five months because he’s his favorite? What type of sadistic bullshit goes through this man’s brain? This praise would’ve put him over the moon if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s potentially carrying broken equipment in his bag.

He nods numbly, says his goodbye and walks out of the lecture hall without sparing at glance at the rest of his classmates. He rushes over to the nearest bench and drops his bag with care and searches for the object Jackson broke, his hand pulls back instantly when his finger brushes against the sharp end of glass.

His heart is in his ass, he forgot to take some of the lenses from his last gig out. He prays and prays that Jackson didn’t break one of them because that is easily a big chunk of won down the drain. He turns his phones flashlight on and takes a deep breath, he spreads the bag enough for him to see everything, goes through each camera lens and inspects them one by one, his eyebrows furrowing with each passing second.

After he pulls out the last one and finds no signs of break it becomes obvious to him that what he heard wasn’t his equipment, he slouches on the bench breathing a little bit easier. He walks over to the trash can and flips his bag to dump the sharp contents of whatever the hell broke inside of it, he catches the glimpse of a Coke wrapper and other bottle shaped shards of glass. His shoulders slump at his carelessness, he probably forgot to toss the bottle out after coming home from a gig.  

He starts wandering around aimlessly for the next few hours after his exam, taking pictures of nothing particularly interesting, just a few snippets of dogs that wander on campus, some leaves falling, and the occasional ray of light that basks the campus in an otherworldly glow. It’s when the familiar smell of coffee hits his nose that his world bursts into color and he smiles to himself, doesn’t matter what he’s doing it always leads him to Jimin.

Jeongguk makes his way to the café and through the window spots the head of wavy black hair he’s grown so fondly of during the entirety of the last few weeks. Jimin’s helping a customer and he looks incredibly disinterested in what the guy is saying to him. He quickly snaps a picture of the interaction and puts the cover on the lens of his camera and heads inside; the dinging of the doorbell seems to snap Jimin of whatever boring hypnosis this guy put him in because the minute he sets his eyes on the front door where Jeongguk’s standing his eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

He’s making his way over to the line to stand behind the guy and order something when Jimin shakes his head at him and beckons him over, crooking his finger rapidly. Jeongguk raises his eyebrow and steps up to the register, right next to the guy who’s still talking Jimin’s ear off.

“Hey, excuse me, I was in the middle of a conversation with him if you don’t mind waiting your turn that’d be great.”

Jeongguk is about to turn and give whoever the fuck this guy think’s he is a mouthful when Jimin reaches over the counter, tugs on the lapels of his jacket and pulls him close crashing their lips together.

It’s a very soft kiss, a complete contradiction to the urgency that led to it, their lips are gliding smoothly against each other and his toes curl in his sneakers, Jimin is kissing him so thoroughly his head is in the clouds. Jimin leans back first, licking his lips and glares at the guy next to him. He clears his throat, a little dazed from the kiss “As I was saying, I’m seeing someone and don’t want to go out with you Taemin”, Taemin looks at the both of them with bewilderment in his eyes before he steps off the line and out of the café. Jeongguk watches him go and chuckles, it’s like Jimin just told a kid that he’s grounded.

“Thank fuck you’re here, he wouldn’t quit asking me out. He’s trying to get exclusive with me so he can into Bang”

Jeongguk turns to him confused, “How lowkey is this place?” Jimin looks off into the distance to think about it “Well considering how much money goes into that place and the overall environment of it, it’s borderline nonexistent to government eye and known to some” Jimin then smiles at him all excitedly and bubbly like he can’t contain a secret. Jeongguk’s heart flutters at the display, Jimin is so cute.

“So, I have news” Jimin announces

“What’s up baby?”

Jimin smiles shyly at the pet name, a light blush immediately hits home covering his cheeks in dusty pink, the name always gets him.

“Joonie is throwing an end of the semester party for us tonight, Jin finished his last class so he’s qualified for his Masters – he’s kind of going all out but I’m not gonna say anything cause him freaking out about Jin is incredibly cute”

Jeongguk hums in acknowledgement, Jin and Namjoon are couple goals if he’s completely honest. Two gentle giants doing what they love.

“What should I wear?” Jimin thinks for a second before he shakes his head “Preferably nothing, but just don’t come dressing like you’re homeless, bring Taehyung along too?”

Jeongguk scratches his chin in thought to avoid Jimin’s first statement, he’s not sure how he’s going to convince Tae to come out but he’ll try. “Alright, I’ll see you tonight?” Jimin nods and just when he’s about to turn and head out Jimin clears his throat loudly behind him and looks at him with betrayal in his eyes.

“Are you seriously about to leave without kissing me?”

Jeongguk cocks his head slightly, an amused smirk on his face “I thought I just did that”, Jimin rolls his eyes, he rounds the counter and walks over to him. Jeongguk can’t help but look at his legs, he never even realized he had a thing for legs until he caught Jimin in a pair of tights a few days ago and his dick practically shot through the ceiling. Park Jimin is making him discover more things about his body than porn ever has in the last few weeks.

When Jimin is finally in front of him he grounds himself; he’s figured out that when Jimin is in a kissing mood he tends to be aggressive and frantic, but the aggression never comes – Jimin surprises him when he hugs him, all soft and rests his chin on his chest looking at him with a deadly combo of pout and puppy eyes.

“Please kiss me?

Jimin’s duality is giving him constant whiplash. Literally two minutes ago he told him to come naked to an event and now he’s begging for kisses. He grins, holds his chin and leans down pressing his lips against Jimin’s, he practically melts against his chest. Jeongguk chuckles against his lips and sucks on the bottom one, he gets the hint of the carrot cake Jin sent him away with last time he was here and it’s such an intoxicating mix. He tastes like home and happiness and he can’t get enough. He presses one last peck on his lips, then his forehead.

When they pull away Jimin the blush on his cheeks has him looking like a tomato, “See ya tonight, nerd” Jeongguk smirks, blows him a kiss and walks out of the café.  

 

\--------------------------

When night comes Jeongguk is struggling to pick an outfit to wear – not looking homeless is something that isn’t in his vocabulary especially when his entire wardrobe is 90% baggy clothing. He groans at the predicament he’s in. Tae’s already dressed and waiting on the couch and he still has yet to find a shirt that goes well with his black skinny jeans.

“Jeongguk, you’ve literally been in there for like an hour, pick something before my ass leaves a permanent dent in our couch!”

He glares at the air before he settles on a blue button down and a black bomber jacket. It didn’t take much to convince Taehyung surprisingly, all he had to mention was Jin and food and Taehyung took a shower and got ready in record speed. He steps outside of his room and Tae’s looking at him with a cocked eyebrow, his gaze is scrutinizing like Jeongguk just showed him with the ugliest thing on this planet.

“Not good?”

Tae shakes his head “Not that, for how minimalistic that outfit is you took your sweet fucking time”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, Tae has always been the better dresser out of the both of them so he takes the jab with a grain of salt. He’s wearing a black button down that’s tucked into some red slacks, the suit jacket that accompanies it is on the shoulder of the couch. His red hair is slicked back with some jojoba oil Jeongguk gave him to make his hair shine better. It dawns on him that they kind of resemble fire and ice and it’s pretty cool.

“Forehead or no forehead?” he asks

Tae sits up and walks over to him and parts his hair with his bare hands, he can still smell some of the oil on them “Forehead, you want your boy to want to jump your bones, don’t you?” Jeongguk nods and Tae pats his cheeks and pulls on them.

“Game face on, you’re a hot top who’s gonna walk into a club and fuck your not boyfriend with your eyes, unless you guys actually fuck then by all means power to you.”

True to his word he’s been taking baby steps with Jimin so everything has been pretty docile and domestic with him the last few weeks. They’ve gone on a handful of dates when Jeongguk wasn’t too busy to step away from his books and Jimin from his dancing. The only thing that Jeongguk realized very quickly about their relationship dynamic was that Jimin loved kissing him a lot. He remembers when they got out of the theatre after watching Godzilla together when Jimin practically pounced him and kissed him so slow he was sure he was trying to map his mouth with his tongue. Not that he’s complaining of course, the kisses never got too heated, he never pushed Jimin to do anything he didn’t want to, doesn’t mean he hasn’t been thinking about fucking him unconscious for the last three weeks.

“Anyways, Uber’s here let’s go” Taehyung says before putting his suit jacket on and checking himself out in the front facing camera of his phone.

Jeongguk checks his pockets for his things, his keys, wallet, and phone are all in their respective pockets of his bomber jacket and they step out of the apartment together. They opt to go down the stairs, two steps at a time racing each other instead of taking the elevator like they normally do and finally step outside. The fall air is a little chilly, he can see his breath a little bit as well, a small reminder that he needs to buy a new winter coat soon.

They squeeze into the back of the Uber and the ride is relatively quiet, Tae’s on his phone playing Pokémon Go but he can’t stop fidgeting. His leg is bouncing restlessly, he feels like he’s about to walk into a place he’s not going to really like. The thought of texting Jimin that he’s not feeling well manifests quickly in his head and just when he’s about to do it the Uber stops on a street. The map on his phone is telling him they’re at the right place but when Jeongguk looks out the window searching for a sign of Bang he finds nothing but a couple of late-night grocery stores.  

“Uh are we at the right place?” Tae ask unsurely next to him and he shrugs, this place is pretty well lit, maybe the club is deeper in? They step out of the Uber and follow the directions Jimin gave him till they come across the rusty door with the bulky security guard standing in front of it. There’s a red velvet line and several other patrons trying to get in behind it.

They walk up to the security guard who shoots them an intimidating glare, “I don’t care who the fuck you’re here for, don’t care who the fuck your daddy is, don’t care how much money you got, don’t care how good you suck cock” Jeongguk glares, is this bitch profiling him? “You gotta get on line if you want to get in the fucking club” he points with his thumb, Jimin told him about this guy’s behavior in the text message and told him if he was rude to him to call him immediately, which is exactly what he does. Jimin picks up before the phone goes to the second ring and Jeongguk smiles at his eagerness.

“You here?”

Jeongguk shoots a glare at the security guard, whose chatting with some of the people on the line, “Yeah uh, the security guy is kind of being a dick so if possible, could you come out and get us? The line is like, impossibly big”

“Okay, I’ll be out in a second” is the last thing he hears before Jimin hangs up, he turns to Tae who’s still fiddling with Pokémon Go on his phone. It’s quiet aside from the people on line speaking to each other and some who glare at them for whatever reason. He scans the area, a frown quickly takes over his face; everything about this area is screaming stranger danger and Jeongguk’s brain feels like it’s going to explode at how distasteful to the senses it is.

It smells like piss and garbage, the alleyway where the door is at is barely well lit with a singular overhead streetlight that looks like its seen better days. They’re occasionally basked in darkness while waiting before the light flickers back to life and Jeongguk has half a thought to shoot a rock at the bulb to end its misery.

If the outside looks like this his expectations for this inside are incredibly low, he imagines it being something straight out of a horror movie when Tae’s voice brings him back to reality. “Aye!” Tae yells, all of the people on line stare at them “Who’s the fuckin’ jackass who is rocking the Arcanine in next doors Gym? I have a Vaporeon that’s gonna hydro pump your dog into the fucking shadow realm so count your fuckin’ days.”

Jeongguk laughs, leave it to Tae light up the most grueling environments “Jeongguk this is serious, I’m claiming this bitch in the name of Team Valor, someone on this fucking line has the most basic Pokémon team setup, what an absolute disgrace” he whines showing him his phone.

Jimin in fact isn’t out in a second. He’s biting his fingernails nervously and the security guard is still eyeing them suspiciously. He thinks ten minutes have passed by before the metallic door flies open and Jimin steps out like he fucking owns the place. When Jeongguk catches a glimpse of what he’s wearing he almost chokes on his spit. Jimin is wearing a white button down with a leather harness and the tightest slacks he’s ever seen in his life, he’s regal and all legs and Jeongguk has to stop himself from wolf whistling.

Taehyung on the other hand does not. A loud whistle cuts through the air “Damn Jimin, who are you trying to impress?” Jimin’s eyes finally land on them and Jimin seems to go through exactly what Jeongguk went through a few seconds ago. His nostrils flare and his eyes widen before the black of his pupils practically consume the brown of his iris when his gaze lands on Jeongguk.

“Taehyung, I apologize for my bluntness but I’m seriously considering riding your best friend into the fucking ground tonight. Who allowed him to dress like this?” Jimin motions to his outfit, he’s a little surprised because this is his minimal effort compared to what Taehyung is wearing. Tae shrugs “You did, you said not to dress homeless so here we are.”

“You look fucking hot by the way, no pun intended – the red is adding a rather intimidating look” Jimin states and Taehyung blushes under the praise. There should be a study on the way Jimin makes emotions bend to his will by just existing.

“Anyways, give me a second” Jimin turns his back towards them and his eyes instantly lock onto his rear. Jimin’s ass looks absolutely fantastic in those slacks and his mouth quickly salivates – right in his fucking salad.

“Wonho, sweetheart, didn’t I tell you to keep an eye out for two gentlemen coming in tonight and treat them with the uttermost respect?” Jimin says sweetly to the bulky security who visibly tenses “Ah, I’m sorry I totally forgot about that.” Jeongguk squints at this anomaly, this dude just had the thought process of a fucking Neanderthal 15 minutes ago and now Jimin speaking to him has him talking perfectly normal, with manners too?

“I showed you a picture of them Wonho, you literally had one job.”

Wonho sighs and rolls his eyes “Just get inside please” he says holding the door open for them, Jimin passes by him after landing a glare on him, when Taehyung passes by him he flips him off, Jeongguk passes by him and he’s ready to apologize for Taehyung’s behavior but Wonho levels him with a disinterested stare and he opts to flipping him off too. Fuck this guy.

Jimin leads them through a bunch of corridors and at this point he’s honestly expecting some back-alley doctors to jump out at both of them and take their fucking kidneys at how sketchy this place is. Everything is eerily quiet and the only thing he hears are their footsteps clicking on the floor. They come to a halt in front of two double doors and as soon as Jimin pushes them open a loud beat explodes around them. He winces, those are some seriously soundproofed walls.

Jimin grabs both of their hands and whisks them through a crowd, everything in this fucking place is hot, the decorations make everything look bright and dark at the same time kind of what a club would look like if Satan ever decided to open one. It doesn’t help that the people in this club also look otherworldly and beautiful, Jeongguk feels like he walked into a secret service for hot people and he can’t help thinking how well Jimin fits into this crowd.

They come up to a section which Jeongguk assumes is the VIP area and the bouncer there doesn’t spare them a glance when Jimin leads them up the stairs and to a booth where he recognizes Seokjin and Namjoon and another guy he’s never met before. As soon as they’re close enough to speak Namjoon practically jumps over Seokjin and rushes over to hug Jeongguk.

“JK! Buddy, how ya doing, how’d you do on your exam?” Jeongguk looks over Namjoon’s shoulder to stare at Jin who mouths “he’s tipsy” at him. Understandable, he’s aiming to get blackout drunk tonight, his semester has finally come to an end and it feels so good to finally interact with people without the looming clouds of finals over his head. “It went well, Professor Lee isn’t as much as a douche as I thought he was but I’m confident I passed” he says as he pats Namjoon’s back and hugs him tight enough to lift him off of the ground.

A loud laugh booms out of his chest “Ah yeah, that’s the good stuff – hug me JK! You’re free! Congratulations on finishing your course golden boy” Namjoon says proudly. Happiness blooms all across his body, he feels like a kid who just showed his dad his report card after acing his classes.  

Jeongguk thinks he really misjudged these people, he was expecting the rowdy neighbors who always threw parties on Friday nights to be greasy jocks who sat around empty beer bottles and bongs, he’s so off target he could smack himself silly. He puts down Namjoon after their hug of war and finds that Tae is already animated in the booth, he’s chatting with the brown-haired boy whose name he still doesn’t know. If he squints hard enough it, kind of looks like Tae is flirting with him.

Jeongguk is about to go over to say hello to Jin and introduce himself to the stranger when Jimin tugs at the front of his jacket until they are chest to chest and he blushes, he’s still not used to this type of shamelessness. Jimin is looking up at him with hooded eyes, his tongue peeks out to swipe at his bottom lip, his eyes follow the movement and he gulps. He looks like he’s ready to eat him alive.

Jimin inhales sharply at the proximity, his eyes are a little glazed “You smell so fuckin’ good Gguk, lemme hold you for a second” and all Jeongguk can do is nod, letting Jimin have his fill. His nose grazes his neck right over his pulse point and he places a soft kiss on it before sucking it harshly. Jeongguk yelps and his knees buckle at the sudden assault, his head falls back immediately and he exposes more of his neck to Jimin. This is something that Jimin’s routinely been doing when they go out to public places.

It’s more of a mark to let anyone know at this club that Jeongguk is taken and not available. This behavior came about after they had gone on their first date, Jimin pulled him out of a late-night study session to go to a diner outside of campus after he kept complaining he wanted eggs and pancakes. He remembers being face deep in said pancakes when he started noticing their waiter kept coming to their table to ask about the most mundane things, paying more attention to Jeongguk than Jimin. This went on for a couple of minutes before Jimin snapped and almost roundhouse kicked the dude into the stratosphere for blatantly flirting with Jeongguk right in front of him.

He’s no stranger to compliments, he just never pays mind to them because he’s never interested; why would he be anyways? He practically hit the boyfriend lottery with Jimin, he quite literally has no reason to reply to any of them. He knows how rooted insecurities are into Jimin’s heart after Yoongi and the last thing he wants to do is make him feel invisible so he lets him have this moment.

Jin slaps his hand multiple times on the table in annoyance, “Hey, hey, HEY jesu- someone get some holy water Christian is out – boy hasn’t been here for ten minutes and you’re already getting nasty.” Jimin manhandles him so his back is to the table, he doesn’t have to see his face to know that Jimin is glaring at Seokjin over his shoulder, this behavior is borderline predatory, his mouth is still attached to his fucking neck.  He pulls back a second later and kisses the dark mark on his neck, his lips then scurries off to the bar on the other side of the lounge.

He plops down a little wobbly next to Namjoon who’s cuddled up next to Seokjin, he’s in the middle of taking of his jacket and rolling the sleeves up to his shirt when the strange boy smiles at him, all big and bright.

“Hi I’m Hoseok!”

Jeongguk waves at him from across the table “Jeongguk, nice to meet you Hoseok.” His eyes dart to Taehyung who’s staring holes into Hoseok’s side profile and Jeongguk smirks. Taehyung is not subtle at all, to the group he looks like he’s zoning out but Jeongguk he knows Tae is shamelessly checking him out.

They all fall into an easy conversation despite Taehyung’s excessively flirting with Hoseok every now and then. He knows how close Hoseok and Jimin are based off of what he’s heard from Jin and Jimin, this is a person whose smile lit up an entire room and Jeongguk is starting to think Jimin wasn’t exaggerating. He finds out that with Jimin’s help he teaches a bunch of classes in the local dance studio, Jimin mainly focusing on contemporary and hip hop while he focuses more on popping and breakdancing. Jeongguk makes a reminder in his calendar to visit the dance studio because he’s interested in the breakdancing class Hoseok is teaching. He also finds out that Hoseok has a very scattered knowledge on anime, something that came to light when he randomly let it slip that he was binge watching Naruto again Hoseok vaguely knew who some of the characters were.

Even though conversations are running well, his anxiety makes him feel like he’s word vomiting so he picks up the cup of water in front of him and takes a big gulp to calm his nerves and almost chokes. That definitely isn’t water, his throat is singed because whatever the fuck was in that cup definitely tastes like vodka with an underlying layer of soda. He wants to spit it out immediately, but he doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself in front of Jimin’s friends. He ends up swallowing the remainder of the offending liquid in one gulp and prays that he doesn’t fucking die tonight.

He doesn’t even realize he’s making a face until Namjoon asks him if he’s okay his brain scrambles trying to form the words to tell the group that it feels like he just took three shots worth of hard liquor in one gulp. Namjoon reaches for the same cup of death he drank from and just when he’s about to tell him not to drink from it, he frowns at how not full it is, “Did anyone of you drink some of my vodka soda?”

The fuck is a vodka soda?

Whatever the fuck it is, was hitting him a lot harder than anything he’s ever had in his life; he can already feel the heaviness in his limbs – a small sign his body is a few drinks away from releasing Jungkook. Jungkook is the name he received from a lot of people he never met at parties, this was the frat boy that never was – a fuckboy to the core, he can’t even begin to count how many times people had gotten whiplash at how different he is when he’s sober than when he is drunk.

Jimin comes back with some sort of red drink for Tae and a coke for Jeongguk and thank fuck for this boy, he takes the cup and chugs half of it one go, once he puts the cup on the table Jimin is staring at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he says breathlessly

“You just drank half of your rum and coke.”

“What the fuck is a rum and coke?”

“Oh baby,” he sighs and leans down and kisses him “You’re gonna have such a bad headache” and now he’s nervous. He didn’t taste a hint of alcohol in that drink. His alcohol standards had been reduced to shitty beer and crappy grocery store vodka from the parties he attended, a mixed drink like this has never graced his taste buds. Jimin sighs again and waves one of the waiters over and picks a jug of water off his tray and puts it on the table, he pours him a cup and holds it up to him.

“Drink” he instructs.

Jimin doesn’t have to tell him twice, he goes through three cups of water in the span of ten minutes while having a conversation with the group. He feels the effect of the drinks he drank in rapid succession hitting him like a brick, he knows right away he’s tipsy despite all the water he’s drank. He always gets overwhelmingly chatty. Taehyung and Hoseok had disappeared a few minutes ago to go dance, leaving the two couples in a heated argument. More specifically Jeongguk and Seokjin, he’s in the middle of arguing with Seokjin on what’s the best class in Maple Story when Jimin shifts next to him, he spreads his legs and climbs into his lap like its free real estate.

“Jimin get off of Jeongguk, I need to kick his ass – Kaiser is not the best class in Maple Story!”

Jeongguk scoffs and rests his hands on Jimin’s waist to secure him in place “Listen here buddy, the fact that you quite literally speak to the spirit of a fucking dragon and gain levels is amazing and nothing competes with it”   

Jin leans back and crosses his arms, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. He’s looking at Jeongguk with an unamused stare “Jimin I take it back, Jeongguk is dumb and I don’t like him” he ends and sticks his tongue out at him, Namjoon stares at the scene with humor in his eyes.

Jeongguk gasps, scandalized at the words Seokjin threw at him, “I’m appalled, Jimin tell Seokjin to apologize!” Jimin just laughs and wraps his arms around his shoulders and presses a kiss on his cheek. “It’s okay baby, I like you and that’s all that matters” Seokjin looks at the scene in disbelief and when Jeongguk retorts by sticking his tongue out back at him Seokjin points threateningly at him “You brat, you respect your elders!”

He’s about to respond to him when Jimin tenses in his lap and digs his finger nails into his shoulders, Jeongguk jumps at the sudden jolt of pain. The air around them suddenly feels thick with tension and Jeongguk has no idea what’s going on, the alcohol coursing through his veins is making him feel like he’s not really there. He looks over to Seokjin and Namjoon whose eyes are locked on a figure approaching their table. Jeongguk doesn’t have his glasses on so he squints with difficulty trying to make out who it can possibly be but the lights blinking rapidly in that direction blind him.

It’s when the figure is in standing distance of the booth that he finally understands why everyone is so tense and why he couldn’t recognize the person. Last time he saw Yoongi his hair was mint green, today it’s brown. He’s wearing an all-black suit and looks at him with such a condescending indifference he wants to punch him in the face.

“So, you brought Bambi along, hm?” he finally speaks up, and it’s like a switch flips in his head, one minute all he’s thinking about is the cartoon designs of Maple Story, the next his brain is dumping alcohol fueled anger into his veins, he tense and glares daggers at Yoongi. Jimin seems to sense his discomfort immediately, he twists in his lap so he’s facing Yoongi and leans his full weight back against him, effectively trapping him in place. He starts rubbing his arm soothingly, Jimin’s way of telling him to chill so he instantly relaxes under the ministrations.

Namjoon is the first to speak, his tone is as professional and uninviting as it gets “Please don’t start, we’re all having a good time here. If you need something just take it and leave.” Yoongi’s face breaks into a shit eating grin and he slides into the booth, sitting right next to Seokjin who scoots closer to Namjoon trying to be as far away as possible.

“Yeah that’s fine, won’t take long, just came to ask when Jimin’s coming back to mine so I know when to come fetch him?”

Jimin laughs above him like it was the funniest thing he’s ever heard in his life, wiping the grin right off of Yoongi’s face – he looks borderline pissed at the action and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh with Jimin in his alcohol induced daze. He leans forward onto the table, effectively grinding on Jeongguk’s crotch in the process and he bites his lip when something hard grazes the tip of his dick.

“Why would I do that when I’m sitting on my boyfriend?”

Jeongguk’s heart stops. This entire time they’ve been referring to each other as “not boyfriends” and the attraction they have for each other is so obvious people already assume they’re dating without the title. Jimin speaking that title into existence has his face flushing with both excitement and embarrassment. Seokjin screeches next to him “I KNEW IT” and Namjoon has to cover his mouth, although he’s trying his hardest to contain Seokjin, Jeongguk can tell that he’s just as excited as he is.

“Boyfriend? That’s real funny Jimin” Yoongi replies, he peeks over Jimin’s shoulder to see the scene properly, him leaning forward had blocked Yoongi’s form completely. Yoongi looks like he’s about to flip his lid, there’s a vein in his neck that’s threatening to burst but his face is as calm as it gets.

Jimin shrugs indifferently “Not a joke, take it with a grain of salt if it helps you sleep at night, but this doe eyed boy under me? That’s my banana milk obsessed boyfriend”

His heart jump starts, his grip on Jimin’s hips tighten and he presses his forehead against his back. He’s so overwhelmingly happy the alcohol and the burst of emotion he feels is making him dizzy.

Yoongi stands, the calm face he had on a few seconds ago switches to a smirk that radiates an overwhelming amount of confidence, “You’ll be back, and you will accept me like you always do.” Jeongguk doesn’t know why but that doesn’t sit well in his stomach, he knows Jimin is done with Yoongi, he’s reassured him multiple times over the last few weeks but the insecure part of him still thinks Jimin is too good for him.

Jimin smiles sweetly, “Wanna know what I’m going to do Yoongi?” he pauses, Jeongguk’s cock twitches in his pants because it sounds like the same tone Jimin used on him when he sucked him off. He sounds all sorts of nasty and deadly right now and he has to resist the urge to press his ass down harder on his crotch, “I’m gonna go home with my boyfriend, gonna suck him off in my apartment – which by the way you’re no longer welcome at, and I’m gonna ride him until I pass out” Seokjin jumps next to him “OKAY, let’s keep this conversation PG thanks!”

He thinks that Jimin, without a doubt, is in fact out of his league. He just made him pop a semi in front of his friends, if it wasn’t for the fact he was on sitting on his lap his predicament would’ve been visible for the world to see.

Yoongi is about to speak again when a woman approaches the table. Her presence visibly annoys him and his demeanor shifts. “Please go the fuck away.”

Jimin’s tone is venomous when he speaks “Hello Seulgi, I must’ve missed the forecast, if I knew you were coming I would’ve checked the weather for fire and brimstone”

“Seulgi” looks down at Jimin and Jeongguk doesn’t like the way this woman is staring at him so he wraps his arms around him and angles him away from her, intimidation in his eyes. “Jimin, a pleasure as always – still moping about Yoongi?” Jeongguk thinks she sounds just as condescending as Yoongi, these people fucking deserve each other.

Jimin scoffs “Absolutely not, you can keep him” Seulgi finally acknowledges the pair of arms around him and her eyes zero in on Jeongguk’s, her face softens right away. “Aw, how cute, good for you, finally moving on, anyways – Yoongi let’s go I have to be up early tomorrow morning” she says tugging on his arm but Yoongi isn’t moving, he’s still looking at both of them.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Jimin rolls his eyes, clearly exasperated at his inability to read situations and Jeongguk has had enough.

“Listen, can you please go and leave Jimin alone? I don’t think he wants you here, it’s not my place to say really – but you’re kind of making him uncomfortable, if you knew how to read body language you’d know that nobody at this table wants to speak to you right now. Talk some other time maybe?” he says uncertainly, he’s not sure if he should speak for Jimin but he’s not going to let someone blatantly disrespect his relationship in front of him.

It’s like speaking to Yoongi directly finally does it in for him, because the minute he tells him that his gaze travels to everyone at the table who are looking at him like they don’t know who he is. Yoongi bites his lip and starts backing away slowly and apologizes before Seulgi leads him away from the booth. Even after he leaves the table is still tense, Jimin is looking off into the distance before he scrambles off of Jeongguk and mutters something about getting more shots and disappears into the crowd of people.

Namjoon puts his hand on his shoulder, he has some sort of lopsided proud smile on his face. “Thank you for standing up with him, Jimin is a force of nature and can do it himself, but sometimes he forgets he needs to be cared for too” he’s slurring, the drink must’ve finally gotten to him.

Seokjin nods next to him and crosses his arms “Maple Story argument aside, you’re a pretty swell guy. I’m glad he has you in his life” and Jeongguk smiles taking a sip of his rum and coke. Now this type of praise he can handle, he wants Jimin’s friends to know that he’s not some sort of asshole who’s going to hurt Jimin and fill him with doubt.

Jimin comes back with a tray that’s full to the brim with shots and he frowns, is that for the four of them? All the alcohol in that tray looks like it can burn a hole into his stomach lining, he’s not ready for this. As soon as Jimin places the tray down he starts downing shots in rapid succession, stacking each shot glass on top of each other. He’s a little concerned, he knows they’re supposed to celebrate the end of the semester and Jin’s success but he’s just not quite sure if Jimin’s on the same page, his goal right now seems to be to end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

He reaches over and rubs his back “Jimin, slow down maybe?” Jimin shakes his head mid shot and hands him one, Jeongguk takes it slowly before he downs it. He can feel his face morphing up in distaste, whatever the fuck Jimin just gave him tastes like battery acid and his already raw throat screams in protest of having something so strong go down it. By the time he puts his empty glass down Jimin has gone through six shots on the platter and Seokjin pulls it away from him with a glare.

“Slow your fucking roll Jimin” Jin demands. He starts inspecting the platter and even sniffs it at one point trying to figure out what the clear liquid is. Jimin is staring at him with a blank face, almost daring him to take a shot. “It’s not that bad I promise” Jimin regards and Jin shoots him a skeptical look but he ends up taking a shot himself, his reaction is practically immediate. He breaks out into a coughing fit and Jeongguk scrambles to pour him a cup of water from the jug on the table. At least he’s not the only one who thinks that crap is disgusting.

Jimin laughs at Seokjin who shoots him another glare, “You lied, you absolute shithead” he whines, Jimin just shrugs “I like alcohol.” Liking alcohol is an understatement that shit in those glasses tasted like rocket fuel. Namjoon makes grabby hands to the platter and Jin has to smack his hand away to get him to stop. “No more alcohol for you tonight” he scolds, Namjoon fixes him with the biggest pouts he’s ever seen his face adorn, he didn’t even think Namjoon was capable of pouting until now.  

Next to him Jimin pulls himself up to a standing position and he does it with all the grace in the world, he doesn’t wobble like he expected him to, in fact Jimin looks completely unaffected by the shots he took which shocks him. He starts dancing lazily on the spot, Jeongguk thinks he looks so pretty and despite the mouthwatering attire he’s wearing he can’t help but be enthralled by the things Jimin does with minimal effort. He doesn’t realize how long he’s been staring at Jimin but he eventually catches him, he shoots him a shy smile and holds his hand out for Jeongguk to take.

The minute Jeongguk takes his hand it’s like all of the alcohol he had that night hits his legs, they feel like jelly and he almost trips over his feet when Jimin drags him to the dance floor. They’re squeezing through sweaty bodies and it’s suffocating, there’s an overwhelming smell of strong cologne, perfume, and body odor in the air it’s nauseating, his nose scrunches up at the weird mixture.

He catches a flash of red to the right of him and he squints, he can vaguely see Taehyung and Hoseok attached to the hip making out with each other and he rolls his eyes. Taehyung works fast, literal bastard son of Lucifer pulling everyone in with his charm.

His sight shifts when Jimin holds his face and makes him look at him, the music is low enough for them to talk without yelling in each other’s ears. “How you holding up handsome, still with me?” 

Jeongguk shrugs, placing his hands on Jimin’s hips, they’re swaying to some slow beat in the background. “I’m pretty sure I’m more than tipsy but I’m okay” he says happily, Jimin smiles at this and reaches up to place his hands on his neck, “Good, cause the nights not over yet.” Jeongguk is baffled, Jimin just drank more than enough alcohol to have him hugging the toilet in the last hour and he’s still standing like he hadn’t drank at all.

Jimin twists in his arms and has his back pressed to his chest before he starts a slow grind against him and his mind goes blank. He’s been tip toeing around his growing arousal for the last few weeks. With Jimin he’s not sure whether or not he should initiate anything because of his circumstances but then again, he hasn’t given him any signs that he’s uncomfortable with him. He’s been masturbating so frequently after Jimin slept over he’s pretty sure he’s the reason his usually dormant sex drive has spiked.

His thoughts had been running rampant at how it would feel like to finally feel to have sex with Jimin after he literally sucked the soul out of his dick and ruined porn for him. None of his favorite videos could compare to image of seeing Jimin between his legs, so he lets go to his inhibitions and grinds against Jimin’s ass, angling his hips so he can properly seek the pleasure he’s been longing. The tip of his cock is pressing against his zipper and it brushes against something hard between Jimin’s cheeks and he pauses.

He squints at nothing trying to figure out what the hell that was because that’s the second time tonight he felt it. He can literally feel his brain cells scrambling in his head trying to figure it out when Jimin tilts his head back onto his shoulder, he has his bottom lip caught between his teeth and there’s a light blush coating his cheeks. He looks like an absolute vision, there’s a light sheen of sweat covering his neck, his Adam’s apple bobs slightly after a particular hard grind. He’s in some sort of trance but it doesn’t stop him from grinding against his cock harder and he groans into his ear; he’s dry humping his boyfriend in the middle of a sketchy ass club where anyone can see and he could give two fucks.

Jimin’s eyes drift shut, losing himself to the movement. “Gguk – baby, you need to stop, you’re not sober and I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back”, Jeongguk growls in his ear before he turns Jimin around and kisses him roughly. Fuck the alcohol, he got sober the minute Jimin’s ass made contact with his dick and if he doesn’t have Jimin bent over on the nearest surface soon he’s going to lose his shit. Jimin moans into his mouth when he slots his thigh between his legs and Jeongguk has to fight a groan when he feels the entire outline of Jimin’s cock against his leg.

They need to go home, like right now.

He leans back breaking the kiss, he’s practically panting “Jimin, if we don’t leave right now everyone in this club is going to watch me fuck you”, Jimin shoots him a hooded gaze before he drags him back to the VIP lounge to get their jackets. Namjoon and Seokjin are missing, but their jackets are still there along with Taehyung’s and Hoseok’s. The shots that Jimin ordered are all gone too, he leans against the railing and scans the crowd from above and spots them dancing together as a group.

Jeongguk momentarily forgets about his arousal and stares at the scene with fond eyes, this expansion to his friend group was unexpected but welcomed. Jimin comes back a few minutes later and presses a kiss against his shoulder, his voice heavy with arousal “I really hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, he may come off as soft but he knows how to fuck. He lets Jimin have this moment, because once they’re behind closed quarters he’s going to ruin him. He takes his phone out and shoots a quick text to Tae to inform him he’s leaving and starts making his way out of the club with Jimin.

They exit through a different door this time that leads them to some parking lot and when he spots the familiar glint of Jimin’s Maserati he starts speed walking.

“Are you good to drive?”

Jimin scoffs, just as impatient as he is “It takes more than a couple of shots to have me remotely feel any of that, get in the fucking car” he orders. And his pulse spikes, his hands are twitching to touch skin. Jimin unlocks the car and they climb in, he doesn’t even let him strap himself in properly before he’s driving off to the apartment. He’s palming himself in the car to alleviate the pressure that’s rapidly building in his loins but it’s only making it worse, tallying in the side eye Jimin is giving him he’s pretty sure he’s not gonna last long tonight.

The drive to the apartment is incredibly fast and he can say with confidence that Jimin drove past a couple of red lights without a care in the world. As soon as the car comes to a halt in front of the apartment complex they practically jump out and burst through the front doors of the complex and wait for the elevator. He feels the impatience radiating off of Jimin in waves, his foot tapping rapidly on the floor. He’s as indifferent as possible and even starts humming a tune at one point that makes Jimin look at him with narrowed eyes.

When they step into the elevator Jeongguk presses the button for their floor and they scatter, standing parallel to each other and when he looks at Jimin he can see that his pupils are blown. Jeongguk smiles at him, all slow and wide like a Cheshire cat.  

“You look impatient.”

Jimin’s fingers are drumming a frantic beat into the rail on his side of the elevator, “I’ve been waiting to have sex with you since I had your dick in my mouth, don’t start with me” he warns and Jeongguk’s smile gets impossibly wider.

\--------------------------

Jimin doesn’t know what it is about Jeongguk right now but there’s a certain way that he’s carrying himself that’s making him wary about tonight’s events. Compared to Jimin, he’s just calm and collected like he didn’t threaten to ride his dick till he passed out earlier, Jimin bites his lip, maybe Jeongguk is a virgin?

They step out of the elevator and he walks over to Jeongguk’s door, there’s a weird shift in between them and the minute they step on the welcome mat the tension snaps. Just when Jimin’s about to ask him if he’s okay Jeongguk cages him against the door. His eyes widen because literally what the fuck, Jeongguk’s expression is dark and piercing, his eyes haven’t left his even after reaches into his back pocket to smack his keys against the scanner of the door.

As soon as the scanner clicks one of Jeongguk’s hands wraps around his throat and he presses hard, pushing Jimin back against it with enough force to push the door open. Jimin’s head is in the clouds, he’s not sure who the guy standing in front of him is anymore the change in persona has him reeling.

Jeongguk kicks the door shut behind him and continues to back him up until his back meets wall. His heartbeat feels erratic, he’s panting, nobody has ever choked him out like this – in fact nobody has ever asserted their dominance over him like this and used his body to fucking open a door. He whimpers when Jeongguk gives his throat a tight squeeze and he knows there’s going to be marks there in the morning, Jeongguk let’s go momentarily to brush his thumb against Jimin’s lips.

“Open”, he instructs.

Jimin inhales sharply, his voice is deep and authoritative, his knees buckle below him when it reaches his ears. He opens his mouth and Jeongguk sticks his thumb in, he sucks on the digit right away while looking at him dead in the eye.

Jeongguk tisks, “I told you to open, not to suck”, for whatever reason Jimin feels a wave of dread and arousal hit him at the same time. His pants feel impossibly tighter because Jeongguk has the voice of someone who’s ready to punish the absolute shit out him for not following directions. He withdraws his thumb and he’s fully expecting the consequences right away but all Jeongguk does is step back from his personal bubble and hooks his finger in the leather harness he’s wearing under his jacket and leads him into his bedroom with a harsh tug.  

Jimin yelps when Jeongguk practically tosses him onto the center of his bed, he scrambles into a sitting position, he watches him lock the door to his room and Jimin feels like he’s trapped with a caged animal.

“Strip for me pretty” he says and Jimin shivers, this is not how he was expecting this to go, he was expecting to have Jeongguk under him the minute he stepped foot into the apartment not have him riddle him to a shivering mess. Jimin feels his cock leaking embarrassingly in his pants. He knows he should listen, he really does but he doesn’t want to, he wants to see how far he can push him – so he disobeys.

“You do it” he pushes back.

Something flashes in Jeongguk’s eyes and Jimin gulps. Jeongguk looks all big and predatory right now, this is a complete contrast to the boy he saw earlier today with the beautiful bunny tooth smile. “You’ve got quite the fucking mouth Jimin, I’m going to have to do something about that”, Jeongguk strides over to the bed and his footsteps are so quiet and graceful it looks like he’s floating. He feels the hairs on the back of his neck are rising with Jeongguk’s proximity.

Jeongguk tugs on his leg and pulls his body down the bed till his ass is pressed against his crotch, and he preens, he can feel how hard Jeongguk is in his skinny jeans. He starts a slow but calculated grind, angling his hips enough that their crotches are pressed flushed together, the friction is delicious and he lifts his hips up to meet each roll of his hips. But just when he builds a steady rhythm Jeongguk stops and holds his hips down forcefully, Jimin can see a vein in neck pop out and he twitches, he’s so worked up he thinks he’s going to cry.

“Oh my god – Jeongguk if you don’t get inside of me in the next five minutes I’m going to lose my mind” and Jeongguk snaps, pressing his hips down hard “You take what the  _fuck_ I give you or you can sit there with blue balls for the rest of the fuckin’ night”, his heart is lodges in his throat; there’s a pool of molten lava traveling through his system. No one has ever talked down to him like this, the closest he’s ever gotten to dirty talk in bed was being called a slut by Yoongi but Jeongguk isn’t even calling him names, he’s just establishing his dominance and he’s about ready to get on his hands and knees for him.

When it becomes apparent that Jimin is going to behave Jeongguk leans back and takes a deep breath, he tosses his jacket off and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Jimin feels his mouth salivating at each inch of skin being revealed in front of him, when Jeongguk shrugs off his shirt he can see some of the fading bruises he left on his chest. He’s hit with such a primal urge to mark him some more but he doesn’t want Jeongguk to stop taking his clothes off.

“I thought I told you to strip?” Jeongguk’s voice cuts through his thoughts and he doesn’t waste time, he strips quickly tossing his clothes everywhere. He wants his hands on him right now. Jimin is stark naked under Jeongguk, the chilly air of his room is making goosebumps breakout across his skin. He yelps when Jeongguk grabs his legs and practically bends him in half “Hold your thighs for me baby, gonna make you feel good” Jeongguk instructs and Jimin immediately holds on to his thighs like a lifeline, the minute he feels the wet stripe of Jeongguk’s tongue lick down his sack to his perineum his eyes roll into the back of his head.

“fuckfuck _fuck_  – yes please”

He hears Jeongguk laugh and then inhale sharply when he spreads his cheeks. It’s Jimin’s turn to laugh. His little surprise was almost spoiled tonight, he knew that tonight was coming from a mile away, he prepped himself for this the butt plug that’s nested in his hole is a testament to how ready he is to take his cock. He’s been on edge all night the grinding at the club had pushed it in so deep it was grazing his prostate he’s never been so close but so far away from coming, the constant tug and pull has his nerves fried.

He licks his lips “Don’t gotta work me up or anything, just fuck me Gguk” he smiles up at him, wiggling ass in impatience. Jeongguk delivers a hard smack on his ass making him yelp and when he presses his fingers against the butt plug he hisses, “You naughty little thing, you took the pleasure out of working you open” he scolds. Jimin groans when he tugs at the butt plug until it comes out with an obscene pop, he can feel the lube trailing down his crack, he’s expecting Jeongguk to tug his pants down and fuck right into him but all he does is spit into his gaping hole and he shouts.

He looks down between his legs and Jeongguk is staring right at him and it feels like lightning strikes him, his gaze is so piercing and full of arousal it feels like Jeongguk impaled him with a double-edged sword, he’s not sure if he should be scared of him or aroused. He circles his rim with his tongue before he gives it a hard suck. His cock is leaking so much precum all over his chest, some of it trailing down his neck and he’s so fucking  _wet_ he’s pretty sure the moisture on his skin isn’t just sweat anymore, he feels sticky everywhere.

“Holy fuck, please fuck me” he keens, Jeongguk reaches up and starts giving his cock slow strokes before sticking his tongue inside of him and starts to fuck his hole. Jimin preens at the feeling, he’s never gotten his ass eaten this is so foreign to him his legs start trembling instantly. Jeongguk slides his middle finger in next to his tongue and crooks it inside of him, massaging his prostate with practiced precision and a guttural moan erupts from his chest. This is actually impossible, Jeongguk is fucking him open with his fingers better than anyone has with their dick.

His head lolls back when Jeongguk starts fucking him with two fingers, still abusing his prostate and his mind is going blank from the pleasure, he can feel the fire of his rapidly building orgasm coursing through his veins. “I’m gonna milk you so fuckin’ good Jimin, the sheets are gonna be drenched in your cum baby, look at you leak, you’re drooling”, Jimin can’t take it anymore, the muscles in his thighs shake uncontrollably and he loses his grip, his legs fall over Jeongguk shoulders before his orgasm hits him like a truck. He feels like there’s tiny wisps of embers scattering across his skin when comes with a shout, his back bows right off the bed and he starts shooting white all over his chest.

Jeongguk doesn’t let him rest though, the minute Jimin comes he scrambles to pull his pants down, kicking them into a corner of the room. He spits on his hand and strokes his cock for a few seconds, before he drops both of Jimin’s legs, wraps them around his waist and he’s pushing in. He lets out a loud whine, he actually feels like his soul is leaving his body, everything is too little and too much at the same time. Jeongguk groans, fingernails digging deeper into the meat of Jimin’s thighs for every inch his hole swallows, Jeongguk is so fucking big it feels like he’s splitting him apart in the most delicious way.

He hisses at the stretch and when Jeongguk is about halfway he reaches down placing his hand on his abs to prevent him from moving. “Holy fuck” he whimpers, the butt plug stretched him out good enough for him to slide in without the presence of lube but the intrusion is threatening to rip another orgasm out of him. Jeongguk is reaching spots in him he didn’t know even existed, he’s never someone so deep in him like this; he’s quite literally in his fucking guts.

“Don’t. Move” he begs.

Jeongguk blinks at him, concern in his voice “Do you need me to pull out?”

He shakes his head, “No baby, you’re just fuckin’ big”

Jeongguk breathes out a sigh of relief but the comment seems to have traveled all the way from his head to his dick, Jimin feels it twitch inside of him and he moans.

“Jesus fuck – just give me a minute” he breathes out.

Jeongguk is panting above him, his hands and arms are shaking and the veins in them are popping out with the constraint he’s using to hold himself back from fucking into him. He looks both ethereal and uncaged, Jimin still can’t believe this is the same guy from earlier today. “Okay baby, whatever you need” his voice sounds strained, but it doesn’t stop him from smiling down softly at him, he can feel warmth blooming throughout his body at the action, “Don’t mind me, just got a vice grip on my dick, no big deal” he continues, they sit like that for a few minutes and when the overwhelming urge to cum finally dies down again Jimin nods at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk practically growls when he buries himself to the hilt and the orgasm he thought dissipated hits him with a vengeance, his skin feels aflame and when a pathetic spurt of cum hits his abs he sees white. Jimin thinks he blacks out momentarily, he can hear his blood rushing loud in his ears, but everything is drowned out; he doesn’t even realize he’s screaming until Jeongguk’s lips are on his kissing him to keep him quiet, he hasn’t even established a rhythm and Jimin came again.

His chest is heaving, there’s spots dancing in his eyes when he finally comes to and he’s not sure if it’s from how breathlessly Jeongguk is kissing him or if it’s from the unexpected orgasm. His thighs feel numb and Jeongguk still hasn’t moved, but he can feel him shaking between his legs.

“Jimin,” he pants, “Are you okay, can you keep going?”

Jimin nods slowly, to hell with oversensitivity. “I want you to fuck me,” he starts, a lazy but devilish smile adorning his face when Jeongguk’s eyes get impossibly darker “I want you to fuck me into this mattress, wanna scream your name.”

“Gonna fuck you up”, Jimin whimpers, he believes every word behind the threat. Jeongguk lifts one of his legs over his shoulder before he slides out to the tip and slams back into him and starts a slow but brutal pace that has his brain rattling in his skull, he can’t think, all he’s zoning in on is the sound of skin slapping in the room and the jolts of painful pleasure shooting up his spine every time Jeongguk pushes into him.  There’s a mix Jeongguk’s name and curses leaving his lips that only seems to rile Jeongguk up even more, before his pace becomes borderline animalistic and his vision blurs.

He latches onto Jeongguk’s back trying to hold on through the frantic thrusting, mewling when he feels the hard muscle rippling under his fingertips, he rakes a path of angry red lines down his back and Jeongguk hisses, punishing him with a particularly hard thrust that has his eye rolling into the back of his head. “You little fucker,” Jeongguk hisses, “You like marking me? Like everyone seeing I’m off the market?” Jimin nods furiously, Jeongguk is hishis _his_. 

Jeongguk’s grip on his waist is hard when he leans in so he’s towering over Jimin, the new angle has him striking his prostate with such precision he can barely catch his fucking breath he’s letting out staccato moans, and he can feel drool dribbling down his chin. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, _don’t fuckin’ stop_ ” he chants repeatedly, he can’t even think, all that’s running through his head is Jeongguk and how _full_ he’s making him feel.

Jeongguk starts fucking into him so hard the contents of the bookshelf above him are rattling with force, “ _Fuck_  you feel just as good as I thought you would.” Jimin think’s he is either dead or is on the verge of dying, when he looks below to see where their hips connect the sight is too much and he seizes violently, causing Jeongguk’s hips to stutter. Jeongguk’s hands leave his waist to seize his neck, forcing him to look up at him, he’s looking down at him so intently his pulse spikes, the eye contact is so intimate it feels like Jeongguk is staring into his soul.

His pace slows down to something more languid and sweeter, drawing out little whimpers from him every time he pulls out, the rhythm makes him feel so loved and protected he fully succumbs to all that Jeongguk is. Jeongguk leans down and brushes his lip against his and he doesn’t wait for him to take the plunge, he tangles his fingers in his hair and his eyes flutter shut when he kisses him. There’s a mess of tongue but they aren’t really fighting for dominance, “’mgonna cum Jimin” he slurs against his mouth; he can feel his cock throbbing violently inside of him, “Cum inside of me, make me yours” he wraps his legs around Jeongguk’s waist, and digs his heels into the dimples on his back.

Jeongguk breaks the kiss to rest his head on his shoulder, he takes the chance to mouth at his neck and jaw leaving a few hickeys behind. Jeongguk’s rhythm is erratic and after a few more thrusts his muscles go taut and he groans into his ear, he can feel the tension in them before he bursts, the feeling of having Jeongguk cum in him has him seizing, his eye’s drift shut and there’s an ache in his balls that has him quickly realizes in a bewildered state that he’s coming dry. The last thing he sees is the Iron Man figuring looming over him on the shelf above him before he loses consciousness.

\--------------------------

Jimin regains his consciousness when something wet is pressed against his heated skin, he groans in discomfort and starts swatting at whatever the hell it is.

“Cease demon” he says sleepily and rolls onto his back. Said demon however just laughs at him all low and airy, he opens one eye and catches the source of the wetness, there’s a damp washcloth in the hands of a very muscly individual, his eyes burn a path up to the individuals face and he lets out a content sigh. Jeongguk looks as fucked out as he feels, he’s sitting on his desk chair – still naked, his hair is matted to his forehead and there are several new hickeys adorning his neck, Jeongguk twists in his seat to squeeze some sort of lotion on his hand and he get’s a glimpse of the angry red marks he left on his back.

“Wow.”

“Hm?” Jeongguk questions.

“I did a number on you, look like you got mauled.”

Jeongguk shrugs and starts rubbing the lotion on his ass cheeks, he kneads the flesh and he hisses at the unexpected soreness that suddenly hits him.

“You passed out you know”

Jimin’s head perks up from the safe haven that is Jeongguk’s pillow to look at him, “How long was I out?”, Jeongguk has small smile adorning his lips “About ten minutes, I’ve been cleaning you up since then.” Jimin blushes at the statement, this entire time he thought he was going to be dealing with some inexperienced virgin not a boy who had the capability of fucking him within an inch of his life. It’s always the fucking nerds who have this inhuman sexual proficiency.

Jeongguk finishes his ministrations and stands with great difficulty, heading out of the room. Jimin’s eyes drift shut and the next time he opens them Jeongguk has a pair of boxers on and the air around him smells like minty toothpaste.

Jeongguk leans over him and kisses his shoulder “Lift your hips for me baby?” Jimin replies with a groan and lifts his hips as high so Jeongguk can slip a pair of boxers on him and he collapses as soon as he’s done. “Just an fyi in case you wake up earlier than me, you can use the Captain America toothbrush, I kind of – uh – got it for you a few days ago” Jeongguk whispers and his heart soars, “I’ll brush my teeth in the morning, thank you baby”, Jeongguk shoots him a bashful smile before settling in bed with him.

“Night Cap”

Jimin giggles, “Night Stark.” Jimin rests his head against Jeongguk’s naked chest and when Jeongguk starts coming his fingers through his hair sleep quickly overtakes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl, i'm not happy with this chapter pero whatever, it's been burning a hole in my hard drive, hope you guys enjoyed it. see yall next time.


	7. darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, was super sick and uploaded last chapter without realizing all the html errors and i want to die. will fix soon.
> 
> in other news, heres this.

He wakes up that morning feeling out of place, similar to a puzzle piece that’s been forced to fit into a slot that doesn’t belong. The shower he took did nothing to help the queasiness he feels, there is absolutely something nauseating stirring deep in the pits of his soul, something he’s all too familiar with and he doesn’t like what has summoned it. 

Last night comes back to him in hot flashes.

The sex.

Yoongi.

The sex.

**YOONGI.**

**NOT YOURS.**

He’s suffered immensely from these bouts of conflicting emotions when he was a kid but he’s a grown adult and there’s no plausible reason for him to be afraid to talk to his boyfriend about this situation. He should be ecstatic that they’re finally official but he’s not. The happiness that could’ve perpetually rivaled his love for banana milk was crushed the minute Min Yoongi spoke those cursed words into existence last night.

_You’ll be back._

_You’ll accept me like you always do._

He inhales sharply.

“I’m overthinking things, everything will be fine” he says.

Jeongguk makes his way to the sink, wiping the fog from the mirror with his hand when he catches his reflection.

He’s looking at himself, but not really.

He’s staring at the wide doe eyes of innocent pre-teen Jeongguk with the terrible bowl cut, with the still healing cut on his cheek, with the still fat cheeks and with the familiar golden boy glow that everyone but his family acknowledged.

He blinks.                                                                 

The reflection doesn’t disappear, instead it cocks its head slowly like he’s trying to analyze and familiarize itself with him.

“This isn’t real, I must still be asleep” he says while vigorously rubbing his eyes until there’s rainbow dots scattering across his vision.  When he looks again his reflection is still staring at him, but the golden glow that it was previously bathed in vanished and in its absence comes a dark miasma.

_It’s been a while hasn’t it?_

Ice travels so fast down Jeongguk’s spine it’s physically hard for him to breathe.The thing’s mouth isn’t moving but he knows for sure the voice he’s hearing is coming from the apparition in the mirror. It sounds like several people talking at once who couldn’t decide who should speak first. He doesn’t know what the fuck that is or why it looks like him when he was younger but he needs to leave this goddamn bathroom right now.

Jeongguk has watched enough horror movies to know that should be his cue to get the fuck out, his flight or fight response has surged so violently his hands are shaking. He turns ready to bolt out the door because fuck everything about this situation.

_Did I dismiss you?_

He freezes.

_Face me._

He can physically feel himself fighting, he’s so wound up and tight the movement is practically robotic as his body moves against his own volition. When he faces the mirror the apparition has something that looks like a frown on its face.

_Why do you run?_

“You’re not real” he whispers.

The things frown falls and rises breaking out into a smile with a mouth full of jagged fangs so  _so_  menacing he has to bite his lip to stop himself from screaming.

 _You don’t know what I am_  the apparition responds knowingly.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” he screams

  _You know you make a great canvas; you portray yourself to be this talented and kind person but all of your gifts where birthed from the spite and hatred you have for your brother. No matter how many sports you take up, no matter how smart you are, no matter how many times you go to the gym…_ the apparition counts on his fingers and trails off.

His heart is racing in his chest and for a brief second he actually thinks its quite possible a ventricle in it is close to collapsing. He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he tastes the saltiness of his tears.

“Please, shut up..” he begs.

 _You will never be rid of me; I am you, you are me. You are alone and you are **NOTHING**  _it yells, the walls of his bathroom shake from the force of it’s voice.  

Jeongguk plugs his fingers in his ears in a feeble attempt to drown it out.

itisntrealitisntrealitisntrealitisntreal

 _You are **NOTHING** to your parents. You are **NOTHING** to your friends. You are **NOTHING** to the person who claims you as theirs _it continues; several tiles have popped off of the wall and shatter around him.

There’s a heavy fog of dust and dry wall forming in the bathroom and he can’t fucking breathe. He tries to remember all the breathing exercises he did in Taekwondo but it’s a fruitless attempt, he’s scared shitless and completely out of his element.

 _1,2,3,4,5,6 exhale, **breathe** Jeongguk, just like old times _it taunts.

“Fuck you, don’t patronize me you piece of shit, you don’t fucking know me” he hisses angrily.

The apparition roars in anger, it starts oozing something that looks like black goo from it’s face and it soon starts overflowing out of the mirror. He shuffles away from the liquid darkness and makes a beeline for the door and he turns and tugs at the knob that refuses to set him free.

The inky black liquid fills the room rapidly and he really thinks he might die here, its so dense that he can hardly break the surface with his feet when he steps back to attempt to kick the door down. It’s almost as if the liquid’s sole purpose is to trap.

He lifts his leg and kicks the door hard, once, twice, thrice, before he stops. There’s pain flaring up his ankle when he tries to put his leg down and he realizes with a panic that the liquid is up to his waistline.

“Fuck, shit, help! JIMIN! TAE!” he screams at the top of his lungs.

_You are alone._

He’s swimming in it now, almost touching the ceiling. His heart is hammering so hard in his chest at his imminent doom that all he can do is wail.  

“What did I do wrong? I just wanted them to be proud of me!”  

 _Jeonggukie always second best,_ it mocks.

His limbs feel like they’re weighing him down, like he has cinderblocks attached to them.

He can’t fight this.

_Jimin is just using you to make something that was once his jealous_

_Jimin doesn’t want **you**_ it says with finality and he breaks.

He sinks into the liquid, it fills his lungs until all he can breathe, taste, think, and see is the darkness.

 _Welcome back, Jeonggukie_.


	8. origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a n g s t.

He startles awake sitting up so abruptly the bed shakes, he looks around frantically at his surroundings and finds himself back in the safe four red walls of his room.

“What the fuck,” he breathes.

Jeongguk can still feel the icy and malevolent presence of the apparition from his nightmare in the room, he’s not sure if it’s just the after effects of the terror he faced or if he’s just imaging things. There’s something eerie about the once welcomed silence in his room right now that makes the hairs on the back of his neck prickle in alert.   

Jimin snores next to him and throws his leg over his hips and when the chilly air of his room starts to seep into the open space of the sheets he grunts.

“Stop blanket hogging Gguk.”

Jeongguk blinks at nothing and climbs out of bed, he makes sure to tuck Jimin in before he walks out of his room. The living room is just as quiet and he still finds Taehyung’s door open which tells him that he never made it home last night, probably still with Hoseok.  His eyes travel to the open door of their bathroom and a shiver travels down his spine.

He always thought the bathroom was creepy, the tubing always makes weird sounds at night that always startled him awake from his sleep when they first moved in. He’s gotten so used to it’s practically white noise to him and on particularly hard nights if he’s desperate enough for sleep pulls him into a deep slumber. If he squints hard enough, he can see the yellow bath mat Taehyung brought home the first day they moved in because it had ducks on it. Jeongguk remembers how Taehyung dragged him across all of South Korea to find a matching set of bath curtains for it before they found it tucked in a dusty corner of an Ikea.

Looking at now makes his stomach turn in uneasiness, he really wants to shower he’s covered in a cold sweat that’s making what little he’s wearing stick to his skin like glue but at the same time he doesn’t want to come face to face with the nightmare.

Jeongguk sighs he shifts his weight from foot to foot before he makes up his mind.

He sprints into the bathroom flicks the light on and avoids looking at his reflecting like the plague. He strips quickly and hops into the shower and doesn’t even wait for the water to heat up properly before he starts scrubbing himself raw. He knows there’s nobody but him in the bathroom but the hairs on his body are prickling like some sort of Spidey-Sense telling him there’s immediate danger in the area.

He gets out and completely avoids doing his facial routine and ends up bringing his toothbrush with him to the kitchen to brush his teeth.  Some would think he’s being irrational but after experiencing what he experienced he’s adamant on not spending too much time in there.

Jeongguk goes through their cabinets as he’s brushing his teeth, looking for something to make for Jimin before he wakes up when comes across the box of pancake mix he was planning on saving for the fallout of Professor Lee’s class. He doesn’t hesitate to start putting all the ingredients together planning on making Jimin the biggest pancake he can muster.  

He flips the stove on and pours the gooey liquid into the pan and waits. He hums a long a tune from one of his favorite video games and twists the spatula in his hand to kill time, he somehow ends up smacking himself in the face with the said spatula trying to do a trick and almost ends up with Jimin’s hot breakfast all over himself.

He grumbles and steps to the side and opts to mess around with the box of pancake mix, he’s looking at all the designs on it when his eyes focus on a word, he detests more than the creation of microwaves.

_The best pancake mix to make some of the most **perfect**  pancakes._

Jeongguk remembers a lot about the word perfect.

He grew up hating the word perfect and anything associated to it, coming second to his brother in practically anything he did and having his parents inadvertently declaring Jung Hyun as the perfect and favorite child strained his relationship with his family significantly. It led to Jeongguk trying out a multitude of sports and hobbies just to impress his parents, not for himself, to show them that he could be better than his brother – all of it being fruitless.

No matter what Jeongguk did Jung Hyun magically did it better. Jung Hyun always had the better friends, the better looks, and the better grades. Jung Hyun had it all.

He traces his finger over the scar on his cheek the most prominent sign of his parent’s favoritism, he remembers fighting with Jung Hyun over the computer when the sharpest edge of their bulky keyboard sliced his cheek open. Despite not being the one at fault because he really did have something to do on the computer, Jeongguk was the one who was punished. He kept to his own primal devices, he didn’t speak to Jung Hyun for the two weeks his parents had grounded him he mainly spent those days working on his art and writing in his dairy.

At the time he didn’t mind though – being away from Jung Hyun led him to formulate plans to get his parents to pay attention to him, 13-year-old Jeongguk was hardheaded and steadfast, he had a list of clubs and activities he was going to join to have his parents finally acknowledge his existence.  

Something he wasn’t anticipating however was his trophy collection growing faster than his parent’s affections towards him, by the time he was in high school there wasn’t an inch of space on his desk and walls that wasn’t littered with trophies he earned from Taekwondo and ribbons from art exhibitions.

Despite all of the materialistic proof that he could be just as good as Jung Hyun nothing had changed between him and his parents, in fact he’s pretty sure their relationship worsened. When Jeongguk experimentally decided to take up bboying because of its rowdy crowd his parents said nothing, when Jeongguk picked up his first cigarette from brought upon him by said crowd his parents said nothing, when he brought his first boyfriend Bobby over his parents still said nothing.

It became explicitly clear to him when he was sixteen that his parents didn’t give a fuck about him, aside from providing him a roof to sleep under he was just literally wallpaper to them.

Jung Hyun eventually noticed the lack of communication between him and the family. He did try his best to make his parents realize how they were affecting him but by the time he noticed the disconnect Jeongguk was way too deep into his pessimistic mindset. His entire upbringing had riddled with him with insecurities he tries to hide by treating everything as a competition because then, nobody can focus on his overwhelming need to be noticed.

He blinks, the hazy memory of his childhood dissipating before his very eyes.

Jeongguk grew up hating the word perfect, but right here, at this very moment, he’s making damn sure his sleeping boyfriend gets one of the most perfect pancakes he can make. He flips the mass in the pan to check on the other side, finding it golden brown and he smiles to himself, perfect pancake for a perfect boy.

Jeongguk rolls his shoulders and tosses the spatula in his hands side to side while he waits for the pancake to puff up.

His hair is still damp and curling at the ends from the shower he took a few minutes ago, he’s in dire need of a haircut with it practically being shoulder length but he’s 900% sure Taehyung threatened every barber in the near mile radius. Every time he makes an appointment with some of the best hair cutters in the area, they mysteriously cancel on him after he provides Tae with their contact card. Despite it being a bird’s nest right now, it’s a cool and welcomed counter to the mini migraine he’s sporting.

He’s very critical about the breakfast, he knows Jimin is watching his weight for the showcase in a few days so he tries not to go overboard, well, maybe just a tiny bit. It’s when he drizzles syrup on the pancake that he realizes just how colossal it is, it’s almost taking up the whole plate.

He sighs, “Stupid Jeongguk, he’s probably not even going to be able to eat this” he scolds himself there’s a knot of uncertainty rolling in the pit of his stomach at the thought. He makes his way to his room and his heart soars a little, in his absence Jimin has somehow managed to make himself a nest out of Jeongguk’s pillows and comforter and is nested in the middle of it like some prized diamond.

He places the plate on his desk and climbs back into bed, hovering over Jimin’s sleeping form. Jeongguk analyzes his sleeping face, Jimin looks so content in the mess he’s made and he is seriously reconsidering waking him up, but Jimin needs to eat especially after last night so he throws caution into the wind. He leans down and places a kiss on his button nose and then his lips that has Jimin groaning in his sleep, his hand comes up instantaneously to smoosh Jeongguk’s face away from him.

“That’s not nice” he mumbles against Jimin’s hand and the hand in question squeezes his lips shut, one of Jimin’s legs comes out from the comforter and hooks around his waist pulling him flush against Jimin’s body and he tosses the comforter over them again.

Jeongguk lays there for a second a little winded from the ambush and Jimin just sighs contently at the contact.

“You are not allowed to leave this bed ever again.”

“m md yo brkkfst.”

Jimin cracks one eye open and looks at Jeongguk, voice still hoarse with sleep “What?”

“m md yo brkkfst!”

Jimin’s eye narrows before he remembers what his hand is doing and he lets go of his lips.

“One more time?”

He shoots Jimin a shy smile, “I made you breakfast.”

Jimin blinks at him like it was the strangest thing he’s ever heard in his life. “You made me breakfast” he repeats unsurely, the knot forming in his stomach feels heavier with each passing second, maybe making Jimin food was a bad idea?

“Uhm – yeah, I uh – kind of thought you might want some food after last night? I’m sorry if I was too rough by the way, but uhm – yeah I just wanted to give you something to eat after a night of heavy drinking but if you wanna go home that’s fine too, no harsh feelings,” he stammers nervously.

Jeongguk is well aware he’s word vomiting, but he can’t stop. What Yoongi said last night has stirred something in him that he hasn’t felt in since he was a teenager, he’s practically an adult for Christ sake, he has no business overthinking something as silly as this but the Pandora’s Box he’s locked away with all his bad thoughts jostles with a newfound purpose to flood his mind with negativity.

Jimin frowns at him, “Do you want me to go?”

He shakes his head furiously “No, but I can understand if you want to and need some space to figure out last night. I don’t know if last night was something you wanted or of it was in the heat of the moment.”

Jimin rolls his eyes and wraps his other leg around his waist and rolls them over so he’s on top, Jimin takes his hands and pins them above his head and interlocks their fingers; he looks down at Jeongguk with something that looks like adoration in his eyes and his heart kicks in his chest.

“I know this is pretty new and all,” he starts, pink dusting his cheeks and Jeongguk thinks he looks as nervous as he feels, “But there’s nothing to figure out, I want you, I’ve wanted you since the day you walked in the café during finals week. And I can tell you want me too, you’re not a very vocal person but the way the stars in your eyes light up for me when you see me speak volumes.”

Jeongguk gnaws at his lips, Jimin exposing him this early in the morning is something he wasn’t anticipating. He just wanted to feed his sleepy boyfriend and maybe cuddle for a few more hours before they have to roll out of bed to do adult things.

“I know last night was a little spontaneous, but I would like to properly ask you if you’d like to be my boyfriend?” Jimin says, there’s a bashful smile adorning his face and an equally big of a smile breaks across Jeongguk’s face.

“You think I’d say no?”

Jimin’s smile turns into a smirk and he wiggles in his lap “Nah, I wouldn’t have allowed it. Not after the way you fucked me last night, speaking of, what in the world was that? It was like I was dealing with two different people”

“I’m the Dr.Jekyll of sex, you dealt with Mr.Hyde” he replies with pride, Jimin leans backs slowly he closes his eyes breathes out harshly and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Don’t you ever say that in my presence again” he says exasperatedly. He starts cackling, momentarily forgetting about the bad thoughts plaguing his mind, sex he’s good at, dealing with his flawed and fragile mindset he’s not.

He rests his hands on Jimin’s thighs and wiggles his hips “Why? Can’t handle it?”

Jimin cocks his eyebrow at him and grinds his ass against his crotch, Jeongguk’s laughter dies quickly in his suddenly dry throat. “Uh, Jimin?” Jimin doesn’t respond, there’s a devilish glint in his eyes when he repeats the action much slower, cock caught between the gap of his clothed cheeks and his dick twitches in his sweatpants.

“Can’t handle it?” Jimin mimics back and Jeongguk fixes him with a hard gaze. “Don’t start something you can’t finish Park” he challenges but Jimin remains unaffected, he places his hands on his chest and presses him into the mattress trapping him in underneath a mess of sheets and muscular thighs.

“Okay, well, right now my name is start and I want you finish me,” Jimin flirts back while drawing small circles on his chest.

“You barely handled half of my dick in you last night, how are you going to handle it now?” he responds nonchalantly.

Jimin hums and drags his fingernails down his naked chest, it’s not enough to hurt but it still feels like he’s leaving behind a burning trail of coals on his skin. He has to resist the urge to arch embarrassingly into the feeling, Jimin’s trail stops right above the hem of his sweatpants and he shoots him a dangerous smirk.

“Remember how you squirmed when your dick was in my mouth, Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk blinks up at him, confused “Yes?”

The smirk widens, “So you’re well aware of what I can do correct?”

He nods, still not understanding where this is going.

“So tell me,  _Ggukie_ , what makes you think you can talk to me like that after you almost blew your load the minute I put my mouth on you, hm?”

Jeongguk’s breath hitches in his throat, in his opinion he knows he’s good at sex and given how vocal his previous lovers where other people can attest to that as well. Jimin effortlessly dancing a dance that took him years to perfect is making him feel incredibly small and like an inexperienced virgin, he’s oozing so much sex appeal that it has his body fully responding to him without even touching him.

He opens his mouth, an apology ready on the tip of his tongue when the front door opening breaks his focus, Jeongguk’s eyes dart to the door of his room in alarm when he realizes it’s still slightly ajar. “Jimin maybe we shou-“ he starts but Jimin doesn’t let him finish his sentence, one of his hands dives under the fabric of his sweatpants and cups his cock through his boxers, “Shh, I’m going to show you who is in charge,” all Jeongguk can do is lay there and freeze in gay panic at the authorative tone.

Jeongguk is hyper aware of the situation they’re in, he can hear Taehyung rummaging through their fridge but the thought of doing this with his door open, the thought of being caught by Taehyung shoots a jolt of arousal down straight to his cock that has it twitching in Jimin’s hand. He has never felt such a deadly combination of arousal and fear in his life, he’s not an exhibitionist but something about the way Jimin is touching him with his roommate being several feet away from them has him bending to his every will.

Jimin presses himself flush against Jeongguk and despite the awkward angle he manages to pull his boxers down enough to thumb at the cockhead that’s already slick and wet with precome. He gathers enough of it on his hands to squeeze and stroke him from tip to base, making the glide easier and his heart hammers in his chest.  

Jeongguk has about a million thoughts running through his head, 99% of them revolving around the firm grip Jimin has on his cock, the other 1% is the fear revolving around the fact that Taehyung is about to hear him cream his pants because Jimin doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself. His eyebrows furrow as his brain goes through a landslide of puppy pictures to keep himself turning into putty.  

Jimin laughs at his struggle, it’s all airy and he wants to kick him, nothing of what’s going on beneath these sheets is funny. His roommate is ten feet away from them and Jimin is making him unravel at the seams with a fucking handjob. He bites his lips to suppress a moan after a particularly hard flick of his wrist, Jimin makes a noise that sounds like a growl at that. He presses his thumbnail into the slit of his cockhead and stars explode behind his eyelids, he jolts both in pain and pleasure.

“Jimin,  _Jimin_  holy fuck” he pants, burying his face into the side of his neck, “Gotta be quiet for me, It’s gonna get real bad in a second,” Jimin whispers and his head is swimming he doesn’t know how this could possibly get any worse.

Jimin shuffles above him and he almost jumps when his thighs come in contact with Jimin’s naked ass.

“When th– _shit_ – when the fuck did you take off your boxers?”

Jimin hums and presses a kiss against his lips, his tongue darts out to trace the outline of his bottom one before he sucks it in harshly and releases it with a loud pop.  “Stop asking me questions when your dick is in my hand Jeongguk,” Jimin states while steadily pumping his cock to life and he’s so lost in the feeling that he doesn’t hear the familiar click of the tube of lube opening in the too quiet room, he doesn’t even know where the fuck it came from but the minute the he feels the wet drop of liquid hit his balls he knows immediately what Jimin is planning.

He doesn’t have to look down to know Jimin is working himself open, he can hear how raspy his breaths are beginning to come out, and if he listens hard enough, he can hear the squelch of Jimin’s hole adjusting to the stretch of his fingers. Jimin hides his face in his neck to muffle his moans, “I can’t wait to feel you inside of me again,” a full body shiver racks his body so violently it leaves goosebumps in its wake, equal parts of arousal and warmth pool in his stomach.

After what seems like an eternity the squelching stops, Jimin doesn’t even give him a heads up before he lines up his cockhead with his hole and he’s sinks down in one stroke and he’s engulfed in warm velvety heat. “Holy fuck, jesus,  _shit_ ” he gasps, his head lolls back against the pillow, he glances to his side to find Jimin’s eyes are squeezed shut, mouth open in a silent scream.

Jeongguk thinks he’ll never get tired of seeing Jimin like this, of feeling Jimin like this, Jimin takes him so good it’s obscene how well at home he feels buried to the hilt inside of his boyfriend. Jeongguk grips his hips and rubs a soothing pattern up and down his sides, “Take your time baby, don’t hurt yourself” he says while kissing a path down Jimin’s jawline. Jimin nods and braces himself on his elbows, he starts gyrating his hips a little seemingly adjusting to the feeling before he starts a slow roll of his hips that has Jeongguk’s toes curling.

There’s something precise about the way Jimin is angling his hips to take more of his cock, it has his own cock trapped between their bodies leaving their stomach wet and sticky with precome. The pleasure has been building in him steadily and he feels hot all over but it’s not enough to feel as fucked out as Jimin promised. Jimin on the other hand seems to be miles ahead from a race he didn’t know they were having; his hair is matted to his forehead and he’s occasionally letting out broken moans into his shoulder after a particularly hard roll.

Jeongguk shifts a little, trying to find a better angle so he can seek the pleasure that’s been teasing him for the last couple of minutes just for Jimin to shift away. Jeongguk frowns, frustrated “Baby, what are you doing?” Jimin doesn’t answer him but responds by biting a trail down the side of his neck.

“Jesus fuck, are you trying to eat me?” he winces after a particularly hard bite, Jimin growls into the junction of his neck and mumbles something along the words of “marking” and it’s there that it hits him.

Jimin is punishing him for his smart mouth, he’s not fucking Jimin, Jimin is fucking  _him._

“Fuck, Gguk I’m so close” Jimin whimpers, sitting up a little straighter and grips Jeongguk’s shoulders, the comforter that was covering them slips off of Jimin’s naked shoulders and Jeongguk stops breathing.

Jimin looks otherworldly, his skin is flushed red with arousal and restraint, Jimin bites his lip and his head tilts back, the sight of his abs flexing and the sweat is too much. He needs to cum desperately but Jimin’s rolls are relentlessly slow and purposeful, only meant to pleasure one and not the other. The TV in the living room comes to life and he can hear the familiar opening of an anime Taehyung has been binge watching resonates through his walls, the panic that dissipated falls over him like a bucket of ice-cold water. Taehyung is literally outside of his room watching TV.

The noise seems to have surged something in Jimin because at the sounds of the TV blaring to life the roll of his hip’s transitions into a fast rise and fall that’s pushing his cock deeper and deeper into him that has Jeongguk close to death.

He grips Jimin’s hips trying to control the pace, to slow him down just a bit just for Jimin to smack his hands away and pin them to his sides.

“Slow down,” he hisses through his teeth.

Jimin looks bigger on top like this, he doesn’t know what demon is possessing him right now but he gets bolder, he rises to his knees, his cock slips out inch by inch until the crown catches on the rim. His bottom lip is pulled between his teeth and when he finally makes eye contact with Jeongguk it’s like lightning strikes him.

Jimin floors him with a look that’s borderline feral, “I changed my mind, let him hear I want him to know who is doing this to you.”

Jeongguk blinks, “Jimin fuck, wait” he says panicked.

Jimin smiles all slow when he sinks down again, his ass meeting his thighs with a loud slap that sounds like a gunshot in the too quiet room and a guttural moan bursts through his chest. Taehyung most definitely heard that, but he can care less, all that’s running through his mind right now is the hot white pleasure coursing through his veins. Jimin finally starts bouncing on his cock earnestly now, slapping of skin getting louder and the pleasure he’s been seeking hits him like a torrent, he’s feeling too much at the same time and it’s overwhelming.

To hell with Taehyung, he can’t hold back anymore, the steady and heavy pulse of arousal shooting all across the shaft of his cock is demanding release. Jeongguk plants his feet on the bed and fucks up into Jimin harshly trying to match his rhythm.

“Fuckfuck _fuck_ , god  _yes_ , look at you take it, I’m yours, you look so fucking beautiful bouncing on my cock,” he moans.

Jimin keens at the praise, nails digging deep into his wrists. “Holy shit yes, keep talking.”

Jeongguk nods frantically “Gonna ruin you, gonna make sure all you feel is me, gonna make sure the world knows you’re mine.”

Jimin’s pace becomes borderline brutal, his hips are jerking unevenly trying to match the rise and fall of Jimin’s hips, he’s so so  _so_  close to the peak there’s dark splotches hovering over the edge of his already blurry vision.

“Baby I-“ he starts, but it’s short lived he almost chokes on his own spit trying to communicate with Jimin. They’re fucking frantically and the coil in his stomach is unraveling faster than he can breathe, the burst of pleasure rendering him speechless.

“Don’t c-cum, not yet, I’m almost there” Jimin commands, he places both of his hands on Jeongguk’s waist and presses him into the mattress. He slams down once, twice, thrice before he stills and his eyes start to roll into the back of his skull. Jimin’s thighs shake around his hips “Oh fuck, oh– “ a wail erupts from his chest, thick white coats of cum shoot out and coat Jeongguk’s chest, hole seizing so violently he’s pretty sure he’s binded to Jimin.

Jimin bonelessly collapses on him after he cums panting harshly, Jeongguk rolls them over so he’s on top and just when he’s about to push in again to chase the orgasm he’s been practically dying for Jimin’s hands shoot out holding his waist preventing him from doing so.

“Jimin? What’s wrong are you okay?”

Jimin nods, coy smile on his face, voice deep and airy when he speaks again “I got what I wanted.”

Jeongguk stares a little confused, heart racing a little in anxiety. What does that even mean?

Jimin smirks to sense his internal distress, he holds his face and kisses his cheeks and lips.

“Baby, I just wanted you to see how desperate I can make you.”

Jeongguk blinks.

“You were talking a lot of big game and got pissy when I wasn’t riding you properly.”

Oh.

“I’m sorry, you’re amazing, can I please fuck you into the mattress? I’m about to blow here,” he whines.

Jimin shakes his head, thumb brushing over his bottom lip “That was meant to punish you, not reward you.”

He slithers out from under him, he sits near the edge of the bed and starts munching away at his breakfast, leaving Jeongguk with such a heavy case of blue balls he’s seriously considering bathing in the Han River until it shrinks his family jewels shrink to walnuts.

He sighs heavily and collapses onto his sheets face first starts thinking about the nastiest things to calm his dick but this is a different type of want, he’s never wanted to be so utterly consumed by someone in his 20 years of existing on this planet.

He’s five minutes into his rampant thinking when his stomach drops at the realization that his thoughts aren’t doing anything to calm the arousal burning through his veins. He needs another shower, probably a cold one stat.

Jeongguk stands a little wobbly, pulls up his sweatpants and tries to tuck himself well enough so that Taehyung can’t see the problem he’s having. This feels worse than that time Taehyung and him stayed up all night unlocking the Smash Bro’s roster on their GameCube only to have the save file corrupting after they turned it off.

“Stop being broody Gguk I can practically feel the pout from over here,” Jimin says with a mouthful of pancake.

“It’s easy for you to say, you weren’t just fucked and tossed into the deepest corners of hell with blue balls by a demon named Park Jimin all because he made a snide joke.”

Jimin giggles, “Come here baby.”

Despite how fried he feels Jeongguk wordlessly walks over to him, Jimin takes one of the tissues from his Kleenex box and starts wiping his chest. There’s a blush slowly spreading across Jimin’s cheeks to his chest as he wipes away the remnants of cum off his chest.

“Thank you for the pancakes... I’ve never had breakfast in bed until I met you and Taehyung.”

Jeongguk hums and scratches his neck bashfully, “No biggie, I’ll wake you up with breakfast in bed everyday if you want me to.”

Jimin smiles and presses his lips against his stomach, leaving featherlike kisses all over his abs before he playfully shoves him away.

“You’re kind of clean now, go greet Taehyung for me while I eat my soul away with these pancakes.”

Jeongguk grunts and rolls his eyes, “Yes, sir.”

Jeongguk makes his way out of his room and finds Taehyung sprawled all over the couch with a bag of chips on his lap and a bottle of soda connected to his lips. He squints at Jeongguk and his nose scrunches up at his appearance.

“What?” Jeongguk says.

“What do you mean what? I’ve been trying to watch One Piece for the last half hour, instead I had to listen to Jimin getting railed because you don’t know how to close the damn door!”

“I tried to! Jimin is the fucking anti-christ” he whines, Jimin’s laughter rings out from his bedroom and he wishes he could telepathically glare at Jimin because it’s his fault he’s in this situation.

Taehyung rolls his eyes laughing a little and instantly winces, he shifts so the lower half of his body is hanging off of the couch and his eyebrows rise so fast they threaten to shoot off his forehead at the action.

“No fucking way” he whispers.

Taehyung settles him with a glare “Jeonggu-“

“YOU BOTTOMED?”

Taehyung takes one of the coasters off of the table and angrily frisbee throws it at him, “Jeongguk shut the hell up, stop announcing to the entire apartment complex that I got laid!”

Jeongguk squeals, boner forgotten, and swan dives onto the other couch, “Tell me everything.”

“I’m not telling you shit, your boyfriend is still in the other room!”

As if summoned, Jimin appears at the doorway in one of his oversized white t-shirts and boxers, cheeks puffed with pancake. He looks at both of them and stops mid chew when he catches a glimpse of Taehyung’s state.

“Did Hoseok have sex with you?” Jimin mumbles, mouth full.

Taehyung groans loudly and he laughs, “It’s like painfully obvious you had sex, for one your neck is covered in hickeys, two you can’t even sit properly on the couch.” Jimin hums and saunters over to him, he sits down right on his back crosses his legs.  

Jimin points his fork at Taehyung and grins, “Tell us everything, you have the audience’s attention.”

                                                                                      --------------------------

The three of them fall into an easy conversation about last night’s events, there’s a moment in the conversation where Jeongguk tries to not physically wince when Jimin mentions Yoongi but Taehyung has keen eyes. Despite being attentive to the conversation he’s tuning into every little vibe of discomfort Jeongguk seems to be giving off the more it progresses.

Jimin leaves an hour later mentioning he has to help Seokjin with some last-minute baking at the café before he quits and starts working at his new veterinary job, he promises to come back once he’s done with guests. As soon as Jimin leaves the discomfort Jeongguk tried to hide to his oblivious boyfriend unleashes in a tenfold.

Taehyung doesn’t even have time to confront Jeongguk about his weird behavior before he’s shooting across all over the apartment cleaning things that don’t need to be cleaned. He watches a little wide eyed at what’s unfolding in front of him.

“Gguk, hey wanna explain to me what that was?”

Jeongguk ignores him, wipes down the coffee table in front of him several times until it’s spotless and scatters to fetch the mop in the kitchen. Taehyung sighs and sinks into the couch slowly trying to find a comfortable position for the pain that’s shooting up his back and winces when he moves a little too fast.

“Fucking Hoseok.”

Jeongguk snickers from across the room and he shoots him the deadliest glare he can muster.

“Oh so you can see me, cool, maybe you should slow down? Sit down and talk to me? You’ve been weird all morning” he sasses but Jeongguk remains unaffected and starts a rampant moppy assault on their hardwood floor.

Thirty minutes later Taehyung has gone through his entire bag of chips and finished his soda watching Hurricane Jeon pass through their living room. Jeongguk eventually pauses in front of him to take a breather, mop in hand and he shoots Taehyung a lopsided smile which he returns.

“Gguk sit down for a second?” he asks and Jeongguk shakes his head.

“Gotta clean up, we might have more guests over later and we don’t wanna have the apartment looking nasty hm?”

Taehyung blinks slowly because this is the fifth time in the last half hour he’s gone over the same spot on the floor. He pinches the bridge of his nose because he knows if he doesn’t charge and press Jeongguk about what’s bothering him he won’t speak about it.

“I understand you have this OCD where you need to clean things when nervous but ca- Jeongguk  _stop_  mopping over my feet and sit the  _fuck_  down” he commands, Jeongguk hastily drops the mop and sits on the couch next to him and looks off into the distance. He looks small and nervous, like a child who knows they’re about to be scolded.

“Please don’t be mad at me, I’m doing my best…” he whispers.

Tae’s eyebrows furrow at the words “Are you relapsing Jeongguk?”

He nods slowly.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, what’s happening what brought it back?” he says, a little concerned now. Jeongguk hasn’t had an episode like this since he was 18.

“I had a nightmare mocking my insecurities again, I think it was brought on by something Yoongi said to the table last night when Jimin told the boys I was his boyfriend.”

“What did he say to you?”

“I really shouldn’t think much of it but he was pretty much saying that Jimin’s gonna take him back and forgive him like he always does. It didn’t sit well with me and the nightmare I had pretty much threw me into that headspace by making it seem like I’m Jimin’s second choice.”

Taehyung wants to scoff a little at his overactive thought process, instead he scratches his chin in thought, it’s a reasonable fear but none of this should be a reason not to trust your significant other’s feelings.

“Jeongguk, maybe you should talk to Jimin about this.”

He shakes his head slowly, “I can’t do that, he wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“That makes no sense, you’re making it seem like your insecurities are a burden. Jimin isn’t a mean person Jeongguk, he’s had his fair share of bullshit based off of what he told us, it’s a little unfair to assume that he won’t understand.”

Jeongguk’s head hangs low at the disappointment in his voice. Taehyung swats the back of his head and pulls him into a hug “It’s okay Gguk, it’s okay to feel this way, besides who wouldn’t want you? Jimin doesn’t have to worry about you coming home late, you live and breathe Overwatch and stay in bed for the majority of the day.”

“I understand you’re trying to make me feel better but that just made it seem like I’m lazy.”

“Jeongguk you literally texted me the other day while I was sitting next to you to pass you the bowl of popcorn because you were too lazy to move or speak.”

Jeongguk purses his lips, deep in thought before his face morphs to one of agreement. “Okay, maybe you’re right about that.”

He scoffs, “Of course I’m right, I raised you, now help me up please? I wanted to omit the grueling details about last night but Hoseok literally blew my fucking back out and I need to soak in the bathtub asap.”

Jeongguk hums and stands, holding his arms out for him which he latches onto like a lifeline. He helps him into the bathroom and sits him down onto the toilet cover.

“You want a bath bomb?”

“Yes please, literally never having sex again and if I do, I’m topping.”

Jeongguk snickers and fetches a bath bomb from underneath the sink space and tosses it into the bathtub.

“Alright, is there anything else you need before I go Tae?”

“No, just one last thing. Remember you matter, remember there’s only one Jeongguk in the world and he’s very much loved by his friends, and now boyfriend.”

Jeongguk shoots him a shy smile and exits the bathroom, “Thank you Taehyungie.”

                                                                                                --------------------------

He remembers it like it was yesterday, Taehyung is in the middle of wrestling a comforter and sheet combo out of a shelf at Target when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He’s going dorm shopping and the last thing on his list is an actual pair sheets for the twin-size beds he’s going to be sleeping on for the next four years of his life. The only issue is at this moment is that the burgundy combo he wants seems to be settled into the crevice of the shelf like the goddamn sword in the stone.

He lets out a loud sigh when his fifth attempt at removing the plastic container that holds the comforter barely moves it an inch, whoever stacked this can jump off of the nearest cliff. He looks around for the customer service button and once he finds it he presses it and pulls out his phone while he waits.

The notification he received is an email from his school informing him that he officially has a roommate and he jumps with joy, finally! Taehyung was seriously concerned he was going to go through the entire semester without a roommate, with move-in day a week away he was still riding solo in the room meant for two.

“Nice” he says, he looks at all of the contact information provided by the school and smiles to himself. He’s being paired with a Jeon Jeongguk, he’s 18 and an incoming freshman just like him. Taehyung copy and pastes Jeongguk’s email and shoots him a quick introduction email and decides to look him up on social media platforms.

He’s astonished, really.

The Jeon brothers, more specifically Jeon Jeongguk has a rap sheet larger than his entire academic history of excellence in practically every subject and a multitude of sports. He phones his grandma to tell her the good news, she is obviously elated that he won’t be living in a dorm room by himself but Taehyung is curious.

In every picture he finds of Jeon Jung Hyun he sees the same couple, a man who resembles both of the Jeon brothers and a woman whose eyes are the same shade of brown as Jeongguk’s. It doesn’t take a wise man to know these are his parents but they’re never in any of Jeongguk’s celebration pictures, he’s always by himself.

“Well, that’s fucking weird” he mutters. “Hi sir, did you press the Customer Service button?” a voice breaks him out of his brief digging and he sighs in relief.

“Hi yes, can you please help me get that comforter combo in the bottom? I think I pulled a muscle trying to pull it out!”

He moves in a week later, he’s just finished unpacking everything in his dorm and bid adieu to his parents, Taehyung is mid wave when he finally sees him. Jeon Jeongguk is struggling taking some boxes out of the back of an SUV, Taehyung quickly jogs over to finally say hello to his elusive roommate. He tries not to be bitter about the fact that Jeongguk never replied to his email but he’s happy he can talk to him in person.

Once he’s in standing distance of Jeongguk the boy tenses, the reaction has Taehyung quirking his eyebrow, is he coming off as hostile right now?

“Hi Jeongguk, my name is Taehyung – I’m your roommate I just saw you struggling with some boxes and wanted to know if you needed help?”

Jeongguk looks at him inquisitively before he nods slowly, between the two of them they take his things to their shared dorm room. Taehyung can’t help but notice again that Jeongguk is alone, he was under the impression the person parked in the SUV was a relative of Jeongguk’s but the thought was quickly dismissed after the woman in the car turned her Lyft’s icon light back-on and left without saying a word.

Taehyung is naturally a curious person and naturally wants to ask questions but Jeongguk is giving him a vibe that is telling him to keep his mouth shut and ask later.

It’s when Taehyung is writing his schedule for the month on his calendar that Jeongguk finally breaks the tense environment of the room and speaks to him.

“Hey, uh – thanks for earlier I appreciate that.”

“Not a problem, always glad to be of assistance.”

Jeongguk nods and hops onto the bed, he sits butterfly style and pulls his pillow close to his chest. Taehyung thinks he looks a little vulnerable like this and he kind of wants to hug the kid.

“How old are you if you don’t mind me asking Taehyung?”

“I’m 20, birthday is December 30th – and before you ask I just saved up enough money to come here without taking out any loans so yeah, I’m a 20 year old freshman.”

Jeongguk nods along and gives him a tiny smile “That’s cool and very smart of you, I’m 18 my birthday is September 1st.”

Taehyung feigns ignorance at that piece of information, it’s not like he didn’t search every corner of the Internet trying to figure out who his roommate is.

“Cool cool, if you don’t mind me asking why did you come here by yourself?”

Jeongguk tenses at that, the grip he has on the pillows tightens and his nostrils flare. Taehyung immediately notices the change and retracts his statement.

“Woah, hey you don’t have to tell me if it’s super personal it’s fine. I just wanted to see what your folks looked like in case of an emergency you know?”

Jeongguk nods slowly.

“They didn’t come, they were too busy helping my brother move into his new apartment.”

Taehyung frowns, what kind of people would leave their 18-year-old son alone to move into his first college dorm by himself?

“That’s...unfortunate, but it’s okay. I’ll take good care of you Gguk!” he says enthusiastically and Jeongguk lights up the room with a megawatt smile, it’s like he just told a puppy they were going outside for a walk.

They build a unique friendship; Taehyung can confidently tell anyone that Jeongguk is like the younger brother he never had and would split the heavens just to see the kid smile. He knew he was in it for life with him when Jeongguk started bawling his eyes out the night of his birthday, all because Taehyung surprised him with a cupcake with a singular candle on it.

Taehyung thought it was a little mediocre but Jeongguk thought it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for him and he cherished it greatly. But despite all of this it felt like he was only scratching at the surface of his character and he was right.

Taehyung adamantly believes that Jeongguk is destined for greatness, he can tell you in confidence that Jeongguk effortlessly just good at things that no human being should be good at. Which is why it shocks him to find him crying his soul out after a grueling midterm week.

At first Taehyung thought Jeongguk was crying because he failed a class, he knows how difficult those Science classes could be. Jeongguk has broken nights several times in a row just to squeeze in extra information for said classes but Jeongguk surprises him. When he takes a look at the laptop screen, he’s shocked to find that not only did Jeongguk pass with but he has A’s in all classes except one where he has a B+.

Taehyung scratches his head, a little lost now.

“I’m sorry, I know it might be difficult to talk to me right now but can you explain to me what’s happening?”

“I-I- I got a fucking B+ on my midterm Taehyung” Jeongguk says between sobs and he quirks his eyebrow.

“And that’s bad because?”

“Anything below an A is bad, I don’t do B+’s, I don’t like second best I want to be first.”

His eyes narrow, what the hell does that even mean?

“You want to explain to me what’s happening? This is sounding a lot more personal than a problem with your academics.”

Jeongguk explains to him his entire upbringing, he tells Taehyung in great detail the emotional and physical absence of his parents in his life and how he’s always had to compete for attention that was never thrown in his direction. He explains his strained and rocky relationship with his brother, Jung Hyun. Jeongguk emphasizes that he doesn’t hate Jung Hyun but hates the way his parents warped the image of him for Jeongguk as he was growing up. Every little memory he has of his brother is tainted with jealousy and spite and he hates how much it all affects his interactions with the real world.

Jeongguk feels the need to compete for the smallest things, he’s never had the spotlight on him that’s why he tries his hardest to be seen by others by doing things he doesn’t even like. He hates losing and he hates not being perfect.

“Oh Ggukie, I’m so sorry baby.”

Jeongguk just shrugs dismissively and wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve, he’s stopped crying but he’s still hiccupping “It’s fine, I’ll get over it. I’ll just try extra hard on the final”

Taehyung frowns because he thought when Jeongguk was referring to getting over it he meant the issues he’s facing, not the B+ that isn’t even threatening his GPA.

Yeah, no that’s not happening while he’s around.

Taehyung makes an effort to leave sticky notes around Jeongguk’s things to remind him he’s human, that he matters, that it’s okay to fail because the world won’t think any less of him and at first he thought he might’ve been heckling Jeongguk a little too much but he gradually started seeing changes in his demeanor.

Finals come and go, they both manage to get on the dean’s list, some A’s some B’s scattered here and there. They’re packing their things to go home for Winter Break when he realizes the emotional milestone his roommate achieves.

“Dang, Music Theory really kicked my ass this semester. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be puking treble clefts for the rest of my life because of it” he sighs, he’s currently waiting for Jeongguk to pack of some of his things. Jeongguk’s parents couldn’t make it to the university,  _again_ , so his father is driving Jeongguk to the nearest train station so he can take a train home to Busan.

“Yeah I’m leaving this semester behind me, ended up with a B- in that goddamn class but it’s whatever I passed it and the credit counts” Jeongguk says as he stuffs some clothing in his duffle bag and Taehyung beams.

It’s taken a couple of weeks but Jeongguk has been accepting his weaknesses left and right and he’s so so proud of him for developing such a mature mindset in such a short amount of time.

When he drops Jeongguk off at the train station he’s sad to see him go. He already misses him, living with someone for such a long period of time is making him go through some serious withdrawal symptoms. It’s gotten to the point he almost cries when Jeongguk sends him a text on Christmas day wishing him happy holidays.

Taehyung seriously believed he was going to go his entire life without meeting a singular family member of Jeongguk’s but when it’s time to go back to school he meets the infamous Jung Hyun. It’s mid-afternoon and there’s snow heavily falling outside when he makes it back to the dorms, he makes hefty effort to jump and stomp to get all of the snow off of him before he steps in.

Taehyung is in the middle of putting down a platter of homemade cookies his grandma was adamant on Jeongguk trying on his desk when the door knob starts to jiggles violently. He drops the duffle bag full of his Winter clothing, a sweater his mother knitted for Jeongguk, and a plushy of a Pink Rabbit that reminded him of Jeongguk and just when he’s about to go open the door it flies open.

At his doorway stands a guy who practically looks identical to Jeongguk and it takes him approximately .3 seconds to realize that he’s staring at the catalyst of Jeongguk’s teenage torment. Jung Hyun is holding a box that’s full to the brim with knickknacks and labeled **TOYZ** , he steps in and doesn’t even spare him a glance when he passes by him to drop the box underneath the crawl space of Jeongguk’s bed.

Jung Hyun stands to his full height, turns to him and shoots him a smile that’s more along the lines of creepy than friendly. He smells like an overwhelming amount of expensive cologne and radiates so much arrogance Taehyung has to physically stop himself from tensing.

“I’m assuming you’re the roommate?” Jung Hyun says

His mouth runs faster than he can stop it, he doesn’t mean to insult him but he can’t fathom the thought of someone looking at teenage Jeongguk and ignoring his obvious sadness.

“I’m assuming you’re the brother whose enlarged ego compensates for his small dick?”

Jung Hyun smirks at him, leans against Jeongguk’s bed and crosses his arms “I can assure you there’s nothing small about it, would you like to have a look?”

“Bold of you to assume I have a microscope with me, some other time maybe.”

Jung Hyun laughs and steps out to bring more boxes and Taehyung rolls his eyes and turns to unpack his clothing. He can feel Jung Hyun staring holes into his back every time he leaves and enters the room to drop more things off, he’s watching his every movement like a hawk.

“Are you having sex with my baby brother?” he asks.

Taehyung almost chokes on his spit, excuse me what the fuck?

He turns so fast he almost gets whiplash, “Why the hell would I be doing that, more importantly why is it your business who your brother sleeps with?”

Jung Hyun picks at his fingernails looking unbothered. “Jeongguk likes to cling to pretty things that’ll never be his so I’m wonder why someone pretty like you enjoys hanging with him. I took all of his friends you know? It’s pretty easy to get people to leave once they realize he’s just a carbon copy of me.”

Taehyung can feel the blood rushing to his head in anger, the gall of this fuck.

“Actually, you’re wrong.”

Jung Hyun shoots him a confused look.

“I don’t know what drugs you’re doing in Busan that makes you think you remotely come close to the absolute wonder Jeon Jeongguk is but I want you to give your dealer my cellphone number.”

“Excuse m-“

Taehyung holds his hand up, interrupting him. “I wasn’t finished bitch, you sit there and you let me speak because you have a lot to say about a person you clearly don’t know so I’m going to educate you. Your broth- actually no, your acquaintance since you’re so keen on treating him like he’s not your own blood is one of the most hardworking people I know, he has made a LOAD of friends here without your interference you snake. I know about every little inconvenience you’ve put in his path, you may have crippled his emotional state as a teenager but Jeongguk is an adult now – he doesn’t need you to tell him something that he isn’t so kindly put his shit away and fuck off.”

Jung Hyun looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel, he’s grinding his teeth together and there’s a vein popping on the side of his neck emphasizing the fury under his skin.

“Oh, and one last thing, if you EVER try to bad mouth a kid who has done nothing in this world besides exist and try to make his family proud I will personally fucking beat you blue with my Saxophone you piece of shit.”

Jung Hyun scoffs, clearly unbothered by the threat “I do Taekwondo, you think I’m scared of you?”

“Let’s see, what would hurt more being kicked by someone or having your skull bashed in by a Woodwinds brass object” he says, leveling the options with his hands.

Jung Hyun doesn’t have time to reply to him, Jeongguk walks in a few seconds later after his threat with a suitcase full with more clothes than he left with. Taehyung raises his eyebrow at all of the stuff that he suddenly realizes is taking up Jeongguk’s side of the room. What’s happening right now?

“Hi Taehyungie, this is Jung Hyun my older brother, Jung Hyun this is my roommate Taehyung.”

Jung Hyun grunts and scratches his nose aimlessly.

“Nevermind introductions, what’s going on? What’s all of this?” he says waving his arms at all the things on Jeongguk’s side of his room.

“Ah, well, I’ve emancipated myself from my parents, starting today I’m an independent student, this is pretty much all of my shit from home.”

“Jeongguk what the fuck, with what money?”

Jeongguk grunts when he drops the heavy suit case on their carpeted floor, “I’ve saved up all of my money from the prize pools I’ve won through Taekwondo and my art exhibitions, I have enough to last me half a year if I’ve done my math correctly.”

Taehyung blinks, Jeongguk has clearly been thinking about this for a while now considering how well thought out the plan seems to be. Taehyung wouldn’t have been able to formulate any of this in the month they’ve been away from school.

“Is this the last of your shit?” Jung Hyun says and Jeongguk looks around and nods, Taehyung shoots Jung Hyun a threatening glare that has him seizing in place. Fucking twerp better watch his attitude.

“Alright, well I’ll be going now,” he says hesitantly, he stares at Jeongguk and then at Taehyung then steps out of the room. As soon as the door closes Jeongguk takes two long strides over to him and hugs him so tight it’s difficult for him to breathe.

“Holy shit – wait Gguk lemme breathe” he wheezes but all Jeongguk does is hug him harder and rests his cheek on his shoulder.

“Taehyung, I feel really good you know? As soon as I went home, I told them right away about wanting to be by myself and they didn’t react which I expected but my Dad just told me to do what I wanted and I started packing right away.”

“Okay, cool, proud of you, now release me before you snap my spine in half!”

Jeongguk puts him down after delivering one last tight squeeze that quite literally cracks his back and he groans with relief when Jeongguk puts him down.

“So… there’s one last thing, I kind of found an apartment for us and they told us we could move in at the end of semester. I know it’s really sudden and I don’t know if you want to move in with me again but would you like to be my permanent roommate?” Jeongguk says bashfully, the tip of his ears are turning red from the anxiousness he feels.

Living on campus has been taking a steady chunk of money out of his bank account, with his own apartment he’ll have a financial burden lifted off of his shoulders. Taehyung doesn’t even hesitate, he cradles Jeongguk’s face and presses it flush against his chest hugging the boy tightly.

“Dude, you’re the peanut butter to my jelly, we are inseparable.”

Jeongguk flails and laughs into his chest, “That’s gay Taehyung.”

“You’re gay Jeongguk.”

“You’re gayer,” he retorts.

Taehyung hums and tugs on the hairs on the back of Jeongguk’s head, pulling harshly which has Jeongguk yelping. “I’m rescinding my application on being your permanent roommate, you’re a brat.”

Jeongguk tackles him onto the floor and starts a tickling fight that’s only broken apart by their RA a few minutes later because Taehyung was screeching bloody murder.

The rest of the spring semester blurs by into late study nights, frat parties, and coffee blacker than Jeon Jung Hyun’s soul. He manages to get a job at the library, mainly to have something to do during his free time but also just so he can have pocket change by the time they move out. When May comes, Jeongguk introduces him to a couple of frat boys he met through his classes who offered to help them move out.

Taehyung instantly takes a liking to the boy with fluffy hair Jeongguk introduces as Kim Yugyeom, he reminds him of a golden retriever so overly excited about everything Science related that he can’t help but be excited with him. He’s such a lovely presence to be around that Taehyung actively starts hanging out with him by himself just to get to know the boy better, but his counterpart on the other hand is a different story.

Jackson Wang unnerves him to no end; you see Taehyung is very good at reading people and the minute he met Jackson his brain was screaming in red alert. Jackson has an overwhelming number of predatory characteristics that made him hesitant to talk to him, more times than he can count has he caught Jackson’s eyes lingering a little too long on him. Needless to say, every time the boys extended an invitation to their parties Taehyung made sure he only took drinks from Yugyeom.

It’s the middle of August when Yugyeom extends an invitation to him and Jeongguk for a beer pong tournament the frat was hosting that makes the guillotine drop. He hasn’t really felt like drinking tonight so he’s just stuck by Yugyeom the entire night eating sour gummy bears with him. He’s overlooking the current round between Jackson and Jeongguk which is seemingly one-sided, Jeongguk has been dominating round after round barely drinking and Jackson’s agitation is becoming visible with each passing second.

On Jackson’s end of the table he has one cup left, if Taehyung squints hard enough Jackson kind of reminds him of the thing called the colossal titan from the anime Jeongguk’s been forcing him to watch. On Jeongguk’s end however, he still has the majority of his cups in the same pyramid formation from the beginning of the game. He’s noticed that Jackson’s movements are a little erratic, kind of panicky but still continues to shoot at the same set of cups on one side of Jeongguk’s pyramid which he finds odd. After several attempts he manages to get two of Jeongguk’s cups and he practically sags with relief.

When it’s Jeongguk’s turn all hell breaks loose, his ball finds its mark and sinks into the last cup on Jackson’s side of the table. Several things happen at once, first the boys around him yell and put a plastic crown on Jeongguk’s head, second Jackson’s anger erupts and he screams in a drunken rage before walking out. The frat boys around him pay no mind to the explosive anger, continuing with the festivities but he’s rattled because this is the first time he’s seen Jackson like this.

Yugyeom tosses his arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders, ruffles his hair a little before landing a harsh kiss on the side of his head. “Crowned king of liver failure, all hail my boy Jeon Jeongguk!”

Jeongguk lets out a full body laugh that has him stumbling over his feet, Taehyung and Yugyeom instantly help him walk over to the couch which Jeongguk sprawls over the minute his ass touches the stained couch cushions.

“Holy fuck – guys I think we pissed off the Earth, the room is spinning sooo much.”

Taehyung frowns at the statement, Yugyeom laughs a little and kneels down in front of Jeongguk “Hey buddy, how you feeling you want anything?”

“I wanna eat my weight in pizza.”

Yugyeom nods, smile on his face “Understood sire, would you like a beverage?”

Jeongguk snuggles into the armrest of the couch, he’s staring at both him and Yugyeom with the droopiest eyes and he’s pretty sure he’s about to pass out.

“’nana milk.”

Yugyeom nods with finality, stands and starts texting someone on his phone. “Hey Tae, can you make sure this one gets some water in him before I come back?”

He nods and watches Yugyeom disappear into the crowd near the entrance, Jeongguk rolls onto his stomach and sighs contently.

“Sleepy Taehyungie, wan food,” Jeongguk slurs, smacking his lips a little.

“I’ll be right back, gonna get you some water kay?” he says to Jeongguk but he just digs his face into the couch cushion. He steps into the kitchen and takes a red solo cup from the stack by the sink and fills it with water from a pitcher on the tabletop, his eyes roam across the mess in the kitchen and some of the folks crowding the too tiny area when his eyes eventually land on Jackson.

Initially he freezes because Jackson is looking at him with the coldest stare he’s ever seen him muster, but then his stare morphs into a smirk that makes goosebumps breakout on his hands. Everything about Jackson at this moment is making his body scream with big red flashing warning signs and exclamation points.

Taehyung gives him a tentative wave which Jackson ignores, he blinks and just like a movie when someone passes right in front of Jackson he vanishes. A sinking feeling starts to manifest in his gut, he doesn’t know why but there’s just something wrong in the air that’s screaming danger and he needs to leave ASAP. When he makes his way back to the living room, he finds Jeongguk in a state of disarray, he’s clutching his stomach and is a little pale sweating profusely.

He’s instantly at his side and pushing the solo cup into his hand, “Hey, Gguk, what’s happening you okay?”

Jeongguk shakes his head and he pushes the cup of water away from him. “Get that sh– _hic_ – shit away from me, if I drink another cup of alcohol I’ll fucking die.”

Taehyung seizes Jeongguk’s chin between his thumb and pointer finger and forces his mouth open and pushes the cup against his lips. Jeongguk jumps at the sudden aggression but drinks lazily, when Taehyung gets a good look at his eyes and they look unfocused and a little bloodshot.

“Jeongguk are you high?”

“Hi Dad, I’m Jeongguk.”

Taehyung wants to smack Jeongguk’s inopportune timing of Dad jokes.

“No you fucking dumbass, high, as in smoking the devils lettuce, or did you have an edible?” he reprimands, he doesn’t have time for jokes if Jeongguk is stupid enough to get crossfaded after drinking he needs to prepare to be by his side all night.

“Oooh, Taehyungie cussed.”

Taehyung pinches the bridge of his nose and stands, alright it’s time for them to go. Jeongguk is clearly not in the right mind right now.  He holds his hands out for Jeongguk to take but he just stares at them with a confused look on his face.

“You have long fingers Taehyungie.”

“I’m literally going to toss you over my shoulder if you don’t get up Jeongguk,” he challenges but Jeongguk just mimics him and sticks his tongue out. Taehyung sighs and rolls his shoulders; he kneels down and effortlessly tosses Jeongguk over his shoulder, he picks up his plastic crown and pushes past the crowd of people in the living room and walks out of the frat house.

“Taehyung – _hic_ – don’t be alarmed, but the world is upside down.”

Taehyung sighs again when stopping at the curb, he pulls his phone out with great difficulty and orders an Uber. “Jeongguk, you’re upside down.”

Jeongguk makes a disgruntled noise and falls silent. Taehyung shifts his weight from foot to foot to balance the heaviness. The familiar ding from the Uber application alerts him that his Uber is nearby and just when he’s about to look around for the car specified the unthinkable happens.

Jeongguk doesn’t even give him a heads up, he starts dry heaving and before he can put him down, he pukes all over the back of his pants. All he can do is stand there in shock and mutter quick “oh my gods” in rapid succession. “’m sorry, bu- “Jeongguk starts, but can’t even finish his sentence before he pukes again. A few partygoers stop to look at him and some are even laughing but despite the mess he’s literally in he puts Jeongguk down on the grass as slow as he can.

Taehyung takes a couple of deep breaths to calm his rapidly beating heart, he’s a wind gust away from falling into a panic attack from the disgustingness he’s in currently kneeling in when the headlights from what he can only assume is his Uber nearly blind him.

“Jesus tit fucking Christ, is the fucking sun falling too?” Jeongguk hisses covering his face with his hands.

“No you assclown, that’s our Uber” he responds, Taehyung stands up and waves him down. The driver takes a look at them before he shakes his head and drives away.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” he groans, he just knows he’s not going to be able to get an Uber in the current state they’re in so he throws whatever bit of dignity he has left and pulls his soiled pants and shoes off and collapses next to Jeongguk.

“Tae, I really don’t feel good. Like this isn’t regular drunk” he wheezes, eyes squeezed shut, seconds later Jeongguk rests his head on his lap and promptly passes out. Taehyung frowns, he presses the flat of his hand on Jeongguk’s head and finds that he’s getting a little warm.

“Hey, someone inside told me he was puking. Maybe he should stay over?” Jackson’s voice rings out from behind them and a shiver runs down his spine. Under normal circumstances Taehyung would’ve said yes, but Jeongguk really hasn’t drank enough to be at the state he’s in. He suspects something is up especially after seeing the way Jackson was behaving earlier.

“Nah, it’s cool” he says, “there’s an Uber on it’s way to pick us up”.”

Jackson looks a little taken aback by his rejection, anger flashing in his eyes before he settles back into a neutral stare. “I insist, we have beds inside where he can sleep on.” His eyes narrow but he catches on quickly, this entire time he’s been hinting at Jeongguk staying over, leaving no indication that there’s room for himself despite the state they’re both in.

“Jackson, there’s no need, it’s fine go back to your party” he reiterates, at this point he’s getting a little pissed at his persistence. Jackson’s gaze falls on Jeongguk’s sleeping form, lingering a little too long on there before his eyes shift back to his and Jackson gives him one last creepy smirk he turns around and walks off. Taehyung watches him go and once he disappears back into the house, he pulls his phone out to Google Jeongguk’s symptoms.

He really doesn’t want to believe it but he has a general idea of what’s going on. His father made him sit through a date-rape drug course the minute his acceptance letter came in so he knows how to identify symptoms off of the bat. With every website he clicks on the more his anger solidifies until it rests heavy in the pit of his stomach, who in the right mind would roofie someone who’s a giant teddy bear?

“What’s going on?”

Taehyung’s head snaps up at the sound of Yugyeom’s voice, he’s holding a pizza box and several containers of what he assumes is banana milk. He practically sighs in relief when the boy kneels next to them.

“Thank fuck, please help me here? I think Jeongguk’s been roofied and he fucking puked on me and now he’s passed out.”

“Ah shit, okay uh there’s a hose on the side of the house, clean yourself up over there, I’ll bring my car around to the driveway.”

Taehyung nods and does as instructed; he drags Jeongguk’s body through the grass until he reaches the hose, he washes himself down and splashes some water on Jeongguk’s which has him grumbling in his sleep. Yugyeom comes around with his car and helps him shove Jeongguk into the back of his car, he almost jumps when the jagged and ripped edges of Yugyeom’s car seats dig into the back of his naked thighs but opts to stay quiet.

“I put your stuff in a garbage bag, it’s in the trunk. Wasn’t gonna have that in here while I drove.”

Taehyung rubs the palms of his hands on his eyes, all he wanted to do tonight was stay in and watch some Netflix, maybe order some take out but now he has to worry his roommate puking his guts up for the rest of the night. He tries to remember everything that happened tonight, who could’ve possibly done it but all roads lead back to the same culprit.

Jackson was in charge of refilling the cups, Jackson was the one who singled out Jeongguk the minute they walked into the house, now that he really thinks about it, he also kept shooting at the same cups on Jeongguk’s side of the table.

“Yugyeom.”

“Yo?”

He sighs, “Why is my roommate in this state when the only person he’s taken drinks from is your best friend?”

Yugyeom is silent for a second, when he looks up Yugyeom has a look of concentration and a bit of bewilderment. “Why are you asking me that?”

“I need you not to lie to me when I ask you this but do you think Jackson could’ve roofied Jeongguk? We where watching the match the entire time, he only drank from the cups he served.”

Yugyeom screeches the car to a halt and for a second he thinks that he’s about to ask him to get out of the car, but one look at their surroundings makes him realize that they’re in front of their apartment complex. “Come on, talk and move” he grunts exiting the car, Yugyeom reaches into the back and picks up Jeongguk bridal style and they walk inside of the complex.

He’s waiting for Yugyeom to say something besides giving him the pensive look he currently has plastered all over his face, but even after the elevator reaches their floor the boy reminds quiet. It isn’t till they’re going through their apartment door that he breaks the tense silence.

“You don’t have to tell me that, I already know he did.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s kind of known he does this stuff, the only reason he gets away with it is because blackmails the people he successfully roofies so they never say anything.”

The guillotine drops, swift and clean.

He can feel the exact same moment his anger bursts, the stranger danger vibes he was getting earlier transforms into a burning rage that courses swiftly through his veins.  His face instantly turns into a scowl and he pulls Jeongguk away from Yugyeom’s hold. Yugyeom looks a little hurt but doesn’t stop him. He just ends up folding his hands in front of himself and looks away with guilt and sorrow deep in his eyes.

“Get the fuck out of my apartment you piece of shit.”

“Taehyung, you don’t get it.”

“What’s there to get? You’re covering for someo—wait, _people_?” he stops, suddenly catching on, how many fucking students on campus has Jackson done this to? What would’ve happened if he wasn’t at the party with him? He slowly lowers Jeongguk onto the couch, he’s trying to recollect his bearings, he’s not sure if what he’s hearing is part of some elaborate joke.

He stands, waiting for the sike, waiting for one of them to tell them they where fucking with him but Yugyeom just looks at him with a blank stare void of emotions and he realizes that this is indeed something they do.

“How many before Jeongguk?”

Yugyeom sighs, scratching his head “I can’t tell you that. The less you know the better, you’ll regret it trust me.”

“...Is that why you guys where so friendly to him? Where you just being friends with my roommate so you can let you best friend drug him and do god knows what?”

Yugyeom’s eyebrow’s furrow at the accusation “No what? Absolutely not, I like Jeongguk, I’m not sure about Jackson but I really care about him!”

“Stay the fuck away from Jeongguk, skedaddle and don’t come back.”

Yugyeom bites his lip like he’s thinking over it but ultimately gives in. He leaves and Taehyung is left standing in their apartment thinking about all the warning signs his body was giving him in the presence of both boys. He thinks about how he could’ve stopped this from happening if he was just a little more adamant on staying in, maybe coaxing Jeongguk to sleep with sad romantic movies until the boy was a whiney sad mess.

He doesn’t know why but ever since then he feels like he’s failed Jeongguk, he doesn’t even know what’s happened to him when he wakes up the following morning, he just chalks it off as alcohol poisoning. He remembers being awake all night, coming up with ways to tell him the earth-shattering news but he chokes.

Taehyung ends up agreeing with a bitter taste resting on the back of his tongue, he doesn’t stop hanging out with Yugyeom or Jackson in fear of what could happen but there’s definitely a bridge they don’t seem to be crossing anymore. Jeongguk refusing to go anywhere near the two boys without him present settled his fears for a while but there’s always that what if.

What if he did that on a day he wasn’t with Jeongguk? What if they both drank, what would he have done? What if Yugyeom never said anything to him?

He wants to tell Jeongguk, he’s wanted to tell him for the last two years of their friendship what type of people he was letting into his beautiful fragile heart. But how do you tell a boy in love with making friends that the first two people he met on his own initiative are not who they seem to be?

How do you tell someone you care about so much that you’ve been keeping a secret as dark as that to prevent them from closing themselves off from the world?

Everyone who this boy encounters seems to want to hurt him or eventually do and he’s so sick and tired of the same pattern.

And the worst part about it? Somewhere along the way he realized that he’s no better than the people who want to hurt Jeongguk, by omitting these details, he’s become one of the things Jeongguk is scared of the most.


	9. undertow

Jeongguk is not a man of faith, but there are two things he’s encountered in life that made him question that there really is a deity up there in the cosmos looking out for him.

The first time he thought about this is was when he first met Taehyung. Taehyung barely knew him but always went out of his way to make Jeongguk as comfortable as he possibly could whether that be in their home or in the public eye. He wouldn’t be the person he was today, in fact he’s not sure he’d be anything at all, Taehyung has pushed him to do things he didn’t think he was capable of and he’s forever grateful for him.

And just recently, the second. Jeongguk adamantly believes that Jimin is some sort demigod from a different dimension who fell into our world specifically to cause pure unadultered happiness everywhere he goes. He’s currently standing at his doorway in the middle of a Namjoon and Seokjin sandwich, they were fighting on who gets to hug Jeongguk first but opted to just hug him at the same time.

All because Jimin and him where official.

But no, that’s not what gets him about the situation he’s currently in – it’s like everything around him blurs into the background when he stares at Jimin. What really gets him is the way Jimin is smiling at the scene unfolding in front of him, the fond look in his eyes, standing there doing the absolute bare minimum in some sweats and Jeongguk’s favorite hoodie that’s threatening to swallow him whole.

His heart ceases and soars at the sight, Jimin is the type of person who has songs written about him. If Jeongguk could play any instruments he’d make damn sure Jimin knew how effortlessly breathtaking he is. He’s also rapidly coming to the conclusion that Jimin has a smile that could rival the very sun itself but he’s not going to admit that out loud.

Jimin’s eyes eventually dart up to look at him properly and his heart soars even more. He could be imagining it but he’s sure he starts smiling wider, he blows a kiss at him and Jeongguk has to worm his arm out from beneath the two giants hugging him to catch it. The action has Jimin breaking out into a fit of giggles and he’s quite sure his heart is in the sky, he’s so  _so_  into Jimin he can feel it in every fiber of his being.

Namjoon’s screech brings him back to life, apparently brought on because Seokjin pinched him. He tugs on Jeongguk’s arm and pulls him flush into his chest and points a threatening finger at Jin. “Release my son or we’re going to have some problems,” he demands and a blush creeps up his neck to his face. 

“Absolutely not, JK is obviously my child he’s gorgeous, I’m gorgeous, and that’s all you need to hear. Unhand him!”

Namjoon scoffs and runs his fingers through his previously gelled hair, he’s pretty sure his hair looks like a bird’s nest right now, he hasn’t even been able to properly invite them in. “He’s obviously MY son, he’s incredibly intelligent, have you seen his progress report? Of course you haven’t, 148 IQ Dad here baby, and this is my little Einstein.”

Jimin clears his throat, an amused smile plastered all over his face. “Excuse me, that’s my baby and I would like to hug him now thanks” Jimin says making grabby hands at him. He doesn’t even hesitate, despite being in the middle of two people who can probably bench press him with one arm he slithers away without much hassle. Jimin’s hands instantly tug on his shirt the minute he’s free and pulls him into a hug that could rival Taehyung’s famous getbettersoon hugs.

Jimin digs his face into the crook of his neck and he practically melts against him, his hands roam all over his chest and back before looping around his shoulders. “Missed you” he mumbles, Jeongguk smiles and presses a kiss on the side of his head. He can feel the butterflies having a rampant rave in his stomach, Jimin is tugging something fierce at his heartstrings.

“Missed you too baby, how was your day?”

It’s not exactly a lie. Despite Jimin being here earlier this morning, he’s filled to the brim with happiness, all he wants to do is eat his weight in ramen with his boyfriend, and cuddle and maybe watch some movies until they pass out.

“So and so, finalized some dancing for the showcase. Hoseok demanded I rest so that’s what I’m doing.” he responds while playing with the hairs on the back of his neck. He’s so caught up in Jimin’s orbit that he doesn’t realize that Namjoon and Seokjin have continued their bickering into the apartment. Jimin tilts his head up and presses a kiss to his cheek then his lips before he shoves him playfully and pushes him inside.

“You need to attend to your guest’s Jeongguk, what are you doing standing here with little old me.”

“Contrary to what Seokjin says Jimin, you’re one of the most breathtaking individuals I’ve ever laid eyes on so there’s just sometimes where I’m just a little awestruck and forget how to be a person.”

Jimin pauses and looks at him, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. It kind of looks like he’s searching for the lie in his words, they maintain eye contact for a few seconds before Jimin realizes that he’s not just saying shit out of his ass just because his face literally transitions from pale to peachy pink in a matter of seconds.

“Oh my god, who even are you?” he said, hiding his face in his hands.

He smiles, all soft and slow and steps aside to hold the door open for him. “Your boyfriend, baby, expect so much more, now get in here I’m letting all the hot air out.”

The rest of the night blurs into a mixture of soju and buckets of fried chicken – all part of Namjoon’s plan to extend Jin’s graduation party to a safer and much warmer environment. There’s a bunch of UNO cards scattered all over the floor and somehow one managed to jot itself in the crevice of the couch cushions, all because Jin and Jimin couldn’t decide who put the UNO card down first.

“Park Jimin, I swear to god I will crush you. Remove your hand, I called the UNO first!”

Jimin scoffs and props himself into a squat, a look of determination in his eyes. “Jinnie the sooner you accept the fact my Draw 4 touched the floor before yours the sooner we can start a new round. What’s it going to be?”

His eyes dart from both boys, then to Namjoon who just shrugs and sips on his beer, and finally to Taehyung who seems so wrapped up in a Hoseok bubble that he doesn’t even realize the two boys arguing shoved a stack of cards in his direction. He sighs and stands; he picks up some of the empty bottles around them and walks to the kitchen to toss them out.

He’s opted not to drink because he was very adamant on telling Jimin his issues with the Yoongi situation and how uncomfortable it made him. If the conversation with Taehyung wasn’t enough, the little memento of his childhood popping up like a soothsayer in his dreams gave him the push he didn’t even realize he needed.

But this is all looking like a difficult task. Jimin has his end of the year show case in a few days and can’t afford a distraction like this, he needs to let Jimin worry about himself and have all the fun he can get. He’s also noticed that Jimin’s been a lot more handsy lately and he’s not sure if it’s because of the stage fright he’s anticipating or because he’s using him as a stress reliever. Either one is fine in his opinion, having his boyfriend fuck him into the mattress out of pure frustration isn’t a bad way to go out.

And to be honest, death by snu snu sounds a whole lot better than having a conversation with your boyfriend about your insecurities and how his ex-boyfriend makes you uncomfortable.

Jeongguk sighs, he gathers his hair into his hands and uses the scrunchie Taehyung got him to tie his hair up. Being a person is hard, he wishes he wasn’t so emotionally constipated about this crap but he’s never had a proper support system until Taehyung and the only advice he’s gotten from him is just to be headstrong.

He turns ready to head out of the kitchen but finds Hoseok blocking the entrance. Hoseok gives him a onceover and crooks his finger, beckoning him to come and steps outside of the apartment. Jeongguk scrambles to find his slippers in the shoe rack and follows suit. The minute he steps outside Hoseok is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, his face is stoic like marble, brown hair curling at the ends obscuring the kind eyes he’s trying to hide.

They stand there looking at each other for what seems like minutes before Hoseok moves, the tough guy façade he tried to put up falls immediately, and just like the sun coming through the clouds on a rainy day, his megawatt smile appears and warmth fills his chest. It’s a little difficult to accept that this guy who literally has a smaller frame than him blew Taehyung’s back out.

“So, I couldn’t help but notice you where elsewhere in there.”

He shrugs dismissively and scratches at his nose, he didn’t realize he was being watched. “I just didn’t sleep well last night so I’m a little grumpy, that’s all.”

Hoseok nods along and paces up and down the hallway slowly like he’s trying to build momentum for something. “Are you coming to the show case?”

Jeongguk nods, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. He’s gotten Jimin’s permission to take pictures of him so he’ll have a front row seat, he’s absolutely ready to see him in his natural habitat.

“Yeah, Jimin told me I could take pictures of the showcase but I’m mainly going to support both of you.”  

Hoseok smiles all bright and bubbly again. He stops pacing and runs his fingers nervously through his hair, lip caught between his teeth. Now that he really looks and thinks about it, Hoseok looks really nervous but he has no idea why.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, peachy, why wouldn’t I be?” he stammers.

“Well yo-“

Hoseok suddenly drops to his knees, hands up and clasped in forgiveness and he jumps back a little startled. What in the world is happening right now?

“I’m sorry for having sex with your roommate!”

Jeongguk blinks and cocks his head quizzically, he brings his hand up to pinch himself on the cheek just to make sure he’s not caught in a very surreal dream sequence.

“I wanted to get to know you because you seemed like a cool guy, kind of nerdy but that’s okay! We all have things that make us unique, but your roommate Jesus, your roommate is something else.”

“Hey it’s o-“

“I was planning on giving you the don’t hurt my best friend speech but ended up sneaking out with your roommate, I’m sorry I promise you I’m not a terrible person!”

Jeongguk chuckles a little, he kneels down and clasps Hoseok’s hands in his.

“Hey, look at me” he asks softly, Hoseok’s head comes up slowly and he can see the worry in his eyes. Poor guy, affected by the Kim Taehyung curse and he thinks it’s his fault. He’s going to have to have a serious conversation with Taehyung about turning off his charm, especially after this sex induced neurosis it put Hoseok in.

“No worries man, Taehyung is just naturally attractive. I don’t hate you, it’s totally okay.”

Hoseok stares at him for what seems like an eternity before he smiles at him and his shoulders visibly sag at the relief. “Oh thank god, I want to ask Taehyung on a date. Can I have your blessings?”

Jeongguk laughs and Hoseok gives him an indecorously look like he can’t believe Jeongguk is laughing at his panic.

“Please get him out of the house, all he does is read and play that goddamn Saxophone. Spice his life up please and thank you.”

Hoseok smiles at him. “Say no more.”

\--------------------------

The party rages on to the later hours of the night before they all pass out in a heap on the floor, they made a huge effort to clean up the apartment the following morning but he just feels incredibly out of it due to the lack of sleep he’s been getting. Taehyung leaves with them mentioning to him that Hoseok wanted to take him to the diner down the street for breakfast and Jeongguk just nods dismissively.

He opts to not go with the group, deciding on taking a self-care day to himself; his phone is on do not disturb and he’s ready to have an Overwatch filled day to rage and maybe climb up a couple of ranks on the ladder if the gods give him a good team.

Jeongguk pulls all of the wires he needs to setup his laptop in the living room and decides to brew a cup of chamomile tea while his Overwatch client updates. He hasn’t played much ever since the fallout with Yugyeom and Jackson, he briefly wonders if they still have him added as a friend on there. He makes his way back to the living room and places his cup on one of the coasters on the table. He strips his pants and slips into the Pikachu onesie Taehyung got him for his 20th birthday and plops down on the couch.

He signs into the client and hovers over his friends list and to his surprise finds both Jackson and Yugyeom still on it, what’s even more surprising is that the minute he moves the cursor over Jackson’s name to delete him Yugyeom messages him.

 **[YK1997]** : hey.

Jeongguk stares at the message dialogue, he has half a mind to not answer him but his fingers twitch over the keyboard and eventually, he gives in.

 **[feMAN97]:** hi.

 **[YK1997]** : oh s*** I wasn’t expecting you to actually respond.

 **[YK1997]** : I miss you.

Jeongguk gnaws at his lip, he opts to drink some of his tea to distract himself from the onslaught of obscenities he’s ready to type and almost burns his tongue off.

 **[feMAN97]** : ok.

 **[YK1997]** : jackson’s gone and we’re not exactly friend anymore, im not sure if we where tbh but ya.

His eyebrow furrows, he rereads the sentence three times and just when he’s about to respond to him Yugyeom calls him on Discord. He scrambles to put his headset on before he accepts.

“Hello?”

“Gguk, hey, uhm, I feel like this is something I can explain better through voice chat. If you don’t want anything to do with me after this that’s fine, I’ll stop bothering you.”

He sighs, this isn’t how he was expecting the beginnings of his personal self-care day to start but he’s a slave to all good things pure, and despite all of this, Yugyeom hasn’t done anything to significantly hurt him besides wordlessly choosing Jackson, so he’ll indulge him.

“Okay.”

Yugyeom goes silent, and if it wasn’t for his icon lighting up green every time he shifted around Jeongguk would’ve assumed Yugyeom left the call.

“So, uh, here’s the thing. Jackson is kind of a serial pathological liar.”

Jeongguk snorts into his cup, well no shit. After all the shit he witnessed a few weeks ago he figures there’s a lot of things that Jackson lies about to them about.

“He kind of got kicked out of the frat too, you don’t know much because you’re obviously not in it but he had us convinced that his parents where really powerful people who could make us disappear in a second. He bullied us a lot with that, kind of waving it around as ‘a I can do whatever the fuck I want’ pass.”

Jeongguk nods along despite Yugyeom not being able to see him.

“Anyways, you remember Jaebum from Alpha Phi? The dude from the Engineering department who rigged the house with a motion sensor stink bomb?”

Of course he remembers Jaebum and the infamous stink bomb incident, the entire frat house had to bathe in tomato sauce for weeks to remove the stench, he briefly remembers Yugyeom having to buy new clothes because the stench seeped into his clothing which ultimately led to him tossing them out.

“Yeah, dude’s a riot. What happened?”

“Well, he kind of went full FBI on Jackson’s ass after he made a move on his girlfriend last night. He found out that all the money and threats he’s been flaunting on us is money he inherited from his grandma. His parents are all working class folks and he’s just a nobody spending money given to him from a deceased family member.”

Jeongguk blinks slowly, well that’s fucked.

“To make matters worse as soon as that all was revealed, a bunch of people came forward with some super serious allegations towards him.”

“Super serious how?”

Yugyeom goes silent for a second, Jeongguk can hear him sighing and breathing harshly like he’s preparing himself to drop the worst news of his life. He picks up his cup of tea again and takes a small sip while he waits.

“He had this book under his bed Gguk, of all the people he messed with. Well turns out a good portion of the things written on there weren’t exactly consensual.”

He chokes on the hot liquid; he smacks his chest multiple times trying to breathe properly. “Fucking what?”

“Yeah, uhm, there’s like an ongoing investigation at the moment. He’s in custody but the reason I’m telling you this is because they found some pretty nasty things written about Jimin in his book, along with some pretty suggestive pictures.”

There’s something acidic rolling at the pit of his stomach, he knew it was bad but he didn’t think it was this bad.

“I-“ he start’s but is cut off by the couch vibrating, he looks around confused and digs into the crevices of the cushions. He eventually finds the source of the vibration, a stray cellphone he has never seen in his life.

“One second Yugyeom,” he says and inspects it. He clicks on the home button and it blares to life, based off of the wallpaper he already knows this is Jimin’s cellphone, there’s a picture of him asleep on screen and just when he’s about to put it aside a pair of text messages come through in rapid succession.

 **Meowngi:**  Hey.

 **Meowngi:**  wru? Missing u.

 **Meowngi:** r u srsly ignoring me for bambi?

 **Meowngi:** jimin come on we can fix this

Jeongguk stares at the phone like it’s grown two heads. He clicks on the message and is quickly prompted with the input passcode screen. He hesitates for a brief second when a nerve-wracking thought crosses his mind; it’s idiotic really, he’s just curious to see what his contact name on Jimin’s phone might be considering he clearly hasn’t changed Yoongi’s. He sends Jimin a link to a YouTube video about a ballet in different countries as a guise.

He gnaws on his thumbnail, waiting for the notification and once it does disappointment fills his guts. Jeongguk didn’t think it was possible for two letters to make him feel nauseous but the more he stares at the **JK** the sicker he feels. The phone feels heavy in his hands, he eventually puts it down on the table after staring at it for what feels like ages.

So much for a relaxing morning. He rubs his eyes with the palm of his hands until stars explode behind them, he feels like he’s a winds gust away from having an emotional breakdown, all he wanted to do is play video games for the day not deal with this shit.

“Alright, go on.”

He hears Yugyeom shuffle around, messing with his microphone before he speaks again. “I just wanted to apologize for making it seem like your feelings where clouding your actions. It was real dickish of me and I accept full consequences Dungeon Master.”

Jeongguk snorts a little and ruffles his hair a little bit. The comment has a brief burst of happiness engulf him. He wants to be petty but he’s missed Yugyeom a lot, having no one to wake him up in the middle of the night with DnD ideas has left his phone pretty dry, aside from the obvious flood of texts in the group chat that Jimin made for their friend group.

“Yeah, okay, I forgive you BUT I’m killing your character off as punishment and you should apologize to Jimin too.”

Yugyeom gasps loudly, he can hear him scream into his fist through the mic and he laughs.

“Okay I can apologize to Prince Eric, can I have a digital funeral for Bjergsen before you come up with the craziest death on this planet?”

He clears his throat, letting it drop to the octave that Yugyeom loves so much when he starts storytelling.

“You may.”

“Thank you oh graceful one, now, if you don’t mind would you like to play some Overwatch with me?”

Jeongguk has never said yes so fast in his life, the rest of the morning passes by in a blur of chamomile tea, Jeongguk catching up with him, and both of them screaming at their laptops. He’s pretty sure he’s close to popping a blood vessel after failing his promotional games for the umpteenth time in the last half hour. Yugyeom is no better, he’s fallen into a silent state, one he only reaches when he’s enraged.

 **[YK1997]** : diva im literally going to go to oyur house and fking your mother while u watch you piece of s*** group up

“Yugyeom stop cussing before you get chat banned.”

“I. DONT. GIVE. A. FUCK” he says, popping the _k_ , he can hear Yugyeom typing away rapidly.

 **[YK1997]** : find the nearest bridge on google maps and fuckin jump off of it u degenerate.

 **[xJ9223]** : dude ur literally so toxic wtf reported

 **[feMAN97]** : your existence is toxic, your mother should’ve swallowed you.

 **[weab00patr0l]** : lol mad cuz bad

 **[YK1997]** : u think you’re safe too u bald b**** how about you land your damn ult. All you do is smash and u somehow manage to miss it.

**[YK1997], FOLLOWING MULTIPLE REPORTS OF ABUSIVE CHAT FROM OTHER PLAYERS, WE HAVE SILENCED YOUR ACCOUNT. YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE SILENCED FOR 10 DAYS.**

**[feMAN97], FOLLOWING MULTIPLE REPORTS OF ABUSIVE CHAT FROM OTHER PLAYERS, WE HAVE SILENCED YOUR ACCOUNT. YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE SILENCED FOR 10 DAYS.**

“Alright you know what? Fuck this, carry this yourselves you fucking Neanderthals,” Jeongguk said, he closes the client screen and growls in frustration.

“I think I’m gonna take a break after that, I can literally feel my brain oozing out of my skull at all the fuckery of that game. I’ll catch you on the flipside G.”

“Bye Yugs.”

The Discord call drops and he falls onto his side, he has anger boiling under his skin like a thousand little maggots over the game they should’ve won. He doesn’t know how long he lays there wrapped in his blanket cocoon but the LED lights of his laptop doze him off into a nap he didn’t even know he needed.

\--------------------------

Jimin is struggling to balance the two boxes of leftovers he snatched from Taehyung and Hoseok and the breakfast he picked up for Jeongguk, he ran ahead of them because all they were doing is sucking face and being annoying. He can’t wait to dive back into bed with Jeongguk in all honesty.

He juggles the key fob Taehyung gave him in his hands and unlocks the door to the apartment, he rushes to the kitchen to drop the bags before he really drops their breakfasts all over the hardwood floor.

“Baby?” he yells out, “I got you some breakfast!”

Jimin pops open the fridge and scoffs at it’s contents, he’s never seen such a hefty arsenal of banana milk. Jimin briefly wonders Jeongguk drinks anything else besides it.

He makes sure to stack the leftover boxes properly so Jeongguk doesn’t think someone messed with his lifeline. Jimin walks to the living room, box in hand, and his soul almost leaves his body. The living room is dark, the only light source coming from what he only assumes is Jeongguk’s LED keyboard, it’s making shadows jump and dance across the walls but what really gets him is the unmoving lump on the couch.

“Jeongguk?” whispers, the lump doesn’t respond to him so he takes a tentative step forward and the lump shifts and he stops breathing. Wait, what if that isn’t Jeongguk and some random convict who snuck into his house and murdered his boyfriend?

“Jeongguk I swear to fucking god, if this is a joke you’re not coming near my asshole for weeks,” he curses. He gets on his knees and crawls to the couch once he’s an arms-length away, he raises his hand to peel away at the blanket, just when he’s about to the lump rolls over and Jeongguk’s sleeping face comes into view.

He sighs heavily, “Jesus christ, you fucker.” Jimin lifts the blanket, which has Jeongguk groaning in his sleep, once he parts it enough to crawl in he pauses after catching a glimpse of Jeongguk’s attire. He kind of just stans there and admires Jeongguk’s sleeping face and how innocent he looks in the onesie despite probably being able to bench press him. Jeongguk shifts, he starts rubbing at his eyes in such a cute manner he wants to explode.

He leans down and presses a kiss on his forehead. “Good morning sunshine, I got you food.”

Jeongguk grunts and points at an object on the table, it takes him a few seconds to realize it’s his cellphone, he places the box on the table and picks it up slowly and blinks at the 57 text message notifications he’s received from Yoongi. He quickly unlocks his phone, a rush of excitement filling his veins as he scrolls down what he recognizes as Yoongi’s drunk gibberish, the topic of all the messages being Jeongguk.

A sly smile breaks out across his face at the realization that Yoongi’s actually jealous. All while the LED lights reflect off of the shimmering brown eyes of his suddenly wide-awake boyfriend watching the whole interaction unfold.

“Jimin.”

“Hm Jeonggukkie?” he says, while typing away a message to Yoongi.  

“I-“ he starts, voice a little choked up, he looks up in alarm at the sound and finds Jeongguk sitting up smiling at his hands a little bit teary eyed.

“Are you okay?”

“All I ask is for you to be honest with me okay?”

He blinks slowly, bile quickly rises in his throat. He doesn’t like the way that sounds and he has a feeling he knows what he’s going to be asked. He locks and pockets his phone, “Okay..what’s going on?”

Jeongguk turns so he’s facing him, despite wearing the ridiculous onesie Jeongguk is leaving no room for humor. He looks incredibly intimidating; he crosses his arms and his biceps bulge almost threatening to rip the sleeves. Jimin gulps, the air around them shifts into something so tense it’s becoming difficult for him to breathe without giving away his nervousness.

“Please tell me I’m not overthinking this, that I’m just being a little bit insecure, _please_ tell me you don’t still have feelings for Yoongi.”

The statement promptly knocks the air out of his lungs. He licks his suddenly dry lips, the back of his neck breaks out into a cold sweat and he can feel the droplets leaving behind a wet path down his back.

“Jimin?”

His mouth opens and closes, trying to find the words to ease the blow, but he’s never been capable of lying. Just taking things that make him forget who he is. All he can muster and give Jeongguk is a quiet and pathetic “I’m sorry.”

Jeongguk just nods along, like he was expecting it, he breathes out a shaky breath and rubs his eyes. “What about me, do you even like me?” he says and it sounds so wrong, his voice previously deep with sleep sounds raw and hoarse.

Jimin hesitates, if he’s quite honest with himself he’s come to like Jeongguk a lot more than he’s expected but it doesn’t really change the where his intentions began. To piss Yoongi off and have him come crawling back. It doesn’t make it any easier though, Jeongguk has become something so pure and welcoming to him that he doesn’t know how to accept it and he’s not even sure if he deserves it.

There are times where he looks at Gguk and really waits for the sike. He’s never knew liking someone could be as simple as easy as it is with him, but he’s so used to being mistreated that every time he sees the way Jeongguk smiles at him he just wishes he was on the receiving end of one of Yoongi’s one worded responses. His brain doesn’t know how to react to such purity it actually fucks with him day and night.

So he lets one of the best things whisk away through his fingers.

“I do... but it’s not the same.”

It’s quiet for what seems like minutes and he swims in the darkness of his words. He can feel the whispers of Yoongi’s words all over his skin and he shivers in anticipation of what’s to come. Jeongguk stands abruptly and walks to the front door opening it with such force some of the pictures on the walls rattle. “Please leave.”

The afternoon light coming in through the windows of the hallway illuminates Jeongguk’s face, it gives him enough clarity to realize that Jeongguk is crying and his heart shatters.

“Baby I’m sorry I’m just fucked up I wish I could like you the way you like me but it’s always been him..”

The words make Jeongguk tense so hard he’s standing ramrod against the frame of the door, his face shifts into something he wasn’t sure Jeongguk was capable of being, the tears stop flowing practically instantaneously and he knows right away he’s angry.

“Please get the fuck out of my apartment.”

Jimin sighs, he gathers his things and the minute he’s a foot outside of the apartment Jeongguk slams the door behind him, leaving him in the doorway pondering if it was possible to rewind time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes.


	10. denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be short but it was v difficult to write.

On the first night back Jimin dives into the deepest corners of the Internet on his phone so he can understand why the fuck he’s such a sucker for this relationship, they’re in bed Yoongi is passed out next to him arm wrapped around his waist protectively an action that once would've made butterflies scatter in his stomach but now doesn't even make his chest flutter.

He doesn’t want to be touched, Jimin feels gross both physically and mentally, his skin feels sticky and wet from the drying sweat they built up from fucking earlier.

After what seems like hours of mindlessly going through several websites, searching for his answer he finds a forum intended to be a safe place for people exiting or currently in a toxic relationship, with both survivors and victims alike asking and giving advice. He clicks on some of the threads and when he finds himself relating to some of the stories, he pauses and almost deletes the forum from his history.

But he hesitates, there's a little FAQ box in the bottom that has definitions to the different types of abuses people usually face in relationship and emphasizes that this place is a safe place, that no one will judge him here no matter how small the abuse.

But Jimin's not a victim of emotional abuse, Yoongi in his opinion has never done anything harmful to him so there shouldn't be a reason for him to even be in this forum but he can’t stop himself from pouring his soul out in the tiny textbox. When he presses submit half an hour later he’s honestly surprised when his thread is instantly hit with so much love and support it overwhelms him to the point there’s tears kissing the corner of his eyes.

He goes through every one of those comments a slow as he possibly can so he can ingrain the wisdom and bravery some of the people on the forum have decided to give him. He’s on the fifth page of the thread when a particular response sticks out to him, out of the several hundred responses he received only one person actually answered his question.

 **ElectricInTheForest** : _hi, don’t blame yourself for any of this please please don’t take what im about to say with a grain of salt! firstly please be strong and leave that relationship as soon as possible, secondly im a licensed psychologist and it sounds like you’re suffering from a mixture of hypersexuality and depression, it makes you do things impulsively and often run back to your abuser. i highly suggest you see a licensed therapist and get this diagnosed bc this can lead to unhealthy codependency. click [here] to learn more about it._

When he clicks on the link it’s like an anchor sinks in his stomach, the symptoms listed hit so close to home he starts sweating profusely.

_“…Fantasies and behaviors occur in response to stressful events or low moods (like anxiety, boredom, depression, irritability)”_

_“..They may act out their impluses with little consideration for any physical or emotional harm it might cause to themselves, or to other people.”_

_“..It's an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life **”**_

**_“_ ** _..You have trouble establishing and maintaining healthy and stable relationships.”_

_“No matter what it's called or the exact nature of the behavior, untreated compulsive sexual behavior can damage your self-esteem, relationships, career, health and **other people**.”_

Jimin stares at the last two bullet points like he’s trying to memorize them then blinks slowly, taking it all in.

Then the anger comes, none of this is affecting any of his relationships, he’s still has friends and although Jeongguk probably will never speak to him for the reminder of his existence on this planet which kind of sucks but it at least he has Yoongi.

He wanted answers, not to be exposed by a fucking page on Google.

Fuck this guy, he’s a considerate human being. Jimin grunts and locks his phone, he’s perfectly fucking fine the way he is.


	11. persona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who the hell am i

You know the feeling you get when you get when you see the love of your life after not seeing them for ages, how everything is supposed to just click into place and the world become a lot brighter than it’s supposed to?

Jimin has been fully anticipating his reunion with Yoongi to be something similar to that – maybe even cosmic like a big bang or the outcome of what would happen when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force.

Instead, he feels nothing.

It’s been four days. Things aren’t like he expected them to be.

He’s still dealing with the same issues he dealt with well before Jeongguk was in the picture, except that now he’s a well-seasoned veteran in this constant tug and pull Yoongi plays with him, he just learned to tune out the bad and focus on the good.

Which ironically both happen to be Yoongi.

Everything should be perfect, he should be happy that Yoongi’s paying attention to him again, he’s even a little more attentive but instead of feeling like a piece of his soul has shifted and finally fallen into place, he feels a lot more detached from the narrative he’s created for himself more than ever.

The same six words keep ringing in his head.

Has he made the right choice?

He knew something was wrong the minute he didn’t even bat an eyelash when Yoongi’s suspicious behavior started up again. He just brushes it off finding himself more and more focused on checking his phone than pay attention to his excuses.  Normally, he’d always get upset when Yoongi would mention Seulgi or when she’s brought up in a topic completely unrelated to her but now, none of that even tickles the flame that represents his anger.

He just feels like he’s having an out of body experience and watching his body exist but not live. Even the days blur in together, he can’t even recall what he’s done in the last 96 hours that hasn’t been fucking, sleeping, eating, or practicing.

He’s also been fully expecting Kim Taehyung to bust down his apartment door and maybe even flood his phone with death threats, but the only indication that he knows Taehyung knows what happens comes in the form of a notification he gets from KakaoTalk informing him that him and Jeongguk have left the chat he made.

Speaking of, he hasn’t really spoken to Namjoon or Seokjin, he also hasn’t received any messages asking for an explanation on what’s going on. Everything is just absolute radio silence and he hates how out of tune and grey the world suddenly is. 

But he can’t focus on the past he needs to focus on the present and the showcase. He’s currently mid split, stretching in the backroom of the stage Hoseok is doing his own stretches a few feet away from him. He’s tried speaking to him a few times today but every time he tries to make small talk with him all he does is give him a tight-lipped smile or one worded response so he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to be spoken to.

They dress in an uncomfortable silence; he sits in front of his designated mirror and lets the art department’s volunteer make-up artists turn him into their canvases. Hoseok has opted to go for a natural look so he’s just lounging on the couch, Jimin looks at his seemingly carefree friend through the mirror despite being standoffish he wants to go over there to ask him how things are but he’s very afraid of the what he might hear.

A knock on the backroom door resonates through the quietness, one of the volunteers goes to open it and he watches his friend group flood in with such a happy aura the tense environment dissipates like it wasn’t even there. They’re all dressed to the nines, in tight pressed suits that emphasizes their body structure and he’s reminded yet again how small he is compared to them.

“You guys aren’t supposed to be back here” Hoseok screeches. Before he can even usher them out they all dogpile on him, in the mess he catches a glance of Taehyung’s firey red hair and his head perks up in alert, if Taehyung is here that also means that Jeongguk is here.

A rush of happiness hits him so hard he feels like a puppy being told he’s about to go outside, despite all of what’s happened Jeongguk still came out to support him.

He squints and sits up a little straighter to get a better look at the scene through the mirror but after counting three heads he realizes with a disappointment that he’s not there; he sighs, closes his eyes and sinks into the chair. The volunteer in charge of doing his hair comes over and starts to style it and anger prickles at his skin, he doesn’t want to be touched, he wants to be left alone.  

“Where’s Jeongguk?” Hoseok asks.

“Right here.”

Jimin’s eyes fly open, he looks at the mirror and almost chokes on his spit.

Jeongguk is holding a massive bouquet, practically obscuring the majority of his upper body, he steps into the dressing room with a grunt and walks right up to him, and for a second a glimmer of hope sparks in him. Despite the circumstances he truly believes that massive thing is for him but that thought is quickly diminished when Jeongguk drops the flowers on the mirror stand intended for Hoseok.

Jimin thinks that’s perfectly fine because it gives him the perfect view to check him out shamelessly, Jimin might be dumb but he isn’t blind.

Jeongguk is wearing an equally tight black pressed suit that hugs his limbs deliciously, his biceps bulge when he adjusts the flower vase and he can feel his heart hammering under his ribcage. The slacks he’s wearing are leaving no room for imagination, hugging his legs like a second layer of skin. Jimin doesn’t even have to squint to spot the outline of his dick.

Jimin subtly crosses his legs.

His hair is wrapped up in a bun and some strands falling over his eyes, side profile looking deadlier and sharper than ever. Jimin thinks he’s going through the Clark Kent effect because there’s no way the man standing in front of him is the guy he was sleeping with four days ago. There is a completely different person standing in next to him and he’s not sure if he can be in his proximity.

Jimin catches a whiff of Jeongguk’s cologne and he can feel himself melting into the seat, it smells warm and flowery like his personality and he just wants to dig his face into his neck just to breathe it in until he’s drunk off of it. After what seems like an eternity of fixing the bouquet Jeongguk stands to his full height and walks away from the mirror without sparing him a glance.

“Jesus Christ Jeongguk, that thing is huge where’d you get it?” Seokjin asks in bewilderment.

“Funny story, a little TMI in all honesty, but I fucked this girl I met at the bar last night so good she gave me an OIU, turns out her parents own this big flower shop. I asked her to add the brightest flowers she had into that bad boy.”

Seokjin gags and Jimin’s stomach churns with jealousy, he bites his lip and reaches out for his water bottle to take a sip from. Jeongguk is shameless, if this is his way of being petty and getting back at him he’s fucking glad he left when he did, he’s clearly doing fine on his own. After some more brooding, the volunteer finishes styling his hair and walks away leaving the only form of company that isn’t actively ignoring him out of reach.

“That is quite literally the vilest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Please never say that again or I’m locking you out of the apartment” replies Taehyung.

Jeongguk grunts and digs into something he recognizes as his camera bag. He pulls out several lenses inspects them before choosing one and attaches it to his camera, he turns it towards him and gives the camera a small smile and snaps a picture of himself.

“Did you just take a picture of yourself?” Namjoon asks inquisitively.

“He always does that before he takes pictures of things, it’s weird as heck cause the pictures never turn out ugly” Taehyung says matter-of-factly.

“Channeling that Kim Seokjin energy, if I must say so myself, further proof that Jeon Jeongguk is my son” Seokjin announces proudly.

Jeongguk laughs and Jimin’s heart hurts, he missed that sound so much. “Yeah, testing out the lenses, making sure everything is okay, you guys wanna hop in this?”

The group flocks around him, they pose and Jimin looks away opting to pick at his fingernails, it hurts to be excluded like this but he should’ve expected it. Being treated like an inanimate object Jimin these last few minutes is definitely not something that he wanted on his agenda today, or hearing his ex-boyfriend talking about fucking someone else so soon.  

He’s so deep into his inner monologue he doesn’t realize the room has quieted down, when he looks up at the mirror, the room is empty save for Jeongguk who is standing behind him giving him one of the darkest stares he’s ever seen him muster. A shiver runs down his spine as the once welcoming brown doe eyes scan his face with a cold and distant grimace.

“What?” he asks, Jeongguk just cocks his head, eyes zeroing in on the junction of his neck that meets shoulder and he freezes. Jeongguk’s hand comes around his neck all elegant and swift and tilts his head sideways till more and more skin is revealed. Jimin for one, is terrified because he’s willingly exposing his neck to Jeongguk, he’s also terrified because he knows exactly what Jeongguk is searching for.

The thing he’s been trying to hide with several layers of foundation since this morning makes it’s ugly appearance like an unwanted zit. The hickey, still fresh from last night looks back at Jeongguk almost mockingly and all Jimin can do is turn his head in shame.

Jeongguk just keeps staring at it before he lets go of his neck and brushes his hands off of on his pants like this entire ordeal was the most normal thing in the world. “Do you still want me to take pictures of you?” Jeongguk asks.

Jimin swallows harshly and nods, still not looking at him. Jeongguk hums and steps away from the chair and goes through his camera bag absentmindedly.

“Why are you here?” Jimin asks.

“I promised you I’d coming support you right? Besides, Hoseok would’ve had my head. I promised him I’d show up too and he’s kind of scary” he chuckles “other than taking a few pictures I won’t be here for long, it actually hurts be in your presence but I’m a little bit of a masochist so I’m dealing with it to see you guys dance” he replies nonchalantly.

Jimin scoffs, “You seem to be doing fine without me, already fucking people I hear?”

“You’ve got some nerve talking to me like that after what you did. Do you know what I’ve been through these last few days?”

Jimin swallows again, his heart feels like it’s suddenly lodged in his throat. He’s never heard Jeongguk talk with such venom in his voice and it actually terrifies him that it’s directed at him. Jeongguk scoffs at his lack of reply and takes small but purposeful strides towards him, there’s such an intensity in them that makes him physically recoil and push the chair back until it’s pressed against the dresser.

“No Jimin, of course you don’t because you’re stuck in this fucking purgatory in which you convince yourself every day that what Yoongi does to you is fucking normal, that hurting people is okay as long as you get your kicks in and manage to get him jealous” once in standing distance Jimin can see the hurt and anger written all over his face.

“You really had me going you know? I was convinced you were done with him, but all it took was finding your phone in the most cliché way possible for you to tell me how you really feel. What was the fucking point of all of this? Did you like stringing me along?”

Jimin is panting now, chest rising and falling so fast he’s pretty sure his ribs are about to fucking collapse on him. He can’t be in Jeongguk’s vicinity, it’s like his body is having an automatic response to his presence a familiar tug in his stomach, his fingers are itching to touch skin, to pull him close, he needs to fix fix  _fix_.

“Fuck off Jeongguk, you don’t know shit about me,” he hisses.

Jeongguk quirks his eyebrow and leans in so close to him he can feel the warmth of his breath tickling his lips, Jimin has to cling to the armrests and physically restrain himself from surging forward and kissing him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. I don’t know you, because the person you portrayed yourself to be wouldn’t have done this to me, or to himself for that matter. You two deserve each other, I hope he’s worth it.”

Jeongguk leans back, gathers his things and walks out of the backroom. Jimin hyper focuses on his retreating footsteps before he sags against the chair again, he rubs his hands all over his face in a meek attempt to hold back the angry tears threatening to fall.

He sits there in the silence, he feels like he’s hanging on a thread that’s ready to snap. There’s something absolutely volatile swimming in the pits of his stomach right now that’s making him queasy and he knows it isn’t the stage fright.

Jimin stands a little wobbly and wordlessly tidies up his area to calm his nausea. What Jeongguk said has his emotions reeling, he’s both all over the place and out of place but it’s the first time in the last few days he’s felt  _something_ and it has him a little lightheaded. He steps out, heart a lot heavier than it has been in the last few days he briefly makes eye contact with Hoseok who gives him a big smile and a thumbs up which he returns.

Everything is going to be fine, all he has to do is dance for these six minutes then it’ll be over and he can go home and sleep for the next week and a half.

\--------------------------

Everything is not fine.

Turns out, karma is actually very real, and when she does get you she’ll hurt like a bitch. All he had to do was flip over Hoseok and end his dance break but he ends up landing wrong on his foot and almost stumbles and fucks up the entire routine.

But Jimin is a master improviser, he turns the fall into a deliberate twist at the end to make his crew mates entrance a little spicier but he knows he’s hurt. He’s running around the stage with a limp he’s trying to hide and he’s sure that if it wasn’t for the adrenaline coursing through his veins he would’ve collapsed from the pain.

It doesn’t help that he can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on him no matter how fast he’s moving which is a little fucking annoying.

When the showcase ends so does his adrenaline pain flares up his ankle in waves during the bow, Hoseok hops off of the stage to greet his friends but Jimin doesn’t even bother sparing them a glance, he whisks away to the back fighting the throbbing in his ankle with every step he takes.

He doesn’t see the way a pair of concerned brown doe eyes watch his receding figure.

Jimin promptly collapses on the casting couch and massages his ankle, he doesn’t think anything is broken but he’s pretty sure he’s sprained something. He sighs and glares at the duffle bag containing his clothing across the room, he doesn’t want to bother anyone about this but he’s always losing a battle with gravity and would like to not injure his other foot so he just sits there and ponders his existence.

Jimin digs his hands in his hair, it feels sticky and sweaty from all the dancing and hair products and his nose scrunches in disgust. The quietness of the backroom is deafening, he can hear everyone else is outside gathering their friends and family and he’s here by himself avoiding the very people his crew are happy to see. His eyes trail to the bouquet of flowers Jeongguk got Hoseok and a sad smile breaks across his face.

“I’ve really fucked up this time.”

He hears footsteps rapidly approaching the door and in bursts Yoongi, a little disheveled with his coat jacket in his hands. Jimin looks at his appearance then turns his head, what did he expect in all honesty.

“Hey sorry, Seulgi has a stomach bug and was puking really bad before I left. I wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

Jimin nods “Yeah, it’s fine, no worries. When are you gonna tell her Yoongi?”

“Bambi’s out there, didn’t know he did photography avoided my ass like the plague,” Yoongi says completely avoiding the question and Jimin wants to laugh at the irony, he wordlessly goes over to the duffle bag that he recognizes as Jimin’s and brings it to him. “Come on, I’m taking you out to a Karaoke Bar, get dressed fast and I’ll give you a reward for being stunning.”

Jimin groans in annoyance he’s fucking exhausted and hurt, he just wants to sleep, he doesn’t want to do anything but he knows once Yoongi has his mind made up there’s no stopping him.

He undresses and slowly puts on each article of casual clothing back on. His limbs feel heavy from the pure exhaustion that’s setting in like concrete in his veins, his eyes even droop a bit when he slips his socks on. He digs in his duffle bag for the brace he keeps on himself just in case of an emergency and quickly wraps it around his foot.

He’s always found that one part of his body that faces the most abuse are his feet and ankles, his younger brother has always suggested he keep one on at all times and he’s found that little piece of advice helping him more times than he can count.

Jimin tosses his hoodie on then freezes when the familiar smell of Jeongguk’s body wash overwhelms his senses, once his head sticks out of the hole he realizes that he took the red hoodie he never returned instead of his this morning and he wants to cry.

Yoongi comes up behind him hands trailing down his sides and he doesn’t even fight him when he bends him over the casting couch, he takes a big whiff of the sweater and if he thinks hard enough the hands on him turn into the attentive ones of Jeongguk. Yoongi pulls his pants down and once the latex tip pokes against his hole and slides into him without much resistance he zones out.

This is what he wanted, he reminds himself.

He chose this over Jeongguk.

Each thrust has him feeling disconnected from his body, he’s not even sure if he’s moaning or not he just wants this to be over with so they can leave. He keeps taking whiffs of the sweater trying to find himself but, in his head, Yoongi morphs into Jeongguk and his dormant arousal spikes. Jimin sits up a little straighter, fingers digging into the cheap leather of the couch starts fucking back meeting each thrust with determination.

“Look at you, all cockstarved. Bet ya Bambi didn’t give it to you like this”

Jimin wants to laugh, because yeah. Jeongguk never fucked him like this, he always made sure that he was taken care of first even when Jimin was being an asshole. He remembers everything about the first time they had sex and how safe he felt, for the first time in a while he knew he didn’t have to use his body to keep someone with him.

But he fucked that all up, he wishes he wasn’t so emotionally stunted because then, this wouldn’t have happened. He would’ve been home with Jeongguk, probably watching him eat copious amounts of ramen and listen to him voice his difficulties with the coding projects he’s doing for people. Even when incredibly busy Jeongguk always made sure that he was paying attention to Jimin, now all he’s left with are the echoes of what was one his.

Yoongi’s rhythm falters and he freezes behind him, letting out the quietest groans he’s ever heard leaving his mouth. Jimin just stays that way a little flushed, he rises back up into a standing position, back cracking and he winces at the pain flaring up his ankle from being on his feet for too long. Yoongi leans back and he watches him wordlessly discard the condom in the trash bin, he comes back and presses a kiss on Jimin’s shoulder.

“I’ll be outside, don’t take too long.”

The door closes and he pulls his pants up, the urge to cry overwhelming now. He wants to cry because he’s back at square one, he wants to cry because he’s alone, he wants to cry because his friends are ignoring him and treating him like the scum of the earth, but most importantly, he wants to cry for the boy with the bunny smile who he hurt so much.

Distantly, he knows he needs to apologize properly and actually talk to Jeongguk but he’s too much of a coward to actually approach him – especially after today.

He rubs his face vigorously, “It’s okay, you’re okay” he says to himself, he tosses his coat on and walks to the door. When he opens it he comes face to face with 12 pairs of eyes belonging to his friends staring at him like startled raccoon's. His eyes instantly focus on Jeongguk whose eyes jump from the red hood peeking out his coat to the brace on his foot.

“Do you need help?” Jeongguk asks slowly.

Jimin thinks about it for a second, but just shakes his head. He’s doesn’t want to bother anyone.

“Thanks for the offer but no thanks.”

Jimin makes a hefty effort to keep his weight off of his foot when he hops away to the back exit but he still struggles with his balance. He can feel their eyes boring into his back and his face prickles with embarrassment at the attention. He only makes it a few feet away from the door before he’s suddenly lifted off of his feet and held up bridal style by Namjoon.

“What th-, put me down!”

“Just tell me where you’re going and I’ll take you there.”

Jimin grumbles, he tells him to take him to the parking lot so he can find Yoongi’s car and Namjoon just nods and tells the group to go ahead. Namjoon navigates them through the backstage area and kicks the double doors leading to the parking lot open. The chilly December wind bites at his cheeks and he can barely keep his eyes open from the sting, he glances around the parking but tallying in the scattering individuals from the showcase he can’t see shit.

“Do you see his car?” he asks Namjoon.

“Uh..which one is he driving nowadays?” Namjoon responds a little confused.

“Today the green Jeep.”

Namjoon hums and searches for the car in question. “So, you going to explain to me what happened or do I have to keep giving you space?”

Jimin tenses in his arms, he digs his fingers into Namjoon’s coat and bites his lip. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to talk about any of the things that led him to do what he did.

“Seriously Jimin, I’m just trying to understand where the misunderstanding between you two started? I’ve never seen you so vibrant in your life, Jeongguk doesn’t seem to have a bad bone in his body so I really want to know what made you think this was necessary.”

He can feel himself wilting away with every word Namjoon speaks, he doesn’t need someone else reminding him how bad he fucked up. Especially not Namjoon someone who Jimin seriously believes is the human reincarnation of the Library of Alexandria.

“I’m just fucked up Joon, I can’t comprehend why he liked me so much, or what he saw in me that made him look at me the way he did so I ruined it. I’m just so used to being on the shit end of the stick that I don’t really know what happiness is.”

Namjoon hums and rocks him side to side, “You realize you’re justifying your shittiness by deflecting right? Not once have you stopped and thought about Jeongguk this entire time. If I’m being a little honest, you kind of put the kid through what you went through. Except you didn’t publicly announce to an entire ballroom that you’re sticking your dick in a clam.”

Despite it being a rather serious and hurtful statement there’s a hint of amusement behind his words. Leave it to Namjoon to make a joke out of life lessons despite the shitty situation.

“What’s done is done and I can’t do anything to fix it. He’s clearly moving on, plus, didn’t you hear him back there? He’s fucking girls now.”

Namjoon laughs with his chest and tosses his head back when Jimin looks up at him there’s a look of pure amusement on his face. “Glad to know my angst is amusing?” he says, clearly missing the joke, “You can’t be mad at him for getting laid Jimin that’s just wrong” and Jimin just rolls his eyes.

Namjoon is his best friend he’s supposed to take his side not belittle him.

Namjoon stops mid laugh and looks off into the distance, he catches a glimpse of headlights reflecting off of the lens his glasses and when he looks in the same direction, he sees the familiar green camo of Yoongi’s jeep approaching the curb.

Jimin visibly shrinks, he doesn’t want to leave the comfort that Namjoon is giving him. It’s the first time in the last few days where he’s felt something that wasn’t guilt or exhaustion but he knows he has to go. He sighs when Namjoon puts him down. “Alright, thanks for the ride Totoro. I’ll see you around?”

Namjoon nods and steps back, his eyes zeroed in on Yoongi who gives him a small wave through the window. “Hey Joon, thanks for waiting out here with Jimin. Sorry I took so long, Jeep was parked all the way on the other side of the campus parking lot.” Jimin hums at the admission and opens the door to the jeep and instantly recoils back.

He’s hit with such a nauseating mix of air freshener and alcohol he almost projectile vomits on the side of the jeep. He covers his face with the sleeve of his coat with a grimace and when he takes a good look at Yoongi his eyes are puffy red and his usually tan skin sickly pale, a complete 180 to the guy he saw ten minutes ago.

“Are you good to be behind the wheel?” Namjoon asks concern laced in his voice.

Yoongi stiffens, he has a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” he asks defensively and Namjoon just cocks his eyebrow questioningly. “Jimin, back away from the car” Namjoon says authoritatively. 

Jimin knows that tone, it’s the same tone Namjoon has when Seokjin and him get in one of their rare fights and he wants to be left alone. It’s serious enough to make hell freeze over so Jimin doesn’t even hesitate, he inches back and uses Namjoon’s arm as a crutch to hold himself up.

“Why do you people insist on keeping me away from Jimin?” Yoongi leans back and tosses his arm around the back seat, “First you had what’s his name try to be his boyfriend or whatever the fuck that was,” he says, waving his free hand at the air and Jimin stiffens, “Now I have Seulgi giving me ultimatums about you while she pukes because of morning sickness, like is this a game to you all?”

It’s like the world stops rotating on it’s axis, he’s hit with such a violent surge of dejavu he has a vivid but brief flashback to the first time Yoongi publicly executed his heart. Instead of the hurt he’s expecting to feel, he feels nothing.

Jimin covers his mouth, shoulders shaking from the laughter he’s trying to hold in.

He’s perplexed, really.

“Morning sickness? Seulgi is pregnant?” Namjoon asks slowly, clearly taken aback by the news. Yoongi pauses, eyes widening suddenly after realizing what he said and crosses his legs, bouncing one of them nervously. “Ah, fuck me.”

He can’t hold it back anymore, this situation is so fucking fucked all he can do is laugh because he doesn’t have any tears left to cry for Yoongi anymore. He starts to full on laugh and Namjoon and Yoongi look at him like he’s grown two heads.

“Oh fuck, ohfuck that’s – that’s fucking hilarious  _wow_  thank you world for providing more proof that not only does karma exist, but she works harder than Satan him fucking self”, he says wiping a few tears from his eyes.

“What the hell is he talking about?” Yoongi asks Namjoon who shrugs in response.

“Yoongi” he starts and plays with the rings on his fingers. He’s nervous but he knows what he wants to say, the feeling coursing through his veins is exactly like all of the people in the emotional support threads he’s read have explained it to be.

Freedom.

“I’ve honestly spent the last three years of my life figuring out where I went wrong dating you, what made you think it was okay to treat me the way you did and use me the way you have but I think I finally understand what people mean when they’ve reached the limit. It’s like this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders I feel a lot lighter than I have in ages.”

Yoongi squints at him then rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah, you’ve given me this speech before. Do you wanna get in the car or not? I’m like, losing half a tank of gas here.”

Jimin shakes his head and clutches the strap of his duffle bag like a lifeline. He’s starting to shake like a leaf and it’s not because of the cold, Namjoon wraps an arm around his shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. If he’s going to do this he has to go the full mile.

“I’ve loved you since I was nineteen, you where my first boyfriend, my first love, and my first heartbreak” he says, everything is so bittersweet “I loved you since I was nineteen and this is where I stop.”

Yoongi cocks his eyebrow at him in a questioning matter “What are you saying to me right now?” Jimin digs in his pocket for his keys and unhooks the plastic end of the Maserati key from his lanyard, despite being such a small and fragile thing its symbolism makes it feel a lot heavier in his hand. It’s the first form of materialistic possession Yoongi put on him to keep him in his radar.

Namjoon gives him a gentle push towards the car door and he places the key on the car seat. “I spent a lot of time wondering what a final goodbye would feel like and if I’m a little honest, I wasn’t expecting for it to hit me all at once, regardless, I won’t be needing this. Thanks for everything Yoongi, I really mean that.”

“You’re letting me go for someone you barely have history with, does that make any fucking sense to you?”

This is it, this is where it ends.

“Partially the reason yes, but no Yoongi, I’m leaving you for me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k its 3 in the morning i have work in 5 hours but i wanted to post this for you guys. goodmorning n goodnight<3


	12. singularity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jks pov, brief hetero stuff.

The minute the door closes he feels like he’s been gutted.

There are a lot of things in this world that make him cry, practically all revolving around the sad dramas he and Taehyung have stacked near their television set that he _insists_ on watching because he always thought seeing raw emotions like that was so beautiful. He just didn’t think that Park Jimin the literal embodiment of sunshine, would be on the top of that list.

He _left_.

It’s so difficult to swallow those words, he’s still staring at the door and the eyehole stares back almost mockingly at him like it’s daring him to check if Jimin is still standing there.

And he knows he’s not. The minute the door shut he heard his footsteps receding down the hallway and honestly that hurt him a lot more than the admission because it actually shows how little he cared about him.

He left like it was so easy – like what he feels doesn’t matter. And it actually almost makes him laugh, but then hurt intensifies.

There’s such a dense sad feeling that settles in his chest that it feels like he’s physically being weighed down by it, like there’s a thousand singularities expanding and crushing his insides until all he feels is the hurt and he doubles over from the pain.

This isn’t fun at all. He doesn’t want to feel like this, he wants it to stop.

Jeongguk doesn’t know how long he stays hunched there in the dark watching the afternoon sun filter through the cracks of the door but he knows he’s not alone. The same presence that made it’s appearance in his dream is stirring awake and he just doesn’t care to shut it out.

_I told you so, why are you so naïve? All I’m trying to do is protect you._

That’s right. It warned him and it he didn’t listen – this is all on him. He could’ve avoided all of this he wasn’t so chickenshit and actually asked Jimin if his feelings where true and clarify that he wasn’t an emotional rebound – that he wasn’t someone being used for revenge in this twisted triangle.

_Go have some fun Jeonggukie. You know you’re better off alone – we’ll burn those bridges as we go._

Yes, that’s what he’s going to do, he’s gonna go have fun because Jimin doesn’t deserve an ounce of his emotions. Not after what he’s done.

Taehyung doesn’t come home till later that night when he’s about to leave, Hoseok in tow. He remembers a bar one of the people he tutored told him about and when looks it up he adamantly ignores the ratings left for it because he needs to get trashed.

“Where ya going Gguk? I brought you and Jimin food.” Taehyung says whilst wiggling a bag of fried food and he tries his best to not physically wince at the sound of his Jimin’s name.

“Going out.” Jeongguk says.

“Oh you and Jimin?” Hoseok says and he scoffs while he puts on his sneakers.

“Nah. Just me.” He replies and makes his way to the door which prompts Hoseok and Taehyung to make confused faces at each other.

“Oh, okay. Where’s Jimin?” Hoseok asks slowly.

He opens the door and looks back at them and shrugs. “Ask Yoongi.”

 

\--------------------------

Jeongguk has been on an emotional seesaw for the last few days, he’s having highs where he feels like he’s on top of the world and genuinely doing good at forgetting why he was hurt in the first place and then he’s having lows where he’s missing Jimin so much it becomes difficult for him to think properly.

Right now? He’s currently at an all-time low.

Jeongguk is 100% sure he’s tethering on the edge of consciousness and unconsciousness, he’s barely slept since he kicked Jimin out of his apartment after his sudden yet, brutal revelation. Taehyung had warned him multiple times that his personality is a flame that attracts people to him, that he should be cautious because these people don’t always have the best intentions and he really wished he listened.

And it’s not like he shouldn’t have seen something like this coming, Jeongguk has had multiple red flags arise ever since he crossed paths with Jimin – all which he stubbornly ignored because Jimin is well… _Jimin_. He’s someone who has an incredibly bubbly personality, is super talented, and always wishing the best for others. He can’t recall how many times Jimin assured him through text messages that his tests would go great and not to stress too much, because at the end of the day – he’s only human.

And as human as he is it’s still very difficult for him to comprehend the fact that under that happy personality, he liked so much laid someone who seems to strive on being a pathological liar.

Jeongguk tosses the rest of his drink back with a grimace, his pulse feels like a fucking war drum under his skin – the air around him feels charged and heavy with the heat of the bodies around him and makes his sweat stick to his skin like an adhesive.

The constant flash of the red and blue lights of the dancefloor makes his head throb something vicious and tallying the pushing and shoving he’s been on the receiving end of he’s about ready to call it quits and go home.

This is all new territory to him, several months ago his idea of having a good time with alcohol revolved around hanging out with Jackson and Yugyeom in the basement of the frat house drinking watered down beer, not him at some sorry excuse of a bar down the block from the apartment complex. He’s not even sure how to approach people, he’s gotten some stares from guys and girls all night, people that genuinely want to dance with him but he’s just too awkward. Every time someone even tries to approach him he panics and scurries deeper into the crowd, so yeah – he’s not having fun.

Everything about this place is absolutely nauseating too, he’s totally out of his element but he can’t go home. He would rather be here in a bar where no one knows who he is than listen to his negative thoughts running rampant in his head.

It’s the second night in a row he’s found himself in this position, at the same shitty bar, on the same packed dance floor, trying to find the same shitty answers that only Park Jimin can give him but he still tries to search for at bottom of an overpriced drink.

To his dismay, he only knows one drink from the back of his hand: a rum and coke. The reason he knows it? Because along with the kisses the branded his skin that night, Jimin’s mouth tasted just like the drink that was swishing in his cup.

But he’s not ordering it because he likes it, he’s ordering it to see if he can trigger a vivid flashback of the night that Jimin told his friends that he was his, to see if he can invoke the massive amounts of serotonin he got that night to flood his systems at the realization that for once in his life, someone wanted him first and not the other way around.

Unfortunately for him and his wallet he’s not getting any flashbacks, just a full bladder and multiple rum and cokes that feel like they’re burning holes into his stomach lining.

He also knows he’s not supposed to be here. With him still being underage the only reason he got in without any hassle is because he regularly tutored one of the bouncers back when he took calculus his freshman year and helped him pass the class. At the end of the semester he told Jeongguk that if he ever wanted to get in all he had to do was mouth the word ‘cactus’ to him or any of the bouncers on shift and he wouldn’t get asked for his ID or pay any coverage charge.

He’s been happily milking those privileges for the last forty-eight hours.

When someone bumps into him and jostles what’s left in his cup out on his shirt he decides it’s time to leave before he pops a blood vessel. He glides through the crowd with uncoordinated limbs that prompt some stares along the way and he can only assume it’s probably because how out of it he looks. Besides the deep bags under his eyes his skin is sickly pale, he’s pretty sure he’s on the verge of getting a cold from the impromptu walks at night he’s been recently going on when he can’t sleep.

The perfectionist in him is screaming too, no matter how perfect he tries to make his manbun some stray hairs kept escaping throughout the night and are matted to his forehead and at this point he just doesn’t care to fix it.

He finally breaks through the crowd and he grimaces at the sudden stickiness under his sneakers when he walks over to the bar. Jeongguk slumps against the closest stool rubs his eyes, he’s so tired the ripped leather seats from the booth in the corner are starting to look incredibly inviting.

“Another rum and coke?” the bartender asks and he shakes his head. “No thank you, just wanna close my tab and head out. I will take some water though.” The bartender nods and instead of giving him a cup of water, he reaches down into a mini-fridge behind him and to his surprise hands him a water bottle with a smile.

“On the house, no worries I’ll close your tab and get back to you in a second” The bartender says and he smiles back at him, this dude isn’t so bad – he’s been fully attentive to Jeongguk’s needs all night and he’s going to make sure he tips him immensely.

Jeongguk turns in the stool and take several swigs of the water bottle and people watches while he waits. His eyes fall on a group of girls who just made their entrance and it’s like an audible hush falls over the bar.

Jeongguk honestly thinks he just walked into the set of a fucking witch coven or something because all of these girls look like they’ve sacrificed several goats to look weirdly perfect. What’s even stranger is how they’re dressed, despite being such a casual bar Jeongguk is pretty sure all of them are wearing designer clothing and it makes them stick out like a sore thumb.

And that’s when he see’s her.

A hair like onyx and a presence like wildfire. Despite being in such a large group the way she carries herself is enough to make the girls around her look dull and grey like background characters in the animes he watches. Jeongguk is pretty sure everyone at the bar simultaneously gets whiplash when she takes shrugs her coat off and he can’t blame them. He has seen a lot of attractive people in his life but this woman has to be one of the most frighteningly beautiful things he’s ever laid his eyes on.

He makes eye contact with her from across the room and the air is promptly punched from his lungs. She looks at him for what seems like a second and it’s enough for him to feel rattled because this girl just stared into his soul.

And then she moves.

She takes slow but purposeful steps in his direction and he’s not sure if her intended target is the bar or him, either option has him panicking.

Jeongguk turns ready to book it. He grabs his receipt tips the bartender and signs it and just when he’s about to stand a pair of hands push down on his shoulders.

“What the fu–“

“Sit down pretty boy.”

Jeongguk freezes, the hands on his shoulders turn him and when he comes face to face with wildfire girl and he almost passes out because up close, he finally understands why his body is reacting the way it did. She has a myriad of beautiful traits that remind him of Jimin, same dark hair, same plump lips, same sharp gaze. The girl’s very presence practically demands attention the same way Jimin’s did when he met him at the coffee shop for the first time and he can feel his soul leaving his body.

She sits across from him, she crosses her legs and waves down the bartender whose eyes light up like a Christmas tree at the sight of her. “Jihyo, been a minute! What can I get you?”

“Hi Mark, can I get two whiskey on the rocks, one for me and one for..?”

“Jeongguk. I’m actually done for the night and was rea—” he doesn’t get to finish his sentence, wildfire girl silences him with a _look_ that in his opinion, can freeze the River Styx twice over and his back goes rigid from the power behind it. Mark comes back with the drinks, completely oblivious to the interaction and she slides one of the cups in front of him.

Jeongguk picks up the cup real slow and inspects it, even sniffs it at one point trying to see if its been tampered with and she sighs. “Really?” she says and he quirks her eyebrow at her “I don’t know you.”  

She takes his cup, looks him dead in the eye, takes a sip from it and even licks her lips when done and his face flushes with embarrassment. She pushes the cup back in his general direction and he thumbs at the red lipstick print she left behind on the cup, part of him wants to drink directly from it – the other and immature part of him is worried about cooties.

“Sorry, I’m nervous and a little drunk. I’ve never had a drink like this and you kind of intimidate me” he stammers and it’s like him being uncomfortable fills her with glee because she smiles all slow and wide at the statement, exposing her teeth like a Cheshire cat and the hairs on the back of his neck prickle in alert at the sudden uneasiness it brings him.

“My name is Jihyo and I promise I’m super friendly. I’ll break the ice.”

It turns out Jihyo’s form of breaking the ice is telling him about a number of fruity drinks he knows nothing about with his limited if not, non-existent knowledge of alcohol and mixed drinks. She even writes down a couple of them on a torn piece of napkin with a crayon that Mark gave her because ‘they had no more pens’. She even has him try a few despite his initial hesitance and he takes a particular liking to one that tastes like strawberry juice so much he actually chugs it and it causes her to burst out into laughter.

“You’re going to regret that Jeongguk.”

“What do you mean?”

“There were several shots of rum in that drink.”

His eyebrows furrow, “I didn’t taste any though?”

“That, my friend, is why fruity alcoholic drinks are dangerous.”

Jihyo wasn’t lying, when he gets up and makes his trek to the bathroom he almost trips on his feet. There’s a giant line in front of him so he decides to take out his phone and play some Tetris while he waits. There’s a couple of texts from Taehyung that come through and sit in his notification tray and he swipes to respond to him.

 **BIGPPTAE:** hey.

 **BIGPPTAE:** I left some food out for you.

 **BIGPPTAE** : Are you okay? Need an uber?

****

**You:** m ok, mt sm1 cool, she’s nice!!

****

**You:** I trd a nce drnk tday!  
  
****

**You:** mnotdrunk but I lk strawberrr (✿ ♥‿♥)ƪ(♥ﻬ♥)ʃ

The line either moved faster than anticipated or he totally wasn’t paying attention, either way when he steps into the bathroom, he washes his face and takes a good look at his reflection. His eyes are a little unfocused and his skin is flushed from the intoxication and he gives his reflection a lazy smile.

“You made a friend and you’re drunk Gguk.” He pulls at his cheeks, makes a couple of faces at himself and snickers. Jeongguk stares at his reflection for a few more seconds and watches the smile on his face vanish and settle on a neutral but pained expression.

If he’s completely honest, he wasn’t expecting this night to go this way at all. He was fully expecting himself to go back home at the asscrack of dawn, maybe even hug his toilet for a few minutes before collapsing into bed to rinsing and repeating the same schedule again. Jihyo is definitely a welcomed detour in the sudden path of destruction he’s been carving up to get rid of his hurt, she’s made him genuinely laugh and smile something he will definitely take with open arms considering how alone he feels.

Well, it isn’t that he feels alone – he just feels like there’s no one he knows who can relate to what he’s feeling. Sure Taehyung knows about his competitive problems and the fact that he’s actually incredibly insecure and has a shitty self-esteem but he can’t always be there for him, especially now that he’s pretty sure him and Hoseok have been bumping uglies on a regular basis. He hasn’t stopped talking about how cool he is and is genuinely enamored by his personality and while he is happy for Taehyung, this couldn’t have come at a worse time.

He sighs and unties his hair. Jeongguk splashes some water in it to slick it back, gives himself one last look in the mirror and even tosses some finger guns at his reflection before he steps back out.

He walks back to the bar and finds Jihyo’s eyes downcast and a lot sadder and dimmer than he remembers them being. When he sits down next to her she visibly jumps and he frowns, what the hell happened while he was away?

“Are you good?” he slurs.

“Uhm, your hair.”

“Ah, yeah, it wasn’t staying in the bun so..” he waves aimlessly at his head.

She hums and twirls the straw in her drink. “So..now that we’ve established I’m not a serial killer or someone trying to drug you, can you explain to me why you’re moping here?”

This time he doesn’t hesitate, he reaches over and takes a sip of her own drink and has to stop the full body wince he gets when the whiskey singes his tastes buds and tells her all about Jimin.

It all burns like hot coals in his throat when it goes down but he puts up a front, he doesn’t want his emotions to filter through when he talks to her so he needs to get as blasted as he can regardless of how gross the drink tastes. So naturally, when his voice breaks in the middle of his talk he plays it off as the alcohol fucking with his vocal cords and not the sharp jolts of pains he’s getting in his chest.

“So you got played?” she says bluntly, taking the cup back from him and sips it slowly. He wants to say no because that’s such a cruel way to summarize what he’s gone through but he still nods affirmatively, which causes her to hums disappointingly.

“Always happens to us.”

Jeongguk cocks his head, a little confused. “Big souls, people who are okay with giving pieces to others without caring about themselves, selfless lovers, you name it,” she responds, waving her drink around and embarrassment pools in his stomach. Jeongguk didn’t think he was being transparent enough to be read the way he is by someone he barely knows.

“Don’t read me like that please.” He says, a little shaken by her admission.

Jihyo looks at him, and the blood in his veins slows to a halt because there it is again, it’s like she’s staring into his very soul trying to see all of his flaws and insecurities and it unnerves him to end. The eye contact is so intense and he swears he can see the ridges of her iris under the dim lights of the bar, all she has to do is smirk at him and he breaks the eye contact in panic.

There’s a steady wave of goosebumps traveling down his spine in her presence, he doesn’t know what it is about her that he finds _off_ but his hyperactive imagination has Jeongguk convinced that Jihyo is without a doubt, a succubus. This is something he fully expected a character from one of his playbooks to encounter after summoning a demon in the crossroads not him alone at a bar.

“Please take no offense to this but are you a figment of my imagination, a demon of some sorts? Your personality is giving me some serious fucking whiplash right now.”

She chuckles, “No I’m not, just a normal girl at a bar trying to get to know a sad boy this shitty evening. I also want to say said sad boy needs to stop letting people walk over him despite how sweet he is.”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, “Again, you know nothing about me – why are you making assumptions about my personality?” he replies a little defensively now. 

“Well for starters, you accepted several drinks from a stranger although I will admit I wasn’t expecting you to start sniffing all the drinks I bought you so thanks for going all Scooby-Doo on me because that was hilarious. Secondly, you literally just told me everything about your relationship with this guy and you haven’t bad mouthed him once despite how hurt you clearly sound, so yeah I need you to stop being a forest in a world full of bulldozers.”

Jeongguk pauses and purses his lips, “I don’t believe in gaslighting, but you got me there. What about you dark and mysterious? Why’d you leave your friends to sulk with me?”

Jihyo laughs but it sounds strained and he squints his eyes in suspicion, he doesn’t push but he can clearly tell there’s something there that she isn’t willing to talk about.

So he waits for her laughter to die down, even pops a few popcorn kettles from the bowl in front of him to keep him afloat for the conversation because the alcohol is starting to pull him into the sleepy hazy depths.

“I’m seeing a guy too, he’s nice but.. he just cares about his friends more than he does me you know? I’m always the one initiating text message conversations with him, the dates we go on are subpar but I just can’t stop chasing him? I actually came over here to ask if you were okay, I wasn’t expecting you to be entertaining company but regardless.. he uh, just called it off between us through text while you were in the bathroom. It sucks and I wish I wasn’t subjected to such cruelty but there’s still good in what he does.”

Jeongguk exhales sharply through his nose because Jihyo’s story is sounding a lot like Jimin’s as the seconds tick by and his irritation spikes, why doesn’t she leave him? If he’s hurting her so bad why doesn’t she just go and save herself from the pain?

“I’m sorry again, I don’t mean to sound rude when I say this but I don’t understand how you deal with this? All of this is super emotional and degrading but you still care for him?”

Jihyo’s jaw clicks, his words sparking anger. “You think I like being this way Jeongguk? I’m in my early twenties stressing about a guy who barely pays attention to me, I can’t control my feelings for him just like you can’t control Jimin’s feelings for Yoongi, or like how you, for whatever fucking reason are trying to be optimistic about this shitty situation.”

Embarrassment burns across his skin faster than he can hide it.  Jeongguk should be kinder, this girl has been giving him some stellar advice all night, she opened up to him and he just paid her back by completely dismissing her feelings and telling her to get over it.  He shouldn’t be this way they’re all victims of circumstances – everything seems so simple on the surface but below they’re all fragile human beings with weaknesses that take time beat.

They fall in a tense silence, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jihyo is still occasionally offering him sips from her drink he would’ve assumed she was seconds away from getting up and walking away from him. He hates uncomfortable silences and as much as he would love walking away from this entire situation, he can’t leave it like this.

“I’m sorry that was uncalled for, I shouldn’t have said all of that.”

She shrugs, clearly unbothered by his apology. “No you shouldn’t have, but you’re not the first person who has told me to get over it Jeongguk. I’m just tired of people telling me the same shit over and over like I’m not allowed to hurt.”

Her bitterness speaks volumes, it’s like a thick blanket of hostility was just coated over her and he gnaws at his lip as the sudden uncomfortableness she’s giving off. “If I let you throw popcorn at me will you stop being angry?” he asks slowly and she doesn’t even answer him, she just takes the bowl and tosses the whole thing over his head with a big smile, and although his skin might hate him in the morning he can tell right away that she’s not angry anymore so it’s pretty worth it.

“I’m not even going to ask what’s going on but I’m about to ring the bell for last call, so if you two are gonna get anything do it now before we close.” Mark announces.

“Give me all of your bags of popcorn.” Jihyo demands.

Ten minutes later him and Jihyo are shuffling out through the back with a bag of leftover popcorn Mark had graciously made for them. She tries and tries to shoot the kernels in his mouth but tallying in her drunkenness and his own instability but the only thing getting hit here are the brick walls of the grimy alley they’re walk down to get to sidewalk.

They make their way to the curb and he leans against the lamppost while she struggles to order a cab home and he looks off into the distance. Jimin crosses his mind and he’s hit with such a wave of melancholy tears prickle at his eyes, he wonders if Jimin is resting and eating well, hopefully not overworking himself to the brim.

It leaves a sour taste in his mouth but he also hopes Yoongi is making sure he’s good as well, he hates the guy but he isn’t going to deny the impact he has on Jimin’s life. If there’s anyone who will make Jimin listen it’s him.

“Gimme your number,” she mumbles.

“Why should I?” he retorts.

She squints and swats at his arm. “Are you always this difficult? Cause I’m awesome and I showed you the wonders of what a Malibu Bay Breeze can do, give me your number assface.”

He hums, he takes out his cellphone and passes it to her so she can type her information in, when she gives it back to him he smiles at the line of emojis she added to her name and text’s her ‘It’s JK, text me when ur home’. The Uber pulls up and when they say they’re goodbyes he doesn’t leave the curb until the car is out of sight.

The trek back home is uneventful but it helps him sober up, he stops by a 24hr mart to pick up some water for the serious case of cotton mouth he’s sporting and some snacks before he heads back home. It’s when he’s in the elevator of the apartment complex with the rim of the bottle pressed to his lips that his phone vibrates several times in his pocket. He pulls it out while trying to balance his snacks and his eyebrows threaten to fly off of his forehead at the text messages Jihyo’s sending him.

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : hey so.

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : I’m home.

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : I wanted to ask u this at the bar but shy

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : nd I don’t know if u even like girls?

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : feel free to say no and delete my number

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : would u like 2 fuck your feeligns out with me

 **Jihyoo** ☀️☀️☀️: just this once

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : cuz i need an angry fuck and ur the nicest guy ver

 **Jihyoo☀️☀️☀️** : feel free to say no

Normally, he’s never payed attention to offers like these because he finds them incredibly degrading. But now that he’s been hurt enough to know what strives people to look for friends with benefits he understands.

****

**You:** Well firstly I’m flattered lol

****

**You:** Secondly, I like people. If you make me happy I don’t care who you are.

He hesitates for a second, it feels like he’s betraying Jimin by even sending this but he wants to be impulsive too, so fuck it.

****

**You:** Thirdly, yes. When and where?      

And that’s how he finds himself in this situation the next day, they’re in the backroom of the flower shop. She’s supposed to be closing down the shop and heading out to a study date with her friends, somewhere in the distance he can hear her phones alarm ringing in her purse indicating that it’s time to go.

But instead she’s right here, getting railed against a bag of honeysuckle and snowdrop seeds.

“Shit, I’m going to be late Jeonggu—god _yes_ right there, fuck me, _fuck me_.” Jeongguk hides his face in the crook of her neck, breath coming out in hot puffs against her skin. The bookshelf he has her pressed against contents rattle with the force from his thrusts and all she can do is scramble to hold onto the shelf behind her. Jihyo reaches up and cords her fingers into his hair and the action knocks the beanie he has on right off. She yelps after a particularly hard thrust and pulls him into a harsh open mouth kiss that has her panting into his mouth.

“God, you’re so tight,” Jeongguk groans, he digs his fingers deeper into the underside of her thighs and angles his hips in a way that Jihyo’s toes curling in her sneakers. They’re staring at each other now, it’s intense and he swears he’s going a little cross-eyed from the pleasure that has his knees bucking.

“Gonna cum, fuck I’m gonn—“  she trails off, her head tilts back and her voice breaks into a breathless moan and she shudders. There’s a wave of wetness that drenches the lower half of his thighs and he realizes, in an aroused bewilderment, that Jihyo just fucking squirted and it sends him crashing right over the edge. He slams into her once, twice, emptying all out in the condom. His head falls forward onto her exposed shoulder he presses a kiss onto it and she swats the back of his neck.

“No kissing outside of the sex!” Jihyo hisses.

“I was just showing you my thanks!”

“Show me your thanks by keeping your end of the agreement and going home, pretty sure Momo is going to have my head for being late to this.”

“Why are you even studying for school? It’s over, shouldn’t you be resting?”

“Not all of us are perfect students Jeon Jeongguk,” she replies in a sarcastic tone.

Jeongguk puts her down as slow as he possibly can after he pulls out and Jihyo stands with a wince and rubs her lower back while scurrying to the bathroom in the back. “Okay, now that I’ve scratched having sex with someone back here let’s not do this ever again.”

He hums in agreement and cleans up after himself and sweeps away at some of the dirt that fell out of the sacks on the shelves with his boots.“You know I have a broom right?” Jihyo says from behind him and when he turns he finds her struggling to tuck her shirt back into her skirt.

He ignores her statement and eventually manages to gather all of the dirt into a pile. “How far is Momo’s place?”

“Like a twenty minute or so walk, why?” she replies and he nods at nothing, mind made up. He’s going to make sure she gets a ride to her friends, although there’s still plenty of daylight left in the afternoon the flower shop isn’t on the best side of town and he wants to make sure she get’s there safe.

“I just want you to know this skirt cost a fortune and if I find any tears in this I’m going to scalp you.”

“Can’t scalp what you can’t reach shorty.”

Jihyo pauses and glares at him, her hair is sticking out in all directions so he can’t even bother taking her threats seriously when she looks like an old mop.

He waits for her to finish redressing and once they’re outside he makes sure to help her lock the guard rails in place. After everything is securely locked, he orders the cab for her despite her protests and they wait on the curb in a comfortable silence watching some of the cars pass by.    

“I’m thinking about talking to him,” he says suddenly, the thought has been filtering in his head since he spoke to her last night. He wants answers, he wants to sit down with Jimin and understand what went wrong and what he could’ve done differently to prevent this.

Jihyo turns to look at him, confusion written in her eyes. “Are you actually ready for that or is that just your heart speaking for you?”

He has nothing to lose not telling her the truth, he practically poured his heart out to her over shots the first night they met. “I think I am? I mean it hurts just to think about being in his presence tomorrow for the showcase but I got some good and bad things to say to him.”

Jihyo hums and wraps her arms around herself to stay warm. “Don’t rush into things if you’re not ready, you might make a mess out of your already scrambled brain and you don’t want that. Trust me.”

“I don’t think I’ll be making a mess, just getting some truths from the devil you know? Understanding who he really is as a person under all of that because I’m honestly perplexed. How does someone talk big game about trust then ends up doing that? Like what have I done to deserve this?”

“Oh Jeongguk I wish there was a way that I could answer that for you but the truth of the matter is that people are shitty. There’s folks who get off on that type of manipulation and power over your feelings in relationships. It sucks and I wish you didn’t have to experience that because it always leaves you wondering why you weren’t enough, no matter how happy you seem the insecurity that follows it just...doesn’t go away. It stays with you and sometimes even eats you alive, makes you wonder what you could’ve done to fix it but in reality, you were never the problem. Just some dickhead who takes and takes.”

Jeongguk scratches his nose in thought. He doesn’t think Jimin is a bad person but there definitely has to be something rooted in him that makes him act the way he does, Jeongguk doesn’t think it’s possible for someone to have gone through all of what he has without some serious emotional trauma.

“I just want you to know I’m not saying he’s a bad person Jeongguk despite how that sounded,” she starts, “I just think he can’t continue throwing these emotional curveballs at you, from what you told me he’s an absolute sweetheart he just seems very prone to making terrible decisions. But personally speaking if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t trust him, he’d have to earn that right again so if you want to talk to him do it, but take baby steps. Set some boundaries for yourself and him so you can..talk I suppose or hate fuck, whatever it is people do nowadays. Just be ready, because if you guys do talk you might not like the answers he gives you.”

He pauses, he wasn’t really thinking about it like that, he’s wanted the “why” but never stopped to think if the “why” behind Jimin’s actions is something he wants to hear. Anxiety fills his gut and weighs him down so fast he start’s sweating under his coat. He was so sure about this confrontation and now he doesn’t even know if he wants to go through with it.

“Hey,” Jihyo says and wraps her arms around him in a meek attempt to hug him. “I wasn’t saying that to discourage you okay? I’ve known you for less than a day but I can already tell you’re a headstrong person. Keep your chin up pretty boy.”

The cab pulls up and just like the night before, he doesn’t leave until it’s a good distance away. He truly believes that despite knowing Jihyo for such a short amount of time he feels like she’s just an endless well of advice that he can go to when he’s stuck.

Despite the anxiety bubbling in the pits of his stomach he’s somewhat confident everything is going to go great.

 

\--------------------------

Jeongguk is late.

He spent all night trying to hype himself up for the showcase today that he slept through the three alarms he’s set. He’s pretty sure if it wasn’t for the fact that Taehyung nuked his phone with text messages and phone calls, he wouldn’t have had enough time to shower. To compensate for his lateness, he shot a quick message to Jihyo and asked her if it was possible to make him an absolutely massive bouquet of flowers.

Which in reality he’s getting to buy more time to gather his bearings, it seems that all the advice she gave him last night got bambi legs and decided to leave him at the altar because not only did he wake up rattled but the minute he realized what today was nervousness started to pool out of every pore in his skin.

So yeah, he’s kind of fucked.

He barges through the doors of the flower shop, camera bag securely strapped over his shoulder as he tries to fix his untucked dress shirt. The suit he chose to wear is the first suit he ever invested in, he was originally saving it for his graduation so he could christen it with the success of thousands of students but he needs it today. The first time he put it on he felt powerful, like he was in control of everything and he needs that boost of confidence it gave him ASAP.

“Jihyo?” He calls out while fixing his tie.

She emerges from the back with a bouquet that’s threatening to swallow her whole and he rushes to her side to help her when she visibly struggles to put it down.

“Here you go, you’re lucky I just opened and didn’t have any customers this thing would’ve taken ages to prepare properly,” she breathes and he practically bows down to her. She filled the bouquet with flowers of deep purples, blues, and reds and his artistic vision swims. He makes a mental reminder to take a picture of the bouquet once he settles in at the auditorium.

“Thank you Jihyo, I really appreciate this, you’re a superstar.” He says as sincerely as he possibly can and her face flushes with embarrassment. “Please stop, I can’t take compliments like these in the morning, take the flowers and go. If you need me or anything text me.”

Jeongguk gives her one of the biggest hugs he can muster before he leaves the flower shop at what seems to be the speed of light. Yugyeom had let him borrow his car and if Jimin doesn’t kill him today, the overall hazard of his car will. The car is running on it’s last legs and he’s told Yugyeom multiple times to get rid of the thing before he ends up in a serious car accident but he’s been adamant on keeping it around and at this moment he’s never been so happy he did.

He can feel his heart speed up as the auditorium creeps into his peripheral vision and he takes his time parking to calm his nerves but by the time he’s inside his heart is threatening to burst out of his chest. He’s sure everything is going to be fine as long as he doesn’t look Jimin in the eye and minds his own business which is probably going to be impossible but still tries to keep his hopes up.

He navigates through the back of the auditorium thanks to the directions of the friendly stage staff he can distinctively make out his friends laughter in the narrow hallway that leads to the backroom. Jeongguk’s not even sure if he’s breathing right now but he takes the telltale signs of the sudden burning he feels in his chest as confirmation that he is in fact, not fucking breathing.

Once he’s in front of the door to the backroom he’s pretty sure this is what it feels like to be sucked in the vacuum of space, his limbs are frozen and every blood vessel in his body feels like they’re about to burst from both the anticipation and fear. The door has been left wide open and to his misfortune the first thing he sees is the back of Jimin’s head, the sight is enough to kickstart his lungs back into gear and he almost chokes on his spit when he breathes in again.

He keeps watching him as discreetly as he possibly can, from what little he can see through the mirror Jimin looks beautiful. Whoever had done his makeup before did an excellent job at bringing out Jimin’s natural sultry gaze, he has some eyeshadow on that makes his gaze much more intense, lips coated with something glossy and heat pools in his stomach.

Although he highly approves of this look, he has some words to say to whomever decided to make Jimin look like this. He didn’t realize that making Jimin drip sex appeal all over the fucking stage was part of the dance routine.

“Where’s JK?”

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted and he sighs. If Jeongguk was honest with himself he would’ve gone home, he would’ve been under his sheets eating cereal and catching up on some of the Let’s Play videos he’s put aside because he’s mentally exhausted and his attention span could be compared to that of a cat. But he’s not, he’s here and his earlier conversation with Jihyo

He rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck; he can do this. “Right here,” he calls out when steps in.

Jeongguk can pinpoint the exact moment Jimin zones back into reality, there’s a twitch in his ears and they briefly make eye contact in the mirror when he walks up to put the bouquet down on Hoseok’s corresponding mirror stand. It’s not supposed to be a big deal, he just has to put it down and go but he can’t for the life of him find the fucking greeting card Jihyo slid into the wrapping paper and his hands tremble something fierce.

He eventually finds it after practically tearing away at the roots of the paper and he walks away with what dignity he has. He needs to get in the zone, if he wants to take pictures he needs to throw himself into his mentality he’s most comfortable with when he’s behind the camera.

He does his pre-photoshoot routine – which he doesn’t have to do either way because he spent a good chunk of last night cleaning his lenses and making sure his camera was fully charged. But he still does so anyways because his fucking hands are shaking so hard he’s convinced they’re going to fall off if he doesn’t hold on to _something_.

He entices the idea of a group photo after snapping one of himself, watching Jimin’s friends flock around him like moths to flames while they exclude him feels like a penance he didn’t even realize he needed to see.

As far as he knew, the only person who knew about the cataclysmic revelation and conclusion of his brief relationship with Jimin was Hoseok but they’re still on talking terms. He didn’t realize that Namjoon and Seokjin where full on treating him like he was Voldemort himself, they haven’t even spared at glance at him despite him literally being a few feet away.

After the group picture is done it feels like it takes ages for him to get his equipment sorted in the way he wants it, but by the time he’s done he doesn’t realize that he’s alone in the room with Jimin and he suddenly feels like a caged animal. Every single instinct in his body is telling him to turn in leave, that this isn’t the proper time to talk, but he refuses to succumb to his cowardice.

Jeongguk rises.

Jimin still hasn’t noticed him yet, still wrapped in whatever thoughts are clouding his head and he marches to him, all slow and predatory.

Each steps he takes seems to send him on a ride, he keeps seeing the dreaded messages in his head like a flashy neon billboard like a constant reminder that he trusted and he was played. When he’s finally behind him and he’s overwhelmed by his proximity he feels so much at but so little at the same time – there’s a brief moment of weakness where he almost reaches out to grab his shoulder but the sharp jolt of pain in his chest prevents him from doing so.

And just like that, he’s sucked right back into the reality of the situation he’s in. The pain subsides like an old flame and in its ashes comes an anger he didn’t think was possible for him to harbor.

Jimin finally snaps out of it and jumps when he see’s him standing behind him and Jeongguk watches him scrutiny in his gaze that finally makes him speak.

“What?” Jimin croaks and Jeongguk cocks his head. It’s silly really, he can feel his jealousy and hurt bubbling under his skin – two emotions battling to make an appearance and swallow Jimin whole but the only thing he can focus on right now is the discoloration peaking under Jimin’s collar.

This time when he reaches out he doesn’t try to stop himself because he knows exactly what he’s going to find under there, the masochistic side of him needs to see it to believe it. There’s still part of him that 100% believes that this is some fucked dream that he has yet to wake up from – so he pushes forward. His hand wraps around Jimin’s neck with a gentleness that surprises him, what surprises him even more is that when he pushes Jimin’s head to the side he doesn’t meet resistance.

And then he sees it, he’s seen Taehyung do this multiple times after his one night stands so he fucking knows what it looks like when someone is trying to hide a mark they don’t want people to see. He thumbs at it and when he sees the pale powder on the pad of his thumb he’s hit with such an explosive mixture of anger and disappointment he’s pretty sure he blacks out standing up.

His jaw clenches and unclenches several times, he’s grinding his teeth so hard they’re probably going to turn into dust. He breathes in sharply and leans back brushing his hands off on his pants. Deep breaths Jeongguk, be strong for mother.  

“Do you still want me to take pictures of you?” he asks, incredibly surprised by the steadiness in his voice considering he feels like he’s four seconds away for a mental breakdown.

All Jimin does is shoot him a nod and he walks back to his camera bag to fish for his cellphone. He needs to talk to Jihyo, his sanity is hanging on a very thin thread and he’s afraid of what he might say if he stays here any longer without someone keeping him afloat.

“Why are you here?”

There’s a muscle in his jaw that shifts and clicks into place multiple times, he has so much to say but doesn’t know where to start.

“I’m here because I miss you and miss waking up to row of text messages from you, I miss the way you used to kiss me unexpectedly and literally steal the breath from my lungs. I’m here because I want to see you strive and despite how fried my nerves feel I wanted to fully experience you at your prime and see how beautiful your dancing is.”

Is what he would’ve said but he bites his tongue. “I promised you I’d come and support you right? Besides, Hoseok would’ve had my head. I promised him I’d show up too and he’s kind of scary, but other than taking a few pictures I won’t be here for long, it actually hurts to be in your presence but I’m a little bit of a masochist so I’m dealing with it to see you guys dance.”

He hears Jimin scoff and the red sirens in his head start blaring, a sign he’s very close to losing his temper and he should really take that his cue to leave but Jimin throws blow after blow. “You seem to be doing fine without me, already fucking people I hear?”

It’s like he’s watching the thread that represents his sanity from a bird’s eye view, the words cut deep into it until it’s nothing but a fragile thin line and once it snaps his filter vanishes with it.

“You’ve got some nerve talking to me like that after what you did. Do you know what I’ve been through the last few days?” he spits. All of the clashing emotions he’s felt come out in a torrent that he can’t seemingly control; he can briefly hear the voice of the young adolescent specter from his dream kiss his ears.

_That’s right, let him know how much he hurt you._

He can feel his limbs and jaw moving – no doubt uttering things that he wouldn’t have said if he was in the right mind. It all feels so far away too, like he’s watching the scene unfold in front of him from a far like a spectator at a symposium. One minute he’s standing behind Jimin the next he has him pressed against the dresser, his face warm and flushed with anger and Jimin stares back at him with tearful eyes.

Jeongguk swallows, it feels like he’s gargled gravel he doesn’t trust himself to speak anymore. He wants to apologize, maybe pull in Jimin into a hug because there’s nothing in the world he hates more than watching people cry but there’s definitely an added layer of his own grief and pettiness clouding his judgement as he watches the emotions dance in Jimin’s teary eyes.

He leans back and exits the backroom with his equipment before he does something else he’ll regret.

So much for the calm approach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm. hey! so sorry for the late update? i got promoted and then got the flu x3 so i literally havent had time to do my best on this so im sorry if this seems super subpar :(
> 
> Other chapter is already ready I just need to add a few things but yeah hope you enjoy.
> 
> just wanted to emphasize that the jihyo thing is only happening once bc i felt like jk needed a rebound as well so -shrug- soz if this chapter doesn't sit well with you. Back to original programming next chapter.


	13. typhoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grief

You know when something is amiss? Like there’s just something that’s wrong and you just can’t quite put your finger on it?

Yoongi has been feeling that for the last couple of days. His phone has been vibrating more than usual but he doesn’t think that’s it. They’re all texts from people he’s collaborating with or Seulgi asking him to come to the sonogram appointments with her – which even if he had the time to go to would’ve made him far too uncomfortable.

Seeing the grainy pictures of his potential child has left a knot the size of his fist in his stomach. He’s still pretty sure Seulgi is bullshitting him but he can’t really concern himself with that when it feels like there’s a nuke about to go off in his life and he just doesn’t know when or where. This constant state of panic has left him so jumpy he’s barely sleeping.

He rolls over and moves Seulgi’s arm off of his waist. It’s not the same if it isn’t Jimin, Seulgi suffocates him and always hogs the blankets so most of the time half of his body feels like it’s being dipped in the arctic and the other feels like it’s in a toasty oven.

He picks up his phone from the nightstand and browses aimlessly through his Facebook newsfeed when it occurs to him that he has yet to see any shared posts from Jimin and he freezes. It’s very unlike Jimin to not post anything, he’s always sharing pictures of random calico cats people from around the world find or dance covers to really popular songs.

He looks up Jimin’s profile and finds nothing, he goes and searches ‘Park Jimin’ and every time he clicks on things he knows for sure he’s been tagged in by friends it all comes up with the same thing.

**USER NOT FOUND**

“What the fuck?” Yoongi says.

Now that he’s really thinks about it it’s taken him a lot longer than usual to message him after one of their many arguments but this is definitely a new development.  When he tries to text him not even that is going through.

Jimin has never been one to even ignore his phone calls or text messages – he always get’s some sort of OCD when seeing the messages piling up in his notification bar before he gives in. Which is why it completely shocks Yoongi to find that not only are his messages not going through but Jimin has seemingly vanished off of every social media platform he followed him on.

Twitter.

**USER NOT FOUND**

Instagram.

**USER NOT FOUND**

KakaoTalk.

**USER NOT FOUND**

Yoongi’s face blanches. Did Jimin delete all of his profiles? That can’t be possible, there’s so much of his renowned fame that’s tied to each one of these accounts. For him to suddenly up and delete them without any word seems highly uncharacteristic and very unprofessional of Jimin.

So he digs.

He creates an alternate Instagram account in a matter of minutes. And he finds him. Active and well. His last upload was a collab of pictures from the showcase that just happened to be uploaded a few hours ago.

So he’s been blocked.

He doesn’t know why that angers him more than being dumped in a parking lot and being ghosted but he’s pissed. He clicks on the pictures and his jaw clicks, there’s a watermark in each one of them of some sort of pink rabbit and the initials **JJK** and he wants to put his fist through the wall when he reads the description.

_Thanks to everyone who came to support Hope on the Streets, we couldn’t have done any of this without all of you. Big shout out to @thesunsweetheart for being the best choreographer and friend anyone could ask for, love you so much Hobi._

_All of this also couldn’t have been captured without the help of my wonderful friend @JJK97. Thank you so much Jeongguk, I seriously don’t see how you manage to see the beauty in everything but thank you for capturing all of our hard work in these pictures. I owe you so much ramen : )._

“Like fuck you do.” Yoongi spits. He gets out of bed as slowly as possible and tucks Seulgi in before he leaves and dresses in record speed. He needs to talk to Jimin, he just **CAN’T** walk away from him like this. No, he won’t **LET** him.

The snow is falling heavily when Yoongi bursts through the front door in nothing but his pajama bottoms and a long sleeve sweater. The snow crunches loudly under his boots, but it isn’t loud enough to drown out the full-on stampede raging inside of him and it feels like his bones are vibrating and ready to burst.

How could Jimin do this to him after all they’ve been through? He could’ve made him richer beyond his wildest dreams, he even got him his fucking dream car only to have that thrown back in his face just because of some shitty photography student.

He doesn’t even remember buckling in, he drives like a madman through the streets of Seoul and before he knows it he has his car parked in the parking lot in front of the apartment complex. He grips the steering wheel tightly to gather his bearings because _fuck_ why does his chest hurt? He’s never felt pain like this, it feels like someone is physically splitting his ribcage down the middle and prodding at his heart.

He doesn’t know why but it feels like he’s running out of time the closer he gets to the building, so when he barges in through the front doors he completely ignores the elevator and opts to take the stairs taking two steps at a time until he’s on Jimin’s floor.

His chest heaves something fierce, he can’t even get a steady breathing rhythm before he’s pounding on his door.

“Jimin open this fucking door right now. Why the fuck did you block me?”

He waits, and he waits, and he waits but when no answer comes and the rage breaks through like a torrent.

“Do you know what I could give you? What I could do for us? Why are you throwing me away for someone you’ve known for such less time?” He screams at the door, his voice echoes in the hallway and the silence that follows it only makes his anger rise at breakneck speeds.

He doesn’t know how long he waits before he starts knocking again but it feels like the door is splintering into his knuckles, he’s so into his frantic knocking he doesn’t realize that it’s garnered attention from some of Jimin’s neighbors and two of them are approaching him with distaste written all over their faces.

He turns and comes face to face with a guy with red hair that looks awfully familiar and a girl a lot shorter than him using his arms as some sort of shield.

“Yo, abominable asshole you want to quit that before I call the police?” The guy with the red hair says and Yoongi cocks his eyebrow. The fuck did this guy just call him?

“Do you know who I am?” Yoongi spits and the guy just responds by giving him a bored expression. “Yeah listen Yoongi, I’m not the one. I don’t care who you are just leave and stop causing this ruckus. It’s 10 at night and I’m trying to watch a movie with my friend so if you could kindly fuck off that’d be nice.”

“I – what? You think I give a shit about your movie? Tell this asshole to open the door and then you can go back to doing whatever you were doing.”

Something like anger flashes in the boy with red hairs eyes and he leans back instinctively, the girl finally comes out from behind him and places herself in between both of them. “Hi, names Jihyo – listen we’re kind of in the middle of a super long Harry Potter movie marathon and we’re ALMOST done with the last movie so could you, I don’t know, knock a little lighter? Maybe even call the dude?”

Just as he’s about to respond to her, Jimin finally opens the door with pure steel in his eyes.

“Hey, fucking finally – care to explain yourself?”

Jimin smiles, all slow and sweet and the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. “Yes of course, but you’re not coming into my home. Sorry about the noise Taehyung – you can go.” Jimin says to the boy and the girl and he suddenly remembers that this is Bambi’s roommate and the revelation has him fuming. Everywhere he goes this kid is always interfering with his and Jimin’s life in some shape or form.

“I’m not leaving you in this hallway by yourself with this fucking lunatic. I’ll be at my door and give you whatever privacy you might need but the minute things get heated I’m coming right over – as for you asshole, keep your fucking hands to yourself or I’ll show you what it feels to get your ass beat with a Saxophone.” Taehyung says angrily and he and Jihyo march down the hallway to his corresponding door. They sit down on the welcome mat and are watching him intently and he rolls his eyes. Whatever.

“Now, let’s talk yeah?” He says. Jimin leans on the doorframe and crosses his arms, his dark hair clouds his eyes and despite being the person who always smiles with his eyes first, there’s no sign of happiness in them to reflect the smile on his face and his blood runs cold.

“I don’t owe you an explanation Yoongi, I think I made myself pretty clear that I was done with you didn’t I?” Jimin says.

“Yes but you always come back, why haven’t you done that?” He replies incredulously.

Jimin’s face blanches and he runs his fingers through his hair, a sign of frustration and he gulps. “I like Jeongguk a lot, I just didn’t realize it because I was so caught up in your orbit to realize how much damage you’ve done to my self-esteem and judgement and I hurt him. And I just can’t live with that because he’s done nothing but be nice to me. Also you’re literally about to be a fucking Dad so what the fuck?”

His eye twitches. “You blocked me because you feel bad for hurting Bambi?”

Jimin sighs and his shoulders slump. “I notice you do this thing where you only focus on things I say that don’t point out how shitty you make me feel so let me lay it out for you. Being with you had me reaching emotional lows and I felt so worthless at times and it made me pick up some pretty nasty traits I’m literally seeking professional help for now so thanks for that. I lost myself trying to love you, trying to understand what why I was doing just never seemed enough to make you stay.”

His heart stops. He wasn’t that mean – he couldn’t have been. He understands he’s been shitty a couple of times but they’ve been together for years. If it was so bad why did he keep coming back, is he missing something here?

“You cannot keep saying sorry and let’s fix this without having some sort of change. That’s literally emotional blackmailing and I hate you for filling me with false hope because all it’s brought me is jealousy and insecurity. I have nothing else to give you because if I do, I’ll be losing more of me. I don’t want you in my life and if it takes me saying all of this to your face, _again_ then I’ll keep telling you until it gets through your thick skull.”

“But.. I can change. I swear.” He replies weakly

Jimin rolls his shoulders and looks down the hallway. His posture is radiating so much frustration he can barely grab the words he wants to say to make him understand. They were supposed to be forever and now he’s turning his back on him. “You’re not capable of change, just good at making very empty promises. Goodbye Yoongi, please don’t contact me again because next time, I won’t be as nice.” Jimin says before turning back into the apartment and closing the door on him.

The click from the lock starts a domino effect, one minute he’s staring at the door the next he’s on his knees and has cheap doormat fabric digging into his forehead. He’s not even sure what he’s doing, his legs have fully given out on him and some of snow on it leaks through the fabric of his pajama pants.

Goodbyes aren’t supposed to be their thing. They’ve always found their way back to each other even when one of them was two steps ahead, even when things got out of hand they always found their way back. Jimin has never turned his back on him like this, has never fully dissociated himself from everything that was their relationship until today.

The full weight of his absence doesn't hit him until he's situated back in his car and he realizes all at once how much Jimin meant to him.

And now he's gone because of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone give me their fucking immune system ive gotten the flu so many times :(((((((((((((((((


	14. begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi im back.
> 
> WITH ANGST.

His actions feel cataclysmic.

There’s a noticeable rift cracking and spreading between all of his friends and despite him being the one whose always there for others when they’re sad he can’t help but notice how he’s not on the receiving end of that same care.

But he gets it.

It’s one thing to constantly hurt yourself because you can’t stop running back to the same person, but it’s a whole new playing field when someone completely unaware of what’s going on gets caught in the crossfire of an old war.

And it’s not like he doesn’t feel guilt cause if he’s being completely honest he hasn’t really been able to do anything properly without the ghost of what he’s done hovering over him like his second shadow. There’s times it’s so suffocating and overwhelming he literally has to stop what he’s doing just so he can _breathe_ because it just carries so much weight.

The only problem now is the place where he finds solace, his bed, is now the resident to this guilt.

Those few minutes where he lays in a place between sleep and awake suspended in time waiting for his brain to just _shut up_ are where the thoughts are conjuring the darkest and his insecurities run rampant.

All of this wouldn’t have happened if he just left the first time.

He could’ve been in the presence of the only person in this world he’s felt like he’s had a genuine connection with. He felt wanted, cared for, and surrounded by people he felt safe with and it was just such a big breath of fresh air he didn’t realize he needed until it was too late.

The only bit of optimism he really has going for him to push through this rut is _his_ personality. He can admit he fucked up but what’s worst about this is probably how fast _he_ will throw all of this to the side to make sure he’s okay.

 _He_ with the personality so pure that he’s overly sensitive to the smallest things, _he_ who swears up and down that he’s not a weenie because he can’t control his feelings during sad movies, _he_ who has a smile that could turn barren soil fertile and make even the prettiest flowers grow.

And he probably ruined him.

Which is why it sickens him when the immensity of what he’s done fully sinks in. Why the guilt that’s threatening to eat him alive continues to expand and eat away at every single thought, every little excuse he could’ve conjured to justify that what he did was right until he’s left with nothing but the feeling alone.

The only positive outlook that he can conclude from all of this is that he needs help, and no, not emotional support from his friends because although that has done wonders for him it’s not what he needs. He needs to talk to a professional, it can’t be normal for him to have a thought process like this.

He’s always been under the impression that the bitterness and jealousy he felt festering away at his bones was a result of all the years of hurt he had endured. That it’s completely normal to feel like he’s constantly at war with his emotions. He just wasn’t anticipating becoming the person doing the hurting, that the bitterness in him wasn’t that at all but the poison he’s been fed and unknowingly regurgitating onto others in a fit of jealous rage.

He pauses and clenches his fist at the flurry of memories that flash in front of him, the warm hugs, the soft kisses, the bunny smile.

The main source of an epiphany he didn’t realize he needed.

The double doors he’s facing look menacing to him, it’s like the area around the building distorts and the doors stretch high and loom over him like an elongated nightmare, even the air he breathes in holds so much gravity it feels like his lungs are on the verge of collapsing from the weight.

He takes a step, another, and another until his breath fogs the glass of the door and his hand remains suspended above the handle and time stops.

He has two reasons to go inside and a million reasons he could just turn around and say fuck it and never show his face at this place again.

He thinks.

And thinks.

And _thinks_.

And with a hesitant breath, realizes he can’t do it.

He stares at his reflection for what seems like ages before he turns and starts walking down the street without a second thought.

Things will be better this way, maybe if he just sucks it up and manages to deal with his own demons without the help of outside forces he’ll be better and eventually, _he_ will forgive him.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

He’s gonna go home and think about all of the bad he’s done and atone for his sins in the warmth of his room, write down a long and lengthy apology and hope to god he’s forgiven.

He develops a skip in his step the further he gets away from the building which evolves to a jog, but by the time he’s at the end of the block his body refuses to move. His legs feel like they’re weighed down by cinder blocks, it’s like reaching a part in a video game where he knows his actions will drastically change the way the world around him will interact with him if he progresses further.

On one hand he can literally walk away from this and pretend like he doesn’t have to do this, on the other hand he can walk back and face himself and stop this path of self-destructive tendencies he’s created for himself.

He believes what he’s done is far from reparable, it’ll take time to heal obviously but the more he hesitates the more he can physically feel whatever is left of the bond he formed with _him_ slipping through the webs of his fingers faster than he can hold on to it and his decision is to turn back is practically instantaneously.

When he turns around again he almost slips on the snow beneath his boots and with his newfound energy her marches back. He faces the doors again, the opening and closing hours sign stare back at him mockingly and he's suddenly aware how much time he’s wasted standing out here pussyfooting the inevitable.

He takes a step forward and pauses at the entrance again, the woman at the front desk has been periodically giving him the same strange look every time he’s approached the door like this but she doesn’t quite understand how nerve-wracking this situation is.

His anxiety skyrockets every time he puts his hand on the handle, a heavy sinking feeling manifesting in his gut like he swallowed an anchor and all she is doing is making him feel like shit with just one glance. He looks down at the path he’s carved in the snow then back at the handle and honestly, pacing outside until he’s ready seems a lot better than stepping inside and speaking to this woman.

“First time here?”

He jumps and turns, a girl a little shorter than him is behind him holding a thermos and a ridiculous pompom hat, an oversized bomber jacket, and some black jeans that are tucked into combat boots is giving him a onceover. She looks completely unbothered by his reaction and he steps aside to let her in but she steps right into his personal space, so close he can smell whatever soup is swimming inside the thermos in her hand. He cocks his eyebrow at the sudden invasion, anxiety quickly replaced with annoyance.

“Uh, yes. I’m sorry can I help you?”

She leans back quickly like she was scorched by fire. “Oh sorry, that’s what I’m working on here. Personal space, I get really touchy and invasive with people I don’t know! My name is Erin. I promise everyone in there is super nice, Jisoo just doesn’t know that her chronic bitch face scares people.”

He cocks his head in confusion, “Jisoo?”

Erin points her thermos at the woman at the front desk with little to no discretion. Jisoo perks her head up at the movement and scrunches her face into one of disgust then goes back to typing away at her computer. “Her, I call her pig face because she always scrunches up her face like that when someone approaches the door. She’s not exactly easy on the eyes but she’s super nice and will make you hot coco after each session!”

“I see... well that can certainly be discouraging and encouraging at the same time.”

“Ya, I don’t know how she hasn’t gotten any reports about that but it’s whatever. Wanna hold my hand and go inside? I promise it’s not that bad.” Erin says while holding her hand out.

He freezes, suddenly all of the chores he has waiting for him at home becoming a lot more appealing than going inside the building with the pig faced receptionist glaring daggers at his skull. He honestly could probably outrun this little ball of energy and never show his face here again if he thinks fast enough.

Erin stares at him for a beat, as if noticing his sudden hesitance and her hand darts out and she wraps her pinky around his and locks him into a one-sided pinky promise. He tenses because he _hates_ breaking pinky promises and doesn’t want to shy his hand away without going against his moral code. Erin shoots him a challenging glance, almost daring him to do it and he sighs. His shoulders sag and he squeezes her pinky lightly with his and he’s rewarded with one of the purest smiles he’s ever seen in his life.

“Now that we’ve pinky promised, you can’t back out! You gotta get better like I am, I even asked you before I touched you and that means I’m gonna get candy once I’m inside!”

Her happiness is infectious and he can’t help but smile along with her. It clouds over the tremendous fear weighing him down and honestly, he’s counting his lucky stars. He would’ve probably just paced outside until the building closed and tell himself that he tried and that there’s always tomorrow when he hasn’t done jack shit but passive aggressively stare at his reflection through the window.

The minute she leads him through the doors his blood pressure spikes, the place is stifling and despite the warm colors adorning the walls he feels incredibly out of place and he starts panting at the sudden uneasiness he feels once his eyes fall on the brochures on the receptionist desk they’re approaching.   

_We are here to help you._

_Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re in need._

_There are no stupid thoughts in this place._

_It’s okay to not be okay._

When they’re finally at the front desk it feels like his legs are about to give out under him, his hands are sweating and the walls feel like they’re closing in and trying to cage the tornado that’s whirring inside of him. When he looks over at Erin she looks completely unbothered by his sudden freakout, her mouth is moving, she’s quite literally having a full-blown conversation with the receptionist but it all sounds muffled to him like he’s submerged under water.

Her mouth stops moving and she leads him to a seating area still holding his pinky. He slumps against the seat without grace, he’s having full on body exorcist shivers and there’s a cold sweat that has broken all across his body that’s making his clothes stick uncomfortably.

“Is it getting hot in here? I think it’s getting hot in here.” He says whilst frantically tugging at his coat and scarf until he's sitting in the lobby in sweating through his henley. Something like familiarity flashes in Erin’s eyes and she vanishes from his view for what seems like milliseconds before she comes back with a cup of water and a clipboard that’s tucked under her armpit.

She nudges the cup in his direction. “Here, drink this slowly and take deep breaths. You're having a panic attack.”

He takes the cup with shaky hands and does as instructed, she uses the clipboard to fan him a bit and once he’s finally calmed down he motions her to stop. “Thank you, I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening – I know it’s my first time I just.. wasn’t expecting it to be this overwhelming.”

She nods and sits next to him. “Yeah, nobody does, people come to this place to get help but don’t realize how scary it is. My older brother came with me the first time and I literally didn’t let go of his hand until I was inside.”

They settle in a surprisingly comfortable silence. He looks around the waiting area and stares at the numerous boxes of jigsaw puzzles tucked in a box in the corner of the waiting area, some colorful coloring book, and other types of puzzles and something clicks in his head. These are all forms of anxiety relief for people while they wait here and his soul feels just a little lighter. He’s in good hands, things will be ok.

After a few more minutes of gawking at his surroundings Erin stands, cracks her back and hands him the clipboard with a small smile. “I did most of the talking for you but you can’t actually see anyone until you consent so.. this is for you. I have to go now, my session is in a few minutes. I’ll see you around?”

It briefly occurs to him she never asked for his name, or even pressured him to give it to her and despite the general misconceptions he’s had about this place and the horror stories he’s read online.

“Thank you for helping me out Erin. My name is Jimin.”

“Erin obviously, high school student with sticky fingers. Glad to be of assistance.”

 

\--------------------------

When his first session concludes the therapist gives him a set of tasks. All mundane things really, the first being taking care of himself, the second finding a hobby that’ll take his mind off of things, and the last is to buy himself a diary.

Jimin was initially ready to argue about the last part, there’s no reason for him to need a diary. But when she reveals that the reason that he needs it is because he’s pretty much emotionally constipated he almost starts swinging.

“I don’t think a diary is necessary.” Jimin argues.

“I think the diary is necessary.” Dr.Kim replies.

“Why? It seems like a waste of time to be honest. It’s probably going to sit there and gather dust.”

She smiles at him and crosses her legs. “It’s a good emotional outlet. I noticed you have issues speaking about your own individual feelings but not how others feel about you. I can tell you like to be wanted, to be depended on by your friends and like to be the one that’s there for everyone but you need to think about yourself here too. When’s the last time you’ve spoken to someone about Jeongguk, about Yoongi?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at her. “Are you implying I’m incapable of voicing my feelings? Why does it matter when my friends are happy?”

“It’s not an implication, you’re doing it right now and you also just dodged my question by deflecting.”

Aaaand now he feels attacked.

He gathers his things quickly, Dr.Kim has spoken to him with a surprising amount of patience and sweetness this entire session, he almost forgot what he was actually here for considering how pleasant she's been but he's starting to feel like he's overstayed his welcome.

“Jimin, I'm not here to make you feel bad about this. I'm here to help you and make you aware that you bottle up a lot of your emotions and while you find that okay, it isn't healthy. You can keep your secrets but keep them in a diary instead of yourself. I promise you things will start to look up.”

Jimin nods, coat in hand, he hopes to god she can't see the way his hands are shaking. “I'll buy the diary.”

Dr.Kim smiles at him again, she has a smile that reminds him a lot of his mother. It radiates safety and comfort at the same time and he doesn't know why but it gives him a burst of energy to make her proud.

“Oh, Jimin, one last thing – I know this seems like it'll be too much for you to do today but it'd like for you to go home and apologize to Jeongguk. Actually, it doesn't even have to be tonight, it can be whenever you want but I can tell this is guilt is occupying a lot of your thought process and we won't get anywhere until you do. Tell me about your progress next Thursday okay?”

Jimin gulps. That sounds completely impossible considering Jeongguk's silence has made it very obvious he doesn't want anything to do with him but Jimin still gives her a tight lip smile in agreement when he exits.

 

\--------------------------

There are no words in the dictionary to explain how exhausted Jimin feels. His body feels like it’s stuck in a juxtaposition of both happiness and sadness.

He’s never had his insecurities laid out in front of him like a deck of cards ready to be read by someone who he doesn’t even know. If he’s being completely honest, he’s very rattled that there’s people in this world who make a living literally putting together the words others cannot find to describe how they feel. He also didn’t think it’d be so draining. It feels like he’s been simultaneously puking and crying all the bad in him away and he’s just so sleepy and ready to capsize on his bed.

When the elevator doors ding open he has to forcefully drag his feet across the floor. The hallway usually echoes but everything sounds muted to him as he makes the trek to the god forsaken door on the opposite side of the hallway. He's been dreading this moment ever since he bought the damn diary. He spent ten minutes hyping himself up downstairs because he knew that if he didn't become proactive about this he would've spent the entirety of his recovery period ignoring what Dr.Kim said.

_You need to apologize._

It feels like it takes him an eternity to reach the end of the hallway. The first time he faced this door there where little jack-o-lanterns taped to it and an orange doormat, this time there’s a massive holly on top of the peephole and whiteboard in the middle with a drawing of both Taehyung and Jeongguk and some other person he doesn’t recognize dressed as Santa Clause.

Jimin squints. Then something unsettling start’s to boil in his stomach.

It’s like looking at this shitty marker drawing finally solidifies her presence in his mind. Before, she was just a girl in word of passing, now she actually exists in his world and the more he looks at her drawing the harder his hands shake from the jealousy that’s surging through his veins.

But he can’t be selfish. Jeongguk is allowed to do whatever he wants. He still needs to say sorry, even if he’s too late.

With a heavy heart his fist raises, he knocks on the door once, twice, before the door flings open and he’s engulfed in the warm yellow light from inside the apartment and he comes face to face with Taehyung. He stands in the doorway with a look of surprise and Jimin has to swallow the knot that’s quickly forming in his throat at the sight of him because he really can’t handle being berated or yelled at right now.

He braces himself fully expecting Taehyung to brush him off, maybe even close the door on him but it never comes. Instead Taehyung steps out of the apartment and starts brushing some of the snow off of him, look of surprise morphing to one of concern.

“Uh, hey are you okay?”

Jimin’s shoulders slump on the initial contact. Like most of. “I’m sorry, I’m having a bit of whiplash right now. I’m really tired and need you to pinch me to make sure this isn’t some sort of hypothermic dream I’m having from passing out in the snow.”

Taehyung’s hands pause on his shoulders, he gives them a reassuring squeeze as if to ground him. “Uh, I’m here – you’re not passed out in the snow, should I be worried, do you need me to call Namjoon?”

Jimin feels like the weight he’s been harboring on his shoulders intensified at those words, he doesn’t deserve this kindness. “No that’s not necessary, I uh – actually came here to apologize.” He says meekly.

Taehyung’s eyes get steely at that, the warmth in them vanishes in an instant and Jimin visible shrinks. “Apologize for what?” Taehyung replies.

“I took yours and Jeongguk’s kindness for granted which is something that’s absolutely unacceptable. You gave me the time of day, you both listened to me, about my lowest points and one of my deepest secrets. Hell Jeongguk even kicked someone’s ass for me and all I did was break your best friends heart.”

Taehyung opens his mouth, ready to reply but Jimin puts his hand up to pause him. “I'm not done yet. I honestly don't know where all of this courage is coming from, but I finally went to see my therapist today. I have a lot of stuff I need to do for myself and although this was at the bottom of my list, I'm putting it on top. Can you please get Jeongguk if he's around?”

Taehyung crosses his arms and sighs. “Fortunately for you I’m going to be nice. I’m going to block out my anger because you genuinely look like you have some pretty important shit to say to Jeongguk, but Jeongguk is kind of...busy at the moment, but I’ll tell him you stopped by.” Taehyung trails off hesitantly.

Jimin squints his eyes at the sudden shift in Taehyung’s attitude. He’s sure it won’t kill him to take Jeongguk away from his guests right? “Uhm, is it okay for you to get him? I kind of just want to knock all of these apologies out all at once before I fall into an eternal slumber.”

Taehyung looks at him for what seems like ages, a little bit of panic flashes in his eyes and eventually just nods and steps into the apartment. Jimin watches his receding form and something akin to dread suddenly settles in, was he sending him a signal just now and Jimin was just too hard headed to take the hint? He waits outside for fifteen minutes, yes, fifteen minutes—he’s been counting because the little black cat clock they have hanged on the hallway almost nods him to sleep with it’s rhythmic ticking before he starts to think that Taehyung might’ve lied to him about fetching Jeongguk.

Then he hears it, three separate sets of footsteps approaching the hallway and his heart leaps into his throat.

“I told you had someone waiting for you at the front door and you took your sweet time are you serious?” He hears Taehyung complain.

“You’re talking a lot of shit for someone who is in cumshot distance, please help me understand what’s so important that you had to interrupt me and Jihyo?” Jeongguk replies, clearly annoyed and he has to clench the muscles in his stomach from the sudden wave of nausea that hits him.

Jihyo?

“Literally was on the verge of the best orgasm of my life, the audacity.” He hears a feminine voice say.

And, wow, okay. Now he understands what took so long. Jimin breathes in deeply through his nose, a tactic he learned from Hoseok every time he felt on the verge of puking to calm the uneasiness in his stomach. 

Jimin realizes very suddenly, that an apology might not be enough, who’s to say Jeongguk won’t slam the door in his face? Who’s to say he won’t move different apartment complexes and start going to different coffee shops on campus?

Taehyung rounds the corner of the hallway that leads into the apartment and they instantly lock eye contact, his face is flustered and he mouths ‘sorry’ to him but he just gives him a tight lipped smile and a stiff thumbs up. He’ll take what he can get right now.

The air is quite literally punched out of him when Jeongguk is finally in his line of vision, he hasn’t noticed him yet too busy adjusting his shirt, which ironically has the same logo of the sweater he first met Jeongguk in plastered on it’s front. Funny how a symbol he once associated with safety is now probably the last cartoonish design he'll ever see on Jeon Jeongguk.

Besides his hair being in an obvious state of disarray, his skin is covered in a sheen layer of sweat, his neck is littered with fresh looking red and purple bruises and once he finishes adjusting his shirt and looks up it feels like time stops. Jeongguk is looking at him like he got caught doing something that he shouldn’t have been doing, there’s a red tint on his cheeks that Jimin isn’t sure is from the embarrassment he’s probably feeling or the sex he interrupted.

And he realizes two things at once.

Firstly being he wasn’t anticipating this to hurt as much as it does. Sure, he knows Jeongguk is attractive and can probably get anyone he wants, he just wasn’t expecting to interrupt him mid fuck and meet his hookup at the same fucking time. Which speaking of, looks incredibly familiar to him. She has his back to all three boys, but when she darts into the kitchen he finally gets a glimpse of her face and he swears his hear flat lines. Jihyo, the elusive flower girl, is the same fucking person who came to his rescue yesterday and the shock that settles over him almost knocks him out.

Secondly, he realizes that speaking sounds a lot better in his head than out loud. He can’t even conjure the words to properly apologize to Jeongguk, everything that he remotely had ready feels like it’s leaking out of his ears out of pure fear because of the way Jeongguk is currently looking at him.

“Hi.” Jimin says lamely and shoots him a small wave.

The silence that falls over the apartment is deafening. Jimin doesn’t know if he should look at the awkward grimace growing on Taehyung’s face or the way Jeongguk starts to squint at him as if asking him what he wants, or to Jihyo eyeing him up and down as if finally realizing who he is. All options are bad and the tears rapidly clouding his eyes from the embarrassment are his only form of strength.

If he can’t see them, he can speak.

“You’re under my skin Jeongguk and I’m so sorry. I’ve spent the last two weeks wondering why your absence hurts so fucking much, why I can’t stop crying about the situation I put us in. You’re literally the best thing that has ever happened to me and I ruined that faster than I realized what you meant to me. You’re such a beautiful person, I’ve never felt safer in someone’s presence than in yours and I’m so fucking sorry that I’ve hurt you the way I did. I don’t expect forgiveness or for you to accept it, I just wanted to you to hear how sorry I am.”

Is what he would’ve said, but instead, he chokes.

Jimin spends a good five minutes trying to start speaking, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water before he decides to just wing it to prevent further embarrassment.

“I uhm – I just wanted to come and apologize to you – for uhm – _shit_.” Jimin pauses and rubs at his eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall. “For hurting you and breaking your heart. You’re a good person and you didn’t deserve any of that. I’m glad you’ve found happiness, happy holidays.” He says and sprints down the hallway without looking back.

Behind him, Jeongguk steps out into the hallway and watches his receding figure with misty eyes.

 

\--------------------------

It’s Christmas day.

Jimin’s lost count at how many times he’s rewatched Hoseok’s snapchat. Not for anything particular happening in the actual focus of the video, but what’s happening in the background.

Jeongguk, more specifically, what Jeongguk is doing with Jihyo resurfaces a jealousy so potent he almost snaps his chopsticks in half. They’re swaying along to some soft Christmas music in the background before the girl stands on her tippytoes to land a kiss on Jeongguk’s lips that he meets eagerly.

The residual shock of this relationship has yet to settle in but Jimin is honestly not the least bit surprised he’s moved on already. Jeongguk is just the type of person who naturally attracts others to him and although he’s trying his absolute best to be happy for him he’s not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that it didn’t sting like hell to see his new partner.  

But it’s not like he can control Jeongguk’s feelings, he doesn’t belong to Jimin and can do whatever he wants. It just sucks that he has to watch someone be on the receiving end of the sunshine and happiness that Jeongguk radiates and it isn’t him.

He sighs and tosses his phone on the couch. If this is his penance he’ll gladly go through it to learn his lesson, he just hopes that karma itself doesn’t try to fuck with him anymore tonight because if something happens to the takeout he’s ordered Jimin will honestly just give up on life. The movie he put on to drown out his sorrows is doing nothing to stop the nasty thoughts in his head though and his eyes darts to the yellow diary on the table.

The diary Dr. Kim had suggested he buy sits on the coffee table almost patronizing him. For a moment he thinks about chucking it out of the window so he doesn't have to feel like it's staring at him but h. Jimin picks it up and traces his fingers on the designs adorning the front of it, he really doesn't want to open this thing because he's not sure if he'll stop writing if he ever starts.

He needs liquid courage and he knows exactly where to find it. He narrowly misses colliding with the Christmas tree when he leaps over the couch to get to Namjoon's fancy alcohol fridge, he snatches the nearest champagne bottle, pops it open and settles back onto the couch. Dr. Kim never said anything about him not being sober during his writing so he just hopes drunk him is good with words.

He takes several long swigs of the bitter liquid before he gets to writing. He just let's it all out, from his frustrations with his feelings with Yoongi, to the sudden bitter realization that he's spent way too much time dicking around with his apology for it to make a difference.

He's a couple of pages in when the doorbell rings, his head shoots up from the diary a little confused at how much time has passed. Is the delivery guy here? Jimin dashes across the apartment in breakneck speeds, he's never been so excited to eat chicken in his life. He doesn't even bother to look through the peephole, he props the door open with his foot and frantically searches his pants for his wallet, when he finally fishes it out to pay him, he realizes how uncharacteristically quiet the delivery guy has been through his entire jazz hand performance.

That alone is questionable because Jimin has had the same delivery boy for as long as he remembers. A sweet man in his late forties who owns the fried chicken place he always orders from. Jimin knows he personally does all the deliveries because he loves getting fresh air and he usually says hello, even asks him about his day, or rambles to him about some cat he saw on the way here that reminds him of Jimin but today he gets zero, zilch, nada.

In hindsight, he would’ve instantly known that the person in front of him in fact is not his delivery boy for this reason alone, but considering how tipsy he is it doesn’t really register until his eyes focus on the beige timberlands parallel to his socked feet and his heart beat skyrockets. His delivery boy never wears anything besides the same worn pair of converses because he finds them to be some of the most comfortable shoes in his possession.

Jimin looks up and finds the Jeongguk already staring at him, there’s a velvet box in his hands that he pushes in his direction and he blesses him with one of the shyest smiles he’s ever seen him conjure. He can physically feel himself melting, his face can probably rival a tomato, this is something straight up out of a movie and he’s having a hard time trying to distinguish if this isn’t a dream.

“Hey, uh. Merry Christmas Jimin, I got this for you a few weeks back but I wanted you to have it despite everything that’s happened, can I come in?”

His brain short-circuits, he can’t even give him a proper response before he’s falling and his world goes black.

 

\--------------------------

He wakes up to the smell of takeout and the glare of the living room lights.

He must’ve been paying a little too much attention to that movie and made up some silly scenario while he was laying down and ended up taking a cat nap. There’s no way Jeongguk would’ve visited him today out of all days, especially after yesterday. How silly could he b—

Wait.

Takeout?

Jimin sits up so fast he almost gets whiplash. He looks around frantically because who the fuck is in his house, how the fuck did they get in, why is he laying on his couch, and most importantly – where the fuck is his takeout?

He stands and gets on his tippytoes trying to be as tactical as possible as he moves around the apartment. He passes by the Christmas tree and finds a couple of presents that weren’t there before and he cocks his eyebrow questioningly.

“Am I being visited by a chicken stealing Santa Clause?” he whispers to himself.

The closer to the kitchen he gets the stranger the air starts to smell. It smells like a rather weird but comforting concoction of vanilla and flowers and the spicy fried chicken he ordered and he’s a little perplexed at how calming it is just to breathe it in. He hears some pots and pans rattling and the kitchen sink running. For a second he’s a little convinced that Namjoon might’ve come back from the party a little early and he might’ve just missed his text.

“Joon?” He calls out and the apartment goes quiet. He hears shuffling and instead of the clumsy mountain of a man he’s expecting to see Jeongguk rounds the corner in all his messy hair glory and his breath catches in his chest.

“Hi. You took quite the fall are you okay?” Jeongguk asks a little concerned.

“I – what, how – what the fuck. How did you get into my house?”

“Uh. I came here to talk to you and give you Christmas presents I bought you a while back but you kind of passed out. Your delivery came by, I hope you don't mind me paying for it.”

Jimin squints his eyes at him, like he can’t quite believe he’s here and Jeongguk fidgets under his gaze. He shuffles from foot to foot and Jimin doesn’t even try to stop himself when the urge to touch him attacks all of his senses. He lunges forward and buries his face in Jeongguk’s broad chest, he’s missed the way he smells so much he doesn’t realize he’s started crying. The tears start flowing faster than he can even blink them away, although his movements are stiff Jeongguk still goes out of his way to rock him side to side as he cries holes through his hoodie.

“Are you feeling better?” Jeongguk asks.

He nods and Jeongguk hums. “Good, can you let go of me now?”

Jimin has to physically straighten his spine from the hurt that shocks his system at those words. He leans back slowly and rubs his face with the palms of his hands, more to hide the hurt he knows is reflecting through his eyes than to stop the tears.

“What was that about?” Jeongguk asks him.

“I missed you. It feels weird to see you here and when I knew you weren’t a figment of my imagination I kind of just lost it.” Jimin replies and Jeongguk stares at him, like really stares at him. His gaze is so penetrating it roots him to the spot. It feels like he’s stripping him with his eyes and not in a sexual way, just kind of looking at him, or through him searching for a lie in the statement.

He eventually breaks eye contact with a scoff, Jimin blanches at the behavior, this is the fastest emotional 180 he’s ever seen anyone take. Jeongguk went from empathetic to cold in a matter of seconds and now he wishes he could go back in time and prevent himself from opening the door because he does not like where this is going.

Jeongguk goes back into the kitchen and reemerges with his bag of fried chicken in his hand and a cup of water in the other and motions to the living room with a jerk of his head. “I think we need to talk.” Jeongguk says and all the blood drains from his face, he doesn’t know if he can deal with this today – he doesn’t feel mentally there and he fears he might say stuff to him without really thinking about it.

“Uhm..rain check?” Jimin says.

“Why do you need a rain check to talk to me?” He replies.

“I didn’t mention this when I apologized yesterday but.. I’m kind of seeing therapist right now for some issues I got because of the relationship I had with Yoongi. I’m a little bit emotionally stunted and that’s why I’m spending Christmas alone, my social battery is really depleted and I just needed some time to myself to rebuild you know?”

Jeongguk blinks, like he's slowly trying processes what he’s said before it clicks. “Oh, shit – I’m sorry I didn’t know, let me get out of your hair.”

Jeongguk moves around the kitchen frantically, putting everything back where it was and all Jimin can do is just watch him because what the fuck is happening? One minute Jeongguk was looking at him like he was ready to flay him alive, the next he’s the same nerdy boy who walked into the coffee shop and couldn’t look him in the eyes.

Jimin blinks and licks his lips. The masochist in him is definitely coming out because he would rather sit here and have this gut-wrenching conversation than ever have Jeongguk walk away from him again.

“We can talk.”

Jeongguk sighs, shoulders slumping. “Please don’t say that if you don’t really mean it, I don’t want to guilt you to doing something because I came here without letting you know.”

“Jeongguk grab the fucking take out and let’s go.” He hisses.

Five minutes later they’re situated in the living room, Jeongguk sits with his legs crossed and the cup of water in his hands, eyes a downcast at the mess of DVD’s he has sprawled over the coffee table no doubt judging him internally on his horrendous movie taste, his eyes briefly focus on the diary and Jimin panics because he's left it wide open.

“So.. let’s talk.” He starts, trying to divert attention away from it. Jeongguk’s eyes slowly drift up and he thumbs at the rim of his cup nervously. “I have a lot I wanted to say but I can’t really gather the words for what’s running my head so I guess I just have to start with why?”

Jimin tenses. “Why what?”

There’s a muscle in Jeongguk’s jaw that twitches, his eyes blaze with a dormant fury and he gulps at the realization that Jeongguk is actually angry at him. “Why did you use me, what did I do wrong?”

And there it is.

No matter how many times he tries to run through the logic in his head when he first started this, it always comes out inconclusive and it just terrifies him to know that he was so blinded by jealousy and anger that he couldn’t see the way he was stringing this boy along for some sick game of cat and mouse.

“Ggu—” He starts.

“Don’t call me that.” Jeongguk interrupts, clearly annoyed.

He startles at Jeongguk’s tone because wow, he’s never spoken to him like that. Jimin swallows the lump that’s rapidly forming in his throat. “Jeongguk, I’ve made some very shitty decisions in my life and hurting you is on the top of that list. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it was all me. I wanted to make Yoongi jealous for constantly throwing Seulgi in front of my face because no matter what I did, I was always second best. If he wasn’t with me he was with her and it just did a number on my mental health. I just never realized it because I thought it was normal to just feel.. angry all the time, to feel inadequate in my own skin because the person I loved constantly just kept cheating on me.”

Jeongguk cocks his head slowly, like he’s trying to process what he’s hearing and puts the cup down on the table and shakes his head in disbelief. “Listen, I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m not proud of you for seeking professional help because I am, I’m so proud of you for taking over your life and tackling your demons head on. But if we had never crossed paths, are you telling me you wouldn’t have felt this remorse when you broke someone’s heart? Because not to sound cocky but it sounds like the reason you had this epiphany is because of what you feel for me.”

The words fall over him like a bucket of ice-cold water. He wants to think it wouldn’t have taken him long to realize that what he’s done is pretty shitty but what if Jeongguk’s right? How many people would have he gone through before eventually figuring out that Yoongi isn’t worth it?

“I’m going to take your silence as a no.” Jeongguk says, shoulders slumping at the realization that he has nothing to say, nothing to really defend himself on the accusation because he’s right so he just shoves a chicken drum in his mouth to keep himself from saying something stupid.

“Why me? I’m pretty sure you had a list of people lining up to be something more than friends with you.”

Jimin chews slowly, more to pass time and let him choose his words carefully than to actually savor the chicken. When he’s done he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tosses the chicken bone in a makeshift napkin graveyard and takes a deep breath.

“Jeongguk I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m like, incredibly attracted to you. From your smarts to how beautifully you interact with the world. You have all of these little quirks and things you do that make you who you are, I think the best part about you is how you zone other things out when someone is explaining something, they love to you. You give them all the attention they need and make them feel like their words matter.”

Jeongguk looks a little taken aback, there’s pink dusting his cheeks and Jimin considers it a small victory, Jeongguk recovers from the compliment and grips the cup of water in his hand a little tighter. “But I wasn’t enough for you.” Jeongguk replies bitterly.

Jimin sighs, “No baby,” Jimin pauses in a panic, realizing that he fell back into pet names but when he looks up at Jeongguk his eyes are reflecting vulnerability and sadness but doesn’t correct him. “I wasn’t enough for myself. You where everything I could’ve asked for and more, you’ve literally done nothing wrong.”

“Are you still seeing him? Are you guys together?” Jeongguk asks slowly and it just doesn't sound right. The question sounds forced and when Jimin observes Jeongguk’s posture, he's incredibly tense – the veins in his arms and hands are bulging almost as if the question physically pained him to ask. He doesn’t even see his chest pressing against the front of his shirt anymore and Jimin realizes with a jolt that Jeongguk holding his breath, anticipating his answer.

“No, you missed quite the show actually. He came barging in a few days ago demanding to know why he was blocked on every social media platform I had, pretty much told me I could be so happy if I just let him be and spoil me with riches. Taehyung actually threatened to beat him with his Saxophone if he didn’t stop screaming in the hallway, which by the way, just wanted to ask is that normal?”

Jeongguk smiles, a lot more relaxed now and chuckles. “He threatened my brother like that too, I overheard him the first time they met even though he thinks I don’t know.”

He nods and smiles back at him. “Yeah well, he was pretty pressed Yoongi’s screaming was interrupting his Harry Potter movie marathon.”

Jeongguk hums and runs his fingers through his hair in thought. “Oh that’s what that was? Jihyo told me about that too. Told me she had to get in between them because she thought it was going to get physical real fast, she also mentioned that the neighbor guy was super-hot. I’m assuming she meant you?”

He’s never sat down and had a full conversation with the girl but he does not like the way her name sounds coming out Jeongguk’s mouth, he sits ramrod on the couch, mood rapidly deteriorating. Jeongguk’s hand pauses in his hair at the sudden change in his posture and he looks at him confused. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy.”

Jeongguk squints, analyzing him and it’s like a light bulb goes off in his head once he realizes why he’s acting that way. “You don’t like Jihyo?” Jeongguk asks inquisitively.

Is Jeongguk fucking daft? Of course he doesn’t fucking like her, she’s been sleeping with the person he has some incredibly strong feelings for, he’s pretty sure he’d react the same way if he told him Yoongi was still up and about in his life. Jimin tries to fruitlessly hide his anger by stuffing more chicken in his mouth.

“I have no clue what’s giving you that impression.” Jimin replies nonchalantly with a mouth full of chicken.

Jeongguk sighs. “She’s nice I promise.”

“Good for her.”

“Jimin.”

He should really control his temper but he can already feel his anger rising to astronomical levels. He doesn’t like this girl, he doesn’t like the fact that she’s been fucking Jeongguk, he does not like the fact this is the person who he’s waking up to everyday. He releases the bone with a pop, tossing it into the growing pile on his napkin. “Jeongguk.” Jimin replies

Jeongguk crosses his hands and leans forward, Jimin knows he’s trying to reason with him, trying to give him the explanation that can prevent this conversation from going left real fast but the same insecure Jimin who struggled to get Yoongi’s attention is coming out like a bat out of hell. “There’s no need to be passive aggressive about this. She’s a frien—.”

“I didn’t realize that the definition of friends suddenly went from being platonic to having full on sexual intercourse with an individual, please tell me more about this development and sudden change of a word I’ve been tossing around all my life because if that’s the case – I owe a lot of people sex.”

Jeongguk nostrils flare and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You have no reason to be angry with me considering how fucking fast you left me. She’s done so much to help me realize that I do still have feelings for you while I was fucking her to get rid of you, so in all honesty, you should be thanking her for this conversation. She’s a friend with benefits, Jimin.”

There's a lot of things he should be focusing on in that sentence, like the “was” fucking her, the “friends with benefits”, but instead all he can really zero in on is the fact that Jeongguk wants to get rid of him. “You want to get rid of me?” he replies quietly.

Jeongguk blinks slowly at him, then his face morphs into one of scrutiny. It's like a bomb goes off in the apartment, one minute Jeongguk is sitting across from him the next he's pacing back and forth. The coffee table is the only thing separating them but he still feels like he needs to duck behind the love seat for more protection. He's never seen Jeongguk this furious, not even when he punched Jackson.

“You. I, don't eve—,” Jeongguk starts, mouth opening and closing like he can't form the right words before he just stops altogether and exhales loudly, clenching his fists. “You are absolutely fucking unbelievable. Jimin you told me you wanted me in front of all of our fucking friends, you TOLD me I was your boyfriend before I even knew we were official, then after declaring so, you tossed me because your ex got jealous and you got what you wanted. You walked away from me like it was the easiest thing in the world and quite literally fucked your way out of my life. You never even bothered reaching out. Of course I wanted to get rid of you, do you know how insecure and hurt you've made me feel? I have a hole in my chest the size of a cannonball that's eating me alive.”

Jimin knows he's just letting the words roll with the punches, that it's his anger speaking for him. His face is getting red, veins in his neck are popping out too but that doesn't make the statement any less hurtful. He wants to cry for Jeongguk, he wants to cry for himself, and he wants to cry for what he’s ruined but he's brought this upon himself and he needs to face the severity of his actions.

So he takes the verbal onslaught. He takes it because it's what he deserves, he takes it because he's selfish and self-centered.

“I'm so sorry. I'm a fucking mess, I—you didn't deserve any of this. I understand if you don't want me in your life anymore, I won't try to stop you from walking away.” Jimin responds weakly. He can already feel the familiar tug of exhaustion pulling on his shoulders and his eyes drift shut. He just wants to rest, go to sleep for a couple of years so people can forget who he is, forget what he's done, and move on.

The apartment is coated in a tense silence. For a second, he believes that Jeongguk might've just left after his outburst but when the love seat dips next to him he jolts and is brought back to reality. He opens his eyes and finds that Jeongguk has his hand out, an offering it seems and he blinks at it.

“Hold my hand please.”

And he does, he can't help but notice that his hand fits in his like it's meant to be but he pushes those thoughts away. Jeongguk interlocks their fingers and brings his hand up and presses the softest of kisses on his knuckles.

“Jimin,” Jeongguk starts. “I'm sorry if this feels a bit contradictory but I've had that pent up for the last few weeks, once I started I just couldn't stop. I'm sorry if that hurt you, I didn't intend to come here to kick you while you're down but I'm not sorry for saying it.”

Jimin looks at their hands, he’s seen enough k-dramas to know where this conversation is about to go. This is the part where Jeongguk tries to sweeten the bitter heartbreak, this is where he concludes their relationship and walks out of his life forever to be with Jihyo. He immediately starts to detach himself from the conversation, he needs to turn off his emotions ASAP before he starts to ugly cry.

“I am not dating Jihyo, we’re just friends with benefits. I ended it before coming here because it hasn’t felt right from the get go. She was just someone I could turn to who understood what I was going through and it just got physical fast.”

Jimin nods along numbly, he doesn’t want to hear the nitty gritty details, he just wants Jeongguk to break his heart and get over it.

Jeongguk clears his throat, cheeks flushed. “With that being said I don’t think I’m quite ready to just let this go. What do you think about giving this another chance? Is that something you'd like to do?”

“Well I wish you and her the best then, give me some time and I’ll ge—wait what?”

Jeongguk smiles at him, all bright and bubbly. “I’m asking you if you’d like to give us another go? I need some time to figure out the rest but one thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to walk away from what’s here."

Jimin is a little dumbfounded, this is the first time in his life he’s ever actually been given the option to speak on whether or not he wants a relationship. The fact that he has the freedom to actually voice his opinion on this has his flipped his world upside down.

“Please tell me you’re not fucking with me right now, is this a cruel joke?” Jimin says.

Jeongguk’s tone softens and he shakes his head. “No Jimin, I’m being very serious right now”

Jimin smiles so hard he’s pretty sure his lip splits.  “Yes, thank you, I promise I’ll get better for the both of us. Thank you so much.”

 

\--------------------------

  
That night Yoongi haunts his dreams.

Jimin wakes up in an alternate South Korea and instantly knows he’s dreaming. Everything on the surface looks the same, but the minimal details are a lot different – the fried chicken place he frequently visits with Namjoon is now a coffee shop, the pet store he stops by on his way to the dance studio every day is no longer there but a plateau of barren land. The overall change of the landscape unsettles him, like there’s something oppressive lurking in the air that he can’t see.

He spends what seems like hours exploring this fake place. He keeps his guard up, he doesn’t know what’s hidden in between the lines but the streets are still busy, crowds of people still the same. He’s a few miles into his walk when the oppression in the air can no longer be ignored. All of his senses are screaming RED and DANGER, so Jimin, being Jimin does the most logical thing he can think of.

He walks around slowly; his eyes are sharp and keen. He feels like he’s being preyed on by something he can’t see and he swears he’s seeing shit in the alleyways he passes by.

It was subtle at first too, a flash of black hair in his peripheral vision, an echo of his laugh in the crowd of people. He pauses when his eyes finally fixate on an entire silhouette of a person that looks a lot like Yoongi in the crowd. It’s faceless which alarms him, he’s also blurry, kind of like what happens when you try to look at things underwater, or like he’s watching the afterimage of something that was once there, but now is not.

And faceless person aside, he would’ve been _slightly_ okay with this thing following him around in his dream because it’s the only thing that reassures him that this is in fact a dream and he will eventually wake up—that is, until it started speaking to him.

It sounds like a whisper in the wind at first, but the more he focuses on the silhouette the more he starts noticing features about the person and the louder the words become.

Black hair.

Pouty lips.

Jut jaw.

_Do you know what we could’ve had?_

A full body shiver tingles down his spine like lightning, the hairs on his arms stand on end like he’s been shocked.

_Come back to me._

Jimin clenches his jaw and tucks his hands into his pants pockets, he turns swiftly walking the opposite way as fast as he can.

 _You can’t run from me Jimin._ The voice echoes, suddenly everywhere and nowhere, Jimin looks around frantically trying to find the silhouette again but just finds himself in the middle of a street that’s suddenly lacking people, cars, and _life_.

The cars that once had people in them are rusted, the storefronts are falling apart, there are weeds growing out of the cracks in the ground and Jimin is suddenly hit with so much _nothing_ that it roots him in place from the fear. It’s so intense and suppressive he just doesn’t know what to do besides sit there in the concrete of a street that once was.

_I’ll always be with you._

Jimin hears dirt crunching to his left and when he crooks his head in the noises direction he’s met face to face with the black, voidless eyes of Min Yoongi. Behind him he brings a cloud of pestilence, the atmosphere and air behind him seems to be deteriorating like it’s carrying death.

_You can’t run Jimin._

And Jimin, is suddenly very pissed. No, he can’t. But he’s had enough.

“Shut the fuck up Yoongi.”

The ‘thing’ cocks it’s eyebrow at him, like it quite can’t believe what he just said to him, the storm conjuring behind him halts and Jimin takes the opportunity to scramble to his feet.

“I’m not something to be owned, I can’t be bought with things just because you want to have your straight cake and eat it too.” Jimin says, looking down at it. He was in love with that face, he's spent countless nights tracing his fingertips over Yoongi's facial features while he slept always asking himself how he got so lucky, but now the image is just so tainted.

“You're absolutely miserable right now aren't you? I bet it hurts to not have me in your life anymore, to have someone you can't manipulate with your mind-games.”

The specter doubles over and Jimin can’t help but feel powerful standing over it like this. But then, something clicks in his head. It hasn't been interrupting him ever since he told it to shut up. It takes him about four seconds to realize that this Yoongi is a complete contrast to the one he’s dealt with in real life, the other one doesn’t listen to him but this one does.

And what he’s saying is legitimately hurting it

“Getting over you is honestly one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life. But you don't have your claws in me anymore, I am my own person, if I can get over you I can do anything.”

The specter is almost translucent now, like it's fading away with each passing second and he finally realizes what's happening.

Despite him being in an emotionally vegetative and vulnerable state after his therapy session, this is his legitimate goodbye. He’s walked away from the issue’s he’s faced physically, but not mentally. Mentally Min Yoongi still inhabits his very being and his body is finally giving him a chance to flush him out for good.

And considering how much listening it's doing, he knows exactly what words to weaponize to hurt it the most.

“You might have been my first love but that doesn’t hold a candle to what I feel for Jeongguk.”

At this, the things head snaps up with fiery fury in it’s eyes but despite the anger boiling underneath it’s surface he knows it’s weak, even if it wasn't weak it doesn’t scare him. Not anymore.

“I think I’ll be able to love him one day, more than I ever loved you. I don't ever have to feel like I'm second best to anyone ever again.“

It shrinks until it’s in a fetal position. For a second, Jimin feels a little bit of sympathy for it but he knows how these games go and he refuses to entice the idea of letting it get remotely close to him, so he steps back.

“I'm walking away from this, from you. Please let me go.”

Those words are what seem to be the last straw, it vanishes completely, the air clears practically instantaneously and in its absence a heavy but warm beam of sunlight breaks through the stormy clouds left behind. The sunlight creates life again, the decay of the surrounding building starts to vanish and falls over his surroundings like a veil.

In the distance, his eyes focus on something new. There's a figure made out of pure light, when he looks at it there’s no suppressive air of hostility, no feeling of impending doom. Just warmth. The wind picks up and the air starts to smell strongly of vanilla, he didn't think it was possible for him to associate a smell with a feeling but it just overall feels like safety and radiates so much pure unadulterated happiness that it naturally attracts Jimin to it.

The closer he gets to the figure, the brighter the light it's emitting becomes, even shielding his eyes is fruitless. He thinks he's close, he hears something melodic in the wind roaring in his ears. He tries his best to focus on it but he still can't drown it the wind to remotely pick up what the figure is saying to him.

Then, as suddenly as it came, it stops. He still can't see anything but he's pretty sure he's standing in front of it. The melodic tune in the background is a little clearer now, he feels more than he see's it move, it's fingers graze his before enveloping his hands in it's and it all just feels so familiar to him.

It gives his hands a reassuring squeeze and with that he can hear the tune clear as day now.

He thought it might've been singing to him, but it wasn't that at all.

Jimin has been hearing bells.


	15. marble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one of my favorite chapters. enjoy :)

It’s New Year’s Eve and he still hasn’t heard back from Jeongguk. 

Jimin assumes that it’s probably because Jeongguk needs time to wrap his head around their conversation, he 100% believes they left on good terms but he’s also pretty sure the reason he hasn’t reached out is because he’s probably breaking the news to Taehyung. But it’s okay, Jimin can wait – especially since he might see him tonight, he's also just really excited to show his thanks over the moon pendant he got him. The note inside claims that this is the moon they first crossed paths under, a waning gibbous a moon that’s said to make people understand and explain things from different perspectives. Which is really fitting to their lives right now.

Jimin is overlooks the balcony down into the club with a half-smile while thumbing at the pendant, an hour ago the place was dead, now it’s practically packed to the brim. The stage where the underground rappers usually have their performances is on is being occupied by a DJ and several flat screens displaying the time, the people, albeit still incredibly annoying and nosy—are all buzzing with childlike excitement for the conclusion of what Jimin considers a very, very, very long year and for once in his life he doesn’t hate this place.

It’s the first time since he was eighteen that he’s going into a New Year not tied to Yoongi in some shape or form. He feels happy, even enlightened in a way, like a piece of his soul is finally recovering. He woke up today not feeling guilty about his looks or not being beautiful enough for someone to actually pay attention to him.

He feels the press of a cold glass of something against the back of his neck and when turns around he finds Namjoon giving him a small smile with a cup of water in his hand. He vowed to not drink tonight considering he might be the designated driver, but he also just wanted to bask in the happiness his friend group is radiating at his announcement.

At first everyone was shocked when he told them he started seeing a therapist, but then the confusion settled in. Hoseok took the news the hardest because he considered himself his best friend and should’ve seen the signs, but in all honesty if it wasn’t for the mess he’s made out the last month he would’ve went on with his merry life like he wasn’t a walking time bomb.  

But they’re okay now, he’s okay and life can only go up from here. At least he thinks so.

Jimin takes the glass of water from Namjoon and scooches closer to him, the music isn’t loud yet, but it’s enough that Jimin has to raise his voice significantly for them to talk.

“Having fun?” Jimin says.

Namjoon gives him a small smirk, he shimmies in place and wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m snazzy, you wanna dance with me?”

Jimin snorts into his cup. Namjoon dancing is a disaster waiting to happen, they’re all surrounded by very expensive bottles of alcohol and he’s pretty sure if he indulges Namjoon those drinks are either going to end up on him, or on the floor.

“Nah, rather watch you guys. That’s fun as well.”

Namjoon pouts, he straightens up a bit and brushes some imaginary dust off of his shoulder and his demeanor shifts. “Jeongguk is coming.” Namjoon announces nonchalantly and Jimin hums.

“I’m aware.”

“So?”

“So what Joon?”

“Jimin, I want you to be happy that’s all. Are you guys going to talk?”

Jimin traces the rim of the glass and looks down into the crowd again “I hope so, I’ve been giving him space to figure out when he wants to start again. I don’t want to pressure him into anything you know?”

Namjoon nods. “Yeah, he told me the same thing.”

Jimin pauses, turns his head slowly so he’s facing Namjoon again. “Pardon?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve spoke to Jeongguk?”

“Uh, yeah? We went to the arcade yesterday, he won me a pretty big teddy bear.”

Jimin squints. “So you knew I’ve been tearing my hair out for the last few days waiting for a reply and just watched me go crazy?”

“Yup.” Namjoon says, popping the p heavily.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Nah, I’m looking out for him.”

Jimin groans, a little flabbergasted. “Whose side are you on?”

Namjoon shrugs and leans against the balcony railing. “I’m not taking sides, I’m just not convinced Jeongguk is as okay as he’s making himself out to be. I don’t mean to sound rude when saying this Jimin but what you did isn’t exactly easily forgivable—if I'm being completely honest I'm pretty sure Jeongguk didn't tell you the full extent of his feelings just so you wouldn't feel like shit.”

Jimin isn't stupid. He's known since they had their talk.

You see to the untrained eye Jeongguk looks like he's okay—his mannerisms haven't changed a bit, which isn't really surprising because if you're a person who’s trying not to garner attention, especially after getting your heart broken you'd stick to your status quo and hide your feelings in plain sight.

But Jimin isn't the untrained eye.

Jimin knows when people are doing their absolute best to hold themselves together after a blow like this. He's faced it countless times before with Yoongi and he's pretty sure if he wasn't so familiar with the signs Jeongguk would've done a stellar job at fooling everyone around him.

But it's always the little things.

The very first thing he noticed about Jeongguk is how bright and sparkly his eyes get when he's talking about something that really matters to him, how his excitement is reflected through his hands, his little jerky body movements and his big bunny smile.

But it's always been his eyes.

When Jeongguk hesitantly revealed to him he still wanted to try being in a relationship with him he should've been over the moon, but he wasn't. The mini-galaxies that reside in his eyes never made an appearance during his statement, Jeongguk wasn't happy—he honestly looked fucking scared but still speaking for what he feels and what he wants.

Jimin doesn’t know how many times he’s erased the text messages he’s tried to send Jeongguk after he left, but one thing he knows for sure is that he needs to get the full truth out of him if they really want to make progress.

\--------------------------

This is not how he expected his night to go.

He’s been excited to see Jeongguk, although obviously not alone, he’s been ready to have him semi-alone to ask him how he’s been, what’s he been up to, or what video game he’s been playing. But when Taehyung rolls in without the person currently occupying his thought process, he’s confused, but waits patiently. When an hour rolls by and he still hasn’t caught a glimpse of Jeongguk he’s disappointed.

Jimin’s sitting by his lonesome, he’s not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that Jeongguk’s absence doesn’t isn’t bothering him because it is. He was at least hoping to go into the New Year in his presence, after all. It’s new beginnings for everyone.

He wants to ask Taehyung but considering how he hasn’t stopped trying to suck the soul out of Hoseok through his mouth since he has arrived he’s pretty sure he’s not going to get any answers from him tonight. Jimin sighs for the umpteenth time.  This situation is a product of overthinking, he could easily get an answer if he just text’s Jeongguk but he doesn’t want to seem too overbearing.

Jimin downs his water and drums his fingers on the table top. He needs to leave or get some fresh air before his brains grinds itself to dust from his overthinking. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he almost flings it across the room trying to pull it out, he finds a text message from Jin and Jimin has never been so disappointed to look at his phone in his life.

**JM:** I kinda don’t wanna be here right now

**JM:** I wanna be home.

**Jinnie:** more like u wanna be in jks house lol

**Jinnie:** do u want my keys? You can drive there pretty

sure ur not gonna find anything to take you home this

close to the count down

Jimin blinks, then proceeds to glare at the screen. How the fuck? Is he easily that readable? 

**Jinnie:** Jimin you’re like really obvious. You got so hyper

when Taehyung came but settled down once u saw that

jk wasn’t here.

**Jinnie:** pls save me the bs.

**JM:** WOW

**JM:** okay you’re right but wOW. How are you

gonna get home if i have your car keys?

**Jinnie:** we live in the 21st century I can order a cab wym

“HoW aRe YoU gOnNa gEt HoMe”

**Jinnie:** matter a fact don’t take my keys you look drunk.

**Jinnie:** dumbass

**JM:** ok damn GEEZE ILL TAKE THE KEYS.

**Jinnie:** good boy :)

**Jinnie:** keys in my jacket, drive safe.

Jimin locks his phone after sending Jin an entire row of heart emojis. He owes Jin so much but right now he has to focus, he sets an alarm on his phone to go off a minute before the countdown. He has approximately an hour and a half to get to Jeongguk before it starts and he still doesn't know how to initiate a conversation with him.

\--------------------------

Into the hellmouth he goes.

The pizza box he's holding is burning a hole through the palms of his hands, he drove back in breakneck speeds after the pizza parlor messed up his order twice in a row. He just hopes to god Jeongguk likes pepperoni.

When Jimin goes to knock on door he can't help but notice that the drawing that was previously on it is gone, there's fireworks of all colors littering the whiteboard, in the middle 'Happy New Years' is written in Jeongguk's neat hand writing and it makes him smile. He doesn't get too much time admiring though, a few seconds after his knock he hears shuffling behind the door before it opens and he's once again reduced to a stuttering mess.

Jeongguk looks extra soft right now. He rarely sees him with his glasses on, but when he does his heart palpitates every time he looks at him – right now is no exception. He's wearing a grey hoodie, the hood is over his head and his messy hair pokes out from under it, his right hand is tucked into a pair of black shorts and his heart almost bursts when he smiles at him.

“Aren't you supposed to be at the club?” Jeongguk asks him, his voice is low – like he hasn't been really using it all day and a blush spreads like wildfire across his cheeks. There's no reason on this planet for a simple response to get him as heated as that but here he is, knees buckling and weak.

“Yeah..but I just kind of wanted to spend the night with you. Is that okay?” Jimin replies nervously, Jeongguk looks at him then at the pizza box before nodding and stepping aside to let him in.

“Always, come in.” Jeongguk replies. He kicks off his shoes and steps into the apartment for the first time in months and nothing has changed, it still smells very homey. The living room is dark, but the same as he remembers it, the couch where Taehyung interrogated him is littered with blankets and bags of chips, Jeongguk's laptop is on the coffee table illuminating the entire living room by itself with it's rainbow keyboard and creating a lightshow.

“Sorry for the mess, Yugyeom and I have been at it all day. We've been double teaming this website Jackson was supposed to work on for one of our friends, but since he's no longer here we're trying to finish it for them.” He says, he takes his sweet time cleaning up, his movements seem a little lethargic but he can only assume that's probably from not coming out of the house all day.

Jimin nods, the name doesn't really invoke him any emotions out of him anymore – he's just Jackson the boy who took a crush too far. He places the pizza box on the table and places his jacket on the coat rack, it feels silly to say but it's been five minutes and he already feels a lot more content being in this room with Jeongguk than in a club surrounded by his friends.

“I brought you over some pizza. I had a feeling you might've not really eaten today.” Jimin says. Jeongguk's head perks up at that, he plops down in front of the coffee table and wastes no time digging in.

“You're an actual godsend thank you so much. I haven't eaten actual food since yesterday.” He says in between bites of pepperoni pizza and Jimin is about ready to combust. Jeongguk motions for him to take residence on the couch and he does, he dives under the blankets and watches him work, he's not even concerned about the countdown anymore.

Silence quickly falls over the apartment but it isn't uncomfortable, aside from the occasional crunch into pizza crust, Jeongguk is so immersed in his work the keyboard clicking becomes white noise, his eyebrows furrow every now and then when something doesn't seem to go his way. He doesn't know how long he spends watching him but the urge to kiss the worry off of Jeongguk's face is becoming a lot more difficult to ignore.

“Hey Jeongguk?” Jimin says.

His head perks up and he stares at him over the top of the laptop screen. “What's up?” he replies.

Jimin nibbles on his bottom lip. “Are you sure you're okay with me being here? If you're still mad about Yoongi I can go. I just wanted to make sure you where okay because I haven't seen you in almost a week..”

Jeongguk hums. He rises and walks over to him, and wordlessly crawls under the blanket he's under. He's so close he can feel the ghost of his breath kissing his lips, Jeongguk goes a little cross eyed trying to look at him through his glasses and it's one of the most endearing things he's ever seen in his life.

“You want the truth?”

A nod, then he almost jumps out of his skin when he feels Jeongguk's finger tips on his hips. “I kind of have been trying to contact you but considering how much you didn't like Jihyo, I just assumed you wouldn't want to see me with all of this on my neck.” Jeongguk says, motioning to his neck, the bruises are somewhat faded but this close he can still see them. He doesn't know whether he should laugh because he's been overthinking something as simple as this, or whether he should kiss him for thinking about in a situation he caused.

“Thank you. I don't really know what to say but thank you.”

“Is that all?”

He thinks back to what Namjoon said in the club and he figures, if they're gonna talk they should do it now. “Did you say.. everything you wanted to say to me back then? I don't really want you to hold back because you're scared of hurting me with your truth.”

Something that looks a lot like hurt flashes in Jeongguk's eyes for a millisecond, he looks away and bites his lip. “Ah, that's a little complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

“I don't have any ill words to say to you, but I really wanna make you feel less insecure because I feel a little helpless in this situation. I did some research and found a way to do it but..I don't think we're ready for that yet.”

“What makes you think we're not ready for whatever that is? I trust you, Jeongguk. I know you won’t hurt me.”

When Jeongguk faces him again his eyes are a shade darker and _oh_.

That’s really all he can say, because he’s suddenly floored by the absolute heat and hunger that burns brightly behind the brown in his eyes.

The little reminder he's set on his phone to ring a minute before the countdown goes off in the background but he doesn’t dare break the eye contact, it seems like a challenge, like if he breaks it they’ll be snapped out whatever limbo his gaze just put them in but after a beat, Jeongguk moves. Jeongguk sits up a little, he tosses his leg over his hips straddling him and his heart seizes in his chest. The apartment is so quiet he can hear his neighbors counting down in the distance.

Jeongguk leans down, his face is literally inches away from his, all he has to do is lean up to kiss him. His glasses slide down the bridge of his nose and when Jimin reaches up to fix them, Jeongguk takes that as a chance to lean in.

A kiss on his cheek.

_Ten_

On his forehead.

_Nine_

Both of his eyes.

_Eight. Seven_

The corner of his jaw.

_Six._

Jeongguk thumbs at his lips, as if asking for permission and Jimin is positively sure time slows down, he doesn't even answer him, surges up and presses a soft kiss on Jeongguk's lips and groans when Jeongguk practically deflates against him as the apartment complex explodes with 'Happy New Years'.

Jeongguk is kissing him like it's their first time, there's no urgency behind it, but it does flow an overwhelming amount of emotion with every twist and turn. His nerves feel like they're on fire, he spreads his legs – he swears it's just to stretch them out before he cramps in his skinny jeans but when Jeongguk settles in between them, meeting center to center a moan bursts through his chest.

Jeongguk leans back instantaneously. His glasses are a bit fogged, any other time Jimin would've found this cute, but this is not one of those times because the entire length of Jeongguk's cock just _throbs_ against his and it's suddenly very fucking difficult to speak.

“Happy New Years, Jiminie.” Jeongguk says, his voice deep like he's swallowed gravel.

“Happy New Years, Ggukie.” he responds a little airy, just as affected by the kiss.

Jeongguk rests his head against his chest, his arms go around his body and he practically engulfs him with the hug. Jimin pulls his hoodie back to chord his fingers through Jeongguk's messy hair, cuddling he can do, even though he's sure Jeongguk can hear the way his heart is threatening to ram out of his chest.

“We seem to have.. a problem.” Jeongguk says after a minute.

Jimin laughs at how awkward it sounds, this is so like Jeongguk. He's switches between this goofy cute guy to this hardcore dom in a matter of seconds and he's missed it so much.

“Yeah, we kind of do. We don't have to do anything though.”

It's silent again, Jeongguk murmurs something against his chest that he quite doesn't pick up. “Can you repeat that again? I didn’t catch that.”

Jeongguk clears his throat and licks his lips, he rests his chin on his stomach and looks up at him through his eyelashes. “I said.. what if I want to?”

Jimin blinks. “I'm not opposed, but what do you have in mind?”

“I want to try that thing I mentioned earlier, it's going to be one-sided if that's okay with you?”

To be honest, Jeongguk could tell him he's going to be murdering someone and he'd still vouch for his alibi if he ever needs it. “Yeah, sure that's okay. I'm ready for anything.”

\--------------------------

Jimin is swimming in a sea of Jeongguk.

The sheets smell just like him, vanilla and a hint of flowers and if he could he'd breathe it in all day but he's not here for that. His entire being is buzzing with anticipation, after Jeongguk ushered him into his bedroom and asked for him to strip he was half expecting for him to bend him over right there and then, but like always Jeongguk surprises him.

He ran to the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower real fast and to make himself comfortable which he does, he pulls Jeongguk's sheets all the way up to his face and just relaxes. He's missed this room, everything is as messy as he remembers it but still neat enough for it to be considered tidy.

It feels like ages before Jeongguk comes back but when he does there's water droplets racing across his golden skin, it's been a minute since he's seen him like this but he's pretty sure Jeongguk muscle mass grew twice in size. He admires him as goes through his entire bedtime routine, even going as far as applying moisturizer on his arms and legs and Jimin is suddenly very confused, weren't they going to have sex?

“Uh Jeonggukie, I don't mean to jump the gun here but it kind of sounded like you wanted to have sex, what's happening here?”

Jeongguk hums, he has his back to him but when he turns around he's holding some sort of silk in his hands he's thumbing at it absentmindedly. “I lied earlier.” He says suddenly and Jimin cocks his eyebrow questioningly.

“This is mainly for therapeutical purposes, I was researching ways that I could help you on the days your therapist couldn’t and found some..very interesting suggestions. I’d like to try them with your permission of course?”

Jimin's mouth is suddenly very dry, the intensity he felt earlier comes back like a flood.

“What are you planning?”

“I want to praise you.”

 “Huh?”

Jeongguk smiles at him, he crawls on to the bed and straddles his hips. “I think it's better if I just show you.”

\--------------------------

He ties his wrists with trembling hands, this is a lot more nerve wracking than the people in those videos made it out to be. Jimin looks up at him through his eyelashes, his bottom lip is caught in between his teeth and there's already a heavy red blush covering him from neck to chest.

“Are you okay? It's not too tight right?” He asks a little concerned, Jimin licks his lips and shakes his head. “I'm okay, I'm good.” he replies with a shaky breath.

Once he's sure Jimin is secured, he pulls off the comforter and settles between his legs again, Jimin's cock twitches weakly at the contact and he can already feel the sticky wetness on his thigh. He doesn't mean to stare, really, it's just Jimin is really incredibly breathtaking, his creamy skin looks like porcelain with the way the moonlight is cutting through his blinds. Jeongguk is having a hard time believing that he can touch something so beautiful, to be honest, it feels like this is something he shouldn't be seeing – he looks vulnerable yet regal, his eyes are hazy with lust that he's caused and Jeongguk just can't fucking breathe.

Jeongguk leans down to nuzzles his face into the column of his throat and he begins kissing a searing trail down the side of his neck, each kiss with it's own level of intensity, when he gets to Jimin's collarbones he makes sure to suck light marks on them.

“This is one of my favorite parts of you. They're so deep, god certainly took their sweet time sculpting you didn't they Jiminie?” Jimin answers him with a high pitch moan and all he can do is smile against his skin. His kisses trail lower, his own cock is starting to stir under his towel but he pushes those thoughts aside, this isn't about his pleasure. It's about Jimin's. He stops on his nipples making sure to lick and suck them until they're pebbled and hard and Jimin's hips almost shoot off the bed from the ministrations. 

“Love these too, you're so sensitive here, so responsive to my touches.”

He takes his time with Jimin's stomach, kissing and touching and running his hands over the hard muscle there. He feels a little power hungry really, watching the effect he has on Jimin, the way his skin breaks out into goosebumps just with a touch of his hands and lips. The muscle goes taut when his lips brush his belly button, he feels the restlessness radiating off of Jimin like a tidal wave, poor baby. “You're so beautiful Jimin, your body is your canvas and you've painted such a pretty picture for me to see.” Above him, Jimin groans and hides his face into the pillow “I think I’m losing my mind, please don’t stop touching me.”

Jeongguk nods, his lips trail down a little lower and he picks up the smell of Jimin's arousal instantly. Jimin shakes when his lips hover over his cock breath ghosting over the tip, but when he moves aside to kiss his thighs, he lets out a frustrated groan that makes him chuckle against the muscular skin. This without a question are the best parts of Jimin and one of the many reasons he can't see Jimin in his dance outfits. The way his tights hug his ass and legs just right. He loves them, he loves the stretch marks on his knees, the scars he has from falling trying to turn his already perfect dances into literal masterpieces.

“This is where you hard work is reflected the most, you have spectacular legs and are a beautiful dancer Jimin.”

 “ _Jeongguk”_ he starts, Jeongguk pauses his ministrations to look up at Jimin from between his legs. Jimin's cock twitches weakly, there's already a slow stream of pre-cum leaking out of the angry red head and for a moment he feels bad but he's not close to finishing.

“Yes?”

“I need you, please just – get on with it I don't know how much more I can take.” Jimin says, his voice is husky but he hears the impatience behind it. Despite the plea, he's not trying to be cruel but he's going to ignore him for just a little bit longer. Jeongguk smiles at the desperation, both of his hands travel up and down Jimin's thighs to soothe him but it seems to have the opposite effect because Jimin growls above him.

“Soon sweetheart, soon. Just give me a few more minutes with you and I'll give you everything you want.”

Jeongguk zones him out again, he sits up kisses and sucks a trail of purple and red on both of Jimin's thighs that has him squirming. He tosses Jimin's left leg over his shoulder and he continues his praising all the way down to his feet, he concludes his with a final kiss to the inside his ankle and when he finally looks at Jimin it's like lightning strikes him.

He looks like a vision, his own Adonis. Jimin’s lips are blood red, he can see the little indentions right below his bottom lip where his teeth have broken skin, his arms are shaking and his chest heaves like he can’t breathe. He’s staring at Jeongguk like he holds the world in his hands. It overwhelms him.

“ _Please._ Need you.”

Jeongguk snaps, he drops his legs unceremoniously and stretches below him, he wraps his hand around Jimin's cock and the minute he squeezes it Jimin unravels below him. The orgasm catches both of them off guard, white coats his vision and Jimin screams so loud he’s pretty sure the entire complex hears him. His legs clamp around his shoulders in a vice grip, Jimin fucks up into his hand as he strokes him, milking him for all he has.

Jimin’s thighs don’t stop shaking, not even after the ten minutes he gives him to relax. Jeongguk hasn’t said anything either in fear of all of it being too much, so obviously, when Jimin speaks again he almost jumps out of his goddamn skin.

“Untie me.”

His heart sinks immediately. Jeongguk scrambles up to untie him. He’s having difficulty with it due to how hard his hands are shaking, Jimin’s expression is unreadable too, something like a thousand-yard stare glazes over his face and he really wishes he could fucking read minds. It takes some time but he finally gets the silk loose, he rubs his thumb over the red marks on his wrists and waits for his inevitable death.

“I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have taken it this far, shit are you okay?”

Jimin sits up like it physically pains him and it pulls at his heart strings, he definitely overdid it, he read up on those articles over a dozen times in one sitting and he still fucked up.

“Your face is covered in my nut.”

Jeongguk blinks.

“What?”

Jimin cradles his face with shaky hands, he swipes at his skin in different areas and when he pulls his hand back there’s a glob of cum sitting on his thumb. Jimin inspects it for a moment before sticking his thumb in his mouth and his soul ejects outside of his body.

“I’m okay. Speechless but okay.”

His entire body sags with relief. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”

Jimin flashes a shy smile at him. “That was very intense Jeongguk, I don’t think I’ve ever came that hard in my life.”

“Was it good? I didn’t hurt you right?”

“I literally just came all over my chest and on your face, my vocal cords feel like they’ve grinded to dust and I’m pretty sure there’s static in my legs. Of course it was good.”

“Good, good, that’s great.”

“Do you really.. feel that way about my body? About me?”

He nods. “I read that it’s best to vocalize what you love about a person. I know it seemed like I was pointing out vanity parts but I want to emphasize that that’s not all I’m looking at when I see you, you’re beautiful inside and out but since you love dance as much as you love yourself I figure I’d emphasize the parts I think you work on the most.”

Jimin bites his lip, the blush from earlier hasn’t gone away and he’s pretty sure it intensifies. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but thank you.”

Jeongguk smiles at him, all teeth and sunshine. “It’s no biggy, I just wanna help you as much as I can.”

“How about you though?” Jimin says, motioning to his towel.

Jeongguk shakes his head and stands. “This was about you, we don’t have to do anything tonight.”

Jimin complains the entire time he cleans them up, even when they’re settled under the sheets and Jeongguk has his laptop settled on his lap Jimin’s hand never stops wandering into his boxers.

“But I wanna make you feel good too.” Jimin complains groggily, sleep is quickly catching up to him and he hasn’t stopped trying to fight it.

“I promise you, making you feel that way is enough for me really – get some rest Jiminie. I still have to work on the website.”

Jeongguk waits for Jimin’s hand to go slack before he starts working again. The entire night Jimin has bouts where he whimpers and even hits him sometimes but he works him through it by playing with his hair and kissing his forehead. It isn’t until his eyes are stinging from the Laptop screen that he calls it a night and tosses his laptop over the edge of the bed.

He pulls Jimin flush against him. There are a million thoughts running through his head at how silly this all is, how easily this could’ve been avoided if they just communicated with each other – but they’re only human, and Jimin is a very very vulnerable one right now. He knows they need to take baby steps but he’s not going to sit aside and watch him struggle with a massive wall when he can easily give him a giant grappling hook that’ll help him scale over it.

He’s going to be there for Jimin, not for pity, but because he’s had this weighing him down for as long as he’s loved and he’s not going to sit back and let it affect him anymore.

 


	16. graphite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> close.

Winter break comes and goes.

Jeongguk has spent the majority of it festering away in front of his gaming laptop whilst simultaneously being Jimin's support system.

Each time he goes to the therapist he comes back with his soul a little lighter but the physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that it puts him through has Jimin entering a vegetative state for hours on end. Too stunted to deal with the world.

It worries him to see him this way, but he knows it’s for the best, especially when Jimin squeezes his hand more times than he can count during these episodes. Just a silent reassurance that he’s okay when he fixes him with his worried gaze.

He's still getting used to it, even now while he waits for Jimin to finish his shift.

The now cold hot chocolate Jimin gave him sits in front of him mocking him, it has Valentine’s day hearts scattered all around the cup, two cupids aiming arrows at each other and he has half a mind to flip them off. They were supposed to share it, something about a new recipe their boss has started rolling out, but just as he was about to sit down next to him for his fifteen-minute break he was called into the back.

He received a text minute a few minutes later that definitely raises some concern considering how low Jimin's energy is.

**Mochi <3:** head baker being a dick.  
**Mochi <3: **have to do a dble, wont be leaving until six:(  
**Mochi <3:** sorry jeonggukie, you can drink the hot choco  
**Mochi <3:**i'll see u home?

The context of 'home' doesn't go over his head, he means home as in the apartment he shares with Taehyung. It makes him smile, even though they’re literally a few feet away from each other Jimin has found himself spending more time in Jeongguk’s bed than his actual own.

**Jeonggukie:** it's okay, i'll wait for you here : )

He sent that at 3.

It's now 5 and Jeongguk is at his wits end.

Not because he can't wait for Jimin because honestly, if Jimin told him to stay put under the rain and not move until specifically stated he would. It's all because of the exhaustion that's making itself more evident in Jimin's movements, he's gone from bubbly and talkative to lethargic and clumsy in the last thirty minutes, the dark circles under his eyes look a lot deeper than he remembers them being.

How can no one see what he sees? Is everyone blind or is he just being overprotective?

He nibbles on his thumbnail, he's two seconds away from launching out of his seat and helping him himself but he doesn't want to make a scene.

Jeongguk watches him struggle putting away tray of cookies into the display rack near the register, his hands shake a little. They lock eye contact through the glass and although he smiles and waves at him, Jimin doesn't return it and instead averts his eyes.

That's weird.

The last thirty minutes of Jimin’s shift feel like an eternity. Jimin practically hobbles over to him, sagging bonelessly against the chair when he sits, and rolls his shoulders. Jeongguk tries not to wince every time he hears his back crack.

Jimin rests his chin on his hand, the exhaustion looks worse this closely, there's already several spots of flour all over his arms and apron but it doesn't stop him from looking at him like he's the only thing in this shop that matters.

He flashes him a beautiful dazzling smile that briefly melts him into a puddle of goo, and dear god, the Park Jimin effect is in full fucking motion. There's a girl who has been typing obnoxiously loud on her Macbook adjacent to his table who stops upon seeing him and yeah, me too girl.

“Hey cutie, sorry we didn't get to try the hot chocolate.”

Jeongguk shrugs. “It's okay, we can heat it up later and try it out”

Jimin hums. “Sure, whatever you want. How was your first day of classes?”

He recalls earlier today; how nervous he was thinking he'd have to endure the 9th circle of hell all over again.

The first day back isn’t as bad as he thought it’d be, he has some pretty chill professors and his STEM classes don’t look like they’re going to be as hard as the literal hell Professor Lee put him through last semester, he is happy that he has a two classes with Yugyeom but he feels Jackson’s absence in waves. He hates him, he hates what he’s done to Jimin and it feels like a sin to miss someone like this but he just can’t forgive him, not after everything he’s done to the people around him.

“It was okay,” he replies after a beat, “My professors aren’t dicks which is great. I have a couple of classes with Yugyeom but other than that I don’t think I’ll be struggling much this year.”

Jimin hums along, his head falls onto the table and he closes his eyes. “That’s good, can’t believe it’s my last semester here. I’m so ready to get out of this place.”

Jeongguk scoots his chair closer to his so he can chord his fingers through his hair, Jimin hums appreciatively and inches his head closer to his hand. “You’re so tired today, are you okay?”

Jimin opens one of his eyes, there’s a bit of anger in them that makes him cock his eyebrow. “The new head baker is kind of a dick; he’s been yelling at all of us all day talking about how he can’t work in these conditions like this is some prestigious five-star fucking restaurant. I’ve been fighting the urge to spit in his fucking green juice all day.”

His hand pauses. “Green juice?”

“Yeah—don’t stop petting my hair—the green juice he’s been rambling about that increases his ‘workflow’ or some shit” Jimin says, making air quotation marks with his fingers, “It smells like shit Jeongguk, you don’t understand. I would rather get a prostate exam with a fucking cactus than hear this man ramble about that acid bomb again.”

Jeongguk chuckles. “You’ve have had quite the day, how long till you clock out?”

Jimin sighs, he sits up and cracks his back in the process. “Fifteen minutes, I think. I’m taking my break now so I don’t have to back there. Can I sleep on you in the meantime?”

“Of course, I’ll wake you then.”

Jimin sighs contentedly, he’s expecting Jimin to push their chairs together so he can lay his head on his shoulder but instead, Jimin just abandons his seat altogether and takes residence on his lap. He digs his face into his neck and tucks his hands between his legs.

Jeongguk jumps a little at the contact, he’s all for PDA but if it puts Jimin’s job at jeopardy he wants no parts. “Is this allowed, will you get in trouble for this?” Jeongguk asks voice laced with concern, he looks up and sees a couple of Jimin’s coworkers looking over at them but none of them say anything.

Jimin shrugs and his eyes droop shut. “I don’t fuckin’ care. You just smell really good and are really warm.”

He smiles and let’s Jimin rest him have his way. Jimin has been over-cuddly the last few weeks he’s not complaining though in fact he actual likes that Jimin is a lot blunter with his emotions now, especially when it comes to kissing. The kisses always escalate to a level of hellfire that makes his nerves feel like they’re about to disintegrate but it never progresses from there, not because it can’t, but because he can tell that below all the clouded arousal that Jimin is hesitant about touching him overall.

He remembers when Jimin accidentally dropped the name of his condition mid-conversation and the way his stomach churned when he explained to him what it was.

_Hypersexuality_

He doesn’t know the full extent of the damage that Yoongi left behind but he figures it must be pretty serious because Jimin has been having some pretty vivid nightmares. He always works him through them, sometimes by talking to him on the phone until he falls asleep, other times by going to his actual apartment and cuddling him until the later hours of the morning.

He doesn’t really care if he loses sleep, just as long as Jimin knows he has someone he can depend on he’s okay.

 

\--------------------------

Jeongguk has started associating Jimin’s moods with the expensive color pens he has tucked away in his desk.

He remembers looming over his sketchpad when it first started, magenta coloring pencil in one hand when Jimin laughing at something on his phone distracted him. He’s magenta when they’re hanging out with their group of friends. Always giddy and bursting at the seams with life and happiness. One too many times has he zoned out their conversations complete to watch the way the lights dance in Jimin’s eyes, or how much he complains when they make him laugh too hard because he can’t see and it leaves him vulnerable to tickle attacks from Namjoon. This is when he’s the cutest.

He’s dark almost abysmal blue at night, when he rolls and lays restless from nightmares that tell him he isn’t enough. When his insecurities run rampant and tell him that he isn’t enough for him, that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness for what he’s done and it shatters him every time he wakes up to a phone call and all he can hear is Jimin’s ragged breathing on the other end. Jeongguk always comes over without him asking, always tucks Jimin’s head under his chin until he’s relaxed and they’re both asleep.

Right now, Jimin is crimson. They’ve just finished up their first week of classes and although he’s about ready to capsize on his bed, dark purple rings under his eyes, Jimin hasn’t stopped complimenting him since he’s picked him up from class. He looks at him with so much appreciation when he takes his coat that it makes his heart rate speed up.

Not because he doesn’t appreciate it or anything, but Jimin only becomes crimson under the hazy desire of their make out sessions, when his eyes are so clouded with lust it takes him several minutes to regain his composure, sometimes he doesn’t, he just keeps kissing him until it’s physically hard for him to breathe.

But this isn’t one of those occasions, he’s just hanging up their coats, something completely mundane and Jimin is looking at him like he wants to eat him alive.

Jeongguk doesn’t get to ask him why, Jimin makes a beeline to his bedroom while he places their shoes on the rack and when he walks into his bedroom, he’s already seated on his desk chair rummaging through his bookbag. Jeongguk, again, doesn’t question it. Not even when he strips until he’s in nothing but his underwear and scurries in his closet for one of his hoodies. He’s so used to it now, Jimin says wearing his things always inspires him to write more into his diary.

Jeongguk ditches the clothes he had on today and slips into a pair of joggers and swan dives under the comfort of his sheets. His bed doesn’t even smell like him anymore, it smells like a mixture of both of him and Jimin scents, _home_.

Jeongguk rolls onto his back, phone in hand with the intention to play a couple of mobile games to occupy his mind while he waits for Jimin to join him for his nap but when his eyes naturally focus on Jimin’s hunched figure he freezes, a fond smile stretching across his lips. He’s been working so hard on writing in that diary.

Jeongguk initially didn’t know about the diary until he walked into the cafe and found Jimin tucked away in one of the booths writing into the black and white composition notebook with some serious intent. Jimin was a little embarrassed at first, he also made an effort to never write in his presence because he felt self-concious. Why? Jeongguk will never know, but it’s a process they had to get through. It took him a week after that for him to comfortably write in his presence. There are even points where he catches Jimin looking at him with a rosy blush on his cheeks while he writes and it always makes him wonder, what exactly is he writing about?

A knock on his bedroom door has him shifting his gaze, Taehyung leans against his door frame phone tucked against his shoulder.

“Hey guys, I’m ordering takeout do you want anything?”

Jeongguk shrugs. “Surprise me. How about you Jimin do you want anything?”

Jimin’s head perks up, he looks at him then at Taehyung. “What’s happening?”

“We’re getting take out, do you want anything?”

“Uh, is it from that Thai place?”

Taehyung nods in affirmation. “Yeah.”

“Tofu Pad Thai then, thank you.”

He watches Taehyung’s receding figure step back into the living room with droopy eyes. God he’d kill for a nap with Jimin right now.

“Hey Gguk?” Jimin says.

“Hm?”

“Hypothetical question here, if I were to ask you if it was possible for you to come to my appointment next Thursday would you come?”

Jeongguk rolls onto his stomach and tucks his pillow under his chin, he stares at Jimin with full attentive eyes despite the exhaustion that’s threatening to pull him under. “I would hypothetically be honored to go and would like to ask the time so I can work my schedule around it.”

Jimin eyes bug out, almost threatening to pop out of his skull. “Really?” he says and Jeongguk squints. Was that not the right answer?

“I mean yeah, if you’d like me to. This is a pretty big part of your life right now.” He replies carefully. He doesn’t know why by it feels like he might be walking into a trap, he watches a thousand different emotions shift through Jimin’s eyes and anxiety quickly floods his senses when he drops the pen in his hand.

“Jimin? I’m sorry I don’t kno—” He starts, trying to put out whatever fire he might’ve started and he doesn’t even get to finish his sentence.

One-minute Jimin is sitting on the chair, the next he’s on him, his hands braced on each side of his head. Jeongguk looks up at him in alarm, Jimin’s face seems stoic, jaw set, and his lips are pressed in a thin hard line.

“Are you being serious?” Jimin asks, voice wavering in the end.

Jeongguk tosses his phone in favor of holding Jimin’s cheeks because it sounds like he is dangerously close to crying. “Yeah, yeah of course but like I was trying to say, I don’t have to come if you’re not comfortable with me goin—”

Jimin once again, doesn’t let him finish. He pushes his hands away just to pin them above his head surges in and kisses him.

The force of the kiss pushes him into the mattress, their teeth clack and Jimin’s mouth travels before he can even kiss him back properly just so he can pepper an onslaught of kisses across his face.

Jeongguk is about to have a fucking meltdown. You know the saying, “actions speak louder than words?”

Right now, Jimin’s kisses are fucking screaming at him.

_Thank you._

It makes him smile. He’s also laughing because they’ve started to become borderline ticklish. “Jimi— _Jimin_ stop that tickles, _uncle_ , _UNCLE_!”

_Thank you._

He doesn’t stop, not even when Taehyung comes in with their food and screeches at them about how gross they are.

_Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._

 

\--------------------------

Thursday rolls around and Jimin’s vibrating with anxiousness.

Jimin hasn't stopped holding his hand since he left the apartment, not even when they get on the bus and Jeongguk has to fish their bus passes out of coat pocket with his non dominant hand. Jeongguk asks him again if it's really okay for him to come in with him when they get to the therapist’s office and Jimin silences him with a kiss that leaves him dazed throughout the entire check-in process.

Jeongguk takes a good look at their surroundings, the place is warm and very welcoming but the receptionist sticks out like a sore thumb.

“Does she always look like that?” Jeongguk whispers.

Jimin doesn’t even bother looking up from the magazine he’s reading. “Yeah, she’s really nice though. I personally think someone put a curse on her and that’s why her face is always like that.”

He hums and tucks his hands in the pockets of his sweater still watching her. “She’s like, the human manifestation of the Grinch in Whoville. Soft on the inside all mean and nasty on the outside.”

Jimin whacks him with the magazine, demanding he respects Jisoo because she’s nice and always gives him hot chocolate at the end of his sessions. A few minutes into his assault Jimin's phone alarm rings and on cue Jimin’s therapist steps out of her office to greet Jimin, her eyes bright and welcoming but when she notices he's not alone they practically turn into beam lights. Sharp and inspecting

This woman's aura is kind but demands respect, he feels like he's about to be interviewed and he practically stands on instinct to meet her half-way. “Hello, you must be Jeon Jeongguk. I’m Dr. Kim, Jimin’s therapist – thanks for coming.”

Jeongguk blushes, he doesn’t know why but he has the overwhelming need to impress this woman. When she reaches out to shake his hand, he goes for the kill and gives her a hug that catches her by surprise.

“Sorry, I’m a hugger. Nice to meet you.” Jeongguk says nervously after pulling back. Dr. Kim seems like she doesn’t mind at all, instead of even commenting on it she gives Jimin a knowing smirk that has Jeongguk fidgeting where he stands. It’s like they’re in on some joke he knows nothing about.

“OKAY! Let’s get going, I’ll see you in an hour babe.” Jimin says while dragging Dr. Kim away, he hears them bickering all the way to the back about how Jimin wasn’t exaggerating about him and he stands there a little dumbstruck. What just happened?

Jeongguk nibbles at his bottom lip nervously and sits in the waiting area with their coats in his arms. He hopes he made a good first impression because it’s going to be seriously awkward when she steps out again and she tells him it’d be best for him to not come again when he's already one-hundred percent sure he's going to dedicate his free time to this.

Jeongguk plays Candy Crush on his phone to kill time, he’s on his fourth cup of hot cocoa, courtesy of the receptionist when Jimin steps out of Dr. Kim’s office looking a little out of it, dazed even.

“Jeongguk honey, can you come here for a second?” Dr. Kim calls out and motions him into her office, he looks at Jimin as if to ask him if it’s okay, Jimin just nods at him and slips on his coat.

He walks over to her, the feeling of walking into the belly of the beast never goes away. This woman is kaiju levels of intimidating.

“Hello again.” He says nervously.

“Hello.” she says warmly. “I’d like to know if it was possible for you to come to all sessions not so you can sit out here, but in here with me and Jimin if your schedule allows it.”

Jeongguk blinks slowly and scratches his chin, maybe? He really hasn’t tested out the waters for this semester yet to make such a concrete decision but right now he can probably do it until his schedule becomes hectic. “I can do it now, but I don’t know about later in the semester, I’m a Computer Science major and my schedule tends to fluctuate a lot. I’ll do my best though, only if Jimin’s okay with it.”

Dr. Kim cocks her eyebrow at the end. “Only if he’s okay with it?”

He nods, “I don’t want to push his boundaries, if he has some private stuff he wants to keep from me until he’s ready then I’ll stay out of it.”

Despite standing rather respectfully in front of him, her eyes seem to lock on something over his shoulder— he turns, Jimin is frozen, arm partially into his coat. There’s a beet red blush that’s rising from his neck to his face, the blank dazed emotion he had is gone and Jimin stares at him with such an intensity he briefly forgets where they are. There’s nothing innocent about that gaze, he saw it the first time Jimin sucked him off with Taehyung in the other room, he saw it the first time they fucked.

Jimin is crimson again.

“Good answer, Jeon Jeongguk.” She says, proudly.

Jimin is closed off the entire bus ride home, his eyes are a faraway but the lust still lingers under it all and he really wants to ask what they talked about but he still doesn’t push. Jimin holds his mitted hand and squeezes it, a silent reassurance that he’s okay and that’s enough for him.

He’s about to suggest they watch a movie to unwind when Jimin asks for space, not the type of space where he's overbearing, the type of space that he needs because this session was on a new level of intensity that he couldn't handle.

Jeongguk is normally supportive of this type of stuff, but he doesn’t like the way Jimin says that – especially after what he’s seen today. He's hit with such a violent surge of panic he acts on instinct; he kisses Jimin, caging him against his door to prevent him from moving.

The kiss escalates rapidly, Jeongguk can feel his control slipping. The kiss get’s aggressive real fast, he kisses him like he’s trying to become one with him, inching closer until he can literally feel Jimin’s heartbeat drumming wildly through their coats.

_Don't leave me. I don't think I can handle you walking away._

Jeongguk is sure Jimin can sense his panic. It happens all so quick, Jimin flips their position and presses him against the door. He tries to pull him back but when Jimin presses his hand hard against his chest to keep him still he doesn’t budge.

A thousand thoughts filter in through his brain, none of them good. _ifuckedupifuckedupifuckedup_

”I'm not leaving you. I promise I'm not, you have me. You have all of me, I can't stress that enough but I really need some space tonight to figure something out by myself okay?”

Jeongguk gulps. “I’m sorry. That was childish of me.”

Jimin engulfs him in a hug that speaks volumes, Jimin scolds him about the kiss. Something about publicly indecency, he really wasn’t paying attention because he realizes midway through his rant that they’re okay, that this space he’s asking for isn’t because he’s tired of Jeongguk but because of the session.

He locks himself in his room the minute he’s inside the apartment. This is okay. It’s fine as long as they keep communicating like this, he doesn’t have to look for neon signs that tells him he’s doing something right, or big giant red flags that make it seem like he’s in the middle of a Six Flags.

Jimin calls him that night asking for advice on how to approach his parents(also to reassure him that everything is okay, Jeongguk doesn’t mention he was about to fall into a restless sleep because he hasn’t texted him goodnight yet.)

 

\--------------------------

It's Friday afternoon.

Jeongguk looms over his textbook, his answer sheet to his right and a can of Mountain Dew to his left. He's been trying to power through his homework for the last hour but he's very distracted, Yugyeom had texted him earlier saying that Jaebum is conjuring some crazy shit for their next DnD session, which fortunately for him is this Sunday but unfortunately the news sinks in like a double-edged sword.

If he doesn't finish by tonight the work will probably follow him into the weekend and the thought alone makes him chug half of his soda in one breath for energy. He hates having to have work to do on the weekends because it takes time away from things like he could be doing. Like playing Overwatch, going on strolls around Seoul to find recluse places he has yet to take pictures of, and most importantly, cuddling and kissing the soul out of Park Jimin.

A certain Park Jimin who he hasn't seen ever since he's made his residence in the booth he's been sitting in for the last two hours.

It's weird and unsettling.

Jimin always finds a reason to come out and steal a few kisses from him regardless of who’s on the clock or what he's doing but he has yet to see a sign of the black-haired boy.

But he supposes it's okay. If Jimin walked over here he's not sure he'd ever finish his homework.

Jeongguk glares at the textbook and eventually, he settles back into the groove, his pen glides along his homework sheet after finally understanding what the fuck the problem in the textbook is asking him. Jeongguk works through each question at a snail’s pace, trying to absorb it all because he just _knows_ Yugyeom is going to ask him how he answered them and if he doesn't have a proper explanation he's going to harass him until he tears his hair out.

He doesn't know how long he zones out like that; he’s almost done with the last question when a shout breaks the comfortable silence in the coffee shop that has everyone perking up in alert. He sits up a little looking around, the people around him are equally confused. His eyes settle on Jimin's coworker who has gone white as a sheet.

Looking at her has an anchor dropping in his stomach because he _still_ hasn't seen Jimin and his Spidey-Sense are fucking tingling. He’s trying not to overthink, he could be busy in the back doing god knows what in the kitchen, but Jimin never goes this long without texting him. No bantering about the shitty baker, nothing about asking him to give him piggy back rides when they go home.

It’s all radio silence and he doesn’t like it. Jeongguk nibbles on his thumbnail, his leg bounces anxiously, something is _wrong_. She's having a difficult time putting away a customer’s money and when he hears the shout again, he practically launches out of his seat.

Jeongguk is trying to stay calm as he walks there, he can feel his heart beat in his fucking finger tips. This close to the register he finally understands why she's so nervous. He can hear someone yelling in the back, it's muffled but it still sounds aggressive.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “Where's Jimin.” His voice still wavers, he’s shaking like a leaf.

“It's been like this all day, I tried to calm him down but it isn't working, I don't know what else to do.”

Jeongguk's flight or fight response kicks in so fast he's almost dizzy with adrenaline when he hops over the counter and pushing through the door that leads to the kitchen.

“—w are you this fucking useless, not only did you spill my fucking juice, but you can't bake for shit! Why are you on kitchen duty if you can't bake?”

Jeongguk watches through a rack of cupcakes; there's a burly man hovering over Jimin, a vein on the side of his neck that throbs with each insult he spits at him and Jimin – his poor Jimin just stands there. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears, face blotchy and red from embarrassment and the tendons holding his sanity snap. He punches the nearest pastry cabinet, the metal bends and shakes under the force of his fist toppling over an entire tray of donuts. The man yelps and jumps out of the way, narrowly avoiding the tower of sweets falling on him.

“My donuts,” he whines, he stares at the mess on the floor before his eyes snap up to meet his, fury in them. “I hope you're ready to work overtime for this you dumbass, do you know how long it took me to make that?” he snaps at him.

  
“Goes to show aware of your surroundings you are, I don't even fucking work here. Why are you yelling at him?

The man scoffs and brushes his apron. “He bumped into me and spilled my drink. I’m the head baker, my nam—“

“I don't give a fuck what your name is, are you the boss?”

“No bu—“

“ARE YOU HIS BOSS.”

The man freezes and Jeongguk is close to seeing red. “You've got some fucking nerve.” Jeongguk says, inching closer to him, the man takes a reflexive step back but squares his shoulders as if poised to strike and Jeongguk scoffs. “Puppy you are all bark and no bite, try me tough guy, I’ll fucking _fold_ you.”

He doesn’t get to move any closer to him, a pair of arms around his waist hold him back. Despite how hard he’s holding him, Jimin trembles against his back like he’s been standing in the freezing cold and his heart aches for him.

“I quit.” He announces with a shaky voice.

“What! You can't do that on such s—“

Jeongguk silences him with one look, Jimin lets go of him briefly to untie his apron. He tosses it right at the man and walks away, head bent low. Jeongguk sends one last glare in his direction and follows a few steps behind, chastising himself the entire time. He should've known something was wrong, Jimin never goes MIA without telling him, if he had reacted sooner he probably could've prevented this.

Jimin leads him into the break room, he's struggling to open his locker with shaky hands. There's only so much that Jeongguk can take watching him like this. He envelops the hand on his locker with his own to stop him.

“Jimin.. give me your combination, I got this okay?”

Jimin takes a deep breath, muscle working in his jaw. “Can I just… hold you for a second?”

“Yeah, yeah – anything you need.”

Jimin sags against him, his hands go under his shirt and rest on the small of his back to trace his spine absentmindedly. Jeongguk presses his lips against his temple and rocks Jimin side to side while he watches the break room. They stand like that for a few minutes, Jimin sniffling into his shirt and him being on full guard alert when Jimin mumbles something into his chest.

“What was that?”

“13, 43, 24.”

Jeongguk realizes right there and then that opening a locker is difficult when you have a human koala attached to you. The duffle bag where Jimin keeps his change of clothes sits in the bottom of the locker, a bunch of pictures of him and his coworkers taped to the inside of the door. It feels like an invasion of privacy doing this. It's very bittersweet packing up someone's memories and he can tell Jimin's just as affected by the way he side eyes him when he pull the bag out of the locker.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Jimin nods. “I can't work with someone like this, it sucks Jeongguk it's been like this every single day.”

Jeongguk doesn't say a word, he empties out Jimin's locker making sure to place everything inside as neatly as he can. When they walk to the front the cafe is empty save for the girl from earlier and the head baker standing in the middle with a phone pressed to his ear, their eyes instantly lock on them.

The girl looks at the duffle bag in Jeongguk’s hand, then at Jimin. “Where are you going?”

Jimin sighs next to him, he looks at everything in the shop but her. “I’m quitting Lisa. You can tell Donghae to mail me my last check, I won’t show my face around here anymore.”

“Yeah you fucking won’t, I’m reporting you and your bulldog to the fucking campus police!”

Lisa growls, exasperated. She throws her hands in the air, turns and shoots one of the meanest glares Jeongguk has seen anyone conjure, it’s like someone put the three heads of Cerberus on a chihuahua. “Right, and I’m reporting you to Donghae for making his best worker quit in the two weeks you’ve been here, I’m also going to tell him you’ve been using our vegetables to make your shitty smoothies.”

Baker dick pales, Jeongguk scoffs.

Jimin says his goodbye to his coworker, it’s incredibly long and there’s a lot of tears involved and he doesn’t know what to do besides stand there awkwardly even after Lisa hugs him, a thank you for putting him in his place.

When they get back to the apartment complex, Jimin asks him for space again. This time Jeongguk doesn’t push, but he does get this odd feeling in his stomach that just won’t go away when he watches Jimin’s receding figure disappear into his apartment after he says goodbye.

 

\--------------------------

They haven’t vocally spoken nor seen each other since, but Jimin does text him regularly about his day and the things he’s done to keep him from jumping to conclusions. 

It isn't until almost a week later that Jimin texts him to meet up.

He’s in the middle of taking a shower to help him unwind from the grueling hours of studying he's done today when the text notification interrupts the music blaring through his Bluetooth speakers. He sticks his head out of the shower, looking down at his phone resting on his towel to catch a quick glimpse of the text preview on the screen.

**Mochi <3:** hey.  
**Mochi <3:** can you meet me outside in a few?  
**Mochi <3:** Wanna do something with ya.

Jeongguk showers so fast he almost slips coming out of the tub, once he's dressed in some somewhat warm clothing he runs out of the apartment. Jimin waits for him on the side walk, face unreadable. He doesn't even get to say hi before he starts walking.

That's odd.

Jeongguk doesn't know how long he follows him but he's starting to regret not dressing for the weather, he thought this was going to be some stroll around the block but they’ve been walking for minutes now. When Jimin pauses in front of a build he sighs with relief, but when he looks up at the sign he’s confused.

Why are they at Hope on the Streets?

Jimin pushes the door open and steps aside to let him in. He wants to question all of this really, because just what the hell does he want to do at Hope on the Streets? A strong breeze cuts through the nighttime air and forces him inside, it’s too cold to second guess this – he's still shivering when he steps inside and he really hopes he doesn't get a cold. The lock clicks behind him, Jimin holds his hand and navigates him through the dark corridors of the dance studio, there’s some rhythmic bass thumping through the walls and the airs on his arms prickle in alert.

This is some straight-up horror movie shit. Jeongguk hates these types of settings, the world always seems altered like he’s stepped into a different plane of existence. He’s pretty sure if it wasn’t for the fact that he could feel Jimin’s warmth and how sweaty the palms of his hands are that he was experiencing some stress induced daydream.

Jimin leads him into a room where the source of music is coming from and the confusion spikes.

When Jimin had suggested for them to do something tonight Jeongguk was under the impression they’d be going to the movies, maybe even have a later dinner to catch up face to face on his shenanigans, he certainly didn’t think it entailed breaking into Hope on the Streets. The entire place has a different feel to it, kind of like exiting the movie theater after a late showing when the night is just dead. Jeongguk can feel all of the hard work in this place down to every scuff on the floor, the smell of sweat and sneaker lingers in the air despite the absence of dancers.

Jimin let’s go of his hand to go stretch stretches the worn barre attached to the mirrored wall, he still hasn't said a single thing to him and although he's all for anticipation and silences he honestly does not want to get arrested for trespassing in Hoseok's studio.

Jeongguk leans against the wall, the music Jimin’s playing on the surround stereo seems to be a on a loop and it’s making this entire experience a lot more suspenseful and trippier than intended. It feels like an eternity goes by watching him stretch but when he finally stops, Jeongguk swears the temperature in the room goes up several degrees.

The person in front of him is no longer the Park Jimin he knows, maybe some demon, because the minute his legs comes off of the barre he locks eye contact with him through the mirror and the look he sends him freezes him in place.

Well, hello there Satan.

Jeongguk takes his phone out and snaps a picture of him, he failed to properly capture this face before at the show case and he's not even the least bit surprised when the flash doesn’t even phase Jimin. His movements are sultry and his hips sway with an acute precision meant to cause want when he walks to the center of the room and something dangerously hot is stirring at the bottom of his stomach.

“Watch me Jeongguk.”

The tempo in the song picks up and changes to something sexual in nature, Jimin moves with the beat like it's a language he's mastered, expertly doing body rolls to the drawl of the guitar playing and Jeongguk doesn't know why, but it feels like Jimin is speaking to him through it. Even though he's dancing wildly, his eyes never leaves his in the mirror and when they do they always find each other.

_Sexual and intense._ Okay, he’s getting it.

The beat changes altogether and gets wild, drums and bass clashing heavily like the same sides of a magnet, the song continues to evolve until it's frantic, almost angry and desperate but Jimin? Jimin works through it all, it's enticing the way his hips snap and adjust to the beat that seems to have a mind of it's own. Realistically speaking, the music sounds like noise to him that isn't supposed to go together but Jimin is making it work like he was meant to mold it for it to make sense, and suddenly, he starts to get the subliminal messages being thrown at him through his dancing.

_Difficulty, strenuous, dedication, **work**.  _

Jimin is panting heavily when he’s done, he pushes his sweaty hair back and when he looks at Jeongguk he swears he can see right into his soul. Even though he looks incredibly enticing, there’s a certain air of vulnerability that cloaks over him while his shoulders rise and descend as he tries to catch his breath, he walks over to the radio to unplug his phone and the studio is coated in silence.

“She told me I had issues vocalizing my feelings, so I’m going to try my absolute best to tell you what that dance meant from me to you.” Jimin says after a beat, there’s a pretty peach blush that coats his cheeks the minute he leans forward to show him he has his full attention.

“You make me feel sexy, that's a boost of something I haven't felt in ages.”

Oh. Okay.

“I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of lust filled gazes, people who just want me because of the way I look, the things I can do, and what my dancing career can provide for them – but you Jeongguk..” Jimin trails off, playing with the strings on his joggers. “You’re… an enigma. You look at me like I’m one of the prettiest things in the world, you kiss me like I'm going to disappear, and you fuck me like you're trying to break me.”

Jeongguk chokes on his spit, breaking out into a coughing fit. Jimin smirks. “I'm not complaining about the last part. You're the type of person whose very expressive through actions, everything you do to me is just.. intense, it feels like you're trying to consume me... it's nice.”

“I'm sorry.”

Jimin laughs, it's airy and he knows this is supposed to be a serious topic but it doesn't stop his nether regions from peaking in interest. Jimin walks over to him, he sits down right in front of him stretching his legs out so he can press his sneakers against his boots, this is cute, footsies he can do – keeping his eyes on the demon in front of him he cannot.

Jimin leans over to rub his thumb against his exposed ankle and he almost jumps out of his skin. “I promise you that wasn't a complaint Jeongguk.”

Okay, sure, not a complaint but it still doesn't stop his cheeks from burning. He watches Jimin lean back on his hands, his eyes are boring into him and his mouth twitches like he has something to say but doesn't know where to begin.

“My Mom always boasted to me about love and how wonderful it feels to meet someone whose soul is so in sync with yours you practically develop a telepathic link.” Jimin says after a beat, Jeongguk notices his voice wavers but he doesn't say anything because that word, _love_ , has him _sweating_. “She told me I would know the minute I started associating everything about that person with safety, that the minute something happens in my life that they would be the first person I'd call. How hard my heart would beat around them when they do the bare minimum. I thought I found that before.”

Jeongguk swallows hard. “What do you mean?”

Jimin smiles at him, his eyes are all watery. “This is drastically different than what I've experienced with Yoongi. That felt raw and unstable, like anything could topple the relationship over and I'd have to be the one that picks up the pieces, but with you? It feels liberating and rewarding, being in your presence is an addiction in itself. We could be doing absolutely nothing but laying in each other’s arms and I'm content, I could stay up all night watching you do what you love and not get bored. I don't even know shit about Dungeons and Dragons but you make me want to pick up a book and learn so I can experience this excitement with you, this is what you do to me Jeongguk. You open so many doors for me to experience through your own eyes, you amaze me every day with how patient you are with me, how your kindness never wavers and I just... there’s so much more I want to say but...”

This is a confession, a raw, pure, and _intense_ confession and oh god, he can't, his heart is about to ram out of his chest like a fucking alien. He's going to die on this cold ass floor from cardiac arrest before Jimin can finish relaying his feelings.

Jimin leans forward, he pulls something out from behind him and it takes him half a second to recognize the black and white camo pattern. He's staring at one of the most intimate things in Jimin's possession, that little book holds all of his secrets, his thoughts, and his unspoken words. It's Jimin's composition notebook, his little diary.

“I feel like I’ve been fighting for a very long time to finally get the relationship I really wanted, the _person_ I really wanted. There’s so much more I want to say but... I’m still struggling with that so I hope this book guides you and helps you understand what it is I’m trying to tell you because I really suck at this.”


	17. opal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the conversation between dr. kim and jimin that left him shook

The minute he sits down on the couch he buries his face into one of the knitted cushions. This is quite literally the most embarrassing moment of his life.

“Well, you weren’t kidding when you see he’s tall and handsome.” Dr. Kim exclaims and Jimin is about ready to jump out of the fucking window, he should’ve seen this coming, this woman is too nosy for her own good. When she had suggested bringing Jeongguk along for the sessions he thought it would be for therapeutical services, to speed up the healing process maybe, but now that he’s here he understands it was just for her to tease him more. 

He’s been had. He’s a sucker.

“Just give me two minutes to gather myself, I think my brain is still trying to catch up to the fact that you just sized my boyfriend up in the middle of the freaking waiting room.”

Dr. Kim laughs, she crosses her legs and thankfully, gives him the peace and quiet he needs to rev his brain back into gear. 

“Ready?”

He nods and takes a deep breath. He's a few weeks in and it’s starting to get easier to open up to her, he sees her twice a week now after making enough to cover two days. His Tuesday’s and Thursdays are reserved for her. She’s very patient with him and makes sure he’s comfortable the entire time he tells her about topics, _Yoongi_ , until he’s stretched thin and exhausted.

“Great! So, first and foremost – we’re gonna talk about your intimacy with Jeongguk and how that’s going for you then we’re going to talk about something else I noticed in your diary.”

That first part makes him freeze.

It's the only part about these sessions he hates speaking about the most, it never gets easier. He’s always used sex as a power play to get Yoongi to pay attention to him, he tried it with Jeongguk but when it quickly became clear to him that Jeongguk just wasn’t after him for his sexual appeal it started to feel gross. If he’s speaking honestly, the sex is good but the last time an orgasm guilt free and good for him was when Jeongguk decided it’d be a great idea to tie him up and whisper sweet nothings into his skin while giving him a hand job. The memory is etched deep into his brain, he’s never felt so beautiful in his life.

“We haven’t had sex yet if that’s what you’re asking.”

He watches her write, eyebrow furrowing with each flick of her wrist. “Noted, but I wasn't. Also before we continue – please never just associate intimacy with sex, intimacy can be a plethora of things like hand holding when you feel like you’re about to fall apart, the ability to strip yourself apart down to the membrane so your partner can see all of you, things that make you tick and go ‘hm, I don’t like that’ and the ability to safely speak about that with your partner. It’s a common misconception to view intimacy just as ‘sex’ but there’s layers to it, just like there’s layers to your unresolved issues with this sex dry spell you seem to have going on. Now back to sex since you've brought it up, is there a particular reason why you haven't had it?”

Jimin rubs his arms, he wants to crawl into himself not only was he just scolded but this topic always rubs him wrong. He _hates_ talking about this.

“It reminds me a lot of what I was doing to keep Yoongi with me. I want to, I really do but every time I get in that headspace it feels like I’m swimming in grime and my skin crawls. We make out a lot but I’ve only let Jeongguk touch me once and that was one-sided, I feel terrible about this because I _really_ want to and I can tell he does too but my mind just goes elsewhere once we cross that line.”

Dr. Kim nods along, “Does he pressure you to do anything you’re not comfortable with?”

Jimin scoffs. “Absolutely not. The minute he senses like, the shift in my head he stops. He also tries to drown out the awkwardness by talking about his day, picture’s he’s taken of Yugyeom or some video game he’s playing. Some days he spends his time reassuring me that I don’t annoy Taehyung. 

“You think you annoy Taehyung?”

“I feel like he’s not one-hundred percent okay with me being in his apartment with his self-proclaimed soulmate after what I’ve done. I’m pretty sure he’s harboring some sort of maliciousness towards me but doesn’t really want to talk about it because Jeongguk is moving on past this.”

“Have you tried mentioning this to Jeongguk?”

Jimin nods, licking his lips. “Yeah, that’s why he’s always reassuring me but Taehyung isn’t exactly someone who’s vocal about their feelings either. It kind of leaks into his face you know? He has a pretty shitty poker face, every time he sees me it’s like I can read minds or some shit and look into his head and see this image of him flipping a coin that decides whether or not he’ll speak to me that day. It’s weird.”

“Maybe the person you should be talking to is Taehyung himself, rather than your boyfriend who will ultimately have a biased opinion about this viewpoint.”

“I’ll try. Can’t promise anything though, Taehyung is like a freaking bloodhound when it comes to that boy.” 

Dr. Kim laughs, “Yeah but Jeongguk is an adult, he doesn’t need someone breathing down his neck about his relationship. An opinion is nice, dictation is not.”

Jimin smiles at her, she always has this ability to make him feel good about venting despite the bad that lingers in his words. “Sorry about that, we went from talking about what you asked to something completely off topic. What else did you want to discuss?”

She shrugs tossing the notepad to the side and leans forward, forearms resting on her thighs. There’s an intensity that glazes over her that makes the hairs on the back of his neck prickle in alert, he feels like he’s about to be blindsided by something.

“I want you to talk about Jeongguk.” 

Jimin exhales so hard his body sags, the anxiety that was ballooning up in his gut quickly deflates. He can totally talk about Jeongguk, that’s super easy.

“You scared the shit out of me, please never an initiate a conversation like that again.”

Dr. Kim doesn’t move, doesn’t talk, just sits there watching him intently. Clearly this isn’t the answer she wanted.

“I talk about Jeongguk every day though, I think I’ve told you everything about him?”

Dr. Kim clasps her hands, the aura of intensity never faltering. “No Jimin, you’ve told me about his friends, how he likes video games, and his major. To put it bluntly, I want you to tell me aside from being your boyfriend, what Jeongguk is to you, what is it that you’re feeling when you’re with him?”

That’s not easy at all. The question stuns him, he doesn’t know how to really answer that.

Dr. Kim’s lip quirks in amusement when ten minutes pass by and he still hasn’t said anything. “Are you okay with me looking at your relationship from an outsider’s perspective, friend to friend and not therapist to client?” 

Jimin nods, he really wants to hear what she has to say for this to be suddenly brought up in their sessions. It’s always been about Yoongi and the damage he’s left in his wake, now it’s suddenly about Jeongguk.

“This is without a doubt, one of the hardest, scariest, and bravest things you will ever do in your life. You’ve taken a step to opening up to someone about your emotional abuse and unbeknownst to you, that boy in the waiting room has taken it with you. You told me you’ve opened up to Jeongguk about your past with Yoongi but not much so about the abuse, he knows how nasty he was but not the damage he’s left behind, and he didn’t judge you did he?”

Jimin swallows hard. “No.” his voice cracks, she doesn’t judge. His eyes burn.

“Right, instead, he’s been by your side even visiting you in your dreams it seems. Remember when you told me about your nightmare? How the fiend that resembled Yoongi vanished once you told it you were done and then at the end you touched that figure made out of light? How familiar it felt and the bells that rung in the background?”

Of course, how could forget? He remembers that dream so vividly every time the bell above the door of the coffee shop door rings he’s pulled back into that alternate reality, he can still feel the disease that thing carried and the warmth that followed in its absence.

“Yeah, of course, kind of felt like Deja Vu as well. Still don’t know where this is going.”

“Do you believe in soulmates Jimin?”

Jimin blinks slowly.

She pauses when he doesn’t answer. “Let me try this again.” She drums her fingers on her thighs, her eyes are downcast but her gaze is calculating and as sharp as ever. “You both have gone through some incredibly difficult times trying to find your footing in this relationship, but now that you have you’re like – practically glowing Jimin. It’s subtle but it’s there. You’ve laid out this entire map of your insecurities, your flaws and imperfections for Jeongguk to see because you trust him, because you know he won’t use them against you, because you know that regardless of what you say he’s always going to help you. Jeongguk is the first person you seek when you’re having a bad day – not your friends – Jeongguk. I stopped asking for your diary because I already know what to expect in each entry.”

Jimin gulps hard, there’s a knot rapidly forming in his throat that he can’t keep down. What the _fuck_ is she getting at? 

“I really don’t want to jump to conclusions for you here because this is your relationship and more specifically your feelings, but as your friend not your therapist, I want you to see this from my perspective, so please don’t be alarmed by what I’m about to say.” She pauses, when she looks up at him he’s hit with such an astute resolution his mind starts spinning on a dangerous tilt. “Jimin. I am positively sure you are either falling in love with Jeongguk, or already are and just don’t know it because you’ve never been in love like this.”

Jimin can feel the exact moment his soul detaches from his body when she says love and the exact moment the shock crashes over him like a bucket of ice-cold water. 

He can’t breathe. 

For the last month there’s been a firestorm burning inside of him, it pulls and draws all of the oxygen inside of him until it’s all he can focus on. Even more, it always burns faster when he’s in the presence of Jeongguk. 

Jeongguk who comes over in the middle of the night when he’s startled awake by a nightmare, never hesitating to show up when he calls him in his bed hair and Overwatch pajamas. Jimin has purposely started to give Jeongguk the side of the bed that has the window facing him, the moonlight always shining prettily on his face. It makes the stars in his eyes dance beautifully when he talks him through it all and it makes the nights a lot easier to deal with when he can’t sleep. 

Jimin couldn't identify it because it never felt this way with Yoongi. Something he's so familiar yet so inexperienced with has been consuming his thought process excruciatingly slow, but now that he’s fully aware of it feels like his whole body is on fucking fire. It kind of sucks that he's been so emotionally stunted that he couldn't recognize what the feeling was, but now with all his cards on the table he can finally put a name to the inferno that dances below the surface of his skin.

It's love.

He's in love with Jeongguk. And it’s a lot to take in.

“I’m going to ask him if it’s okay he joins us too, are you comfortable with that?”

“Yeah.. yeah that’s fine.”

Dr. Kim lets him leave after that, he's thankful for the early dismissal but he feels like a mess. Jeongguk notices instantly when he walks back into the waiting area that something is amiss there’s a seriousness that glazes over his that gives him away but he doesn’t pry, not even when Dr. Kim requests for him to be a frequent participant of their sessions. 

Jimin’s distant the entire bus ride home thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. Jeongguk knows he’s distressed, he holds his hand when they sit and rubs his thumb absentmindedly over his knuckles as his own form of silent comfort but it has the opposite effect. 

His heart spikes with every brush. It’s like his neurons are trying to merge with Jeongguk’s, the slightest gap of distance between them has him feeling _uncomfortable._ Jeongguk briefly let’s go of his hand to take his phone out of his pocket and it already fills him with discomfort, he instantly grabs his hand again and interlocks their fingers.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, but he does see him smile in his peripheral vision. 

When they get home he asks him for some space that night. Jeongguk freezes, the words blanket a shroud of doubt over him and Jimin has to quickly clarify that this session was tough and he just needs to be himself for a few hours.

It’s a lie though. He just needs to stay away from him because _I love you_ has been threatening to burst out of his chest since he’s stepped out of Dr. Kim’s office. He also needs to call his fucking parents because he's about a wind gust away from losing his _shit_.

Jeongguk is hesitant to say goodbye, there’s a look he can’t quite pin point in his eyes. When he leans in to kiss him he doesn’t stop him. Jeongguk takes his time, kissing him nice and slow like he’s trying familiarize himself with the outline of his lips, the lingering sweetness of the hot chocolate he drank earlier mixed with how softly he’s kissing him makes his stomach flutter something vicious. 

Jimin doesn’t know how it happens. One minute they’re standing in front of his apartment door kissing innocently, the next Jeongguk has him pressed against it and kissing him with a desperation he didn’t know he contained.

When he goes to cradle Jeongguk’s face he pins them above him with one hand, using the other to angle his head to deepen the kiss and jesus, what’s going on with him? He’s licking into his mouth with fervor, tongue wrestling against his, despite the intensity and force behind each twist and turn the kiss never stops feeling desperate. Jeongguk is kissing him like panic, like he’s running out of time and wants to savor it all. He presses and presses, cutting the already small distance between them until they’re chest to chest. 

Jimin can feel his heart drumming wildly through his chest, his is no better and then when Jeongguk tries to get impossibly closer it all of a sudden clicks. 

The look in Jeongguk’s eyes, how tense he got when he asked for space. 

Jeongguk is scared he's leaving again. He can't have him thinking like this.

Jimin hooks his leg around Jeongguk's calves to flip their positions, Jeongguk is momentarily stunned. The impact breaks the kiss, there's hurt reflecting in his eyes and it almost shatters him. He put that in him, he's made him feel this way and now he's on high alert for the slightest change. 

Jeongguk leans forward again but Jimin stops him with a hand pressed to his chest. ”I'm not leaving you. I promise I'm not, you have me. You have all of me, I can't stress that enough but I really need some space tonight to figure something out.” 

It's all he can say. As much as he'd love to tell him how he feels he just can't tell Jeongguk he loves him just yet because nothing he's identified as love has remotely felt this way, he's scared. He's scared that the minute he reveals his feelings Jeongguk will do a complete 180 and change his attitude around him. Jeongguk stares at him as if he’s searching for the lie, this is the first time in a month he’s seen this vulnerability. Eventually he nods and looks away. 

“I’m sorry that was childish of me.”

He's insecure now. Jimin sighs and hugs him, it's the only form of comfort he can give him until he can wrap his mind around this.

“It’s okay, please just warn me when you jump my bones like that. I really don’t want to get kicked out of the apartment for publicly indecency.” 

Jeongguk smirks and kisses his forehead, at least he's in a better mood. “Ok, I'm sorry, I’ll see you later. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need help please?”

He nods, of course he will. He doesn't want to worry him anymore than he has. They say their goodbyes, Jimin enters his apartment and finds Namjoon lounging on the couch writing on his notebook. His eyebrows are furrowed, no doubt writing new music, he says hello and isn't the least bit surprised when Namjoon doesn't hear him, too deep in his thoughts.

That night Jimin spends an excruciatingly long time staring at himself in his full body mirror. He's naked, skin raw and red from the shower he just took. His hands start moving on their own volition, grazing over his sunken collarbones and stopping to draw small circles on his chest right where his heart should be. He can feel it beating slow now, the calmest it's been all day, he thinks of Jeongguk and when it jumps he smiles slowly. 

He has it bad for this boy, like really bad.

His skin flushes deeper, bursting with color when his hands trail lower resting on his stomach when he recalls everything Jeongguk said to him that night on New Year’s. 

_You are so beautiful. You work so hard._

He believes it, he's not perfect but Jeongguk makes him want to be. 

Jimin takes his time getting dressed, slipping into one of the shirts Jeongguk left after their impromptu sleepovers and a pair of his shorts. He should really call his parents before it gets too late but instead of dialing them when he picks up his phone he ends up dialing Jeongguk. 

The line blares into life, he's barely a ring in before Jeongguk answers the call. Jimin smiles at just how dedicated he is to being there for him.

“Hey.” Jeongguk says, his voice is already laced with sleep. It makes him tingle, this is the type of school boy romance he needed back in high school, he would've killed to experience this Jeongguk back then. Sleepy voice lulling him to sleep, hand holding in the hallways? He's giddy thinking about this fantasy life. 

“Jiminie?”

“Hey, yeah, I'm here sorry. I'm sorry about earlier.”

He hears Jeongguk hum and holy _fuck_ , he's going to ask for a recording of Jeongguk's sleepy voice to add to his spank bank. 

“Issokay', I figured somethin' was up when you came out of the office.” He slurs. 

“I wanted your advice on something, I'm thinking about calling my parents right now and telling them what's going on.”

“Mmkay, that's a good idea but please make sure to warn Yoongi first.”

Jimin squints at his ceiling light. “Why?”

“Busan parents play no games Jimin.”

Jimin scoffs. “My parents aren't capable of hurting people, they're like the biggest hippies ever. They always tell me to kill people with kindness.”

“If they’re as cute and as kind as you are, I can’t wait to meet them.”

Jimin's world practically ceases to a halt, the line goes silent. Jeongguk wants to meet his parents.

“I shouldn't have said that.”

Yoongi never asked to meet his parents. 

_Jeongguk wants to meet his parents._

“Jimin? Oh god Jeongguk, you and your big fucking mouth.” 

He clears his throat; it feels like he's swallowed gravel. There are too many emotions coursing him right now just from that sentence alone.

“ They would love you. They really would.” 

“ Oh. Really?”

Jimin nods despite Jeongguk not being able to see him. “Yeah... you would fit right at home with them.” 

Jimin hears a muffled screaming followed by a lot of shuffling then a big thud that has his eyebrows raising in alarm. “Sorry I just dropped my freaking phone.”

“ Did you just scream?”

“ What? No. Maybe?”

“ Jeongguk.”

“ I screamed.”

Jimin bursts out into a fit of laughter that throws Jeongguk right into one as well. He's never been this infatuated with a human being in his life.

“ Okay baby, I'm gonna hang up on you cus I feel like I'm about to pass out very soon, good luck with your talk, get some rest too.”

“ Yes daddy, goodnight.”

Jeongguk yelps. “T-the _fuck_ did you just call me?” 

“ Nothing, goodnighttttt.”

He ends the call before Jeongguk can get a word in and calls his parents.

Jimin half expects them not to answer considering how late it is but when his mother picks up the house phone a little out of breath, he’s shocked to say the least.

They catch up, she mentions that the reason they’re up so late is because her and his father are currently immersed in a very intense drama on Netflix, they’ve been watching it for a few days now and are almost done. She complains that it wouldn’t have taken long if it wasn’t for the fact that his father forgot the episode they were on, forcing them to start all over. It's so typical of his Dad, Jimin vaguely remembers how he burned a movie onto their only copy of his first dance recital and the cataclysmic fury his Mom rained down on him for the following month.

It was a bad time.

It doesn’t take long for his Mom to ask him what’s up, Jimin barely calls – he’s always felt the need to be independent after being babied by his parents throughout his teenage years. Jimin goes on to summarize the last few months of his life, how hellish they’ve been, how Yoongi isn’t in his life anymore – he tries to mention Jeongguk, he really does but when he feels his father’s murderous intent radiating through the phone’s receiver the thought of an introduction flies out of the window. 

His Mom sighs. “I never liked him honey, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.”

Jimin tries to downplay his hurt, he’s not okay. He almost lost Jeongguk because of this shit and his selfishness. “It's okay, I promise I'm good! I'm getting help now.”

“ Jimin telling your parents you got your heart broken and had to seek therapy for it isn't something that we can easily dismiss you know? We don't like to see you sad, there's no reason for someone to have hurt you like this. You're too pure for this world. Please tell me you kicked his ass.” 

“ Mom! No!” 

“ That's fine, where does he live? I'll kick his ass.” His dad says in the background.

“ Jesus Christ, there will be no ass kicking!” Jimin stresses. “Jeongguk warned me about this and I didn't listen.”

“ I’m sorry Jeon- _who_ ?”

“ Oh, shit.” He sighs, he wants to slap himself way to fucking go.

He wanted to ease Jeongguk into the conversation, he tried to omit as many details about him out of his statement without sounding like an absolute dumbass, but here he is, dropping bombs that reveal what exactly he is to him.

“ Sweetheart?”

Jimin nibbles on his lip. “He's uhm... my new boyfriend?”

“ Okay that's great, is he nice to you? Does he make you happy?”

“ He makes me so happy Mom, he’s so nice.” he sighs contentedly. “He's actually the other reason I called.”

“ Show me a picture of him, is he handsome? I want to meet him!”

“ He has a beautiful personality and an equally beautiful face, but it is really funny for you to say that because he said the same thing.”

His dad laughs in the background. “I like him already, does he like Soju?”

Jimin groans. “Dad he's a lightweight please don't. Also please don’t scream after I finish telling you this? I like need – absolute silence, no matter how much you wanna interrupt please wait till I’m done.”

The line goes silent, he takes that as his queue to start speaking.

“ Mom, I think I’m in love with him? Like today he came with me to my therapy session, I mean like – he didn’t come inside or anything, just literally waited for me to finish and didn’t even question it. Literally the minute my therapist saw the way I looked at him, she read me like a book. She like somehow managed to put the pieces of picture I just wasn’t seeing and just made me  _look_ and now I can’t stop thinking about him? My heart feels like it’s about to burst every time I say his name or think about him. How do I deal with this? I’m so anxious I feel like if I don’t choose my words properly, I’ll fuck this up.”

“ It sounds like you already have your answer Jimin, you can’t really mess things up if you don’t take the leap son. I always told you that once you know you’re in love, just let yourself feel, especially when you  _know_ it’s right. Does this feel right to you?”

Jimin nods although she can’t see him, he can’t imagine spending a day without Jeongguk. He’s such an important asset to his daily routine.

“ I feel both complete and like I’m about to burst. That sounds so cheesy but that’s the only way I can describe what this feels like. I wanna die, this is so overwhelming, but at the same time I feel like I don’t deserve it you know? Things have been so easy lately now that I’m actually talking to him about my issues but I hurt him so much Mom I don't know what to do.”

His Mom laughs. “Jimin I almost had a heart-attack when I realized I was in love with your Father, this family is so dramatic. Please don’t deny yourself this just because you made a mistake, we’re only humans at the end of the day, it already seems like you both are getting over this. Tell him!”

Jimin pouts, she makes it sound so easy. “How though?”

“ If you can’t tell him with your voice, tell him with your words. You mentioned you have a diary now right? How about you start by giving that to him, you're a good writer. I'm pretty sure he can read between the lines.”


	18. gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

You’d think with his years playing video games things like this wouldn’t unsettle him. He knows right away when there’s an item essential to a storyline and this diary is _clearly_ an essential item of Jimin, something he needs to see to understand the bigger picture here.

But Jeongguk is not playing through someone else, no digital pixels, this is one of the most intimate things someone has given him and he’s absolutely intimidated by the presence of this inanimate object in his room.  The diary looks otherworldly where it sits on his desk, his fingertips tingle every time he touches it. It feels like he's uncovered a relic lost in time or some shit, honestly the gravity it's presence holds is unsettling him to say the least.

On the front, right underneath the subject mark the words **CHAMELEON** are written in neat script. Jeongguk assumes there must be a reason for this, but again, he won't really get his answers until he musters up the courage to actually open up the book itself and read about the things that plague Jimin's mind on a daily basis.

It's silly really, the fear he feels staring at it. He's going to get a _really_ good look at the personal hell Jimin's been experiencing for the last few months – with and without him and it doesn't sit well in his stomach.

He's already nauseous thinking about it, but he's also trying to find excuses to do anything but look into the notebook because he's a weenie and feels like he could _probably_ tackle this when he has some sleep in him.

So instead of actually sitting down and reading it, he decides to clean his room. The exhaustion from studying earlier clings to every move he makes like glue.

He takes his time turning his room upside down, organizing wires and old gaming keyboards he doesn't use anymore, even vacuums the rug he hasn't touched in months. His room feels sterile when he’s done, it wasn’t really his intention to make it feel this way but it definitely makes the presence of the dairy even more unsettling due to the lack of himself.

Jeongguk dives under his duvet instantly finding comfort in the mixture of him and Jimin’s scent. It’s the only thing he didn’t touch. His citrusy shampoo clings deep to the fabric of his pillow case. It usually lulls him to sleep, but when ten minutes pass by of him like that, just breathing in he realizes he’s not gonna get the sleep he’s been planning on getting.

He stares at the clock, 3:30 AM blinks back at him. He sighs.

He should _really_ go to sleep, he has to study more for his classes in the morning but he knows he'll be spending a lot more time tossing and turning in his bed than actually sleeping in it so he surrenders to the pressure.

He picks it up again, tracing the neat script with his fingernail. Despite how light it is it feels metaphorically heavy. It's like he can see all the cosmic lines that align his life to Jimin attached to the book, coming in from every angle in different hues of red and glittery gold.

He knows the minute he opens this book everything is going to change.

Jeongguk sits in his bed, scooting back until his back hits his headboard he hesitates for half a second before he opens the diary and ventures into Jimin's mind.

\--------------------------

**CHAMELEON**

**December 24 th **

_This is the most idiotic thing I've done. I don't know why I bought you but I regret it. Why do I always want to please others? I don't think I'm going to write in you much. I'm sorry._

**December 24 th **

_I think I get it. Why this is all happening to me? I think I exhausted all the love I could give into one single person. I got my first taste of what it felt like to be in love and wanted for a brief period of time that I just didn’t want to search for it in anyone else. Now I’m just destined to have one-night stands, coming home to empty take-out boxes, and relationships that won’t last.  Kind of sucks._

**December 25 th **

_I really hate Jihyo._

_I mean, I don’t hate her but I hate what she is to Jeongguk. She's probably a nice girlfriend to him who comes from a nice family. She tends to flowers apparently you know? I guess this is great because it means she can handle delicate things, things like Jeongguk’s heart so I GUESS I know he’s in safe hands but it just hurts._

_It hurts watching Jeongguk be as happy as he is while I'm left in the dark trying to figure out what the fuck I need to do because now the subject of my pain isn't here and neither is the person I want. I have no one to blame for this but myself. I have Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok but nowadays it feels like it’s a chore to even speak to them about what’s happening._

_Nobody told me it was going to be this hard._

_Nobody told me it was going to be this alone and cold._

Jeongguk is briefly hit with a wave of guilt, he didn’t know Jimin’s relationships with the other guys became strained because of this whole ordeal. Maybe they need to sit down and talk to each other about this.

**December 25 th **

_I think I’m dreaming, but just to be on the safe side I’m going to write this here._

_The universe gave me a life line?_

_I have another chance at forgiveness._

_Thank you, a thousand times thank you._

**December 26 th**

_Did you know that the majority of information we know about Chameleons is just misconceptions we’ve been fed through pop culture?_

_Contrary to belief, they don’t just blend in with whatever background they’re placed in, they don’t just change colors to ward off predators, they do it for a number of reasons mostly revolving around their moods. It’s pretty neat._

_The reason I’m writing this in here is because I think that concept fits you. From now on I’m going to call you Chameleon, you can’t change colors or anything, but depending on my day and my mood you look like the brighter colors, when I’m sad and down you’re the bland colors._

Jeongguk laughs, well he got his answer. “Clever Jimin, very clever.”

**December 27 th **

_I haven't written about it yet but I think I should considering this was the turning point. On Christmas day, Jeongguk came and he quite literally exploded. He said a lot of hurtful things that put things into perspective but he didn't walk away from me. He asked if it was okay for us to try again Cham, he asked ME. I should've been the one asking that, I'm the one who caused this fuck up in the first place and here he is, trying to reassure me that everything is okay like I didn't just fuck with him for the last three months._

_I really don't deserve this forgiveness. Or him, but I'm doing my best to accept what I’m given._

That isn’t easy to read, there’s a pang in his chest when he remembers how defeated Jimin looked that night.

He sighs. “I’m so sorry I snapped at you Jimin.”

**December 28 th **

_I went grocery shopping today and saw Yoongi with Seulgi._

_Is it bad that I honestly forgot he existed outside of my therapy sessions? I wasn’t at all prepared for what I saw._

_You probably think I must’ve been panicking but I wasn’t, I was perfectly calm. It’s like witnessing some weird karma watching him get dragged around by someone who is clearly after his money, in a way I feel like this is punishment because now he’s actually with someone who wants him for his money, something he was trying to buy me with._

_Karma is pretty clever, hm?_

**December 29 th **

_Namjoon told me we're going back to Bang for a New Year’s party. Jeongguk's going to be there._

_My heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest as I’m writing this. I’m so excited to see him? I haven't spoken to him since Christmas. He got me a pendant of a waning gibbous, the moon we were under when we decided to put all of this behind us and a sweater that looks exactly like the red hoodie he always wears._

_He’s acting like this is supposed to stop me from taking it haha, now I have two of his things._

_Regardless Cham, I feel okay? I'm like… genuinely happy. I'm having bad dreams about Yoongi but I figure that's normal you know? Kind of like a detox._

_I just want to be able to kiss Jeongguk again. I don't care about anything else._

**December 30 th **

_I literally can't sleep. I’m so excited to see him tomorrow_

**December 31 st **

_TODAYS THE DAY!!!!!!_

**January 1 st **

_Chameleon. Friend. Buddy. Pal._

_I feel exposed._

_I didn't stay at Bang too long last night, Jin gave me his car keys so I could come over to Jeongguk's apartment after I kind of realized he wasn't going to show up. I found him working on something with Yugyeom, wild hair guy, I'll speak about him later because he's kind of cool, but I thought for sure he was going to kick me out? I don't know why._

_I brought him pizza and he looked at me like I just brought him the universe. And then._

_He touched me._

_I've had difficulties getting off lately, not because I don't have it in me to you know, get off, but because it just doesn't feel right, my sex drive is all over the place. He uhm, he tied me up but made sure I was so safe the entire time and kissed me in all the places I felt insecure about? Like i'm not sure if he did it purposely but it’s places I've always struggled to control because of my excessive baby fat._

_He told me I was beautiful and hard working._

_I honestly never came so hard in my life. Sorry for the TMI, Cham._

Jeongguk blushes at the memory. “Noted Jimin, noted.”

**Jan 2 nd **

_Dr. Kim saw the inside of you for the first time. She doesn't comment on yesterday's entry, instead she mentions how happy I look. I believe her._

_Being in Jeongguk's presence is something kind of like being blessed._

_There are days where I feel like I'm not really progressing much but Jeongguk likes to prove me wrong with little reassurances every there and then._

_He says he likes how open I am with him now. I didn't realize I was telling him more and more about my thoughts until he brought it up._

**Jan 6 th **

_I haven't picked you up in a few days and I'm sorry about that but I have a perfectly good explanation._

_Literally what the **fuck** is Dungeons and Dragons and why did my boyfriend and Yugyeom just drag me into this fantasy world?_

_So, like in essence, it's just this giant role-playing party thing where they create characters and have a character sheet where they make up this elaborate story about their origins or whatever, but the story can be literally about anything!_

_I get the whole dice thing, it's kind of your choice maker. I thought it would be weird to sit in with Jeongguk and his friends and watch them play but even his friends tried to add their two cents to help me understand what was happening when Jeongguk was too busy decision making? It's pretty cool._

_Jaebum is the DM which stands for Dungeon Master (When I heard this, I almost pissed myself) and he narrates their adventures. He knows about Jackson. His girlfriend was a victim of his creepy advances too._

_I think that's why he stopped me before we left, or maybe I’m just overthinking things and assuming his kindness is pity? I don’t know but he gave me this book I've been reading to get up to speed with the rules because he'd like if it I stopped by more often, it's interesting really. I get my own sessions to emotionally and mentally make myself a better person, now I have my own sessions with my boyfriend and his group of nerd friends to see him in his nerdy prime._

_I'm floating._

_I'm getting to see all of Jeongguk's sides and I feel like a kid on Christmas morning unwrapping each personality trait of his. This is home._

Jeongguk pulls out his cellphone and types in a reminder to help Jimin make a character sheet then goes back to reading.

**Jan 9 th**

_Hey Cham, would it surprise you if I told you I just experienced my first legitimate date?_

_Yeah same here. Dr. Kim’s session today was nice, we just talked about Yoongi and how I’m feeling with our progress. I told her I’m fine but as always, the ride back home is always so exhausting._

_Emotionally charged conversations like that suck, they leave me so drained. When I went home, I was fully ready to book an appointment with my bed and some ice cream but Jeongguk surprised me with some a pair of skates and before I knew it I was stepping foot in an ice rink two hours away from our apartment complex._

_I’m not even going to lie to you, getting the basics was pretty easy it’s very similar to dancing but I pretended that I didn’t know what I was doing._

_Why?_

_Jeongguk looked so happy teaching me, the way his eyes lit up every time I did something he was instructing good he just glowed you know? People were looking at us but he didn’t care, even when the Zamboni came and we had to step off of the ice. He held me in front of all of those people and kissed me like I was the only thing that mattered._

_I’m starting to feel a flutter in my chest._

Jeongguk blinks at the text, he knew there was something suspicious in the way Jimin was falling. “You sneaky little shit! I’ll remember this.”

**Jan 14 th **

_Hey, you’re like halfway full now! I didn’t realize because I’ve been writing long paragraphs like this._

_So, surprise surprise, I’ve been skipping dates again but I have a perfectly good reason for doing so._

_We’re training the new head baker that’s replacing Seokjin. Lisa and I don’t like him because he’s very snappy but it’s whatever. School starts in like a month so I have to suck it up and get used to it but this also probably means that I’ll be busy again and these frequent pauses between dates is going to become more of a thing unless I obviously get too tired of people and start secluding again._

_But this also means I won’t be needing you much ya know? I’m constantly going to be surrounded by my friends. Like I appreciate having an emotional outlet when it’s difficult for me to you know, think, literally speak about what’s bothering me but I think the therapy is working. I’m speaking to people and it feels awesome._

_Thank you, Chameleon._

**Jan 16 th**

_Jeongguk made me a pillow fort._

_Yes, a pillow fort._

_I’ve been having some difficulties sleeping again, not from Yoongi though._

_There’s this consistent flutter in my chest I get every time I think about Jeongguk that’s keeping me up. Considering how MUCH I do think about him you can only imagine why I’m up all night._

_So naturally, when I told him this, (not the reason why I can’t sleep, because honestly – I can’t handle that much embarrassment) he stripped his bed bare, used his tripod to prop up his sheets in a tent formation and we quite literally slept under his Iron Man comforter (he told me this is his backup comforter while he waits for his laundry to dry, not like I was going to judge him anyways.)_

_I fell asleep so fast I didn’t even get to say goodnight. Woke up in his arms a few hours later and just watched him sleep._

_I think I’m a little spellbound._

_There’s an insistent tugging in my chest I get whenever I’m with him, I don’t really know how describe it besides an overwhelming amount of want. Sexually? Probably, physically? Definitely. It feels like I’m starved of attention I’m already getting, I don’t feel good holding this information in. I’m gonna let Dr. Kim know next time I see her._

_But one thing is for sure, the fluttering in my chest is getting a lot more difficult to ignore._

**Jan 17 th**

_I’m watching him eat ramyeon._

_I’m also very confused watching him eat ramyeon_

_It’s not his favorite flavor either, he gave me that flavor to me after I asked for a bite from it and liked the way it tasted. I don’t understand him?_

_He makes all of these sacrifices just to see me content and literally asks for nothing in return. I literally ambushed him this afternoon and kissed him until it was physically difficult for me to breathe because I missed him, even though I saw him that morning._

_I **felt** him get hard through his jeans and despite how difficult these boundaries I’ve set for myself, he navigates around them like he’s some fucking Park Jimin professional. He knows when to back off._

_Is this what it’s like to be properly cared for by your significant other Chameleon?_

“I just want to see you happy, your happiness makes me happy.” Jeongguk says to the diary.

**Jan 17 th**

_Double entry._

_I’m not sure what’s happening, he’s playing video games with his friends but he’s so distracted, pausing in the middle of an online match practically every minute to steal kisses from me that are taking pieces of my soul with him._

_I think I’m starting to get it._

Jeongguk smirks. “You have nice lips, sue me.”

**Jan 18 th **

_I told her about the fluttering in my chest and she insisted on asking me to invite Jeongguk. She wants ME to ask MY boyfriend to come to the therapy sessions because she thinks it’ll help me heal faster. I feel like she’s bullshitting me and just trying to find a way to put a face to his name, there’s some underlying secrecy below what she’s saying like she just needs to confirm his existence or some shit._

_But anyways, literally what the fuck, it took me almost three hours in the freezing cold to even muster the courage to come inside of this damn building how the hell am I supposed to ask Jeongguk to come in?_

_On the bright side she did tell me to take my time with asking him but this seems like a near impossible task. I almost had an anxiety attack thinking about how that question would go down in my head._

_Fucking therapists man._

Jeongguk didn’t know the invitation was a task, he just thought it was Jimin asking things just to see how he would respond. “Took you nearly a month but you did it anyways, look at you go Jimin.” He says proudly.

**Jan 30 th **

_Jeongguk told me about his family today. I think there’s more than meets the eye with this boy._

_So, essentially, his parents are the human equivalent of wet socks and his brother is a used condom. It’s bad to talk really nasty about your significant others family but there are some serious deep-rooted abandonment issues within Jeongguk that kind of makes me wonder if I added more fuel to that fire?_

_He’s an overachiever, not because he likes to be, because he’s been so used to competing with his older brother for attention that naturally that’s just how his brain functions now. He literally hates getting anything below an A and if he does get below an A he shuts himself out completely from the outside world unless the class he’s in is incredibly challenging._

_Which speaking of they all sound challenging to me but Jeongguk makes it seem like it’s some sort of fucking knitting class, he tried to explain some equation to me from an old homework packet he had and I shit you not, my brain started oozing out of my head. I don’t know how he does it._

_The sad thing about this all is that his efforts go unnoticed, Taehyung told him to stop worrying about impressing his parents since they apparently don’t care much about him but he never stops, sure he puts it on the back burner but it still tickles at his brain. The last thing he showed me before he dropped the subject altogether was a picture of his room._

_His room isn’t normal. A teenager’s room is usually filled to the brim with posters, action figures, maybe a couple of artsy decorations._

_I saw no posters, no action figures, nothing. It’s literally littered with trophies and ribbons from Taekwondo competitions and art exhibitions._

_It really saddens me that this is how Jeongguk grew up. I held him after he finished, told him he’s enough to me._

_He smiled at me, a special smile – kind of shy – kind of smitten if that makes sense and my heart almost imploded._

_Send help._

He remembers this conversation. It’s never an easy topic to talk about but he figured that since they were talking about their childhoods that day, that he should tell him about his family and the nitty gritty details of his issues with them. Parent’s suck.

**Feb 3 rd**

_I have no words to explain to you how fucking worried I am right now._

_I was in the middle of making lunch when an unknown number texts me right? I ignore this thinking it could be Yoongi and then they started calling me. I answered and it’s fucking Yugyeom, how he got my number is beyond me, but he asked me to meet him at the local clinic because Jeongguk wouldn’t stop puking after they ate and drank at a bar near Jaebum’s house._

_I get there find my boyfriend slumped and pale almost white hunched over a trash-can dry heaving his guts out._

_You’d think the least of my worries end there, nope. Jihyo is there too with soup, apparently her flower shop is literally a block away and she recognized Jeongguk because his head was stuck out of the Uber when it drove by it._

_I don’t really know what to say to her, she got me a coffee to relax my nerves but I couldn’t. I’ve never seen Jeongguk that sick, I also didn’t want to acknowledge her presence but that was nearly impossible because she struck up a conversation with me everytime she could, so not only was I dealing with Jeongguk’s partially passed out/trashed friends, but the person I spent resenting for being with Jeongguk._

_I swallowed my pride though._

_We sat down and it spoke, she’s a pretty nice girl when she’s not throwing glances at Jeongguk that seem a little more than platonic. I’m going to omit this from Jeongguk because I don’t want to seem like that jealous partner who is seeing shit._

_Today has been tough._

Jeongguk focuses on the last paragraph and sighs after he finishes reading this entry. He gets up and goes to get a cup of water. This day he remembers clear as day the bug sucked but he never knew about the way Jihyo was looking at him until now.

**Feb 5 th**

_Dr. Kim asked me to ask Jeongguk to come again._

_I told her I’m thinking about it, slowly but surely._

_I’m trying to get Jeongguk to battle this stomach bug he has before I can even think about myself._

**Feb 10 th **

_SO._

_I guess Jihyo told Jeongguk about our little conversation in the hospital because I’m now having lunch with her and him in the afternoon. Will come back and tell you how that fucking goes because I have to put on my nicest poker face._

**Feb 10 th **

_I think this is the first time in my existence of knowing Jeongguk that I’ve been legitimately mad at him._

_I get it, we wouldn’t be in this position without her help, but the entire time we were eating Chameleon, this shameless flower tryst wouldn’t stop LOOKING at Jeongguk._

_And no, it’s not like glancing or anything, if I could explain to you what her fucking face looked like it could only be described as the heart-eye emoji._

_I was fucking pissed._

_But I literally can’t be mad, this is his friend, I’m just upset he can’t see what I see and upset that I can’t tell him what I see because I don’t want to sound out of place._

_To be honest I’m pretty sure I spoke a total of six sentences that entire hour. They kind of seemed like they were in their own little bubble while I was pushing around my kimchi. Jeongguk did try to pull me into the conversation but at that point I was just too zoned out to even care about what was happening._

_When we got back he leaned in for a kiss and I just turned my head away. I couldn’t. I’ve never felt so excluded out of something in my life. What was the point of this?_

Jeongguk has to close the diary for a brief second, trying to compose himself because he can literally feel the hurt radiating off of Jimin’s words and it pains him even more to know he’s the reason he wrote that.

It was never his intention make him feel left out, he just has a tendency to get over excited about topics and Jihyo was hitting all of the ones he wanted to talk about on the mark.

“I’m so sorry Jimin.”

He takes a deep breath and opens it again.

**Feb 11 th**

_Dr. Kim is a great listener. I mean she gets paid to listen but she let me vent about yesterday and told me it’s normal to feel this way._

_I didn’t go over to Jeongguk’s after I left._

**Feb 12 th**

_He figured it out. Figured out why I’ve been so distant in our conversations._

_I really wasn’t expecting him to and I really wasn’t expecting him to apologize either. I was just gonna blame it on something else._

_The lunch was supposed to a be an ice breaker apparently, kind of so we could get to know each other but since Jeongguk and her carried the conversation there was no room for me._

_I’m kind of shocked to be honest. But I did use this opportunity to tell him how uncomfortable she makes me._

_I want to make it specifically clear here I gave him no ultimatums, he can have a relationship with her if he wants to, that is his friend but I can’t ignore something like this, I can’t ignore someone ogling at my boyfriend right in front of my face. It’s disrespectful and the fact that he couldn’t see it until I pointed it out to him makes me wonder if this Jihyo chick has misinterpreted their previous relationship._

_Sick of the same old shit. People not respecting me, not respecting who I am to my significant other. Tired of it._

**Feb 13 th**

_He texted me, said I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling like that again._

_When I asked him what he meant he told me he laid it to her straight, if she wants to be in his life it has to be strictly platonic._

_I swear, when he told me that my world froze._

_He actually listened to what I said, he heard me tell him I was uncomfortable and he listened Chameleon._

_What the fuck._

He wasn’t going to let a fling ruin what they’ve been building up in a steady pace now, it’s taken one giant fucking grappling hook to help him climb over Jimin’s walls to find out what’s been happening with him.

He’s not letting anyone fuck this chance up for them again.

**Feb 17 th**

_Initial freakout is over, this was our first bump in the road of what I assume could be many but I can’t get over the fact he listened to me?_

_Do you understand how important that is? With Yoongi my worries got brushed aside like it was a piece of dirt, Jeongguk took his time to understand that this was a legitimate thing I had an issue with, was proactive about it and did something about it before I could’ve even let the anger simmer._

_This just gave me courage I didn’t realize I needed to ask him to come._

**Feb 18 th **

_School starts in a week : ( No more late night’s with Jeonggukie._

**Feb 25 th**

_I’m already tired of school and work. But I think I’ll ask Jeongguk today to come with me on Friday. I don’t know what his class schedule is looking like and don’t want to be a burden._

_I told Dr. Kim this and she’s super excited, suspicions have risen Chameleon._

**Feb 27 th**

_WHY THE FUCK IS JEONGGUK SO HANDSOME?_

_HE’S SO TIRED, LIKE LITERALLY DRAGGING HIS FEET THROUGH THE FLOOR BUT HE SWEPT HIS HAIR BACK TO FIX HIS BEANIE HAIR AND MY HEART IS SO FRAZZLED. I KNOW HE KNOWS I KNOW HOW TIRED HE IS, I SWEAR I TRIED TO TAKE MY COAT OFF TO HELP HIM PUT HIS SHIT AWAY FASTER SO HE CAN GET THE NAP HE’S BEEN TALKING ABOUT BUT INSTEAD HE TOOK MY COAT AND HUNG IT UP FOR ME AND JUST GAVE ME A SMALL SIDE SMILE._

_FUCKING WHAT. WHY IS THIS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH_

_WHO IS HE._

_HOW DARE HE._

_HE’S AN INCUBUS, THERE IS NO LOGICAL EXPLANATION AS TO WHY HE PUTTING MY STUFF AWAY WAS SO HOT. I WAS GONNA FUCKING ASK HIM IF HE COULD COME TO THERAPY WITH ME BUT NOW ALL I’M THIKING ABOUT IS PUTTING HIS DICK IN MY MOUTH._

_FUCK._

_I’m gonna ask him AFTER, I fucking calm the fuck down, before that nasty vileness comes up again and my mood drops._

Jeongguk laughs so hard he start’s crying. It takes him ten minutes to settle down into a fit of snickers before he can look at the next entry.

**March 6 th**

_It’s midnight right now, a new day, but also the end of the line._

_He came with me and was wonderful._

_And I finally know what the fluttering in my chest is._

_This is the last thing I’m going to write to you Chameleon, the rest – it’s for Jeongguk._

_Thank you for letting me vent._

**_00:00/Fin_ **

Jeongguk blinks at the title of this entry, most of Jimin’s diary entries have had dates but this one doesn’t, it’s perfectly centered on the page in Jimin’s neat handwriting. He takes this pause in the book as an opportunity to stretch, rub his eyes a bit.

That was a lot to read.

There’s a flurry of emotions coursing through his veins right now. He needs to lay down for it to properly settle, but he doesn’t want to take a preemptive leap and underprepare himself for what’s on the other side of the page, because the title alone makes him feel like he’s going to expect some heavy shit.

Jeongguk leans over his nightstand to pick up his cup of water, he takes a generous gulp for his dry throat and tries to ignore the green glow of his alarm clock reflecting 4:30 am on the lens of his glasses. He leans back, takes a deep breath as if preparing himself for the worst and turns the page.

_Hi Jeonggukie, this is the end of my diary. The reason I gave you this is because along with this being one of the most important parts of my journey to recovery, you have helped me as well. These are all my journal entries ever since I started seeing Dr. Kim._

_I'm sure you're confused but let me explain._

Jeongguk smiles. “Not really confused, I get that you appreciate me. I’m more smitten than anything Jiminie.” He says.

_I have a tendency to let my thoughts run out my mouth faster than I can properly think. It's impulsive and dangerous because I can never relay what I really want to say, but ever since I've met you my mind has been the calmest it's been in years but my heart has been pretty rampant. She told me it would be a lot easier to write things I think about the most before I act upon them, most of these revolve around you, most of them on my feelings for you._

_You're one of the the most observant, kind, and breathtaking human beings I've ever met. I don't deserve the kindness you've given me but I'm working on seeing myself the way you see me._ _This is incredibly difficult for me to write._

He smiles even harder. _“_ You’re doing great sweetheart, thank you for doing this for me.”

_I don't think there's enough letters in the dictionary that I can put together that helps describe what it is I feel for you. It's something I feel like is beyond words but here we go._

Wait. What? What’s happening?

_I find the smallest comforts in your mannerisms._

_I absolutely hate how cute I find the fact you use your chopsticks to pressure squeeze sauce into your ramyeon. Do you know how dangerous that is? Especially since it's spicy AND since you seem to have nothing but white t-shirt's Jeongguk? You always complain that the sauce is too hot and that it bothers your nose but you still eat it because it tastes good. You're so silly._

Jeongguk laughs, warmth blooming in his chest. It's an effective way to get his sauce out, he refuses to be attacked like this but he does have a point. He’ll try to add some darker colors to his wardrobe to prevent any mishaps.

_I love how invested you are in your work, you don't half-ass anything at all. Especially when one of your pictures comes out bad(even when you know they aren't, you're just being picky) you always find the beauty in it and always try to explain it so I can understand from your point of view. You never leave me out of your life, no matter how complicated what you're doing is, you always **always** make sure I'm involved in some shape or form. Especially when you sketch me, I get to see all these wild ideas you have for things in your own world. Thank you for that._

Jeongguk licks his lips, his face feels hot. He just wants to show someone other than Taehyung his work because he 100% believes Taehyung is biased to anything he says and does because he cares about him, with Jimin he’s always in the face of criticism, his art has to be perfected. It’s always good to have someone who won’t sugar coat shit when it’s bad. He didn’t realize it had that much of an effect on Jimin.  

_I love the way you touch me and no Jeongguk. I'm just not talking about the sex we’ve had before. I love the way you just know how much comfort I need certain days, you don't push, just observe. You let me take anything I need, you don't know how much I appreciate when you let me hold you longer than intended, that you let me sit on your lap when you're doing work because I just need closeness and warmth. I appreciate that so much._

I know baby. I know.

_I think we were meant to cross paths in some shape or form, something about this feels predetermined. I feel a familiarness when I’m with you, like this has happened before, like we’re connected somehow. I don’t really know what I’m saying at this point but it does feel like I've been unknotting my red string of fate for a long time and I've finally found the person who I’m tied to on the other end._

_Jeon Jeongguk._

_I love you._

Jeongguk pauses. Blinks. Rubs his eyes. Reads the word again. Rubs his eyes again. Surely he fell asleep, this is something he’s dreaming about right?

He keeps reading.

_I love you on Monday’s when you’re grumpy because you have an 8 am and you can’t get your hair to calm down._

“Holy shit.”

_I love you on Tuesday’s when I’m two steps behind everything because I’m just so tired from therapy, from work, because you’re always four steps behind watching me and giving me the distance I need but ready to catch me when it’s too much._

He clutches his chest, trying to calm his heart before it bursts through his fucking ribcage. _“_ Holy fucking shit.”

_I love you on Wednesdays when you’re looking at your homework in study hall, how happy you get when you finally figure out the answers, how you spin your pen in your hand when you’re focused. Just a disclaimer, I find this incredibly attractive and I need you to quit doing that._

Jeongguk is sure he’s about to fucking pass out. Does he have asthma? Has he ever had asthma? Is this something his parent’s should’ve told him about before he embarked on this difficult journey into adulthood because he just can’t seem to catch his fucking breath right now.

_I love you on Thursdays because despite how packed your schedule is, you still managed to come with me to my therapy session, Thursday is my special day for you. It’s the weekday when I first realized I’m in love with you._

_I love you on Friday’s when you’re so happy to just sleep in because you have afternoon classes, watching you tucked in bed surrounded by your blankets is my favorite movie._

_I love you on Saturdays and Sundays when you’re looming over your character sheet in Jaebum’s basement, you always manage to have a twizzler tucked in between your lips. How your teeth are as white as they are is beyond me, but I don’t really care, I get to see the teenager who didn’t get to experience a normal upbringing come out to play with big brown eyes while you snack on your junk food._

_You deserve the world Jeonggukie. I hope you don’t mind me sticking around with you for a while._

He lays there for what seems like minutes, letting the words wash over him with an unexplainable warmth. And then they undo him.

Jimin loves him.

Park Jimin, local Disney Fairy Prince, is in love with him.

The magnitude of the pure, raw confession blasts a hole straight through his chest. He’s delirious with joy, breathless from the realization. One minute he’s laying in his bed the next he’s on his feet pushing his window up and screaming into the crisp March nighttime air at the top of his lungs.

“MY BOYFRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH ME AND I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM!”

He hears a bump in the other room, one second later Taehyung bursts through the door with his Saxophone in his hand looking frazzled.

“Alright candy ass, I know three forms of martial arts, I have a weapon in my hands too drop the twink and no one gets hu—where’s the burglar?”

Jeongguk cranes his head back, big smile exposing all teeth on his face. “Burglar? What? Whatever, get this Taehyung! Jimin loves me and I love him.”

Taehyung blinks at him, sighs loudly then exits his room just as fast as he came in it.

**Author's Note:**

> holy crap, okay my invitation came thru and im finally in at hogwarts. hi everyone! kinda raw idea i had. literally threw up this idea up at 3 in the morning and its now 4pm. I had to get this out before my brain exploded. 
> 
> the idea of this fic is loosely based off of an experience i had when in college with a crappy professor so i decided to add the same thing with a little twist with my favorite 7 deadly sins.
> 
> xcuse me while i hibernate for 3 years will edit any minor mistakes later. enjoy


End file.
